Amazon Chief (73 page)

I shrugged. "Cost me a third of my deer hides anyway."

"But you won."

"Yeah, go figure. Apparently Nori felt the need to punish me for my attitude last time I was here."

"Is that what you believe?" Omie asked.

"I don't know what to believe," I said. "Malora and Nori keep pushing, pushing, pushing, but when I ask why, they refuse to tell me. Malora just says, 'I need you'."

"Then she does."

"Why won't she explain?"

"Maybe she's embarrassed to. Maybe she doesn't think you're ready to hear it. I don't know. Don't you trust her?"

"It's hard when they keep ambushing me. I'm supposed to be able to trust them.
"

"Is this what you came to talk to me about?"

I turned to her. "No."

"Come on," she said. "Let's go for a walk. We can talk. Tell me what's going on in your life. I miss you, you know."

"I miss you, too. I've never stopped missing you, Omie."

She looked at me with kind eyes. "That's why you're here, isn't it?"

I nodded slowly.

"Come on," she said.
She pulled the saddle back off my horse, setting it aside, and sent her back into the paddock. Then she hooked my arm and pulled me from the stable.

"I thought... the lover's tree," I said.

"I have somewhere else in mind," she replied. "Come on."

For the next twenty minutes, we talked about inconsequential things. I didn't pay any attention to where we were going, but then we came out into the meadow where Maya had once taught me to pick flowers. It was just starting to bloom with the earliest spring flowers. I stopped and stared.

"Come on," Omie said. "There's a place we can sit together."

"I used to come here."

"I know."

"I picked flowers for you."

"I know. And you put them into your hair. I loved it when you did that. Maybe we'll both put a few in our hair today."

"I don't think so," I said.

"Maybe you'll do it for me," she said. "Come on." She pulled me through the meadow, leading me to a downed tree on the other side. Someone had taken the time to turn the tree into a bench. She pulled me down next to her. It was actually pretty comfortable. We sat side by side, and then she leaned against me.

"I want to tell you something," she said. Then she reached over and took my hand, clasping it for a moment before releasing it. "I wish we could hold hands longer."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"The day you became a warrior was the worst day of my life."

"Mine, too," I said.

"We had so many best days of my life," she went on. "I remember all of them. I remember the day we met. You were so nervous, thirteen and gangly, but so brave at the same time. You impressed the hell out of me."

I didn't have anything to say to that.

"Then, a few days later, you agreed to be my companion, and I couldn't have been happier."

"I was scared, but I trusted Maya, and I trusted you."

"Trust is a gift," she replied. "It's on
e I've never taken for granted. Even now I know if I need you, you would be here for me, and I hope you know the same is true."

I nodded. "I do."

"When we came together, we knew it wouldn't be forever."

"That doesn't make it any easier."

"I know. I love you, Beria. I will always love you. I love you now just as much as I always have. I always will. Even now, I ache for you."

"But you have Aren now."

"I do," she agreed. "And I love her. I love her a great deal. Not more than you. Not less. A little different. You are you. She is Aren. Where you are playful, she is serious. She's not ticklish, but she gets angry if I try. She has never played even the most harmless of pranks on me. But she has a way with words and a dry humor that makes me laugh. And she forgives me when I call her by your name."

"Oh Omie," I said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Do you understand?"

"I guess."

"So. You came to tell me about Lia, didn't you?"

"I'm afraid, Omie."

"Afraid of what?"

"That if I admit I love her, it means I don't love you anymore."

"Oh honey, of course it doesn't. Do you love your mother?"

"Yes."

"I've heard you say you think of Malora as a second mother, and a few times, I've heard you call her that."

"I haven't!"

She grinned. "You have. Not often, just a few times. It makes her smile."

"Laughing at me."

"No. She bursts with pride when you do it. Beria, you have room in you heart for two mothers. Loving Malora didn't make you love Renee any less. Loving Nori didn't make you love Maya any less. Loving Chandor didn't change how you loved Dannick, and loving Lia isn't going to change how you feel about me."

"Won't you be jealous?"

"Are you jealous of Aren?"

"Of
course I am! Insanely jealous," I admitted. "I should be the one holding you. I should be the one kissing you. But we can't, and it's not fair!"

"
No, Beria, it's not. Do you wish I didn't have her?"

"Don't be silly. I want you to be happy. She helps you be happy."

"And you think I want less for you?"

We sat quietly for a minute.

"Do you love her?" Omie asked.

"I don't know."

"All right. What does your heart do if you imagine never holding her again?"

"Please don't do this."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm afraid if I love her she'll leave me like you did!" I began sobbing.

"Oh Beria," she said. "I never left you, and you never left me. I'm still right here. You're still right here. What's changed is how we express our love. That's all."

"I wasn't ready! I wasn't supposed to become a warrior that day. I wasn't ready!"

"You were ready to be a warrior," she said. "You kicked that demon's ass. But neither of us was ready to stop holding each other. Neither of us was ready to stop kissing each other. And even now, I wouldn't be ready, Beria."

I clutched her arm for a moment, then released it.

"We didn't get a goodbye kiss," I said. "We should at least have had a goodbye kiss."

"But honey, it's not goodbye."

