An Impossible Dilemma: A Psychological Thriller Novel (10 page)

The outer area was dark and cool, and approximately four metres square.

Frank flicked a series of switches and the whole area lit up making me jump out of my skin. I was a complete nervous wreck. How
was
I going to do this?

The entire back wall had been fitted with wooden shelving from floor to ceiling.

A door stood open to the left and led to a storage shed. The cold store stood to the right,  like a room within a room. A heavy white fridge-like door with a large metal handle made my heart hammer. I’d seen a film once where someone got locked in a similar room and died.

“Frank,” I cried.

Frank stopped, his hand on the handle and glanced at me, eyes wide.

“What if the door closes behind us?”

He smiled and exhaled loudly. “There’s a safety on the handle, lass. When we’re inside we place the handle just so,” he said, unlatching the handle and closing the door again. “As you can see, the handle prevents the door from locking until we come out and reset the lock from the outside.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he said, looking into my eyes and nodding. “Don’t worry.”

Frank opened the door and walked inside.

Although I’d been in the cold store last night, I couldn’t remember anything about it. I’d been on automatic pilot, focused on dumping Shane’s body and getting back to Emily as fast as I could.

It was a similar size to the outside room, except for the thickness of the walls, which were tiled in small white squares with grey grout. A black metal plate approximately one inch wide surrounded each wall, and had grotesque looking hooks fixed to it, sticking out every so often. A large wooden butcher’s block took up the whole left hand wall, a variety of power tools hung beside it. And a blue wheelie bin stood in the corner.

I expected the smell to be quite bad, even though I knew Shane hadn’t been there long enough for the rotting process to begin. I took my hand from my face and almost gagged at the sight of him.

Shane had been crudely hoisted onto the butchers block.

He lay face down, and his bare, blue legs and behind the first things I saw.

My legs buckled.

Frank reached out and steadied me. “You okay, lass?” he held my arm and once again, staring intently into my eyes.

I nodded and swallowed noisily. It felt as though my throat had closed up.

“Come on then. Let’s get this over with,” he said.

I helped Frank organise the tools he would need. I focused on Frank’s face, tried not to look at Shane, and managed to keep myself together.

The loud saw in the empty room made my feet leave the floor.

The first cut was the worst part for me.

I screamed as Frank removed Shane’s head.

Once his arms and legs were gone, the rest could have easily been a side of pork.

Frank needed me to help him hold Shane’s carcass a couple of times. His left hand was still very weak, but on the whole, he managed alone.

As he removed each section, he threw it into the huge blue bin where it landed with a sickening wet thud that made my stomach lurch.

I kept imagining Emily’s beautiful smiling face, and when that no longer helped, I forced myself to remember what Shane had done to me last night. What he probably would have done to Emily and Frank if he hadn’t been interrupted.

Once all the bits had been chopped into smallish pieces and placed into the bin, I helped transfer several pieces into a separate plastic bucket that I put into the back of the truck. Then I wheeled the blue bin back into the fridge and hosed the area down.

Frank had designed the room for a quick clean up, and it came in handy now more than ever.

Once everything was back the way we found it, we drove to the pigsty.

I knew Alex would have already fed the pigs this morning, but they were always hungry.

As we emptied the bucket, they dove into it as though they hadn’t been fed for weeks. The noise they made was horrific.

The portions mostly looked like large joints of meat, but I almost passed out as one of the pigs began chowing down on a foot.

I sat down at the side of the sty and placed my head between my knees, gasping for breath.

Chapter 12

It took almost half an hour before I could face driving the short distance back to the house, and I sat in the car for a further ten minutes, preparing to face anybody.

We sat in silence, both absorbed in our own thoughts.

The matter-of-fact way we’d dealt with the disposal of Shane’s body had now hit me. I couldn’t get the image of the pig and the foot out of my head.

We walked into the house to the sound of people talking. Frank headed straight up the stairs.

Stephanie and Hector sat at the dining table.

I forced a smile, struggling to behave as normally as possible.

Stephanie, chatting with her guest, flashed me a quick smile her attention diverted or she would have noticed my strained grimace

“Hi there, Hector. I’m Victoria”

Hector jumped to his feet and took my hand, shaking it several times. “Please to met wiv you,” he said.

I nodded, taking a good look at this stranger who had been a big part of my best friend’s life for the past two years, and finally understanding the appeal. He had the kindest dark-brown eyes I’d ever seen.

I smiled, glancing at Steph. “Where’s Em?”

“She went up to her room a few minutes ago.”

My heart missed a beat. I prayed she wasn’t sick again.

“Are you feeling okay, Vic? You’re a funny grey colour.”

