Always Loving You (17 page)

“I talked to Ella. Mac is freaking out because both his truck and Ava are missing. I guess you left your purse on the kitchen counter with your cell phone inside it. He called Declan and then went by your apartment. They were all beginning to panic when Brant wasn’t answering his phone. I told Ella that you were here, Ava, and that Brant’s phone was on the bedroom charger and we didn’t hear it.” Taking a breath, Emma added, “But I already knew he was looking for you, because he called right before her. He should be here any minute. Um . . . he sounded a little pissed.”

Brant turned to Ava with a grimace. “I don’t suppose you thought to leave him a note?”

Ava rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t really thinking of anyone’s feelings other than my own when I left his house. I’m sure he’ll be fine now that he knows that I’m okay.”

Brant gave her a skeptical look but didn’t comment.

Suddenly, Mac was striding into the living room, having obviously skipped knocking at the door. Shit, apparently no one had bothered to lock it earlier. She watched him walk straight to her, drawing her into his arms and just holding her for a few moments without saying anything. When he finally pulled back, holding her at arm’s length, she could see the worry and anger clouding his face. “Ava, do you have any idea how scared I’ve been that something happened to you?”

Trying to lighten his mood, she joked, “Ah, come on. It’s not like anyone would have abducted me in your truck, right?” She knew immediately that her flippant reply was the equivalent of throwing gas on a flame.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now!” he roared as he jerked away from her. “I come home to find you gone with your purse still lying on the kitchen counter and lights on all over the house? Do you know how long it was before I realized that my truck was even gone? Even when I did, it didn’t make me feel any better. After making a fool of myself ripping this town apart looking for you, you’re making a joke? I thought someone took you, damn it!”

“Mac.” Brant tried to intercede, stepping between them.

The anger that Ava had felt toward Mac earlier for not telling her about Kevin’s letter was back in full force, fueled in part by the guilt she felt for upsetting him so much. Stalking around her brother, she picked up the letter that she had brought with her and stuck it in Mac’s face. “This is why I’m here. I found it at your house tonight.” He looked confused for a moment
before freezing. Ava could see the exact moment that he recognized what she held in front of him. “So, excuse me if I didn’t leave you a note or drop you a text before I came to see my brother. I had a little something on my mind.”

“Avie . . . I,” Mac began before stopping, clearly at a loss as to what to say next.

Shaking her head, Ava said, “Yeah, that seems to be everyone’s reaction tonight.”

Mac released a deep breath, seeming to have forgotten his earlier anger. “Let’s go home, baby. We can discuss this there. It’s late, and I’m sure Brant and Emma are tired.”

“Oh, we’re fine,” Emma, blurted out before Brant could clamp his hand over her mouth.

Ava looked at her brother, seeing the tension from the evening still sitting heavily on him. Mac was right; they needed to have this discussion somewhere else. As it was, Brant would probably be popping antacids for days after this. He certainly didn’t need to hear her argue with Mac. Nodding once, she said, “I’ll meet you back at your house.”

She had to bite her tongue to keep from snapping when Mac said, “Just leave the truck and I’ll have one of the guys pick it up tomorrow. I don’t want you driving this late.” Ava knew it was probably petty and maybe she needed to learn to pick her battles, but if he didn’t think she was capable of driving herself less than ten minutes down the street, then would he ever be able to see her as a strong, independent woman? Her personal life might have been a complete wreck for
years, but professionally she was at the top of her game. Surely that counted for something. Regardless of how minor it seemed, she needed to win this small concession tonight from him.

“I’ll be fine, Mac. There is no need for anyone to make a trip tomorrow to pick up the truck when I can drive it home tonight.” Everyone in the room seemed to be holding their breath, including her, as Mac opened his mouth with the clear intention of arguing with her. At the last moment, he snapped it closed again and rubbed a weary hand across his eyes.

