Amish Sweethearts (35 page)

She served Monika first, then Beth. It did no good to think about Zane and her future. It made her think of her crazy quilt, which was now halfway done. She had no idea how all of the pieces would stitch together—she just had to trust they would.

By the time they’d completed the items on Monika’s list, everyone was finished with their dessert. Jenny and Daniel left first. Beth settled on the couch with Trudy to read her a bedtime story, and Dat sat in his chair. Lila could tell he was listening to the story even though he didn’t say anything.

“Help me with the dishes,” Lila said to Rose.

“I’ll help,” Monika said.

Gideon cleared his throat and said to Lila, “Could I talk with you a moment?” He nodded toward the back door. She followed him through the mud porch and down the steps, afraid maybe she’d misjudged him. Maybe he was going to scold her after all.

He put his hat on his head and then stopped in the driveway and turned toward her. “How are you doing?” He tugged on his beard, flecked with gray, as he spoke.

Her face grew warm. “
Gut.
I have no complaints.”

He smiled a little. “I don’t expect you to share your heart with me, but I just wanted to let you know that although I’m sad for Reuben I believe you’ve done the right thing. There’s no blame or shame. Reuben will find the right person, and you will find the right person too. There’s no reason for despair.”

“Denki,” she said.

He crossed his arms. “Is it hard for you to be around Jenny and Daniel, as they’re planning their wedding?”

“No,” she answered. “I couldn’t be happier for them.”

“That’s
gut
to hear,” Gideon said. “In fact, that helps to confirm that you did, indeed, do the right thing.” He nodded at her then, as if to release her. “Denki,” he said. “For answering my questions.”

Relieved that he hadn’t asked any more, Lila headed back up the steps. It was nearly seven thirty. In less than three hours she’d be talking to Zane.

Lila checked one more time to make sure Rose and Trudy were both asleep before she grabbed the flashlight off the mud-porch shelf and snuck out the back door. Dat seldom stayed up later than nine anymore. At forty-six, getting up at four every morning was catching up with him.

She kept the flashlight off. The sky was clear, the moon nearly full, and the stars super bright. The temperature had dropped when the sun set, and the crisp air was filled with woodsmoke. When she reached the barn, she flicked the flashlight on and made her way to Dat’s office. She only waited a minute until the phone rang.

“Hallo, Zane,” she answered.

“Gotcha.” Her heart raced until she realized who it was.

“Simon! What are you doing?”

“Messing with you.” He laughed.

“Good-bye,” she said, her hand on the receiver.

“No, wait. I know you’re expecting a call.” He laughed again. “But I just wanted to say hello and see how everyone is doing.”

“Fine.”

“How are you and you-know-who doing?”

Lila turned toward the wall. “Obviously you’ve talked to him.”

“Yep. But I wanted your perspective.”

“Why would I share it with you?”

“Come on, Lila. Give me a break.”

She put her free hand on her hip. “We’ve been talking . . .”

“I know that.”

“And if you don’t hang up, I’m going to hang up on you.”

“That desperate to talk to your sweetheart, huh?”

She didn’t reply.

“Okay,” he said. “I’m going. Give me a call sometime when you’re not busy. I really do want to know how everyone is.”

“Bye,” she said and hit the receiver. Surely Zane would call back if he’d gotten a busy signal.

She sat down in the desk chair and only waited another minute until the phone rang again. This time it was Zane. After talking about their days, Zane told her he’d had an e-mail from Casey and that the new translator was working out really well.

“What a relief,” Lila said.

“Jah,” Zane answered. “Casey said Sarge thinks I’ll be reassigned to an office job.”

“Back in Texas?” Her heart fell.

“That’s right. But it will just be until next June.”

“Will you come home first?”

“Of course,” he said. “I should have two weeks of leave before I report back to the unit.”

“Can you come back for Daniel’s wedding?”

“I hope so,” he answered. “I’ll do my best.”

“Getting Casey’s e-mail changes everything,” he said. “I was actually considering filing for conscientious objector status if I had to go back to Afghanistan.”

She drew in a sharp breath. She didn’t know what all that would entail, but she could imagine how Joel might react. It sounded as if it would be a complicated situation.

“I honestly don’t think I can shoot a weapon again, not at a person. Not even to defend myself. And if I couldn’t, I’d have no business going back. If I froze I could get my whole team killed.”

“Then, thank God that won’t happen.” He’d get himself killed too.

The topic shifted to Mammi and Dawdi. “Rose, Trudy, and
I are going to go see them tomorrow.” She hadn’t been working at the quilt shop as often because Mammi was done with chemo and able to take a few shifts a week now. Her prognosis looked good.

Finally, close to midnight, Lila said she should let him go. “We both need to get some sleep,” she said. The next day was Saturday, but that didn’t matter with her schedule. She was always up early. Hopefully Zane would be able to sleep in.

“Oh, man,” he said. “I didn’t realize it was so late. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.” She rested her head on her free hand. “I’d rather talk than sleep.”

“Me too,” he said.

“But you need your rest, to heal.”

“I need you,” he said, “to heal.”

Her heart stopped for a moment, and she wasn’t sure how to respond so she didn’t say anything.

He groaned. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No. Don’t apologize.”

“I’m always saying the wrong thing to you,” he said.

Neither of them seemed to know the right things to say.

After they said their good-nights, Lila slipped back into the house, put the flashlight away, and then headed to the pitch-black hallway, her heart pounding. She stopped at the bedroom door. Zane needed her, but in a different way than everyone else needed her. He didn’t need her to cook or do laundry. Not that she minded, but anyone could do those jobs.

