Always Been Mine (16 page)

The blue eyes turned dangerously dark—it was like watching a storm brew on the horizon. I braced myself for the devastation headed my way. This was the part where he told me I was right, I was just too ordinary and that I should go back to my mundane little life. Christ, why would I think I could ever be enough? I tried to pull away, to save him the trouble of breaking my heart, but his hand refused to let go.

“Do you remember the day you threatened me?” His question was so random I only gaped at him. He smiled, causing my heart to lurch. “I’ll never forget it.” He shook his head and chuckled. “You told me that you had a name, and unlike the bimbos I slept with, you weren’t going away, so I might as well learn it. Said that if I ever called you Sweetie again, you’d make me pay.” My stomach tightened into knots. “That was the day that I can look back and say everything changed.” I wasn’t following him. “I called Rob and told him that I was stuck working with the most annoying, uptight, and bitchy girl I’d ever met.” That’s it. I was going to throw up. “He laughed at me. Apparently, I bitched about you for a while, and when I was done, he asked when he could meet you. He said if you made that big of an impression, I was obviously crazy about you. I thought he was being an asshole. Over the next few weeks though, I realized you were pretty fucking great. So, that was the day my life changed. Boring and simple are not the words I would use to describe you, Joes.

“We have a good thing, you and me. I would have married Taylor and gone the rest of my life being your best friend because at least I could have been a major player. Then Will made the dumbest fucked up move in history, and when I held you that night in the hotel, it hit me. I’m your friend because it’s the next best thing. I don’t want the next best thing anymore. Fuck, I don’t want any of that shit you just said. All I want is you.”

He was up on his knees and pushing me back onto the bed before I realized he’d moved. He leaned down, his forehead on mine, lips almost touching mine. “Are you done feeling sorry for yourself now? Cause if you are, I want to kiss you.”

I stared at the dress and shoes for a long time after he left. I’d never had a man buy me clothes before. Hell, I’d been lucky if Will remembered to help the kids buy me a card for Mother’s Day. Matty had insisted that they hadn’t cost a lot, but I was afraid to look at the label on the dress. The shoes were adorable. I didn’t need to see their brand to know they were something I would never wear to work and because of that, I wouldn’t have purchased them for myself.

Yet, Matty had bought them for me. Not because I’d asked him to, but because he wanted to take me out and have a special night. He had smiled and offered to return them if I was uncomfortable, and buy me something I picked out. That idea offended me even more, though, and I told him I would gladly wear them. 

I pushed myself up off the bed and grabbed my bag. Rummaging through it, I found my razor and headed into the bathroom to get ready. Maybe I hadn’t bought him a present, but I could make the night special in other ways.

I’d left my hair down and after a few minutes with the curling iron, a handful of dark brown curls joined the rest of my shoulder length hair. I didn’t have any jewelry, not that this dress needed it, but as long as my hair was down my naked neck wasn’t as noticeable. That, and long hair hid the left over bruises from Will.

I’d spent the last hour washing, shaving, tweezing and primping every inch of my body. Afterwards, I rubbed a vanilla scented lotion over my skin, soothing it from the vicious hair removal that had just taken place, and leaving me smelling delicious. When I reached my feet, I was thankful that it was flip flop weather and that I’d painted my toes a few days ago.

Thinking we were spending the weekend in jeans and t-shirts, visiting the highlights of the city, I’d neglected to pack my makeup bag. So, minimal it was. Sighing, I leaned in to the mirror and finished lining my eye. I loved the way it made my green eyes pop out. I hoped Matty would, too. Giving myself one last glance, I left the bathroom, grabbed the shoes off the bed and headed upstairs barefoot.

I’d heard tones of a conversation once I rounded the living room landing, but was out of breath and focusing on actually making it to the top floor without dying. Wow. No wonder the two of them were so fit. It wasn’t until I stepped into the hallway that I realized Matty and friends were talking about Taylor. I stopped, trying to catch my breath and listen at the same time.

“Alls I’m sayin is, if you were gonna dump her, you coulda let me know. I’da helped her through the hahtbreak. Even with that skinny ass a hers.” I didn’t recognize the voice, but laughter filled the room.

“Yeah, cause you didn’t creep her out or anything, Sean.” Rocker laughed. “That almost woulda happened. I dunno, Ian mighta had some luck, she likes her boys pretty.” There was more laughter.

“She was a wicked bitch, brotha. I’m glad you got rida her.” I didn’t know this voice, either. “But, I gotta be honest. Betta the devil we know than the devil we don’t.”

“What the fuck is that supposeda mean?” Matty asked, voice cold and growling.

“Don’t get me wrong, Joey seems great. But at least Tay wasn’t wearin’ anotha man’s ring when you were fuckin’ her. It’s a big fuckin’ risk to take, and I’ve neva known you to do somethin’ so fuckin’ stupid over a piece of ass.” I bit my lip and stopped breathing completely. I was terrified of where this was headed.