“Sure, whatever you want, Avie.” They said their good-byes to Brant and Emma before walking out into the dimly lit driveway. Mac opened her door, waiting for her to get settled behind the wheel before shutting the door without another word. He then motioned for her to pull out onto the street, and he followed in his Tahoe. She was drained from her talk with Brant and wanted nothing more than to crawl into Mac’s bed and go to sleep in his arms, but this conversation couldn’t wait. She only hoped that afterward he didn’t feel that she was more trouble than she was worth. She was counting on the fact that they were in this together for the long haul.

Mac kept his eyes on the truck in front of him as they drove through the now-deserted streets of his neighborhood. His shoulders were tense, and his gut was still twisted. When he had walked into his house earlier, he was whistling, ready to see Ava. As he called her name and walked from room to room, he had gone from happy, to puzzled, and finally terrified. He had even resorted to looking under beds and in closets thinking that maybe something had scared her enough to hide.

Next, he had called her phone. When he got closer to the kitchen, he found it ringing faintly in her purse, sitting on the countertop. He had really lost it then. He had ripped back through the house and then taken a flashlight and walked the grounds. The garage was the last place he searched, and he had stopped in surprise when he found his truck gone. He had thought for a moment that maybe she just needed something from the store. But a quick look in her purse showed her wallet containing her money and credit cards along with her license.

Then he ran back to his Tahoe, dialing Declan as he
headed across town to her apartment. She probably needed clothes for tomorrow or some of those endless toiletries that women seemed to have by the dozens. Declan’s puzzled tone when he asked if Ava was there was answer enough. He quickly ended the call, assuring a now worried Declan that he would let him know when he found her.

When he opened the door to Ava’s apartment, he knew instantly she wasn’t there. Everything was dark and quiet. He knew if Ava was there, her scent would still linger in the air as it did whenever she was near. He made a quick search of her home anyway but wasn’t surprised to find no one there and nothing disturbed. By the time he left, he had already called Gage, asking him to check in with their sources at the local hospitals and police department. From the sound of the female voice in the background, Gage had company, but he readily agreed to make some calls ASAP and get back to him.

Mac tried Brant a few more times, still getting only his voice mail. At that moment he’d wished he had Emma’s number, but there had never been a need to contact her directly before. He vowed to get the numbers of everyone that Ava knew tomorrow. Brant lived about ten minutes away, which gave him just enough time to call Gray on the outside chance that Ava had decided to do something crazy with Suzy again like night surf. He was both relieved and disappointed that Ava wasn’t there, nor had they spoken with her since earlier at Declan’s. However, Suzy did have Emma’s number and Mac wasted little time in calling her.

He’d breathed a sigh of relief when she answered after a couple of rings. “Emma, it’s Mac. Have you seen or talked to Ava since we left Declan’s earlier?”

“Hey, Mac, yeah, she’s here now.”

Fully expecting another no, he stuttered in surprise, “Wh-what? She is?”

“Yes, she’s talking to Brant in the other room. Do you need to speak to her?”

“Well, since I’ve been afraid she was abducted or dead in a ditch somewhere, I’d say yeah, I’d love to talk to her. No need to put her on the phone, though. I’ll be there in a few minutes, thanks.”

He could tell by the tone of Emma’s “Mmm-kay, see you soon” that she had noticed the anger in his voice. He had been so pissed off that she was so thoughtless in not letting him know where she was that he could hardly acknowledge the relief he felt in knowing that she was okay. Why in the world would she take off to see her brother at this time of night after just seeing him earlier? Emma had sounded fine, so obviously they hadn’t called her with an emergency. He’d never known the Stones to be the kind of close family who dropped in on each other on a whim.

When he stormed into the house and saw Ava looking unharmed next to Brant and Emma, he’d crossed the room to her on shaky legs, pulling her into his arms and taking a moment to absorb the feel of her soft body against his. He’d had the crazy urge to sob like a baby as he felt her heart race against his. She was okay; nothing had happened to her. He wasn’t too late to save her this time. When he pulled back, to tell her how worried
he had been, and she made some flippant reply, he’d lost it. She had damn near scared him into an early grave, and it was all some kind of joke to her? Did she not realize how traumatized he was still after all these years? He had told her how badly it had messed him up to find her that way, but surely, if she had really been listening, she would have understood that something like tonight was a trigger that could break him.

