An Honorable Rogue (22 page)

She wanted a house she could call her own, one with a small orchard perhaps, and maybe even a herb garden... She wanted neighbours who would grow old alongside her, she wanted friends...

You had many of those things in Quimperle,
a little voice said,
yet you left them behind.

Yes. but Sir Richard... Rose shivered. She did not want to think about Sir Richard.

At that moment the last chord of the folk tune faded. 'You are ready for sleep?" Ben asked.

'I... Yes.'

Sliding the lute into its bag Ben came over with it, as Gien and Eudo were returning from the river. Squatting on his haunches. Ben relieved her of her comb. 'Allow me."

Eudo glanced across the fire at them, cleared his throat and shifted farther away. Motioning Gien to do the same, he shook out his blanket and settled himself for sleep.

Biting her lip, Rose glanced at Ben, who said nothing, but tugged at her so she ended up sitting with her back to the warmth of his body. His fingers moved gently in her hair, fanning it out. spreading it over her shoulders. Delicately, he began to comb and for a couple of minutes there was silence in the clearing but for the crackling of the fire and the rustling of the breeze in the hazels. Rose relaxed and leaned into him, enjoying the feeling of his fingers as they lightly touched her neck, her shoulders, her arms.

He smoothed her hair out to its full length, carefully, as though it were the costliest of silks. His breath caressed her neck. She felt a soft touch--a kiss?--at the neck of her gown, and abruptly her comb was tossed aside and his arms slid round her, hugging her tight against him.

Another kiss. Yes, it was indeed kisses Ben was pressing to the nape of her neck. A realisation that had something, an indefinable emotion that twisted her insides, tightening into a dull ache. Want. She wanted him.

'Rose...' Ben's whisper was a husky reminder of the previous night '...is something amiss?'

As she leaned back against him, her hands were covering his before she had even thought. 'Ben. I... I...'

'Hmm?'

Th-there is something I would ask of you, but...'

Ask away.'

Throat dry, she hesitated. Across the clearing, on the other side of the fire, Eudo and Gien seemed to be fast asleep; at least they were lying with their backs to them. Ben must have sensed her looking in their direction, for he came to his knees and. with his hands on her hips, guided her into the privacy of the tent.

'Ask away.'

'I... I..." Sitting back on her heels. Rose covered her face in her hands and shook her head. She could not ask, not even with Ben. it was simply too wanton. Even he would think badly of her. 'Nothing.'

'Rose...'

'Nothing, Ben, except...'

'Yes?'

She reached for his hand. 'You will stay close?'

'Within arm's reach,' he said, a distinct smile in his voice. He pressed a kiss to her nose. 'Or closer, as you command."

He made to turn away, but she clung to his wrist. 'Oh, Ben, how I wish
you
were a knight.'

For the space of a heartbeat, he did not reply. Then, lightly, 'I am what I am, little flower. But if you wish, I can pretend.'

'Pretend? How so?'

His arms slid round her waist, pulling her up and drawing her close, so they were kneeling breast to breast. 'Tonight, this tent will become my pavilion. I am a knight at tourney and you are my lady fair."

She had to laugh. 'Ben, are you never serious?'

'Serious? Me?' As he laughed alongside her, Rose realised that she could ask him and not be ashamed, and this knowledge was so large there was no room for any thought but one. This was Ben. she could ask him anything. Ben would
never turn
his back on her. Ben would
never
be cruel.

'Ben, there is a fault in me..."

His hand came up and stroked her cheek. 'A fault? In Rozenn Kerber? In the most beautiful, most talented seamstress in the Duchy? In the most organised woman in Christendom, who not only pays off every last penny of her husband's debts, but also takes in reprobate minstrels and gives them houseroom whenever they need it? You have a fault? I am so devastated to hear this that I wonder if I should permit our acquaintance to continue.'

She held his hand to her cheek and burst into speech before she had time to change her mind. 'Ben, stop fooling for a moment and
listen.
Of course I have faults, many of them, but the one I refer to concerns... It concerns the marriage bed."

His fingers were busily weaving with hers, but at her words they froze. In the dim light their eyes met. 'Go on.'

