An Engagement in Seattle (8 page)

“Me?” she repeated again, sounding close to tears.

Alek knelt down in front of her and took her hands. “Are you all right?”

Sniffling, she shook her head. The ordeal had been a strain, but he was surprised by her response. Julia wasn’t the type of woman to buckle easily. Nor did she weep without provocation. Something was definitely going on.

“What’s wrong?” he asked tenderly, resisting the urge to take her in his arms.

Tears filled her eyes and she made an effort to blink them away. “I think I’ll go lie down for a while. I’m sure I’ll be fine in a few minutes.”

Alek didn’t want her to leave. He was hoping they could pick up where they’d left off before they were interrupted by O’Dell’s arrival. The craving she’d created in him had yet to be satisfied. He wanted her to share his bed. She was his wife. They belonged together.

Alek had learned enough about Julia to know that she’d come to him in her own time, when she was ready and not before. He prayed he had the patience to wait her out.

As she lay in her bed, pretending to nap, Julia realized it wasn’t until the Immigration official had stood to leave that she’d recognized how sincere she was in what she’d told him. She’d answered the questions as candidly as possible, becoming more fervent the longer she spoke. It had suddenly struck her that Alek was as important to her personally as he was to the company. Perhaps more so. That came as an unexpected shock.

He’d been patient and loving and kind. His kisses stirred her soul. That sounded fanciful, overdramatic, but she was at a loss to explain it otherwise.

Heaven help her, she was falling in love with him. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. She didn’t
want
to love him, didn’t want to care about him. After Phoenix Paints was launched and he’d established his mother and sister in the country, she wanted Alek out of her life. That was what she’d planned. Involving her heart would be both foolish and dangerous. She’d already learned her lesson when it came to trusting a man. Roger had taught her well.

“Julia?” His voice was a whisper. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting Alek to know she was awake. Afraid he might want to resume what they’d started…

Her face filled with color at the memory of their kisses. She couldn’t believe the liberties Alek had taken with her earlier that afternoon. Worse, liberties she’d encouraged and enjoyed. She would be forever grateful that Mr. O’Dell had arrived when he had.

Julia had eventually drifted off. Because of her nap, she was unable to sleep that evening. Hoping to sidestep any questions from Alek, she’d gone to the hospital to visit Ruth later in the afternoon.

The condo was empty when she returned and Julia guessed Alek had gone to the lab to work. Feeling somewhat guilty, she microwaved her dinner, hoping he’d pick up something for himself while he was out.

He wasn’t back by the time she showered and readied for bed. She should’ve been grateful; instead she found herself waiting for him. It was nearly eleven when she heard the front door open. Light from the kitchen spilled into the hallway outside her bedroom as he rummaged around, apparently looking for dinner.

A second bout of guilt didn’t improve her disposition. Knowing next to nothing about cooking should prove beyond a doubt what a terrible wife she was. Another, more domesticated woman would have been knitting by the fireplace, awaiting his return with a delectable meal warming in the oven. Forget that it was summer; this imaginary dutiful wife would have a cozy fire roaring anyway.

Then, when he’d eaten, she’d remove her housecoat and stand before him dressed only in a sheer nightie.

But Alek hadn’t married the ideal wife; instead he was stuck with her.

“Julia?”

She was so surprised by the sound of her name that she lifted her head from the pillow.

“I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No…I hadn’t gone to sleep yet.” She sat up in bed and tugged the sheets protectively around her.

His shadow loomed against the opposite wall like…like some kind of fairy-tale monster. But try as she might, Julia couldn’t make him into one.

“How’s your grandmother?” he asked.

She shrugged hopelessly. It became more apparent with every visit that Ruth wouldn’t last much longer. A part of Julia clung to her grandmother and another part struggled to release Ruth from this life and the pain that accompanied it.

“You were at the lab?”

Alek nodded.

“Is it really necessary for you to work so many hours?”

Alek crossed his arms and leaned against the door-jamb. “Work helps me deal with my frustration.”