He had been completely floored when she held up that envelope in his face. Then he’d been just plain sick when he realized what it was. How in the hell had she gotten her hands on the letter from that bastard? Suddenly, her late-night trip to see her brother had made more sense. Fuck! He had known that it would come back to haunt him from the moment Brant placed it in his hand. He had agonized over whether to show it to Ava for years. She had seemed to have moved on, and he hated to bring it all back to her. However, since they had gotten together the last few weeks, it had been on his mind constantly. He now knew that she had been far from okay and it pained him to wonder if maybe the letter would have helped her in some small way. He’d been meaning to discuss it with Declan, who also knew, and Brant, but now it was too late. She knew, and by the expression on her face, she wasn’t happy with any of them right now.

After fearing the worst earlier, he found it hard for him to let her out of his sight, but he could tell by the determined set of her small shoulders that she was digging in for a fight, and he refused to give it to her in front of Brant and Emma. So they said their good-byes
and Mac clapped Brant on the back, reassuring him without words that he had himself in complete control where Ava was concerned.

When they arrived home, Ava waited for him at the door that led into the kitchen from the garage. He made quick work of the lock and followed her into his house. She stopped at the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water, lifting an eyebrow in question to him. He nodded and she passed him one before walking toward the living room and settling on one end of his sofa. He dropped heavily next to her but resisted the urge to pull her into his arms. He needed to see her face when they talked. He took a couple of sips of cold water, waiting for her to speak first. Truthfully, he was so happy that she was here, but beyond scared that she would leave him after this. Could she ever understand his reasoning and forgive him for keeping that damn letter from her?

She shifted in her seat, turning to face him. He felt an overwhelming urge to study his hands and avoid her stare but forced himself to make eye contact anyway. Her face was impassive, telling him nothing. Keeping him guessing, damn it. “Why didn’t you tell me, Mac?”

He could delay his answer by playing dumb as to what she meant, but the time for lies and half-truths between them was over. If they were to have a future together, it needed to start tonight. “When Brant brought that letter to me years ago, the first thing I felt when I read it was anger. I wanted to rip it to pieces and then set them on fire. It brought back all the
feelings of rage, sorrow, and helplessness that I’d felt when I found you. Honestly, I don’t even know why I kept it. Just my anal need to always have some kind of paper trail. I tossed it into a file with your name on it and forgot it existed . . . until recently.”

Ava asked with obvious curiosity, “What made you think of it again?”

“Our talk the other night. When you asked me if I’d heard anything about him. Knowing now how scared you’ve been all these years, I wondered if maybe Brant and I had made a mistake in not giving the letter to you. We were both just mad as hell that he’d try to contact you. You’ve got to know, Avie, that the men in your life would do anything to keep you from ever being hurt again.”

Clasping his hand, she whispered, “I know that, Mac. And the rest of the file? Why did you keep all those reports from your men? I was surprised to find them.”

Mac flinched before he could control the movement. Ava’s file was full of nothing but pain for him. Would she be able to understand his reasons behind keeping something that so obviously hurt him? “I felt like the worst kind of stalker when those reports came in. Even though both you and your family were aware that you were under light surveillance from my company, it still felt strange to have that insight into your personal life. Truthfully, I’d throw a new report in your file and not read it until I needed a reminder of how you didn’t want me. That folder was my reality check. Whenever I was close to coming to you and making a fool of
myself, I’d flip through those pages to remind myself that you didn’t feel the same way about me. You were happy and that was all that mattered.”

A lone tear trickled down Ava’s cheek as she put her hand on his cheek, stroking his hair tenderly with her fingers. “Oh, Mac, baby, I was never happy without you. I’m sorry I was so messed up inside that I thought I needed to prove that I wasn’t. I always felt safer knowing one of your men was watching over me, but also . . . I am guilty of using that knowledge to make you see what wasn’t there. I’ve hurt you so much you should hate me by now!”

