Always Something There to Remind Me (13 page)

‘Don’t stand out in the cold, Lyd. I’ll call you later.’

I waved back and went inside.
Missing you already, as they say.

I turned on the TV, but soon lost interest and headed upstairs to take a nap. I didn’t bother to undress, just kicked off my slippers and slid beneath the duvet, my head resting on the pillow that still bore the faintest scent of Des’s aftershave. I smiled at the memory of the best Christmas I’d had for years and was asleep in no time.

I slept for two hours and woke up to find I had three voice messages on the landline. I pressed ‘play’. The first was from Trudi.

‘I had a lovely time yesterday, Lyd. Sorry I didn’t call earlier, but I’ve had a string of phone calls and so on. I’ll talk to you later, and thanks again for a lovely Christmas Day.’

The second message started and my blood ran cold. Bob was obviously drunk and his speech was slurred.

‘Season’s greetings and all that shit. Do you really expect me to believe that guy’s your boyfriend? What a loser! If you need a real man, call me and I’ll see if I can fit you in.’

My feelings ranged from anger to hurt and back again. I was sorely tempted to ring back and give him an ear-bashing, but common sense prevailed and I listened to the final message instead.

‘That was the best Christmas ever. If you want to go out for a drink later on, call me. Or if you want to come over here and hang out, call me. Or if you want to chat, call me. In fact why don’t you just call me anyway? I’ll be waiting.’

The sound of Des’s voice soothed my ruffled feathers. I called him back and was soon on my way over to his place to watch old movies and eat pizza.

Chapter 24: Out with the Old

The rest of the holiday weekend passed all too quickly. Des and I spent a lot of time together, most of it working on my audition. As well as performing the song, I would have to be interviewed on camera – a sort of screen test, I suppose. That thought made me really nervous, so Des dug out his camcorder and we invited Trudi over on Monday to play the interviewer. I couldn’t stop laughing at first; the others were so serious.

‘What sort of questions do we need?’ Trudi had brought a clipboard and was actually making notes.

‘Oh, anything you like, really.’ Des was eyeing me through the camera lens; he looked very professional. ‘It’s only to get her feeling less self-conscious.’

I ‘arranged myself’ comfortably on the sofa and announced that I was ready.

‘OK. Lydia’s interview … Take One … Action!’

Stifling the urge to laugh again, I focused on Trudi who was standing beside Des.

‘Lydia, would you like to tell us a little bit about yourself? What do you do for a living?’

‘I work for the city council, in the housing department.’

‘And what does that entail?’ Trudi was trying to ask ‘easy’ questions.

‘I have to deal mainly with complaints from tenants and organise repairs, etc.’

‘Cut!’ Des switched off the camera. ‘Trudi, ask something more interesting; give her a chance to sparkle. Lyd, smile for the camera and try to relax. Take two.’ He turned the camera back on. ‘Action.’

‘Why have you decided to audition for
Stargazing
?’ Trudi’s tone had changed and I wondered what she was up to.

‘It’s always been my dream to appear on TV,’ I answered. From behind the camera Des nodded and smiled. ‘I guess I want my fifteen minutes of fame.’

‘Isn’t it a little late for that? You’re easily twice as old as most of the other contenders.’

‘Surely it’s never too late to chase your dreams?’

‘Even when you’re old enough to know better?’ The words cut me and I bit my lip and glanced at Des. He’d stopped looking at me and was glaring at Trudi. I couldn’t read her expression at all, but whatever was going on, I wasn’t letting her get away with that.

‘I’m old enough to know what I want,’ I said, ‘and to know when it’s time to give up on myself. That time hasn’t come yet. A teenage girl had a dream thirty years ago and did nothing about it because she didn’t know how. I’m doing this for her … the child I used to be. I owe it to her … she made me the woman I am. I’m chasing this dream because I can and because I’m old enough to know better.’ I flopped back against the cushions and closed my eyes, feeling suddenly drained. Trudi was at my side in an instant.

‘I’m sorry, Lyd. I didn’t mean to upset you.’ She hugged me. ‘I hope you got that on camera, Des; she was magnificent! They love these emotional outbursts on reality shows.’

‘I got it, but you had me going there for a minute … that was pretty harsh. You could give Simon Cowell a run for his money.’ He put the camera down. ‘Anyone for coffee?’