Zane needed her because he loved her. And she needed him for the same reason.

The door creaked open in the darkness and Lila slammed her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming until someone said, “What are you doing?”

Lila managed to hiss, “Rose! What are
you
doing?”

“Going to the bathroom.” Her sleepy sister slipped past her.
Hopefully she wouldn’t remember in the morning that Lila hadn’t gone to bed until after midnight.

After they’d cleaned up after breakfast the three girls headed toward Mammi’s and Dawdi’s house. Lila still hadn’t told them that she stopped courting Reuben. She didn’t want to face her grandparents’ disappointment too—but she would today.

When they arrived, Aenti Eve was just pulling up.

“Are you quilting today?” Lila asked as she stepped down from the buggy.

“No,” Eve said, closing her car door. “I just brought your grandmother a spinach and black bean salad.”

“Goodness,” Lila said. “Thanks for helping to keep her healthy.”

Eve grinned. “I’ll give you some recipes for your Dat.”

Lila laughed. “Right.” Dat would never eat anything like that.

After they all hugged Mammi and had settled down in the living room, the conversation flitted from one thing to another. “How is Zane doing?” Mammi asked Eve.

“I think all right. Shani talks to him every couple of days. She said he seems to be doing better emotionally.”

Lila shifted in her chair, tried to breath evenly, and avoided looking at Rose.

“Have they been to see him?” Mammi asked.

“A couple of times,” Eve answered. “He hasn’t wanted them to visit much.”

“How odd,” Mammi said.

“Lila can tell you all about Zane. She went to see him with Daniel and Jenny.” The volume of Rose’s voice rose with each word. “And I don’t know the details, but she was up late last night, I’m guessing talking to
someone
.”

“To Reuben, right?” Mammi asked.

Lila grimaced. She hadn’t meant to keep it from Mammi but she certainly hadn’t gone out of her way to tell her.

Rose jumped in again. “They aren’t courting anymore.”

“Oh.” Mammi turned toward Lila. “What happened?”

Lila didn’t want to say anything—not in front of Trudy, but especially not in front of Rose. “How about if I make some tea?”

Rose snorted.

“Stop,” Lila hissed at her sister as she walked by. She filled the teakettle and put it on the stove, turning on the burner. A minute later Mammi came into the kitchen. Lila expected Rose or Trudy to follow her, but neither did.

“What happened?” Mammi asked as she stepped beside Lila. “I thought you and Reuben were perfect together.”

Lila shook her head. She shouldn’t have avoided telling her grandmother. It just made it harder now. “We looked perfect together, but I didn’t love him. There wasn’t any spark.” She thought of the way she felt being around Zane when she saw him at the hospital, of how she felt every time she talked to him on the phone. Warm and cold at the same time. Free yet connected.

“Ach,” Mammi said. “Sparks eventually burn away. Sometimes love comes later. After marriage.”

Lila hesitated and then said, “Reuben’s a
gut
man. He’ll make someone a wonderful husband. Just not me.”

“Maybe it’s a little hiccup,” Mammi said. “Perhaps you’ll change your mind.”

Lila shook her head.

“Well, you were talking to someone last night. Is another young man wanting to court you?”

Lila shrugged. Not in the way Mammi hoped at least. The kettle began to whistle. Lila grabbed the potholder and then the kettle, rinsed out the teapot, and then put the bags of the tea in the bottom and filled it with hot water, all while Mammi scrutinized her.

“Go sit back down,” Lila finally said to her grandmother. “Have Trudy recite her multiplication table. She’s getting really good.”

“Ach,” Mammi said. “I guess you’re not going to tell me any more than that, are you.”

Lila shook her head.

Mammi left, but a minute later Eve came into the kitchen. “I’ve got to get going,” she said. “But I wanted to say good-bye.”

As they hugged, Eve whispered, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Lila lied, pulling away.

Eve peered into Lila’s eyes. “Shani said when she talks to Zane on the phone not only does he seem to be doing better emotionally, but he actually sounds happy.”

“That’s
gut
, right?” Lila turned away and put a towel over the teapot to keep the heat in.

Eve put her hand on Lila’s shoulder. “So who were you talking to last night?”

“Whom do you think?” she whispered.

Eve winced. “Does your Dat know?”

“Of course not.”

“Don’t hurt Zane, Lila. He’s too vulnerable right now.”

Lila faced her aunt.

Eve shook her head. “I can’t imagine you leaving the church.”

“I don’t plan to.”

“Do you talk to him because you feel sorry for him?”

”Of course not,” Lila said.

“What’s going on, then?”

“I care about him. I’ve always cared about him.”

“But he loves you.” Eve touched Lila’s shoulder. “You’ll break his heart again if you’re not careful.”

Lila blinked, fighting back the tears.

Eve shook her head.

“Don’t tell Shani, please,” Lila whispered. “Zane wouldn’t want that.”

“I won’t,” Eve answered. “Just be careful.”

Lila nodded, overwhelmed with what a crazy quilt her life had become. Maybe she would spend her entire life being Zane’s friend, longing for more but never having it. Her life would be one long zigzag stitch of emotions.

“Sorry,” Eve said. “I didn’t mean to scold you.”

“No,” Lila said. “You’re right.” She swiped at a tear. “I just don’t know what to do.”

Eve wrapped her arms around her. “I know how you feel. But I also know you’re not me.”