An Accidental Man (34 page)

‘This is my room. You can get out of it. And you can get out of this house too! You've ruined another day of my life. You've ruined one too bloody many. Oh God how I wish I'd never met you!'

‘You don't know what awful trouble I'm in,' said Austin thickly. ‘You don't know what an awful strain I'm under. You wouldn't be so beastly to me if you knew.'

‘Little man, little man!'

‘You're drunk, Mitzi.'

‘
Please
, you two —'

‘So are you. “I have a little husband no bigger than my thumb, I put him in a pint pot and there I let him drum”!'

‘Shut up, you bitch. Do you want to make me hate you?'

‘Don't you dare touch me, Austin Gibson Grey. I may be lame but I could beat you with one hand.'

‘Please don't fight in my room! Oh look out, look out!'

Mitzi had given Austin a violent push. He staggered. The bottle of claret tilted over, the saucepan of beaten eggs fell off its perch on the fender. Austin lost his footing and crashed down in the fireplace.

‘Damn you!' he shouted. ‘You've broken my glasses. Oh God I've hurt my arm so. Damn you, damn you!'

Ludwig began to pull Austin up. Mitzi sat down and burst into clamorous tears. ‘It's all because I love you, you fool, you dolt. I'm the only person who really cares. God knows why I do. You're a rat, you're just a blond rat. You'll be sorry one day. I'm the only person who really sees you and really loves you. And you make my life a misery —'

‘I've got the bloody wine all over my suit and you've broken my only pair of glasses, you bloody bitch! Oh hello, Gracie!'

‘Gracie!' cried Ludwig. He stepped out of the eggy mess in the fireplace.

‘The duchess has arrived,' said Mitzi. She began to dry her eyes on the table cloth.

Austin said, ‘Gracie, I'm very sorry. I'm afraid you aren't seeing us quite at our best.'

‘We're drunk every day, but not always brawling,' said Mitzi. ‘Take a seat. This is Liberty Hall. Have a drink.'

‘Oh Poppy, I'm so sorry —' said Ludwig.

‘No, thank you,' said Gracie.

Gracie had done her scanty pale hair up into a tiny knot of a bun. She was wearing a longish green silk dress and carrying her mackintosh and a bunch of irises. She looked old-fashioned and appalled.

Austin was brushing down his suit. A long red stain ran from jacket to trousers. He picked up the twisted frame of his glasses from among the egg. He gave a maniac laugh.

Ludwig ran round the table. ‘Poppy, darling —'

‘She's Poppy now, is she,' said Mitzi. ‘Or is it Popsie?'

‘Mitzi, will you please get out,' said Ludwig. ‘And you too, Austin, I'm sorry, but —'

‘I know you do pay the rent, but this
is
my house,' said Mitzi. She rose, tall and huge-bosomed in the tight overall.

‘Mitzi, get out, there's a dear —'

‘No one bothers to be polite to me, oh no, I'm just poor old Mitzi, poor old bag. This man scrounges off me. And as for you, Ludwig Leferrier, I seem to remember you were glad enough to hug me and kiss me only the other week, and now it's, “Get out”. All right, I'm going. And I'll take my little man with me. Come on, Austin. We'll go and sit in the kitchen.'

As they went away down the stairs Ludwig and Gracie stared at each other.

‘Poppy —'

‘Wait, Ludwig.'

A door closed below.

‘Pack your things, Ludwig.'

‘What do you mean?'

‘Pack your things. You're not spending another night in this house.'

Ten minutes later Ludwig and Gracie were getting into a taxi. It was still raining. Gracie said ‘King's Road.'

They got in and fell back into a darkness which smelt of rainy clients.

‘Poppy —'

‘Ludwig, did you really kiss that woman?'

‘Yes. But, my darling, please understand. She was drunk. Garth and I had to put her to bed. I was pushing her on to her bed and she just put her arms round my neck. I felt sorry for her, I kissed her sort of out of pity, and anyway she'd got hold of me round the neck, it wasn't — Honestly, she fills me with repulsion — I just pitied her, it wasn't any —'

‘You aren't very chivalrous, are you?' said Gracie.

