An Hour in the Darkness (4 page)

“Geoff will be back any minute and he won't be too happy if he finds you're still here.”

I think Geoff was her boss. I must admit, I sure as hell hated old Geoff at that moment. What with Ronnie saying his name all familiar like that, and not mine.

“My name's Arthur,” I said.

“Hello Arthur,” said Ronnie. She sure didn't sound too friendly when she said it either.

Boy, did I make a big mistake. My name's not even Arthur. My name's Franklin. I'm always doing that. Saying my name's Arthur, or something, when it isn't. I must think it's clever or something. It's not clever though, because now Ronnie would always call me Arthur, and not Franklin, and I'd never hear her say my real name. I thought about telling her that my name wasn't Arthur, it was Franklin, but I didn't want her to think I was some kind of mental case or something.

“Arthur and Ronnie,” I said, rolling my eyes some. “Sounds like a match made in heaven.”

“It sounds more like a tragedy,” said Ronnie.

“Hey, you're funny. No really, do you love me yet?”

“Why do you talk so loud? You're just about shouting.”

“You know me, I shoot from the lip. I'll shout it from the rooftops if you want?”

I got down on one knee. Boy, it sure was wet and cold down on the ground and all.

“Where are your parents? Do they know you're out on your own like this?”

“They lock me up, but I escape each night and run back to you.”

“Get up, it's wet down there. There's fruit all over your trousers, you great nit.”

I stood up. Ronnie was right. There was indeed a great wet patch on my trousers.

“Why don't you go home?” Ronnie said, more tenderly than before. “Before Geoff gets back and sees that you're still here.”

“Your heart is my home now.”

Boy, my knee sure did feel all messy and cold.

“Do you know what my favourite book is?” I said.

“I don't care.”

“It's
A Padded Room with a View
. Only kidding, of course. I joke around a lot really. I have to joke about the serious things. It's the only way I can say them, I suppose. I can't say the serious things in a serious way. It's a tragedy, I know.”

“You're the tragedy,” she said. “I feel sorry for you.”

I reached down and touched the knee of my trousers where they were wet. And then Ronnie suddenly smiled and I knew that I almost had her.

“I always get you in the end,” I said.

I knew that I had my hand on the magic string. I didn't have it for long though because Geoff decided to come back at that moment and I shut up shop sharpish. I started to pick over the fruit again. I winked at Ronnie every few seconds, and moved my shoulders up and down in a real comical way because Geoff was behind me, but Ronnie didn't seem to see the funny side of it. She stopped smiling. I think it was because old Geoff had come back and she didn't want to lose her crummy job.

“Is he still here?” said Geoff, loud enough for the whole wide world to hear, if you don't mind.

“Yes,” said Ronnie.

“Is he behaving himself?”

It sure made me want to chuckle when old Geoff said “is he behaving himself?” like that, like I was just a naughty schoolboy, or something.

“Yes,” said Ronnie. “He's pretty harmless, really. He doesn't frighten you half as much the second time around. You start to feel a little bit sorry for him after a while. I don't think he's right in the head.”

Ronnie sure was sweet about the whole thing. You know, telling old Geoff that I didn't frighten her anymore, and everything. Listen, before you try and win over the love of your life, you'd better make sure she isn't frightened of you, okay, because a thing like that sure can ruin a relationship.

Anyway, I sort of turned to old Geoff and fluttered my eyelashes a couple hundred times or more to show him I was “quite harmless”, like old Ronnie had said. Old Geoff just sneered though because that is all his type can do in that kind of situation. I think the love we radiated between us – me and Ronnie – just sort of squeezed him out of the picture, if you really want to know, and he sort of felt like he was intruding, which he was.

Anyway, things weren't the same after old Geoff came back and I sort of dissolved into the background where I felt more comfortable. When I left the market I sort of held my hand out and announced to everyone that I was leaving for the day, but nobody seemed to notice.

