Authors: D. G Torrens
I had suspected as much, but hearing
it out loud just broke my heart;
we just could not take it all in. Gary went on to explain that Jenny and Susie were the youngest residents at Breeton House and now that they
were
permanent wards of the state until they reached
sixteen
years of age, the best route for them was to be fostered into a caring family home, to give them a fighting chance at a normal life.
Jenny and Susie seemed to take to the Bolton
family
, who visited them regular
ly for a while;
this was standard procedure so they could all get used to each other before the big move. They often brought with them little gifts, which were gratefully received by the girls.
Th
ey never acknowledged Jake or me; it was as if we did not exist.
I tried to throw a smile their way whenever I caught their
eye, but they just looked away.
Very odd behavio
u
r,
I thought. Why couldn’t they be kind enough to take us all? None of it made sense to me no matter how much it was explained to me. Jake and I hatched a plan; we would not stand by and allow these people to separate us all forever. We were going to do something about it.
Jake was
ten
years old
,
and I was
eleven, and we had
decided
to fight for what we believed—
that the four of us should not be separated. Jake and I hatched a plan and
packed a bag, and
all we needed now was the darkness of the night. We had arranged to meet outside at the end of t
he driveway
after lights were out. I crept quietly down the long
,
windi
ng staircase so not to be heard.
I found my way into the games room
and left through the window, then
ran as fast as I could to the end of the driveway
,
hiding behind some evergreen bushes to await Jake
’
s arrival. I was so anxious and kept willing Jake to come running down the dri
ve. I was getting worried, wondering if he had been caught.
It se
emed like I was waiting forever.
T
hen I saw him, Jake running as fast as his little legs would carry him! We hugged each other tightly and smiled at each other very proudly as we had made our great escape. Destination was to be Head of
Social Services in the center of town.
W
e knew the way
as
we had been there several times over the years for one reason or another, but this
time we were going for a cause: T
his was Amelia and Jake
’s cause.
W
e were going to beg the
Social Services not to separate us, that they couldn’t
do that
, as
we all belong
ed
together. We knew all to
o
well that once we were separated we would never see each other eve
r again.
T
hat was the norm, and we had heard so many similar stories, we just did not want to be one of those stories.
We starte
d the long walk to Sears’s Hall.
I
t was dark but
thankfully dry and not too cold.
W
e both had our pajamas, slippers
,
and dressing gowns on
because
there was no time to change into proper clothes. We got many funny looks from strangers along the way; one or two concerned people stopped and asked if we were ok
ay.
W
e just kept our heads down determined to make it to our destination. If we saw a police car on route we would just duck behind a tree or hedge.
Finally
, Sears Hall was in sight
and we picked up our pace, linking arms. We reached the car
park and stopped to look around.
T
h
ere seemed to be many entrances;
the building was lit up
,
but it was clear that it was all locked up. We were both excited, the adrenalin was coursing through our veins,
and
we held o
nto each other very tight while
deciding which way to go.
We made our way to what looked like the main entrance, pausing before pressing the buzzer to
our right.
W
e waited,
and then a voice
said,
“
H
ello
,
how c
an I help you?” I cleared my throat and said,
“
M
y name is Amelia and I want to see the boss urgently
.”
We waited for a moment but there was no
reply from the man in the box.
I tried pressing the buzzer again but still no reply. Then Jake said
,
“
Look, someone’s coming.”
A
nd Jake was right; there was a tall m
an in a uniform walking toward
us along the corridor from inside the building.
He unlocked the door and said
,
“
M
y
,
oh my
,
you are very young to be out on your own at this time of ni
ght,
and in your pajamas too
.
” I proceeded to tell him our plight and he was gracious enough not to interrupt me. On completion of my story
,
he beckoned us in and took us up to his office. He assured me that the boss would hear our story
;
however, he was unavailable at present. The man turned out to be the Security Guard for Sears Hall
and
he was ver
y polite and very understanding.
H
e called Breeton House to let them kn
ow we were there safe and sound,
and he called our Social Worker too. While we waited to be picked up
,
the Security Guard bought us a bag of chips wrapped up in newspaper,
and
they were delicious! He told us funny stories about the old Sears building and made us laugh.
It was not long before we had to face the re
ality of what we had done.
W
e were taken back to Breeton House, and our Social Worker
,
Sarah Golding
,
explained to us that it would be impossible for
all four
us to stay together
,
as they were not abl
e to find foster parents willing
to take all four of us together. However, it was decided that this was the best chance Jenny and Susie were going to get.
We were told that it was very hard to place older children in permanent foster care as prospective foster parents were looking for younger children. Jake and
I broke down in tears.
W
e were too young to understand why someone would want to separate us, we could not
bear the pain we were feeling,
and we knew we would never see them again.
I tried to convince my Social Worker that we would be really well
behaved
and the foster parents would not even know
we were there most of the time.