‘Oh God,' said Ludwig.

There was a moment's silence. Then Gracie began to put her arms round him. ‘It's all right. But don't do it again.'

‘Oh, Poppy, you are good to me! Poppy, where are we going now?'

‘We're going to see Matthew.'

‘Yes. We're going to the Villa. You're going to stay there with Matthew. I've just decided. I want you two dear men to be together.'

‘Oh God!' said Ludwig again.

‘Do take your coats off,' said Matthew.

‘I'm sorry we're a bit wet,' said Ludwig.

‘Not at all, not at all. Mavis, could you turn the electric fire on. Please sit down. Have a drink.'

‘A little water for me, please,' said Gracie, ‘and a biscuit if you have such a thing.'

‘Oh dear, haven't you dined? Mavis and I dined rather early.'

‘Oh yes, we've dined, haven't we, Ludwig,' said Gracie, kicking Ludwig.

‘Yes, yes, thank you, sir.'

‘I think there are some biscuits in this —'

‘And so it is all right, Matthew, isn't it,' said Gracie, ‘for Ludwig to stay here?'

‘Of course it is, Gracie, it's your house. It's very kind of you to let me stay here.'

‘Ludwig can have the white room, you know, the one with the cats.'

‘Yes, indeed, I'll be very glad to have Ludwig here.'

‘I feel we're imposing on you,' said Ludwig. ‘I mean — Yes, a little whisky, thank you —'

‘Not at all, not at all.'

‘I think I must be going,' said Mavis. She and Matthew exchanged glances.

‘All right,' said Matthew. ‘I'll just see you to the door. Excuse me, will you.'

Outside in the hall, with the drawing-room door safely shut, he drew Mavis up against him and murmured ‘
Damn!
'

In the drawing-room, Ludwig was saying in a low voice, ‘We're being an awful nuisance, I can see that. Matthew doesn't want me in the house. He's never met me before. He must be cursing. And there was no need to say we'd dined. I'm ravenous, I had no lunch —'

‘Have a biscuit then!'

Matthew came back.

‘It gives me so much pleasure to see you two dear men together.'

Matthew and Ludwig smirked.

‘More whisky?'

‘No, thank you, sir.'

‘Another biscuit, darling Ludwig?'

‘Thank you, dearest Gracie.'

‘Well, I shall leave you now,' said Gracie. ‘It's such a weight off my mind. That house was just not a suitable place for Ludwig. Now, goodnight. No, I must go and you must get acquainted, you must have a real talk, man to man. It makes me so happy to see you together, it gives me such a happy secure feeling. Goodnight, goodnight.'

Matthew and Ludwig returned to the drawing-room.

‘Shall I show you your room?' said Matthew.

‘Look,' said Ludwig. ‘I really feel I'm intruding — Gracie means well, but —'

‘Not at all. Here, have some more whisky, I'm having some.'

They sat down and looked at each other.

Ludwig saw a fat bald slightly cunning-looking elderly man with a large expanse of expensive tweed waistcoat.

Matthew saw a slim cropped silver-fair haired American with a Germanic face and an awkward manner.

‘Austin won't like this,' said Ludwig.

‘We really must stop minding too much what Austin will like or dislike,' said Matthew, ‘don't you think?'

‘Well, maybe —'

‘So you are marrying Gracie.'

‘Yes.'

‘And you are not going to fight.'

‘No.'

‘And you are not going back.'

‘No.'

‘Are your parents upset?'

‘Yes.'

‘Not easy, not easy,' said Matthew. ‘I'm sorry. No, not an easy choice. Tell me about it.'

Ludwig looked into the round cunning brown eyes. He was being charmed. He had been warned of this.

A packet of cornflakes somersaulted to disgorge its crisp innards over Rodney's boots, golden sick he thought as he laughed crazily golden shit golden entrails fit for a bloody king, himself the king. Now something was snaking slowly into Rodney's field, it was a trail of glittering red blood, the blood began to soak the cornflakes in the silence that went on. Outside the glass silent policemen flitted by, Rodney saw them flit. He raised up his revolver and they disappeared. I am king of the world he thought and he laughed again. I can fuck the world, worldfucker goldfucker me. He stooped and raised a handful of the sodden cornflakes gloatingly to his mouth.