“I don’t know. I’ve come over all queasy. It’s probably a stomach bug. I think I need to lie down for a little while. I’ll check on Em when I go up.”

“No problem. Can I make you some lunch? We were waiting for you to come back before I made something.”

My stomach contracted. “Not for me, thanks.”

As I pushed Emily’s bedroom door open I expected to see her lying on the bed, sick again.

But instead the bedroom looked as though a toy bomb had exploded. Every single plaything Emily had accumulated in her five years lay strewn across the floor. My daughter sat in the corner, playing with her doll and a tea set, chattering in two dialogues, her expression intense and happy.

“Goodness gracious! What’s happened in here?” I laughed.

“I couldn’t find Filly,” she said, looking up, her small face alive with delight.

“How are you feeling?” I touched her forehead. Warm, not hot. My back muscles relaxed. A normal temperature.

“I’m better now!” She ducked to avoid my hand.

My breathing hitched. “Are you?”

She nodded, concentrating on pouring a pretend cup of tea.

“I’m glad you’re better, baby. Stephy is making you some lunch—are you hungry?”

She nodded again. “Can we bring it up here? We’re having a picanic.”

We’d been struggling for her to eat anything lately. Now she wanted food. My spirits lifted as hope crawled out of the dark space in my heart.

“Maybe you should take your picnic downstairs. Mummy’s going for a little lie down.” I stroked her curls. “Then I’ll help you tidy up this mess if you like?”

I couldn’t sleep.

Instead, I lay on the bed for a while. Emily’s miraculous recovery played repeatedly in my mind. However, the guilt ate away at me. Even seeing how well Emily seemed to be recovering couldn’t block out the awful events of this morning. I didn’t think I’d ever forgive myself for being so selfish to take a life in order to save my daughter. It felt abhorrent to me, yet deep down I couldn’t shake the tinge of relief. 

From under my pillow, I pulled out the handwritten note Jonathan left less than a week ago. The empty ache I carried around with me since became almost unbearable at that moment.

All my breath left me, reminding me of a dog’s toy being squeezed until it eventually twists in on itself, as happened every time I allowed myself to think about life without him. Sweet memories of him in my bed last night only added to my despair. I still couldn’t believe it had been a dream—the way he cuddled me had seemed so real. I wished Jon could see how different Emily was today.

I folded the tatty piece of paper and made a mental note to put it into a snap-lock bag, otherwise there’d be nothing left to read.

***

An hour or so later I gave up the battle to sleep, showered quickly, dressed, put on some lipstick and went back downstairs to face life.

As I walked into the room, Stephanie had her hand down the side of the sofa, Hector was on his hands and knees looking underneath the dining table and Frank was standing in the kitchen with a frown on his face.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Hector’s wallet is missing,” Steph said.

“When did he last have it?”

“He showed Emily a photo of our place in Spain. Now it’s vanished.” She shrugged.

“That’s strange. Did you ask Em?”

“Yes, she’s playing outside in the garden.” Steph nodded to the back door.

“Is she? Wow!” I walked to the window and watched Emily pedalling furiously on her trike. The colour had returned to her face and she looked like any other normal, healthy little girl. Tears pricked my eyes again.

I opened the back door. “Emily, come here a minute, baby.”

She came zooming towards me, her hair blowing off her face in the breeze, and her cheeks rosy from the exercise. “Can we go to the park, Mummy? Steph said I had to ask you.”

“Are you sure you feel up to it?” I asked, not believing any of this.

“Yes, I told you I’m better.”

“Well okay then. But first, we need to help Hector find his wallet. Have you seen it anywhere?”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “No.”

Something in her expression made me question her answer. “Are you sure, Emily?”

“I said no!”

“Okay then, can you come and help search before we go to the park?”

We searched the house from top to bottom. In fact, if they hadn’t all seen his wallet earlier, I think I would have accused Hector of lying, for whatever reason.

“Oh well,” I said. “It’s bound to turn up sooner or later. I’m taking Em to the park. Does anybody want to come?”

Steph shook her head, taking her seat next to Hector again.

“I will,” Frank said.

“Great. The fresh air will do us all the world of good.”

“Can I take my trike?” Emily chirped, excited.

“Course you can.” I smiled. It had been months since she’d had the strength to ride her bike

Emily and Frank were getting into the car as I placed Emily’s trike into the boot. The trike seat lifted up, revealing Hector’s missing wallet stashed inside.

My stomach lurched.

Why the hell would Emily do that? She’d never stolen anything before, never mind told me barefaced lies. Hiding the wallet behind my back, I opened Emily’s door.

“Emily, do you remember what we were looking for inside?”

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Hekkers wallip.”

“Do you know what the wallet looked like?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me.”

“Like a purse,” she said.

I nodded. “What colour?”