Rose swallowed. 'It... I... I cannot like what happens in the marriage bed, and I wondered if you could...if you would...help me."

'Help you?'

A swift sidelong glance told her that he was startled, perhaps even stunned by what she had said. She hauled in a breath. 'Yes, yes. You can help me. I know it would work with you.'

His face had softened, his eyes had darkened, but the light was almost gone from the tent and his next words proved he had not understood what she was asking.

'It would work...?'

'Yes, Ben. it would.' She hauled in another breath. 'I like your kisses. I like your touch."

His mouth edged up at the corner and, pulling her closer so their bellies were pressed one to another, he looked at her mouth. 'Much thanks, little flower."

'Yes, yes, I do." This was deeply embarrassing. Her cheeks were on fire, her heart was pounding, but she ploughed on. 'So you see, Ben. I was hoping you would help me overcome my aversion to...to the carnal acts required by marriage."

His eyes narrowed. 'The carnal acts required by marriage? If by that you mean making love, Rose, why don't you say?'

'Because my experience has not been good,' she admitted, staring fixedly at the neck of his tunic, 'I ... I cannot think of it as making love.'

Silence.

He tipped her head up and peered into her eyes. 'Per? It was
never
good?"

She shook her head. 'No.'

'Not even once?"

'No. But the fault is in me, Ben.'

Ben swore. 'In you? I doubt it,
cherie.
Did the man even try to please you?'

"Please me? How would doing...
that
with him please me? In any case I am too small. He told me so, and each time it hurt, so I know he was right.'

'Dear God! Rose, when a man and a woman lo.. .desire each other in the right way, it should
not
hurt!'

'Even when the woman is small?'

'Even then.' His voice was warm and affectionate. 'Rose, there is no fault in you. If fault there was, it was in your husband, who did not take care with you.' He slid a hand round her neck and, bringing his lips to hers, gave her a sweet, almost chaste, kiss, 'I
knew
you had secrets you were keeping from me, and am glad that you have confessed them."

'You are the only person I could tell. You will help me?'

His dark lashes lowered, briefly shielding his expression. 'Help you? Of course,
mignonne.
I am, as always, your devoted servant. But first I must understand one thing..."

'Yes?'

'Remind me why, exactly, you want us to do this, lest I am in danger of forgetting.'

'Because you are the only person who can help me overcome my aversion? So that when Sir Richard and I--'

'Sir Richard,' he repeated, slowly. She thought he bit his lip. He looked down at her for a long moment, his head and his broad shoulders no more than a shadowy shape against a darkening backcloth. 'I see. Very well. I will do my utmost to help."

Reaching up, Rose drew his head down and pressed a shy kiss to his mouth. Her fingers lingered at the nape of his neck. 'Thank you, best of friends.'

'There is, however, a caveat...'

'Yes?'

'I will do my best to.. .overcome your aversion, as you put it. Rose, but we must take care that we do not create a child."

Rose blinked.

'Think. There can be no issue, little flower. No knight would want a wife who is carrying another's child, and Sir Richard will be no exception.' His voice softened and he stroked her cheek lightly with one finger. 'I think it would be best if we avoided
complete
union.'

Rose felt her jaw drop. Could this be Benedict Silvester urging
her
to caution? The minstrel who openly admitted that he worked hard to maintain his notoriety? Ben must have tumbled more girls than there were stars in the sky above this clearing, but
he
was urging
her
to caution? 'You? You tell me this?'

'Indeed.' His voice was laced with laughter. 'I fear in this one small matter, I must disappoint you."

Small
matter? And he was right, may the devil blast him, she
was
disappointed. She had the feeling that he might be the only man in the world who she would permit...but. no, for her pride's sake she could never admit as much. In any case, she ought not, in all conscience, let Ben love her fully if she really intended to marry Sir Richard.

She huffed out a breath.

'You are in agreement,
ma belle?'

'Y-yes, I am in agreement. It is just that your principles startled me."

He bowed his head. 'As ever, I thank you for your good opinion. I see it has not changed.' His tone was dry, and it shamed her.

