Read An Abyss of Light (The Light Trilogy) Online
Authors: Kathleen M. O'Neal
An Abyss of Light (The Light Trilogy)
AN ABYSS
OF LIGHT
KATHLEEN M. O’NEAL
© 2011 Kathleen M. O’Neal. All rights reserved.
To Gary and Jane O’Neal
For opening your arms when my universe went dark.
And to
Katherine Perry and Katherine Cook
Without both of you, this book and many others would not exist. You provided shelter from the cold, editorial criticism and kind words when the scenery looked mighty dim.
Many people share in the creation of this book. Personal discussions on the Problem of Evil with Gary Kessler, John Bash, Charles Kegley, Bruce Jones and Itrice Sanders form the cornerstones of my perspectives. Nonfiction works by Elie Wiesel, James H. Charlesworth, Nora Levin, Mircea Eliade, Edmond Jacob, and Gershom G. Scholem were indispensible for the background on history and mysticism. Those who seek a greater understanding of the symbolism found in
An Abyss of Light,
need look no further than their writings.
I also owe a debt of sincere gratitude to Shandel Gamer, Cori Wexler, Mary Stancavage, and Dixie King. For all the warm beers on cold days in Jerusalem. I haven’t forgotten.
My sister, Karen Sue Jones, provided invaluable advice on child psychology and development. My editor, Sheila Gilbert, worked her magic on the manuscript. As always, her insights were superb.
Lastly, my husband, W. Michael Gear, is the unseen force behind this book. As friendly adversary on plot and character development, his heartbeat pounds here nearly as much as mine.
THE GREEK APOCALYPSE OF EZRA
Fragment, dated: 150 A.D. Old Earth Standard
And Ezra said, “It would be better if man were not born! The dumb beasts are better than man, for they do not have punishment.”
And God said, “Ask Abraham your father what kind of son presses suit against his father?”
“As the Lord lives, I shall never stop pleading the case with you. Where are your former mercies, O Lord? Where your long-suffering? Who made Adam?”
“My immaculate hands.”
“Was he not guarded by an angel? How was he deceived who was guarded by angels whom you commanded to be present whatever happened?”
And God said, “Count the stars and the sands of the sea and if you will be able to count these, then you will also be able to argue the case with me.”
“Lord, I cannot count them. I bear human flesh. But neither will I stop arguing. Lord, Lord, where is your goodness?”
“Your sins exceed my kindness.”
And Ezra saw a terrible darkness and night without stars or moon and he was much afraid. He wept bitterly.
Contents
Jeremiel Baruch ran a hand through his sweat-damp blond hair and leaned back tiredly against the blue chair. The ship’s command cabin stretched in a white oval around him, windows dotting the hull. Three levels of computer screens displayed different colored information on the console in front of him. Rudy Kopal, his second in command, piloted the ship. A medium-sized man with brown curly hair and gray eyes, his straight nose rode atop full lips. He continually glanced sideways at Baruch, eyes measuring, worried.
“Jeremiel, for God’s sake, this is suicide and you know it,” he drawled softly, a sign of his upbringing on the planet of New Savannah.
“Maybe.”
“What do you mean, ‘maybe.’ Some lunatic religious fanatic summons you from halfway across the galaxy—a lunatic you don’t even know!—and you go running?” He shook his head, gritting his teeth. “You’d have never taken such chances three months ago. You’d have checked this out every which way—”
“I’ll check after you drop me over Kayan.”
“By then, old friend, I’ll be long gone. What if it’s a trap?”
“I’ve been in traps before.”
“Sure, and I was there to pull you out. Me and about fifty thousand troops with battleships. This is a little different. A little scarier, if you know what I mean.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
Rudy bowed his head and his nostrils flared. Jeremiel watched him with numb patience, feeling nothing but a terrible emptiness. It got harder every day to teeter around the edges of that chasm that had grown in his mind without falling in. Some deep part of his soul longed to lose itself in that inner pit of darkness. At least then the agony would end.
“Doesn’t matter, for God’s sake.
Doesn’t matter!”
Rudy shoved Jeremiel’s shoulder hard, spinning his chair around so he could pin his eyes. “Do you think Syene was the only one who needed you?
Huh?”
He stabbed a finger toward one of the portals at the stars that had appeared as they slipped from light vault to regular space. “There’s a million Gamants left in this galaxy running sick with fear from the Galactic Magistrates and you’re the only man who fights to protect them. You’re the only—”
“You’re as good a commander as I am, Rudy. Better, probably. You can handle anything that comes up.” At the mention of Syene’s name, his stomach muscles had clenched tight, anguish welling to smother him.
Syene … what did I do to you?
Rudy heaved an irritated sigh and flopped back into his chair, glaring through eyes as hard and glittering as stone. “I know you’re hurting, Jeremiel. Everybody knows it. But you don’t have the luxury of wallowing in your pain for a year. Without you in top shape, mentally and physically, this whole underground movement is liable to come toppling down around our ears. And you know what that means. Gamant culture and religion, everything we hold dear, gets wasted.”
“I just need a short rest. Just a couple of months.”
“You’ve already had two months. Are you sure you can pull yourself together in two more?”
“Rudy, don’t—”
“Goddamn it, Jeremiel!”
He shot to his feet and began furiously pacing the small cabin, black jumpsuit rustling in the sudden quiet. “I understand you need a reprieve. And, God knows, I’d take you anywhere in the galaxy you wanted to go. I’d guard your back from now till kingdom come, if you asked.
But this lunacy about Horeb
…” He turned suddenly, staring hard. “Why don’t you let me take you somewhere else? Remember that backward little hole in the wall on Vensyl? Candlelit saloons and mountain peaks so high they seemed to pierce the clouds? They’d never find us there. I’ll send a message to Merle Wells that we’ll be gone for two months. She can handle any trouble that—”
He shook his head wearily. “No.”
“Why the hell not? She’s a damned fine commander.”
“Horeb is undergoing violent upheaval. Gamants are killing Gamants. The Desert Fathers there have asked my help. I can’t turn them down. If I don’t help, who will? And the change will do me good. I won’t have to stare at the same halls Sy …” His heart thundered, “we walked together every day. It’ll give me time to—”
“Then let me go to Horeb with you? You
need
me! Your abilities with strategy and tactics have fallen to pieces and you damn well know it! Besides, you’re going to want somebody you can depend on. You’ve had enough traitorous—”
“I don’t… !” Jeremiel shouted, leaning forward menacingly as his inner chasm widened, threatening to swallow him up.
Dannon betrayed … don’t think about him!
“I don’t want to talk about, Rudy. Leave alone!”
Kopal massaged his forehead. “All right, but someday soon you’re going to have to. And wouldn’t you feel a hell of a lot better if it was me you had around to discuss with? Me, who also knew and loved Syene?” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “Listen, I can help you with battle plans and training the troops on Horeb. I can—”
“Rudy,” he breathed, suppressing the angry despair that stirred in him. “I—I just …” He saw Kopal clench his fists standing straighter, waiting. “I appreciate your offer. You’re my best friend. But I
need
to go alone. It’s what the Desert Fathers requested and I’ve no reason to turn them down.”
“No reason? No reason except would be goddamned easy to set up an ambush for one man. You think that billion notes the Magistrates have on your head isn’t attractive? Half the galaxy would try to palm their brothers off as you if they thought they had a chance of collecting.”
Jeremiel gave him a bare smile. “I’m to report to Zadok first. And if there’s anyone I trust completely, besides you, it’s Zadok. There’s no question but that he has the best interests of Gamant civilization in mind. If there’s the slightest bit of suspicion about the Horeb thing, he’ll know.”