Austin groaned and pushed Norman's novel back into the heavy box file. The steel clip leapt to and pinched his fingers. He had got a makeshift pair of glasses but they made his eyes ache. Norman himself would be here in a minute. Austin had three pounds to give him. He had acquired the three pounds by selling two of Ludwig's books at Foyles. He had purloined the books just before the removal men came to take them over to the Villa. Everything went Matthew's way in the end.

‘Well, what did you think of it?' said Norman, flashing his white teeth under his healthy bush of dark moustache. He was lounging on the bed. The morning sun was thick and dusty.

‘Very good,' said Austin. ‘Very effective imagery.'

‘I'm glad you mention the imagery. You see it is a serious book. I thought of calling it
Death in the Supermarket
—'

‘Excellent title.'

‘But I decided not to because that just sounds like a detective story —'

‘Yes of course.'

‘While this is sort of a metaphysical novel, really.'

‘Very metaphysical.'

‘You didn't think the characterization was weak?'

‘Not at all.'

‘The humour's a bit sick, isn't it?'

‘Very effective humour.'

‘Didn't you like that bit where he's trying to explain that the girl's arm is caught in the escalator and they think he's a Pakistani?'

‘Very funny. I mean very touching.'

‘You see, he got all covered in dirt falling down that lift shaft and they think he's a Pakistani!'

‘Very amusing.'

‘And then there's that bit —'

‘Look,' said Austin, ‘I have actually read your bloody novel, well some of it. I'll help you to try to get it published. I'll help you like that in any way I can. I'm sorry for what happened —'

‘How do you mean?'

‘I mean about your little girl, what's her name —'

‘Oh yes, Rosalind.'

‘I am sorry and I haven't forgotten about it —'

‘I should hope not. It only happened three weeks ago. I say what
have
you done to your hand?'

‘I caught it in an escalator.'

‘Are you being funny?'

‘Look, as I say, I'll help you about the book. And here's three pounds which I got in a bloody rotten way. And that's the lot, Mr Monkley.'

‘Please call me Norman.'

‘That's the lot, Norman. I can see you're not a monster. You're an artist, a man of sensibility. You're a talented chap. You're not a blackmailer.'

‘Oh yes I am,' said Norman.

‘So you admit it?'

‘I admit nothing.'

‘Well, as I say, that's the lot, you can't get blood from a stone, if I ever make a fortune I'll give you some. Now let's drop all this unpleasantness and have a drink, shall we?'

Austin brought out some of Mitzi's whisky. There wasn't much left.

‘Wait a minute,' said Norman. ‘You and I just don't understand each other. It comes of me being so nice. I'm going to get money and regular money out of either you or your brother. I don't mind which. I'm quite easy about it. You say you can't manage. That's OK by me. I'll go to him.'

‘I told you, he'd have you arrested, he's not like me.'

‘No, no, he'll look after little brother whom he loves. He can afford to, he spent his life fleecing Chinamen. All I want is a reasonable recompense, a small pension like. It's not blackmail. It's more like sort of sentiment. He'll understand.'

‘He'll murder you.'

‘Not he,' said Norman calmly. ‘He's a gent. And I'm a man of sensibility. We shall understand each other.' Norman reached out and poured the remains of the whisky bottle into his tumbler.

‘Here, leave some for me, I haven't had any yet!' said Austin.

‘“I haven't had any yet!”' Norman mimicked. ‘The trouble with you is, you're never grown up. You're not mature. You're still little brother running along behind and crying “Carry me!”'

‘Give me some of that whisky,' said Austin. He stood up holding out his empty glass. He was trembling.

‘Sorry, adults only,' said Norman. ‘This is man's stuff. I'm going to do business with big brother. We'll make arrangements about you. I'll tell him you sent me.'

‘Give me some of that whisky, give it to me, I want it!'

‘“Give it to me, I want it!” Poor little boy. Ooh look out, there goes your glass, why it's a real tantrum. My God, I think he's going to cry! I'll tell big bro about that too.'