Trudi stood up. ‘I’ll make it. Your presence over here might be more beneficial than mine.’ She headed for the kitchen and Des took her place on the sofa.

Wrapping his arms around me he whispered, ‘You’re amazing, Lyd. I reckon you’ll be able to handle anything they throw at you.’

I looked up at him and smiled at last. ‘I’m OK, Des. You don’t need to console me.’

‘Oh … is that a polite way of saying you want me to stop cuddling you?’

‘No. I like the cuddling; it’s the sympathy I can’t handle right now.’

‘OK. How about a totally unsympathetic kiss?’ He didn’t wait for an answer, but kissed me anyway. ‘See – no sympathy there,’ he said.

* * * * *

The office was quiet for the next few days. Most of the staff had tacked a few days annual leave onto the statutory holiday so they weren’t due back until after the New Year. Liz was still off sick – a fact which gladdened my heart and lightened the atmosphere considerably. I finished early on New Year’s Eve; Des and I were going to a party at Tess’s house along with the rest of the writing group. Of course, she’d invited us separately, not knowing that we were … whatever we were. I still didn’t know quite what that was. I just knew that we were good together and when we got the invitations we took it for granted that we’d be going to the party as a couple.

I wore my ‘posh’ dress, the one I’d worn for the first audition, and when Des arrived, suited and booted, we indulged in a little mutual admiration. It was strange to think that this was our first proper date. We’d been out together so many times before, but walking arm-in-arm into Tess’s house felt almost like making a statement of … something.

It was a large detached house in one of the expensive suburbs. The massive reception room sparkled with Christmas decorations and our hostess had hired waiters to serve drinks and hors d’oeuvres to her guests. Feeling a little overawed, I accepted a glass of champagne. Des wasn’t drinking as he’d offered to drive.

‘I’ll stick to Coke for now and have a glass of bubbly at midnight,’ he said, as we made our way through the assembled guests to where Tess was holding court with the rest of the writing group. She greeted us with hugs.

‘So glad you made it,’ she said, holding onto Des for just a little longer than I thought necessary. ‘It wouldn’t be the same without you.’

Des rewarded her enthusiasm with a brilliant smile. ‘Wouldn’t have missed it for the world, Tess. Did you have a good Christmas?’

‘Very pleasant, thank you. Such a shame you couldn’t make it to the Christmas lunch, Des. We had such fun. Did you spend the day with family? I hope it wasn’t too dull for you.’

Is he going to tell her?
I wondered. I caught his eye and he winked.

‘Not dull at all, Tess. I had a great day. Good food, good company.’

‘Glad to hear it. Perhaps you’ll make it to our next function.’ She moved off to circulate amongst her other guests and we remained with the writers. I wasn’t sure if I imagined the sensation of relief from the little group once Tess was no longer there. The conversation became more animated as we chatted about the resolutions we would all be bringing into force on the stroke of midnight. I’m not much good at small talk usually, but I managed to relax and join in with a little help from Des. I envied the ease with which he could chat to anyone, always making them feel that he was really interested in whatever they had to say. After a couple of glasses of champagne, I was relaxed enough to tell one of the other women in the group about my list and my upcoming audition. Being discreet, I didn’t mention the part Des was playing in making my dreams come true.

‘You’re so brave,’ she said. ‘I could never do anything like that.’

‘I’m not sure I can do it, yet. I still have to get through the next round of auditions.’ I looked around for reassurance, but Des was nowhere to be seen.

‘I’m sure you’ll be fine,’ Jenny gushed. ‘I bet you’re really good.’

I smiled weakly; I was only half listening to her as I scanned the room. There was no sign of Tess either. I didn’t know why that made me feel uneasy, but it did. Greg, one of the younger group members caught my eye.

‘If you’re looking for Des he’s gone outside,’ he said. I felt myself blushing as if I’d been caught out somehow.

‘Oh, thanks. I wasn’t actually looking for him, I just … er …’

Greg nodded. ‘Yeah, right. Well, Tess asked him to help her do something in the garden. Not that you’re interested, of course.’ He gave a knowing laugh, the way people do when they’ve had too much to drink already and have become experts on everything. I cursed myself silently for being so bloody obvious and turned back to Jenny.

‘Do you know where the loo is?’ I asked, needing an excuse to escape for a few minutes.