He didn’t need to clarify his answer. Julia knew he was referring to the sexual disappointment of their marriage.

When she didn’t respond, he sighed and added, “I know why everything went so smoothly with the Immigration official. You, my dear wife, are in love with me.”

The audacity of the comment was shocking. “I’m what?”

“In love with me,” he repeated.

“You’re badly in need of some reality therapy,” Julia said, making her words as scathing as she could. “That’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said.”

“Wait, I promise you it’ll get better. Much better.”

“Much worse, you mean,” she said with an exaggerated yawn. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to get some sleep.”

“Later. We need to talk.”

“Alek, please, it’s nearly midnight.”

“You’ve already admitted you hadn’t been to sleep.”

“Exactly,” she said. “And I need my rest.”

“So do I.”

“Then leave it until morning,” she suggested next.

“You’re my wife. How long will it take before you live up to your end of our bargain?”

“I…already explained I need time…to adjust to everything. Why are you doing this?” she cried, furious with him for dragging out a subject she considered closed. “I refuse to be pressured into making love just because you’ve got an overactive libido.”

“Pressured,” he echoed, and a deep frown formed. He rubbed his hand over his face, sighing audibly. “I’ve been waiting for you since our wedding night. You agreed that we’d be married in every sense of the word.”

“It’s only been a few weeks,” she protested.

“Ah, but you love me. You proved it this afternoon. There’s no need to wait any longer, Julia. I need you, and you need me.” With a knowing smile, he turned and walked away.

The comment irritated her so much she couldn’t bear to let it go unanswered. Grabbing her pillow with both hands, she threw it after him. It hit the doorframe with a soft thud that was barely discernible. She knew Alek heard it, however, because he started laughing.

The following morning, as was her habit, Julia rose early and stood barefoot in the kitchen while she waited for the first cup of coffee to filter into the glass pot. The aroma pervaded the kitchen.

“Morning.” Alek spoke groggily from behind her.

Julia’s eyes flew open. Normally Alek didn’t get up until after she’d left for work. “Morning,” she greeted him with little enthusiasm.

“Did you sleep well?”

No
. “Fine. How about you?” Her attention remained focused on the coffeepot. She didn’t dare turn around to confront her rumpled, groggy husband. Knowing he was only a few feet behind her activated her imagination. His hair was probably unkempt and his eyes drowsy, the way hers were. He’d look sexy and appealing.

“Julia,” he whispered, moving forward. He slipped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck. “We can’t go on like this. We’re married. When are you going to recognize that?”

She braced her hands against his, which were joined at her stomach. His lips located the pulse pounding at the side of her neck and he kissed her. Small, soft kisses…

Julia’s breath caught in her throat. “Alek, please, don’t.”

“Stop?” He raised his head as though she couldn’t have meant it.

“Yes.”

“I couldn’t sleep for want of you,” he whispered.

Her throat felt as dry as a desert. Speaking was impossible.

“All I could think about was how good you tasted and how much I wanted to hold you and kiss you again,” he went on.

The coffee had finished brewing, but Julia couldn’t make herself move.

“I know you want me, too. Why do you torture us like this?”

“I…have to get to work.” Each syllable was a triumph.

“Let me make love to you,” Alek urged, his mouth close to her ear.

“No. We can’t. I…I’ll be late for work.” She didn’t wait for him to argue with her, but rushed toward her bedroom. Toward sanity.

By the time Julia reached her office, she was in a terrible mood. She blamed Alek for this. As much as she wished it, she wasn’t made of stone. She was flesh and blood. A woman. When he kissed her and touched her she experienced a certain sexual yearning.

It was inevitable. A mere physiological reaction. It meant nothing. He insisted she was in love with him, but Julia knew that was just talk. Sweet talk, with a single purpose. To seduce her.

Julia had been seduced before, by an artful master. In comparison, Alek was so much more honest and, therefore, easier to defend herself against. She refused to give in to his pressure, subtle or otherwise. As for misleading him, she had, but only to a limited degree.