Wincing, she pressed an apologetic kiss to his cheek. 'I am sorry, Ben, it was just I found your.. .delicacy in this area...unexpected.'

He pulled back; and if Ben had had dimples, she knew that they would have vanished, for she sensed him scowling down at her. 'Rose, I'll have you know I would never bring an unwanted child into this world,
never.'

He sounded so definite, as passionate as a preacher. The darkness was almost complete, but Rose could just make out his silhouette. With a jolt, she realised that Ben felt this way because of
her,
because he misliked the thought of any child of his being abandoned by a roadside tavern as she had been abandoned in Hauteville.

Her heart turned over. 'I am right glad to hear it. And I... I agree to your terms, sir. Everything but...but
that.'
She forced a laugh, to cover the fact that she had actually been moved to her marrow to learn that Ben took care with his women, in any case, it is probably just as well. I doubt I could like
the full
act with anyone, even with you."

He caught her by the waist. 'Be careful, Lady Rozenn. that sounds like a challenge, and if I am to pretend to be your loving knight, you must know that knights can never resist a challenge.'

'No?'

'No.'

Ben lowered his head and nuzzled her cheek, her temple. Smoothing her hair down her back, he held her to him while his teeth nipped gently at her earlobe.

She could feel that he was aroused, but that knowledge did not alarm her as it had with Per. With a slow warmth curling in her belly, she leaned into him. offering him her neck. Another gentle nip. Another. His breath was warm in her ear, on her cheek. Their lips met and her mind emptied of everything but him.

'Ben.' she murmured. 'Ben.'

He drew back. 'My lady?"

'Hmm?' Blindly she wound her arms round his neck and offered him her lips again, and again they kissed, and again the world was Ben and only Ben. She was running her fingertips up and down over the nape of his neck, ruffling that short hair, and he made that small sound, part pleasure, part pain, that had her legs turning to water, so that she tumbled on to a blanket spread out on the ground-sheet.

He lay half over her. kissing her collar-bones through the opening at the front of her gown and then he lifted his head and cleared his throat. 'Ready for more, Lady Fair?'

'Yes, oh, yes.' She was hanging on to his neck, chasing his lips with hers, but he did not let her catch them.

'Good. But listen,
cherie.
If I really were a knight and you were my lady. I would not permit you to wear so many clothes in our bed."

'No?'

'Certainly not. So first...'

And then his hands were at her girdle, fumbling with the knot, as he finally allowed her to capture his mouth.

'Ben.' She sighed on a note of pure pleasure. 'Ben.'

He was taking his time over the girdle, perhaps she should help him...but. no. he had it free, was dragging it away, tossing it aside.

'And now, my lady...' his voice was low in her ear, seductive '. ..if I were your knight, at this point I would tell you how much I love you.'

Her heart twisted, as if it believed him, as if it loved him back. 'You would?'

A hand slid on to her breast, and instinctively she arched towards him. wanting to know his touch without the restrictions imposed by her gown and shift. Wanting to caress his naked chest.

'I would tell you that the rose is always more beautiful than the lily,' he said, pressing tiny kisses on to her lips, kisses that made her drag his head to hers to keep him close.

'Roses have thorns,' she managed, between kisses.

'So they do, Rose, so they do.' His thumb moved once, twice over her breast and her nipples felt heavy, aching for more contact, 'I would tell you that you are the sun to me, you are my life."

She gave a little laugh. 'Ben, you betray your true calling. No knight ever used such flowery phrases.'

'This one does," he said with a sigh, as experimentally, he moved his hand over her breast, head close as though trying to see her reaction.

Rose groaned.

'You like that?'

'Yes.'

'That is good. Rose. Because if I were your knight, I would think it was time to remove your gown." Sliding his hand down over her hips, he found the hem and tugged. 'Come on, little flower.' he said, a new breathless note in his voice. 'Sit up, your knight would have this off.'

Obediently, Rose sat.

'And your shift,' he said, 'that may as well come off too.'

'M-must it?' she said, overcome with sudden shyness.

'Your knight commands it.' He touched the tip of her nose. 'Don't worry,
ma belle,
it is pitch-dark in here. Your knight cannot see a thing.'