Always Upbeat / All That (6 page)

“Well, that's probably why Blake called because he was supposed to be here to pick me up.”

“So you
knew
he was supposed to connect with you?” I said to Brenton, hitting him in the arm for being evasive earlier. “Text him and let him know you're covered.”

“It's just a party. It's no big deal. You don't have to get all mad at Blake, make accusations, and come up with stuff all in your head. Let it go.”

“I wanna go to the party. Will you take me or not?”

“You're the one with the car.”

“I mean, will you let me drive you there or not? I can drop you off and not even come in.”

“You would do that?” he said, looking at me now like I was being evasive by not being accurate about my intentions.

Actually, I did not even realize I was committing to something. I just said what I hoped would make him show me the way. I hoped he'd feel sorry for me and not hold me to what I said. If fibbing was what it was going to take for him to chill out and let me drive him to the party, then sure, fine, no big deal.

“Yes, I will just drop you off,” I said, looking him square in the eyes.

I had to wait in the restaurant parking lot for him to actually get off from work. He had some clean-up chores he had to do. It made me really realize that not everybody had it like me. I did not have to work. I had a brand new car. But maybe my parents did not really value our family. As I sat there waiting on Brenton, I just reflected on what I saw earlier. Was I imagining the whole thing? Was my dad into this other woman? I did not want to call the house and ask if he was home because if my mom grilled me about my questions, I would have to spill the beans and let her know what I saw. And there was no way I could do that because I couldn't break her heart. At nine-thirty at night, there was no explanation for another lady to be in my father's car other than hanky-panky. Seriously, that was just wrong.

I heard a tap on my window. It startled me. I didn't even realize my eyes were closed.

When I unlocked the door, Brenton said, “You always need to be checking out your environment, girl.”

As he handed me a shake, I said, “Wow, thank you. You didn't steal it, did you?”

“I work here. I get discounts. I do have dollars. I figured you're giving me a ride that's the least I can do. I figured that's what you came in for. You used to always get a shake to make yourself feel better. I remembered strawberry cheesecake was your favorite flavor. It hasn't changed, has it?” Brenton asked, fully concerned about me.

“No,” I said, appreciating his thoughtfulness. “So if I ask you what's really up with Blake, would you tell me or would it be this male loyalty thing?”

He huffed. I certainly did not want him to go back down the road of:
I don't know why you
like him. Can't you just give me a try? Things were fine before he even moved here. You were supposed to be my girl
. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

It was not that I wasn't sensitive or that Brenton was not adorable. It was just that … Blake was fine. Blake was mine, and I wanted things to stay that way. Brenton was quiet, and it was probably best for things to be that way. I'd already cried on the guy's shoulder, for goodness' sake. I did not need to bare any more of my soul.

I was intrigued when he offered me an answer to an earlier question without me asking again. “Us guys just need to feel important sometimes. We just need girls to be there all the time when we call. I think it's probably the same for older men. I'm not saying your mom's not as amazing as you are, because I'm sure you get it from somewhere.”

I backhand popped him in the arm because Brenton was so sweet. It was the first time I thought that if I wasn't with Blake maybe we could have something. He sure knew how to make me feel appreciated.

I continued to listen as he said, “If your dad is doing anything, it's probably because he feels like this other lady is there for him.”

He did not have to say anything more at that point. I could connect the dots. Then he told me which direction to turn to get into Bay's subdivision. I realized that Blake probably had been telling his cousin that lately, I was unavailable. Obviously, Brenton was telling me that in Blake's mind that was unacceptable.

I had to fix this. I was thinking that I'd pull up, drop Brenton off, tell him to go and get Blake, and just believe that my beau was going to want to talk to me, hear me out, accept my apology, and all that. However, when I saw Blake outside, leaning against his car with his arms around Jackie's waist and her arms around his neck, laughing that same crazy way that my dad was doing earlier, I clutched my heart again. The laughter that I'd witnessed twice in one night seemed too illegal and immoral to be real. These men were supposed laugh that way only with the ladies they were committed too. Not other ones.

I stopped the car right in the middle of the street, jumped out, and said, “What in the world is going on here? Get your hands off my man right now! Blake, what is this? I've been calling you and calling you. Obviously, nothing's wrong with your phone because you called your cousin.”

“Man,” Blake said to Brenton while he ignored me. “You were with Charli? You told her where I was and stuff? Man, what's up, cuz?”

“Don't even get mad at him. This is between us,” I said, moving Blake's face to mine.