Furious now, she marched into her office, reached for her phone and dialed Jerry’s extension. “Can you come up?”

“Yes. Is everything okay?”

“No.”

Jerry paused. “I thought things went hunky-dory with the inspector.”

“They did, as far as I know. This has to do with Alek.”

“I’ll be right up,” her brother said.

She was pacing her office with precise steps when he arrived. Julia stopped, angry with herself, feeling close to tears and not understanding why.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his concern evident in his eyes.

“I…there’s a problem.”

“With what?”

“Whom,” she corrected. “Aleksandr Berinski.”

Jerry frowned, then sighed with resignation. “What’s he done?”

“Everything… Listen, I don’t want to get into this. Let me make this as plain and simple as I can. I think it’s time he moved out of the condo. One of us has to and it’s either him or me.”

Six

“Y
ou want Alek out of your condo?” Jerry repeated.

“You heard me the first time,” she said impatiently. “Our marriage has been sanctioned by the government. What reason do we have to continue this charade?”

“Julia…”

She’d heard that tone all too often. “Jerry, I’m not in any mood to argue with you.” She walked around her desk and claimed her seat. Reaching for a file from her in-basket, she opened it. “I’ll leave the arrangements in your hands.”

“Do you plan to talk this over with Alek?”

She hadn’t thought of that. “It…won’t be necessary. He’ll get the picture once he hears from you.”

“I won’t do it.”

Her brother’s refusal caught her attention as nothing else could have. “What do you mean, you won’t do it?”

“First, I won’t have you treating Alek as though he’s…some pest you’re trying to get rid of.”

“It wouldn’t be like that,” she insisted, realizing even as she spoke that Jerry was right. She couldn’t treat Alek this way.

“Secondly,” her brother said, “it’d be crazy to throw everything away now. You think that just because you’ve passed some interview with an Immigration official, you’re in the clear. Think again, Julia. That’s exactly the kind of thing the government’s expecting.”

“They won’t know.”

“Don’t count on it. They make it their business to know.”

“Jerry, please.” She rarely pleaded with her brother. “The man’s impossible.… I’ve done my duty. What more do you expect of me?”

“Alek is your husband.”

“You’re beginning to sound just like him! He frightens me.… He makes me feel things I don’t want to feel. I’m scared, Jerry, really scared.” Close to tears, she covered her mouth, fearing she’d break down.

“I don’t know what to do,” Jerry said with a sympathetic shrug. “I wish I did, for your sake. Alek’s, too.”

With nothing left to say, he returned to his own office.

Her mood didn’t improve when two hours later Alek unexpectedly showed up. He walked into her office without waiting for her assistant to announce him. Julia happened to be on the phone at the time and she glanced up, irritated by the intrusion. Alek glared at her, and every minute she delayed appeared to infuriate him further.

He began to pace, pausing every other step to turn and scowl in her direction.

Julia finished her conversation as quickly as she could without being rude—and without letting him believe he was intimidating her.

“You wanted something?” she asked calmly as she replaced the receiver.

Anger was etched on his features. “Yes, I do. I understand you spoke to Jerry this morning about one of us moving. I want to know what’s going on in that head of yours.”

Julia folded her hands on her desk. “It seemed the logical thing to do.”

“Why?”

She stood, feeling at a distinct disadvantage sitting. “It makes sense. The only reason we were living together was for show because—”

“We’re living together, my dear wife, because we’re married.”

“In name only.”

He muttered something blistering in Russian, and Julia was grateful she couldn’t understand him.

“You deny your vows. You abuse my pride by involving your brother. You ask for patience and then stab me in the back.”

“I…explained on our wedding day that I need time. I let you know you were being cheated in this marriage. You can’t say I didn’t warn you.” Contacting Jerry had been wrong, she saw now. But she was frightened and growing more so each day. No longer could she ignore the powerful attraction she felt for Alek. No longer could she ignore his touch. He was chipping away at the barrier she’d erected to protect herself from feelings. From love. He was working his way into her life and her heart. She had to do something.