I always make a big entrance. I come joking and playing up to the party and everybody thinks,
wow, who's this dude?
But by the time I leave they've all more or less forgotten who I am. I can't keep it up, I suppose – you know – all the humorous banter. Well, you just can't, can you? It's a sad thing, of course it is, and I wish it were different, but it isn't. Hey, live with it, okay, because those first few minutes – when you're shining and everything – are like magic. Enjoy those moments because they're gone so quickly and you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to get them back.
Those first few minutes are just the best though, aren't they Jenny?

I didn't go back to my room after that. How could I? Not after the drama of the day. I decided to get a bus from Leicester and go visit Bradgate Park. I sure felt like I was on top of the moon or something. What with old Ronnie almost laughing like that and thinking I was funny, and telling old Geoff that I didn't frighten her anymore. They sure were the good times. I sure as hell figured that if someone tells somebody else you don't frighten them then they must like you a hell of a lot. I really thought old Ronnie liked me a hell of a lot back then.

I sat and stared out of the bus window. The glass was mucky and I couldn't see out much. That crazy bus driver drove like a maniac until I was practically thrown off the seat, for Chrissake. We passed the stone lions and when the water in the fountain brightened the gaps in the dirty window it made me want to cry for some reason. I think I was feeling pretty romantic in general about things. I used to go to Bradgate Park with Jenny. We sure used to have a lot of fun in the old days, when we were just kids and everything.

When we reached Bradgate Park I gave the bus driver a sour look, but he just ignored me. I think he was the kind of bus driver who enjoys it when his passengers are waltzed around in their seats like that. I decided to climb the hill and take a look at Old John. Listen, Old John is a ruined castle that stands on top of a hill or something. Listen, it isn't even a hill, it's a goddamn mountain. When you climb up to Old John you have to avoid the rocks that stick out of the grass and try to cut through the bottom of your shoes. I'd forgotten how steep it was and I had to stop halfway up because I was getting so damn tired all of a sudden. Listen, I'm not a very fit person, okay?

I looked up and saw Old John shining in the wet mist of the sky above me. It was all very artistic and poetic, like in the Scriptures. Listen, there's always a grey, wet mist wrapping itself around Old John, okay? I think it's because Old John almost reaches the sky. Old John is about a million years old and from the top of the mountain you can just about see the whole world. You should see Old John at sunset though, you really should, because it's just about the most beautiful thing in the world. Old John looks at its best at sunset. What I mean is this, if I can try and explain it to you some, if you'll just let me, okay? If you go to Bradgate Park at sunset and stare up at Old John, it will practically burst into flames in front of your eyes. And Old John is so high, they say in Leicester that you can see it from the moon. Well, I was on the moon that day because Ronnie had all but fallen in love with me and I swear I could definitely see Old John.

When I reached the top I suddenly had the urge to roll back down again. That's how I was feeling about things. I wanted to lie on my back and roll down the mountain to find out if you could do it without dying. I also needed to know if it would make you dizzy for the rest of your life. Ronnie sure made me dizzy when I thought about her. I sure as hell loved Ronnie a lot back then, I guess.

I sat down on the grass next to Old John and just stared at the sky. Then I lowered my eyes and looked over Leicester. I was hoping I would see Ronnie, and Jenny. I thought that maybe if I stood up and waved they would see me. Anyway, I did stand up and I did wave. My head was in a bad place back then, I know.

There was another guy there. He was standing close to the edge, peering down the mountain, and I thought he was going to jump off. It looked to me, at least, like he was thinking about suicide. He had a bright red scarf on and, because I was ill, I thought it was the prettiest scarf I had ever seen. The man looked like Michael Caine in
The Muppet Christmas Carol
and I thought it would be a shame if he jumped off because Jenny loves
The Muppet Christmas Carol
more than anything in the world. She loves the song that Belle sings to the young Scrooge, while the old Scrooge – Michael Caine – is hanging about in the background, crying like a mad man, and wishing he'd lived his life differently. Listen, Michael, we all wished we'd lived our lives differently.