“Well, since he hasn't taken your calls,” Jackie said, looking like the tramp she always dressed as, “that means he's through. He's not interested. He doesn't want to be around you.”

My eyes started to well up, but I had to stay calm. “Blake, can I talk to you, please? This is between you and me.”

“Go ahead and talk to her,” Jackie said as Blake looked at her like he needed permission or something.

“Man, you don't even need to do the girl like this,” Brenton said to Blake.

“You need to stay outta my business and give somebody a warning next time. Dang,” Blake said, shoving Brenton out of the way.

Brenton stepped up to Blake as if he was defending my honor, and I pushed Brenton out the way. “Please, Brenton, let me talk to Blake. I have to fix this, please.”

Brenton threw up his hands. I knew he was hurt. He walked into the party and did not look back.

It took Blake no time to tell me, “Oh, now you wanna come around and act like we're a couple and stuff? I've been tryna get with you for a couple of weeks. Things have been hard for my family, and I had no Charli to lean on. All you had time for was cheerleading.”

Defending myself, with a cracking voice I said, “Yeah, it's not like I was with another guy or something.”

“Oh no? You come strolling up in here with my cousin, and you're supposed to make me think that it's nothing?”

“No, there's nothing going on. You know that. Brenton would never, nor would I ever. What are you talking about? Don't turn this around,” I said.

“You know what? There's no need to explain. We're through. I'm with Jackie now. She's someone who always has time for me.”

When he walked away from me, he went into a Jackie's arms. She looked back and gave me a sly smile as they strolled away. My heart was racing.

I lost my friends, possibly my dad, and surely my man. I'd gone from the mountaintop to the valley. Where was Charli Black? If I didn't know it before, I knew it now. My life was horrible. What a reality check.

I
t surely did not feel good seeing Blake leave me. The fact that we were through was bad enough, but to see him with another girl just felt ten times worse. We had to fix this.

I jogged over to him and said, “Please, Blake, please don't let this be over. You love me. Come on.”

Surprisingly, Jackie said, “Talk to her.” Even she must have known we had something deeply special. I actually thought she would completely leave the scene, but she just stood there with her arms folded. I had to take what I could. I had another opportunity to get Blake to see we were meant to be together. It was our time. It was supposed to be me and him, no one else. Whatever he was mad at me about, I could fix it.

“Charli, this isn't you. Don't beg. Don't follow me. Don't try to change my mind.”

“But you don't know what you're doing. You really want us. I know you do,” I continued, making my case as if I was a lawyer.

“Doesn't feel good, does it?” he asked coldly while Jackie gave me a hard glare.

“No, this doesn't feel right,” I uttered when I placed my hands on his face.

He pulled away and lashed out at me, absolutely breaking my heart when he shouted, “I said we're through. When I needed you to be there, you had other stuff going on. Now that I've moved on, you gonna try and make time for me? How many times do I have to tell you no?”

“Blake, please.”

I just fell to my knees, not caring that they might get scratched up—for a cheerleader to have yucky legs was for sure taboo. None of that mattered because in the pit in my stomach, I was dying. I closed my eyes. When I felt strong arms around me, I leapt to my feet and said, “I knew you cared!”

“I never stopped caring,” Brenton said to me, making me step back some from his arms.

I just took both of my hands and hit him in his chest repeatedly. “Why? Why? Why?”

Others from the party were now surrounding me. Folks were laughing. I had always been the popular girl, and Blake and I were the bomb couple. Now I was the butt of the joke.

I pulled away from Brenton and dashed to my car. I was so frustrated when I could not get the key to work. I just kept pushing the button and pushing the button and nothing would unlock.

“Sounds like you're relocking it,” Brenton said.

Totally upset, I scolded him. “Why don't you leave me alone? I got this, okay?”

He took the key from me, pressed the button one time, and my doors unlocked. “Stay here with me and chill. You're not okay. Forget Blake. He doesn't understand what a great girl you are. His loss.”

I grabbed my keys from Brenton, got in my car, and said, “Just leave me alone.”

As I drove home, I realized I didn't have to be that rude to the one person all day who had been on my side. However, at that moment it took all my energy to calm down so I would get home safely. I made it a point to apologize later.

When I got home, my dad's car was not there. All the lights were off. I peeked into my parents' room. My mom was asleep. I got into my own bed and, after minutes of tossing, I drifted off too.

The next morning I woke up feeling really sluggish. It felt like I'd been hit by three linebackers and could not get off the field. However, I did pull myself out of bed. I had cheer practice to get to.