I went on to say how good I was at
vacuuming
and cleaning and that I would be a great help to them. My Social Worker just smiled and said
,
“Oh
,
Amelia
,
you are too young to understand right now
,
but one day you will see that this really has been the best decision made for Jenny and Susie
.”
Right there
,
right then
,
I knew our bat
tle to stay together was lost . . .
that much was easy enough to understand.
It would only be a short while later that we had to say our goodbyes to Jenny an
d Susie. Our hearts were broken; we all hugged and cried,
then hugged some more. Jake and I watched through the games room window as Jenny and Susie were taken to the car with their belongings. I had never felt
such despair, such hopelessness, in my entire life. I feared I might
never be the same again, and my fears were to
o
right.
We were not allowed any contact with Jenny and Susie
.
In the weeks that followed, we asked and
begged
,
but it was decided in the best interest of Jenny and Susie to
restrict all contact as this might
unsettle them. It just would not register with me
.
I could not understand the reasoning behind the decision to not allow even a phone call.
Jake and I became angry, which led to an e
ven more rebellious personality.
W
e had started running away from Breeton
House on a regular basis
and lost all faith in the very adults who were taking care of us. E
very time we ran away we were a
lways caught,
and
brought straight back
,
and subsequently stripped of all privileges. None of that mattered any mor
e as far as we were concerned—
we ha
d been stripped of our family and
had nothing left to lose.
As stripping our privileges was not acting as a deterrent, it was decided that every time we absconded from Breeton in the future, the privileges of the other children would be taken away as well. This was
a
very clever
decision
on their part
,
as for a while this did make us think twice about running way. We felt like no one understood why we were behaving so badly
. W
e would refuse to do our chores,
and
we would make our way onto the high rooftop an
d throw stones off the building. W
e just wanted to be understood, we needed to be heard. Jake and I refused to go to school and were soon suspended, as we would just walk out of the premises as soon as we had
registered our name at assembly.
W
e woul
d then walk into the city center
. When lunchtime came round and the hunger kicked in, we would swipe some apples outside the front of the grocer
’
s shop, running down the street as fast as we could as not to get caught.
Our rebellious and misunderstood behavio
u
r
became of great concern to the social w
orkers
and the staff at Breeton House.
I
t was decided an urgent meeting was required to discuss our fate going forward. Unknown to us at that time they were planning on separating Jake and I also.
Over the days tha
t followed we were on lockdown. We weren’t
allowed to
go outside at all,
to eat with the other children,
and we weren’t even allowed
to speak to each other as they had decided to keep Jake and I separated. No one seemed to understand how much we were hurting, no one sat down and asked us if we were ok
ay
or how were we feeling about the whole situation, or how we were feeling about the separation from our siblings. It did not seem to occur to anybody that all we wa
nted was to speak to our sisters;
to have a little contact was better than nothing at all.
It felt like we had been punished our whole lives for reasons we did not understand. We began to feel like Jenny and Susie had been wiped off the face of the earth, never to be seen or heard from again. Our feelings were overl
ooked, they were not important;
there was just nothingness and w
e were left with an empty space.
H
ow did everybody expect us to react if not sad, angry
,
and rebellious? I more
so
than Jake had lost faith in everyone,
I no longer trusted
the v
ery people who were taking care of us.
I saw adults as separate beings to myself, beings that I need
ed
to be wary of at all times and never to be trusted.
It was not long before a decision was
made on separating Jake and I,
and it was a final one
,
so no matter what we said or how we promised to change, nothing was going to change the situation. I was to be transferred to yet another unknown place. This felt like a final blow d
irect into our hearts’ very core.
Jake was inconsolable when the news about my transfer was announced. He just could not take it in and broke down. His personality changed dramatically
,
and he became a shadow of his former self for a while. Soon after the news was announced, I was leaving Breeton
House
for the final time.
On the day of my transfer, Sarah, my Social Worker
, arrived to pick me up.
I said goodbye to my friends and then finally hugged Jake as tight
ly
as I could. We were both sobbing so hard we could
bare
ly breathe; we literally had to be pri
ed
apart. I was escorted to the car and was heading to Maidstone Children’s Home in Shropshire.
I cried all the way and asked Sarah if I would be able to stay
in contact with Jake. She said,
“
I am sure something could be arranged
.
” I knew she was just appeasing me and that I would never see Jake again, at least not until I reached adulthood. The very thought broke
my heart into a million pieces.
I just could not imagine my life witho
ut Jake in it;
we had been through everything together, we kept each other going when things got really tough
,
and we understood each other. How would Jake manage without me? As far as I was concerned I had been stripped of the
last important thing in my life. W
hat did
I care what happened to me now?
I just wanted to die; I no
longer wanted to live any more. L
ife was far too painful
, and
there was no joy in living.