“You are my
wife,
” Alek shouted.

Julia closed her eyes at the anger in his voice.

“I’m not a very good one,” she whispered.

“We are married, Julia. When will you accept that?” He turned away from her and stalked to the door.

“I…don’t know if I can.”

At her words, he spun around.

They stood no more than a few feet apart, yet an ocean might have lain between them. He was furious with her and she with him.

“I may never be your wife in the way you want.” Julia didn’t know what drove her to say that.

And yet, at the same moment, she realized she wanted him. Needed him. And that frightened her half to death.

“You’re afraid, aren’t you?” he asked as if he could read her thoughts. “Afraid you aren’t woman enough to satisfy me. That’s what’s behind all this, isn’t it? That, and the fact that you’re afraid to trust another man. But I’m not like the one who hurt you, Julia, whoever he was. I’m not like him at all. I respect you—and I want you. Which, if you’re honest, is how you feel about me, too.”

Stricken, Julia closed her eyes. It felt as if he’d blinded her with the truth, identified her fears, hurled them at her to explain or reject.

“Julia?”

She sobbed once, the sound nearly hysterical as she backed away from him.

“I didn’t mean…” he began.

She stopped him by holding out her arm.

He cursed under his breath, and reaching for her, drew her into his arms. She didn’t resist. Without pause he lowered his head and covered her mouth, sealing their lips together in a wild kiss. The craziness increased with each impatient twist of their heads, growing in frenzied desperation.

Her breasts tingled and her body grew hot as his powerful hands held her against him. It was where she wanted to be.…

His hands were busy with the zipper at the back of her straight, no-nonsense business skirt. It hissed as he lowered it. Julia made a token protest, which he cut off with a bone-melting kiss.

“I’m through fighting you,” he whispered. “Will you stop fighting me?”

He gently brought his mouth back to hers. They were so close Julia felt as if they were drawing in the same breath, as if they required only one heart to beat between them.

Sobbing, she slid her arms around his neck and buried her face, taking deep, uneven breaths. Not understanding her own desperate need, she clung to him as a low cry emerged from her lips. The grief she felt was overwhelming. She was lamenting the wasted years, when she’d closed herself off from life. Ever since her father’s death and Roger’s betrayal, she’d lived in limbo, rejecting love and laughter. Rejecting and punishing herself.

“Julia,” Alek whispered, stroking her hair, “what is it?”

She shook her head, unable to answer.

“Say it,” he told her softly, sitting in her chair and taking her with him so she was nestled in his lap. “Tell me you need me. Tell me you want me, too.”

She sobbed and with tears streaming down her face, she nodded.

“That’s not good enough. I want the words.”

“I…need you. Oh, Alek, I’m so scared.”

He held her, kissed her gently, reassured her while she rested her head on his shoulder and cried until her tears were spent.

“I don’t know why you put up with me,” she finally gasped.

“You don’t?” he asked, chuckling softly. “I have the feeling you’ll figure it out soon enough, my love.”

Her intercom hummed and Virginia’s voice echoed through the silence. “Your nine-thirty appointment is here.”

Her eyes regretfully met Alek’s.

“Send whoever it is away,” Alek urged.

“I…I can’t do that.”

“I know,” he said, and kissed the tip of her nose. He released her slowly.

Just when Julia was convinced her day couldn’t possibly get any more complicated, she received a call from Virginia Mason Hospital. Her grandmother had slipped into a coma.

Jerry was away, so she left a message for him and for Alek, canceled her appointments for the rest of the day and drove directly to the hospital.

Julia realized the instant she walked into her grandmother’s room that Ruth’s hold on life was tenuous, a slender thread. Her heart was failing, and Julia felt as though her own heart was in jeopardy, too.

In the past few years she’d faced a handful of crises, starting with the fire that had nearly destroyed the business and their family. Her father’s death had followed. Immediately afterward she’d realized Roger had used her, had sold out her family. And her.