This was our last practice of camp. It was a Saturday. I had no pep in my step. I didn't care about warming up.

Coach Woods called out, “Captain Charli, you need to get them girls together. Let's go.”

I followed her instruction. However, the team didn't follow my lead. After the third time of telling them to line up and not having them comply, Coach Woods took over.

Coach said, “Ladies, this is our last full day together. I expect you guys to give me more than what you're giving me now. How you practice is how you're going to perform. We've got football games coming up, and we have a big competition. The first one is major because how you rank determines whether you'll have a hard or easy road getting to the state competition.”

Whitney vented, “We're exhausted, Coach. We've been at this for three weeks. Maybe you should blame our captain. She worked us too hard, and now look at her. She isn't even giving her all.”

She was right. I had lost my zeal. Cheerleading was everything to me, and yet I was in a leadership role unable to get my team to focus.

“Charli, can I see you for a second?” Coach Woods said to me. “Play the dance over and over. Someone come up here and get it done.”

“I'll gladly do it,” Whitney said, flouncing her way to the front.

When I got into Ms. Woods office, I accidentally shut her door rather hard. She wasn't pleased at my melancholy demeanor. She crossed her arms and looked at me intensely.

“What is going on with you?”

I could not tell her my world was upside down. I could not say my heart had been stomped on. I could not tell her I didn't feel like going on. I just looked at her.

Coach said, “You made a commitment to this team and to these girls. They need you. I was behind you being captain because you have something special. I need you to dig way deep. I know we all get a little moody during that time of the month …”

With that comment I checked out on her grilling me. Shoot, I knew how to deal with my menstrual cycle. What I didn't know how to deal with was getting people to act right. My girls were mad at me because I was tough on them. Blake broke up with me because I was busy. My dad was abandoning our family because he needed someone to “understand” him. I mean, really, in addition to being upset, I was angry.

All this happening to me at once made me feel like it was my fault. But I didn't deserve any of this. Like Coach said, I had a responsibility, but so did everyone else in this world. I just had to find a way to go on without my life being as perfect as I was used to it being. I told Coach all she wanted to hear and jogged back out onto the floor, finished the rest of practice, and hoped my heart would stop hurting.

Leaving the gym, I felt depressed. I had lost my team. I had lost my friends. And I had lost my man. However, I certainly did not want the world to know about it. When I heard Eva going on and on about Blake's new adventures, I knew as soon as I stepped outside I was going to be hot for two reasons. Yeah, I knew ninety degrees was going to feel instantly miserable, but seeing Blake flirting with the world would tear me apart.

Eva said, “I don't know why she wouldn't just give it up to him. That boy is too fine to be dissatisfied. She better be glad she's still sort of my girl or I would …”

“You wouldn't do nothing,” Ella said to her. “Charli's getting on my nerves too, but we're not going to betray her.”

“Tell that to Whitney. Look at her hands all over him,” Hallie said, since she was in front and able to see in the parking lot.

She turned around to face Ella, Eva, and Randal. I was behind them, and Hallie felt like she'd said too much. My big-mouthed friend put her hand to her mouth.

“Oh my gosh, Charli! I didn't know you were right behind us,” Hallie said, trying to explain.

The other three turned around. Randal had an I'm sorry look on her face. Ella mouthed the words “Sorry.” Eva shrugged her shoulders like,
You get what you get
. Then without real concern, they all kept walking.

Sure enough, the sun beamed on me like I was in a hot oven. The real sweating occurred when I was most uncomfortable. There was no way I could prepare myself to see Blake leaning on his car with his hands on Whitney.

“You're cute, but you're in high school,” she said, “and you're a junior too. My man's in college, honey. Take your hands off the thighs.” She lifted both Blake's hands off of her and tossed them to the side.

A few other seniors ran up to him, not caring that he was just sixteen. My car was not that far away, but it seemed like miles. I knew Blake could spot me. I did not know whether to look directly at him or to intentionally look away.

When I looked down, I heard a strong, forceful voice say, “Black, are you okay?”

I looked back and realized that it was Blake's dad, Coach Strong. I did not want to appear wounded, but I was keeled over. I wasn't hydrated, and I was hurting.

“Yes, sir, Coach. I'm good, sir,” I said, lying to him and myself.

Coach Strong asked, “My knucklehead son giving you problems?”

Blake had to be looking over here because he stepped away from all the girls, went over to some of his teammates, and tried to act as if he was not showing off. I was in his dad's PE class in ninth grade, but since Blake and I started dating, he spoke to me sparingly.