Jenny used to sing that song about a million times a day until it just about drove everyone crazy. I sure would love to hear her sing it one more time though. Boy, I think I started loving
The Muppet
Christmas Carol
about as much as Jenny did, sitting next to Old John like that. I looked for the man with the red scarf again, but he'd disappeared and I got real scared because I thought he must have jumped. Then I saw the scarf again, blinking, through a patch in the mist, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I sure as hell didn't want to tell Jenny that old Scrooge from
The Muppet Christmas Carol
had jumped off the top of Old John, because it would have broken her heart.

I sure felt close to God up there. I don't know. I got to thinking that maybe God lived inside Old John and so I started to stare real hard at the door in case he suddenly came out. And then he did come out, and he came and sat next to me, and it was real spooky, and religious, and pious, and my heart was beating like crazy.

Listen, I wasn't crazy
.
I knew at the back of my mind that it wasn't God, it was only the man with the red scarf, but I so wanted to be a believer back then, okay? I wanted this guy to take away my sins or something. I don't know. And when God came and sat down next to me, we chewed the fat for a while and I sort of felt glad he was there. Jenny told me that I only thought it was God because of the bang on the head, and I suppose she was right. Listen, Jenny is usually right about these things, okay?

Anyway, old God asked me if I was feeling alright, and I said I was and thanked him for asking. I think he knew all about the bang on the head, what with him being God and everything. He asked me if I realised I had been talking out loud to myself about
The Muppet Christmas Carol
. It was all a little embarrassing, even for me. I told him I did that sometimes. I said I was glad he'd pointed it out though and I sure as hell would try not to do it again in the near future. Obviously I didn't use the word hell in his Holy Presence; give me some credit. I asked him if I could stay and talk to him, so that I didn't look strange if anybody else came along. He smiled and said he didn't mind at all. I suppose that's his job when you come to think about it. He was listening to his flock. I sure was glad he was there though because there were a few things I wanted to ask him.

“What's your name?” God asked me.

“Franklin,” I said.

You couldn't lie to old God like you could to Ronnie. I figured old God knew my name anyway and was just testing me.

“Do you live around here?” he said.

“I was born in Birstall, but I'm living in the city at the moment. I've left home, you see, God. I live near the Angel Gateway.”

He didn't seem to mind me calling him God like that and saying it quickly to catch him all off-guard, and everything. I thought it was a good idea to mention the bit about living near Angel Gateway too. He smiled and nodded his head in that godly way of his and I figured he was pretty damned pleased that I had chosen to live there.

“Do you miss your parents?” he said.

Boy, that sure took me by surprise.

“Yeah sure, everyone misses their parents when they leave home, don't they?”

“Have you spoken to them since you left?”

Boy, old God was sure interested in my parents all of a sudden.

“No, sir, no, siree. I haven't seen them much, make no mistake. I saw my dad though. I think I blinked too much. I sure am a disappointment to him. Say, do you know why that is?”

I think old God was impressed when I addressed him as sir like that, all of a sudden and out of the blue.

God sure didn't look how I imagined he would. If you ever meet God – and I hope you do – you take a long good look at his face. I hate to say this about the Creator of the Universe, and everything, but he sure looked like the most insignificant person I ever met.

He sure was friendly though.

“I think you should ring your parents, Franklin, tell them how you're getting on.”

There he was going on about my parents again. I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable in his Holy Presence.

“I will, I sure will, and thanks for pointing it out to me. I'm going to go and see them, and tell them how I'm feeling. I'm going to let them know how I keep sinking to the bottom of the sea and how I can't swim back to the surface, and everything.”

Old God just nodded in that solemn way of his. He smiled again and I thought,
Boy, old God sure does smile a lot
. He really did though. He must have smiled about a million times on top of that mountain.

“Have you been to the hospital?” he said.

Boy, old God really got to the point. Hell, if it had been anybody else and not God sitting with me up there, I would have told him where to get off. Old God was starting to make me feel uncomfortable, if you really want to know.

“No, sir, I haven't.”

“I can take you there, if you like?”