‘There’s a cloakroom down the hall, last door on the right.’ I deposited my glass on a nearby table and left the room.

I found it easily enough, and my intention was just to take a little time out. I really didn’t mean to end up spying. It just sort of happened. I went into the ‘cloakroom’ and bolted the door then went into the toilet cubicle. The window was slightly open and I could hear muffled voices from the garden. I climbed onto the toilet seat and opened the window a little further, realising that the voices belonged to Tess and Des.

‘You’ll have to have it somewhere else,’ Des was saying. ‘I can’t get it to stay up here.’

Tess giggled. ‘Why’s that?’

‘It won’t stand up properly. It needs to be upright for the best results.’

‘Well, if you don’t think it will work here, let’s try it on the patio. It might be firmer there.’

What are they doing?
I couldn’t help fearing the worst.
No wonder he didn’t tell her we’d spent Christmas together. Men are all the bloody same!

I eased the window closed and climbed down from my vantage point feeling a mixture of hurt and shame. I shouldn’t have listened to the conversation; I knew I shouldn’t. I wanted to scream … or cry … or die.

The door leading to the garden was next to the cloakroom. I had to see for myself what was happening even if it broke my heart. I shivered as I stepped outside. It was quiet now. I looked around and saw the lights on the patio to my left. I moved slowly in their direction, keeping close to the wall. I wasn’t being sneaky. I just wanted to know what was going on so I could creep away and lick my wounds.

I could hear their voices, but I couldn’t see them. I stopped to listen.

‘Oh that’s perfect,’ Tess purred. ‘I couldn’t have done that myself.’

‘Well, I do have my uses,’ Des replied. He emerged from the shadows followed closely by Tess.

‘I’m sure they are many and varied,’ she said ‘and not limited to the setting of fireworks.’

Des laughed as he retrieved his jacket from a garden seat and shrugged into it. ‘Glad to help. But I think we should get back indoors now.’

‘What’s the hurry?’ Tess moved closer to him and put her arms around his neck. ‘I haven’t thanked you properly yet.’ She pulled his head down towards her and kissed him hard on the lips.
What do I do now?
I took a step forward and stopped again. What could I do? I was helpless. I could only watch and wait.

Des pulled back and removed Tess’s arms from his neck.

‘That’s quite enough, thanks Tess.’ He turned away from her.

‘It doesn’t have to be, Des. I can show a whole lot more gratitude than that …’ She caught hold of his arm and he turned to face her.

‘It’s not going to happen, Tess,’ he said gently. ‘You’re an attractive woman and I’m flattered by your offer but …’ He was clearly struggling to complete his sentence tactfully. I managed to move at last. I called out as I approached.

‘Gosh, aren’t you freezing? I stepped out for some fresh air, but I should have put my coat on.’ They both turned towards me and I was relieved that Des looked pleased to see me.

‘Lyd! You’ll catch your death,’ he said, hurrying to my side and slipping out of his jacket again. He put it around my shoulders. ‘Tess and I have been setting up the fireworks for later on.’

‘Oh, I love fireworks! It’s a lovely party, Tess.’ I snuggled into Des’s jacket, turning the collar up against the breeze. Des shivered beside me.

‘Shall we go back inside, girls?’

‘I should get back to my guests, I suppose.’ Tess smiled weakly and looked at Des. He smiled back and then put his arm around me and ushered me into the house.

‘That was a narrow escape,’ he said as soon as Tess moved off to circulate once more. ‘That woman is lethal.’

‘Really?’ I asked, pretending ignorance. ‘Did she make a move on you?’

‘Did she ever! You weren’t supposed to leave me alone with her, remember?’

‘I didn’t. You went outside of your own accord.’ I couldn’t help laughing. ‘Why didn’t you just tell her we’re together? It would make life easier.’

‘Are we, Lyd? Together, I mean.’
That
is the question … what does he want me to say?

‘It certainly seems that way,’ I replied at last. ‘What do you think?’

‘Seems that way to me too.’

The New Year arrived with a fantastic firework display and lots of champagne. The guests were assembled in the garden, which was now illuminated by fairy lights hanging from the trees. The clock struck midnight and we all linked up to sing
Auld Lang Syne
. Then, as the first rockets hit the night sky and the hugging started, Des steered me away to a quieter corner of the patio and we shared a lingering kiss.