I wanted to say, “Could you talk to your son? Could you tell him he's making a huge mistake? Can you make sure he knows I'm the only girl he needs to be with, and he's messing up his life? These girls just want to get with him, give it up, and give him something. Come on, Coach, help me out …” But I knew it was not my place to share Blake's business with his father. Blake had serious issues with his dad. Since my mom and I weren't close, I understood. Blake and his dad were surely night and day. It was dark or light, never sunset, and if there was any chance the two of us could get back together and work things out, I knew I needed to keep my mouth shut. Certainly I would not say anything to Blake's father to get him into trouble.

“You know, I got a younger daughter at home,” Coach Strong said. “She's just going into the seventh grade, but I'm going to tell you like I tell Lola. No joker is worth losing yourself, and I know how you feel about my son. If he breaks your heart, if he doesn't act right, if he mistreats you, move on … always someone more deserving of you. Right, Brenton?”

And I jumped because I did not even realize his nephew was on his other side. I certainly needed to come out of my daze. I was desperately trying to keep it together.

“See y'all later,” Coach Strong said, not waiting for either of us to say anything.

He yelled out to Blake, “Straight home, son! You got some chores to do.”

“Yes, sir,” Blake called out quickly.

“Come on, Brenton. Dang,” Blake shouted across the parking lot at his cousin.

A part of me thought he did not want his cousin talking to me. Another part of me realized he was probably just taking out his frustration on his cousin because he was embarrassed about his dad calling him out.

Either way, Brenton jogged off. Then he turned back to look at me and said, “My uncle's right, you know. Always somebody better waiting …”

He turned back around and was gone. I wanted to say, “Coach Strong said somebody more
deserving
, but if that's what you want to think—that you're better—that's fine.” Then I saw Jackie head over to Blake with her girls. Blake was all standoffish until his dad pulled out of the parking lot. Then he pulled Jackie real close and kissed her hard. I do not ever think we kissed like that before. I realized that this breakup was going to be extremely hard.

I felt Brenton's heart trying to console me. Maybe someone else was waiting? Maybe someone else was better for me? Maybe I didn't deserve to be hurt so badly?

Blake saw me standing there. Why would he just disrespect me like that? He knew I still loved him. He looked my way and kissed her again. I couldn't get to my car fast enough. I could feel Hallie, Ella, Eva, and Randal's eyes on me. I looked up, and I was correct. But they offered no sympathy. They piled into Hallie's car and drove away.

When I saw Blake tell Brenton to get out of his car and find another ride home, and Jackie got in the car with him, I could not stop the tears from falling. I did not want anyone to see me broken, but the truth was I was more than broken. I was shattered.

I barely listened to any inspirational music on the radio. Usually I had to have the latest jamming numbers blasting, but as I drove home, I needed the uplifting songs to mend my spirit. However, when I replayed Blake's crazy actions in my mind and visually saw him all into everybody but me, I turned the radio off.

I was not used to seeing my dad's car in the driveway, but it was there. I was mad at him. He did not need to say anything to me. He did not need to call my name. He did not need to try to act like everything was all right because I knew things were not good, and I was tired of pretending.

As soon as I entered the house, he had his arms wide open like I was supposed to go to him and hug him. Yeah, he gave me a car, provided for all my needs, and had an open wallet where I was concerned, but I needed loyalty and love. I did not need bribes. Maybe the reason why my mom and I bumped heads a little bit was because we were so much alike. She was not going to take being handled just any kind of way, and neither was I. So I walked straight on past him.

My dad said, “Wait, baby doll. Wassup with that? You can't give your dad a hug?”

Though he was a judge, he tried to act pretty cool. His problem was that he thought he was too cool. He thought could he get away with having another lady on the side. I was not buying it.

“Dad, just please,” I said. I kept walking.

“What's going on, Charli? It's that Blake boy again. What did he do?” my dad asked, following behind me.

I went to the kitchen and wanted to make myself a sandwich, and he had the audacity to ask me to make him one too. I turned around and looked at him.

Then he snapped back, “I know you don't have an attitude. I just asked you to make a sandwich. Goodness gracious, girl. You are not paying any bills around here. What is the problem?”

“You're the problem, Dad!” I said, unable to hold it in.

Shocked, he said, “Excuse me?”

“Last night I was out and about, and I saw my father with some lady I did not know, holding each other all laughing, giggly, and stuff. It was crazy, and it wasn't right. You are the problem. What was that about, Dad? You're married, or did you forget?!”