I brushed my tears away.

"Look at Malora and Nori," she said. "That's us in another twenty years, still together."

"Who knows where I'll be then?" I said.

She smiled. "We'll be together. I know it."

I tried to smile. "I love you so much, Omie."

"I know you do. Tell me about Lia now."

I brushed at my eyes and moved off the bench, collecting a few nearby flowers. I asked Omie to untie her braid, and then I handed her flowers to weave back in as she rebraided it. I did my own. We smiled at each other.

"We had a prank war," I said. "Did you know?"

She laughed. "No. Who won?"

"We did." I told her about Glorana and Frida. We talked for a long time. Finally, she asked, "Do you love her?"

And, slowly, I nodded.

"Have you told her?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Why not?"

"I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"That she won't love me back."

"You said she made the first move. She came to you. She kissed you." I nodded. "Maybe she's waiting for you to make the next move. Beria, it might be difficult, but you need to know. If she doesn't love you, then it's time to let her go and let Maya help you find someone else."

"No!"

"Do you intend to hold her to you if she doesn't love you? Is that what you want?"

"No," I said.

"So tell her. See what happens. And if it goes poorly, you have friends here."

I nodded.

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah."

"Still mad at Nori?"

"Yeah."

She laughed.

"Going to forgive her?"

"Probably. I told Maya to tell them to back off."

"You know if Malora needs you, she needs, you. She's not pressuring you because she is bored."

I sighed. I suppose. I looked away. "Omie. Do you think we could have one more kiss?"

She grew still. "Yes, but not here. We're both going to need a companion afterwards. Benala and I tried that. It was bad."

"We don't have to."

"Yes, I think we do, but I want to be closer to a companion."

"Aren-"

"Will understand. Will Lia?"

"I think so."

"Come on." Omie stood up, pulling me to my feet. We hooked arms and made our way back to the village. "Here's what we're going to do. We're going to find Maya. She's going to still the voices for us, and then we'll kiss. I'll make sure I know where Aren is, and Maya will be there for you."

"We don't have to."

"Yes, we do," she said. We stepped into the village. Everyone else was gathering for dinner. They looked up as we approached, and I realized Maya, Nori and Malora were surprised to see me. Omie dropped my arm but whispered, "Wait here." She stepped away and spoke quietly in Aren's ear.

Aren glanced at me for a moment, then turned back to her warrior and caressed Omie's cheek. She nodded and headed for their hut.

Then Omie collected Maya, whispering in her ear. Maya looked sharply at Omie, then at me, then she nodded and let Omie pull her to her feet. Omie threw an arm over her shoulder and then led a line to me, walking past so Maya could reach out an arm and pull me into line with her. The three of us, walking side-by-side, headed for her hut.

I didn't say anything. Maya moved into Omie's arms, and I could see my old warrior relax as my sister calmed the voices. Maya ended by kissing Omie on the cheek.

"Thank you," I heard Omie say.

Then Maya turned to me and opened her arms. I immediately stepped into them. "Thank you," I told her.

"Oh honey, of course," she said. "Hold me until they're absolutely silent. Then I'll check with Omie."

It only took a few minutes. There was just something magical about Maya. She kissed my cheek, too, then turned to Omie. "Silent?"

Omie nodded. I nodded.

"I'll wait outside," she said. She didn't wait but stepped out of the hut, closing the door behind her.

Omie and I watched her then turned towards each other.

"Beria," she said, stepping closer, "I have loved you for a very, very long time, and I always well."

"And I have loved you just as long, and I will never stop," I said.

We came together, stopping inches apart, the diminutive warrior looking up into my eyes. She smiled. "I had forgotten how tall you were."

"You mean you needed a reminder of how short you are."

"The first time I held you was so amazing," she said. She reached up and caressed my cheek. Then her other hand came up and wrapped around my neck.

I lowered my head, and our lips met.

It wasn't our best kiss. It wasn't our best kiss by far. But it was good, salty with dried tears, but good. I had forgotten what she tasted like, but it all came back.

She moaned, and so did I. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her more tightly to me. She moaned again.

The voices began, and as soon as they did, she pushed away, but then she stopped, a foot away.

"It's not goodbye," she said. "It's our last kiss, but it's not the end of our love. I am still here, and so are you. I love you, Beria. I always will."

And then she fled.

A moment later, Maya entered the hut and immediately pulled me into her arms.

"She's gone," I said. "She's gone."

"No," Maya whispered. "She's not. She's always in your heart, and you're always in hers." And then, slowly, she stilled the horrible voices, taking far longer than it usually took.

I didn't want to stay for dinner, but Maya begged me to. "Please, Beria. I need you right now."

She had never needed me before.

And so I had gone for dinner with her, and afterwards we collected mugs of cider and returned to her hut. A few minutes later, Malora, Nori and Rora joined us. I glanced at Maya, but she smiled. "Just friends getting together, Beria. That's all."

We all sat on the floor, Maya between Malora and me, and then my sister rotated around, laying her head in my lap and her feet in Malora's. "You may massage, my adoring subjects."

Rora looked pointedly at Maya and then turned towards Nori. "I wonder if that would work for me."

"You can try," Nori said. "You never know."