“Brown.”

“Like this one?” I brought my hand from behind my back.

Emily’s breath caught in her throat and her hand flew to her mouth.

“Any idea where I found it?”

She shook her head. Her huge eyes watched me, wary.

“In your trike seat.

She didn’t say a word.

“What? Did you find it, lass?” Frank said, trying to turn in his seat to look at us.

I waved the wallet so Frank could see. “I’ll be back in a tick.”

I walked in and placed the wallet between Stephanie and Hector on the table.

“Where did…?” Steph shook her head, puzzled.

“Ahh!” Hector sighed.

“In Em’s trike. She must have forgotten. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no harm done,” Steph said. “All his cards and money are in there which is why he panicked.” She laughed, before explaining to Hector in Spanish.

Judging from his huge arm movements and the sounds he made, he was overjoyed at the discovery.

“I’m sorry, Hector,” I said.

“Hokay,” he nodded and smiled, his brown eyes twinkling.

I touched his arm, then left.

Chapter 13

“Mummy, do you think Daddy’s happy I’m better?” Emily asked.

“I’m sure he is, baby,” I said as I parked the car outside the school gates.

Emily had got up early this morning and dressed herself for school. At first I refused, wanting to keep her home for at least another day or two. In the end, she begged and pleaded and although I didn’t want to, I agreed.

“How does he know?” she said.

I switched off the engine and turned to face her. “Remember, I told you his spirit is in a special place. He can watch everything we do. He’s with us all the time.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Do you think he seed me take Hekkers wallip?”

“Maybe. Why did you do that, Em?”

“I was playing a game with my friend. Am I very bad?”

“Not bad, if you were just playing a game. But you shouldn’t tell lies. Hector was very upset. And besides, you had no friends over, baby, so that’s another fib you are telling me.”

“I did, he’s my new friend, we had a picnic and he said I should take Hekker’s wallip.”

***

Mrs Farnworth, Emily’s teacher, smiled as we entered the classroom and hurried toward us.

“Emily! What a nice surprise. Look everyone, Emily’s back with us. Say hello to Emily.”

A chorus of, “Hello Emily,” followed.

Emily beamed from ear to ear, thrilled to be the centre of attention.

The children gathered around Emily, and all seemed to be chattering at once.

Mrs Farnworth pulled me to one side. “How is she? I planned to call you today.”

“She’s well, but call me if she gets tired and I’ll come for her.”

“Of course I will. I’m sorry about Mr Lyons. What a shock.”

“Thank you, I don’t think it’s sunk in yet,” I smiled and shrugged.

“When I lost my husband it took weeks, maybe months before I stopped expecting to hear his key in the lock. You have family around you, though, and that should help. I found the quiet moments and empty house to be the worst.”

“Yeah, I can imagine. I’m trying to keep myself busy, so I don’t have time to think.”

She gave me a sympathetic smile and glanced at the children who had begun to get a little unruly.

“I’ll let you get on,” I said, bobbing out the door.

***

I raced home. There were several farm chores I needed to do before feeding the pigs.

Alex had gone to a three-day cattle fair in London. He seemed confused when we gave him all the details last night, but didn’t complain. Especially when we told him we’d booked him into a hotel, all expenses paid, plus he would still get his wages.

Stephanie had been engrossed in her renewed relationship with Hector. She’d not spent any nights at home since he’d arrived, which had made things easier for Frank and me.

I ran into the garage and replaced my shoes with farm boots. As I hurried back to the front of the house, Frank stood waiting for me.

“You don’t need to come with me, Frank. It’s pretty straightforward.”

“I want to.”

I winced as I pulled on a jumper.

“Still sore, lass?”

I nodded. “Should begin to ease soon. I’ve started a course of antibiotics.”

The bite had turned as nasty as I’d predicted, but in a way I needed the scar. At least I’d have a physical reminder every time I got a fit of the guilts about what we’d done. I needed to keep it real. Shane had been a monster.

We took Jonathan’s truck because it handled much better on the farm than my Saab.

So much of Jonathan remained in the truck. His sunglasses hung hooked over the visor, there was a pile of his favourite CD’s in the centre console, and several post-it notes had been stuck to the dash. I fingered them as if they were treasures, reading a reminder to take the truck for a service, the phone number of someone called Tom, and some measurements. Several receipts stuck out of the ashtray.

The cab even smelled of how Jon smelled when he came home from a hard day on the farm. It comforted me, and if I closed my eyes, I could imagine him sitting beside me. My heart swelled. Overcome with emotion, I blinked several times to stop the tears from flowing. I needed to stay strong.

I started up the engine and gave myself a mental shake.

“Penny for them?”

“Emily has an imaginary friend,” I said as I backed out of the driveway.