Ruth, her beloved Ruth, was dying, and Julia was powerless to stop it. She was terrified. For the past months she’d watched helplessly as her grandmother’s health deteriorated.

Sitting at Ruth’s bedside now, Julia could almost hear the older woman’s calming voice. “My death is inevitable—” the unspoken words rang in her head “—but not unwelcome.”

Silently Julia pleaded with her grandmother to live just a little longer, to give her time to adjust, to grant her a few days to gather her courage. Even as she spoke, Julia recognized how selfish she was being, thinking of herself, of her own pain. But she couldn’t make herself stop praying that God would spare her grandmother.

“You have walked through your pain,” the silent voice continued. “The journey has made you wiser and far stronger than you know.”

Julia wanted to argue. She didn’t feel strong. Not when it seemed Ruth was about to be taken from her. She felt pushed to the limits, looking both ways—toward despair in one direction and hope in the other, toward doubt and faith.

An hour passed as Julia struggled with her grief, refusing to let it overwhelm her. Fear controlled her, the knowledge that if she gave in to her grief, she might never regain her sanity.

“Please,” she pleaded aloud, praying Ruth heard her. It was the selfish prayer of a frightened child.

Jerry arrived, pale and shaken. “What happened?”

Julia shrugged. Their grandmother’s physician, Dr. Silverman, had been in earlier to explain the medical symptoms and reasons. Most of what he’d said had meant only one thing. Ruth was close to death.

“She’s in a coma,” Julia answered. “I talked to her doctor earlier. He’s surprised she’s hung on this long.”

Her brother pulled out a chair and sat down next to Julia. “I love this old woman, really love her.”

“What are we going to do without her, Jerry?”

Her brother shook his head. “I don’t know. We’ll make do the way we always have, I suppose.”

“I’m going to miss her so much.” Julia heard the tears in her voice.

“I know.” He reached for Julia’s hand and gently squeezed it. “Alek phoned. He’ll be here as soon as he can.”

Julia instinctively wanted Alek with her. She’d never needed him like this before. That thought produced another regret. Alek was devoted to her and she didn’t deserve it. She’d treated him terribly and yet he loved her.

Her grief, fed by her burning tears and broken dreams, was overwhelming. She couldn’t sit still; she stood and started pacing, then returned to her chair.

They sat silently for another hour. She did what she could to make her grandmother more comfortable. She held Ruth’s hand, read her favorite passages from Scripture, stroked her forehead.

“I have to go.” Jerry spoke from behind her.

Understanding, Julia nodded. She loved her brother and knew he was grieving in his own way. She was grateful he was leaving; she preferred this time alone with Ruth.

“When will you go home?” he asked.

“I don’t know yet.”

The next thing she heard was the sound of the door closing. Being alone was a relief and a burden. Julia recognized the inconsistency of her reactions. Never had she craved Alek’s company more, and yet she wanted these hours alone with her grandmother, sensing that it would be the last time they’d be together.

She found it ironic that hope and despair could feel the same to her.

The nurses came in a number of times. One encouraged her to take a break, go have some dinner, but Julia refused. She was afraid to leave, fearing that once she did, her grandmother would quietly release her hold on life.

Leaning her forehead against the side of the hospital bed, Julia must have dozed because the next thing she knew Alek was there.

“How is she?”

“There’s been no change.”

Alek sat down next to Julia. “Have you had dinner?”

“I’m not hungry.”

Alek nodded and when he spoke again it was in his own language, which had a distinct beauty. Whatever he was saying seemed to please her grandmother because Ruth smiled. At first Julia was convinced she’d imagined it, which would’ve been easy enough to do. But there was no denying the change in Ruth’s ashen features.

“It’s midnight, my love.”

Julia glanced at her watch, sure he was mistaken. She must have slept longer than she’d realized.

“Come,” he said, standing behind her, his hands on her shoulders. “I’ll drive you home.”

She shook her head, unwilling to leave.

“You aren’t doing her any good, and you’re running yourself down, both physically and mentally.”