Boy, that really threw me all over the place. Boy, I think I really loved old God at that moment. I was touched that he could find time in his busy schedule to take me to hospital like that. I'll tell you something, shall I? Don't you ever tell me any crap about God not caring and all because I'll spit in your eye and tell you that he does.

“Thanks for that,” I said.

I think I must have started to goddamn cry, or something, because old God suddenly leaned over and hugged me.

“I had a son who had some troubles like you,” he said.

Boy, I think old God was crying too, remembering about his own son, and everything.

“I know,” I said.

I did as well. I'd read the Bible like everybody else, for Chrissake (no offence, sir).

“I wasn't there for him,” said God. “I didn't know how he was feeling until a long time after. Until after he was dead.”

My goodness, old God was really bucketing tears down his face and everything by then.

“You did all you could, I'm sure,” I said.

To be honest, that wasn't strictly true; the bit about him doing all he could. I thought that maybe he shouldn't have let his son suffer and everything like that – you know – for so long. I know he was dying to save our sins and all – but hell – it was his only son when all is said and done.

“I didn't, Franklin, I really didn't. I knew something was wrong, but I just ignored it. I turned a blind eye. I thought he would be alright. A parent just doesn't want to think that their son is different, do they? I knew deep down that he wasn't happy, but I didn't ask him and he never told me. That's why it's so important that you go and talk to your parents, Franklin. It's not too late, for you.”

Blimey, I sure felt embarrassed and humble, and everything, sitting there with old God pouring out his troubles to me.

“I'm sure you did all you could, sir,” I said. “Listen, I really must be going. I'm meeting my sister.”

Listen, I know it was crazy lying to old God like that, when he probably knew I wasn't really meeting Jenny, but I had to get away. He sure was good about the whole thing, he never mentioned it and started making out like he believed me, until I was just about crazy red with embarrassment.

“That's great, Franklin. I'm glad you're meeting your sister. I really think you should talk to her about how you're feeling. Franklin, listen, it's none of my business, but go back home, for God's sake.”

Boy, I was confused. About him saying it was none of his damn business and that, when it clearly was because he was The Almighty. And then, him taking his own name in vain like that.

“I sure will, sir,” I promised.

I got away from him as quickly as I could. I had to, I swear it. I couldn't take much more. I was sorry I hadn't got to ask him all the questions I'd wanted, but I was feeling suffocated by it all. I started to scramble back down the rocks. I suppose I was crying by then. God suddenly yelled down at me, and I stopped and turned around. He was sitting on a rock. He said the strangest thing to me. He said that
I reminded him of his son and it withered me away. I thanked him about a trillion times and then started to climb down the hill again. I was almost slipping down trying to get away from him. Everything was blurry because of the tears in my eyes. I was ruined because God had told me I reminded him of his son. I stopped at the foot of the hill. I swivelled on the wet grass.

There was a kid running towards me and she was holding a balloon. The balloon was too red for the dismal afternoon and it hurt my eyes. The kid suddenly tripped. She let go of the balloon and I watched it float up towards the sky. I started to run after the balloon. I tried like hell to catch it because the kid was crying and she reminded me of Jenny. I jumped up and down like a crazy man, but I couldn't reach it. I was sorry I couldn't reach it for the kid. I was sick to my heart over it, if you really want to know. We watched it soar away over Leicester and because there was something tragically beautiful about the whole thing, the kid stopped crying. I think we had a moment together over it or something.

When the balloon was just a dot in the sky I looked back at God. Boy, was I staggered. He was still sitting on the grass and Old John looming out of the mist behind him. And believe this if you can: he was watching the balloon float up to heaven and not doing a thing to help. He was even smiling, for Chrissake. Listen, he was perhaps the only one who could get that damn balloon back and yet he never lifted a finger to help that poor kid. I couldn't get over it. I really found it difficult to take in, if you really want to know. Don't get me wrong, I love God – of course I do – but he sure makes it hard for you to like him sometimes. I ran to where you catch the bus and when I looked back for the last time, old God was waving his scarf at me.