Unable to bear her anguish, Mac pulled her small body onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her. He rested his head in the curve of her neck, inhaling her sweet scent. “It’s impossible for me to do anything but love you, Avie . . . My life will be spent always loving you, baby.”

*   *   *

For a long time, they were content to simply hold each other. Finally, Ava raised her head, kissing him lightly before speaking. “I’m not mad about the letter now; I understand what you and Brant were trying to do. From the way my grandfather handled everything, none of us ever really knew what to do or how to act going forward. I’m not saying that some embarrassing courtroom drama starring both Kevin and me would have been a miracle balm either, but it would have been some type of justice or at the very least closure. Since that never happened, we all need to make our own resolution . . . and it starts with me.”

“Baby, you’ve done amazingly well. Look at all you have accomplished,” Mac protested.

Ava smiled in answer, knowing that he would defend her until his last breath. God, she loved him so much it hurt to look at him sometimes. But she needed him to hear what she was saying. “I have done well . . . in business, but you and I both know that’s not the case personally. My life and the crazy things I’ve done to appear normal would make a damn good TV sitcom. Going forward, though, I don’t want to just try to appear normal. I want to live it.” Taking a deep breath, she prepared for the hard part of their talk. Mac wasn’t going to like it, but he needed to accept it for them to move forward. Actually, he was going to hate it, but if he could honor her wishes, then she thought they just might be able to turn the corner to a new chapter in their relationship. “Mac, I love you. But I need a little time to myself, a few weeks to get my bearings with everything that has changed in my life, and I no longer want any type of surveillance from you or your company.”

She winced as he came off the sofa like a rocket, tumbling her backward on the couch. If he wasn’t so obviously upset, she would have laughed at the absurdity of it all. How many women had this type of conversation with the man they loved?

“Ava! What in the hell . . . ?”

Ava noticed that he was again using her full name. He tended to save that for when he was upset or pissed off. She had mostly been Avie to him for her whole life. It never failed to make her feel special when he used
the nickname. On the downside, she also noticed immediately when he didn’t. “Mac . . . sit down and let me finish please before you go off the deep end.”

He ran his hand over the back of his head, in a gesture she knew meant he was beyond frustrated. “If I sit back down, are you going to tell me that I misunderstood what you just said? Because it sounded to me like you want me gone from your life. Is that about the gist of it?”

Taking his hand, Ava pulled him back down next to her, trying to swallow the lump in her throat at the hurt in his voice. “That’s not what I’m saying, Mac,” she tried to reassure him gently. “Most women don’t need a security detail unless they’re married to the president.” She knew exactly what he was going to say when he opened his mouth, so she put up a hand to stop him. “I know that Jason has someone watch his family. He’s a very rich and important man, who is also a tad OCD about the safety of his wife and daughter. Claire lets him do it because she knows he needs that even if she doesn’t. The difference is, Mac, that for years I was the one who needed it. When you started East Coast and added me to your rounds, I could sleep at night again. If I didn’t see one of your guys passing by my window, I was tied in a knot until they did. In a way, I was almost better off before you started watching over me. With the extra security, I got along well to avoid getting the help that I needed, even though I was still torn up inside. I was just so embarrassed at my weakness and inability to get over what happened to me that I was terrified for anyone else to know the real me.”

“Avie . . . ,” Mac groaned, sounding completely shattered. “It wouldn’t have mattered to me. Don’t you see that there wasn’t a side of you that I wouldn’t have loved? I needed to be there for you. I still do.”

“I know that and I do need you, Mac. What I’m trying to say, though, is that I need to be the person I was again before I became just a victim. I want to be the girl who had limitless dreams of the future, was never afraid of anything, and planned to marry the boy down the street who she’d loved since she was thirteen. Somewhere inside me, that girl still exists, and I want her back. In order for that to happen, I have to finally take control of my life, which includes dealing with my past and setting a course for my future. It’s going to be hard for me to let my safety net go, but I want to start living my life again. I need to regain the innocence of believing that I’ll never be hurt.”

Mac took her hand, seeming to struggle with his words before asking, “What do you need from me, baby? What can I do to give that back to you?”