There was a thump, like something was set down hard on the table, followed by the scrape of a chair being pushed back. “You don’t know a fucking thing about Jo, so shut the fuck up before I break your goddamned nose.” Matty wasn’t yelling, but his voice held a definite threat.

It seemed like all of them were talking at once, arguing. I stood still, praying no one would come out and find me eavesdropping.

“Hey. Hey!” Rocker was yelling. The room quieted almost instantly and it sounded like people were sitting back down. “Jesus, Hawk!” Matty tried to say something, but Rocker kept talking.

“No, Mat, he’s got a fuckin’ point. They don’t know a fuckin’ thing about Jo. All they see is that you bring a strange chick home, don’t tell anyone she’s comin’, and then expect them all to ignore the fact she’s taken? She’s wearing a wedding ring. A fuckin’ wedding ring!” I looked down, almost surprised to see that I was. I rolled my eyes at my stupidity. I’d never thought about taking it off. Did it bother Matty that I still wore it? Shit! “We’ve done a lot of fucked up shit over the years…” he trailed off, sighing. “I get it, ok? I fuckin’ get it. It’s Joey. Tiny and I could probably tell you all her entire life story, God knows we’ve heard enough about her. We know she means somethin’.” Someone Mmhmmed. “But them? They don't know her. You’d be the first one to shit on one of us if we were that stupid. We avoid attention at all costs, not create it. Tell me just one thing,” he paused and drew in a breath, “Is there a pissed off husband huntin’ you down cause you’re goin’ balls deep in his wife?”

Matty didn’t say anything. Another voice continued, “Jesus Christ, Matt. Give us something. Is she a widow that isn’t ready to let go? Does her husband beat her?” The voice wasn’t condescending, just curious. “Cause I really can’t think of another reason you’d bring a married woman here. Especially this weekend.”

“It’s not like that. He’s not looking for her. You can trust her.” Matty seemed to have lost all his anger.

“Like I said, I’m not questioning her. If she didn’t have that ring on her finger, she’d be a fuckin’ keepah. It’s your judgment I have a problem with.”

I didn’t want to hear anymore. They might be talking about me, but it was between them. I needed fresh air. I could go for a walk, but I was stuck in this stupid dress with no shoes that I could actually function in. Spotting the roof door, I made up my mind and sprinted across the foyer, as I hugged the back wall. I didn’t think anyone would see me, but as I got to the other side, I glanced back into the kitchen and locked eyes with Rob, who was carrying three beer bottles toward the counter. Thankfully, he blocked my view of the table. He only had time to scowl at me before I turned and ran for the stairs.

The spiral staircase was steep, but that wasn’t the only reason I was out of breath when I stepped out onto the roof. I really shouldn’t have listened to that conversation. The hot humid July air sucked what little breath I had left away. I was suddenly thankful for the sleeveless, lightweight dress. I didn’t know what I’d expected, but the space in front of me wasn’t it. I turned around, taking it all in. I was in the middle of the roof, which surprised me, as did the black iron fence that enclosed the entire area. On the other side of the roof in front of me was a little building, but the rest of the roof was wide-open space that the boys had decorated to show their style. 

There were two black wrought-iron tables up here; one was a little circular two-seater on the side facing the city, the other, a monstrous rectangle that had to seat at least ten and overlooked the river. Near the large table was a grill and a small counter. There were iron lounge chairs with bright cushions and matching tables scattered around, and potted plants set here and there to add some green. In the corner to my right was a giant hot tub secluded by mesh netting and Christmas lights. I immediately loved it. This was a place you came to relax and let every worry drift away.

I walked to the fence, braced myself with my hands, and leaned over to see the city. Millions of lights started to glow against the dusk sky, headlights blurred as cars hurried to their destination, and horns blared in protest. There was life everywhere around me. I loved it. Sighing, I let my scattered thoughts float away and focused on a couple walking a dog on the street below.

“It’s not you, you know that right?” I jumped at the voice and turned. Rocker was striding across the rooftop, a beer bottle in each hand. He offered one to me and I took it gladly. His lips twitched. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle ya.” I shrugged, taking a long sip of the bitter liquid and turned back to the view of the city. “We’ve got nothin’ against you. I didn’t know you were in the hall. You ok?”

I shrugged again, not making eye contact. “None of my business.”

“
Matt’s not your business? Your marriage isn’t your business?”

I rolled my eyes at his tone. “I’m impressed.” I changed the subject and took another sip. “It’s a beautiful view.”

I heard him swallow his beer, and then clear his throat. “It is, Lil’ Kangaroo. Beautiful.” I could feel him staring at me and looked over to meet his eyes. “When I met you last week, I was shocked shitless. You aren’t at all what I pictured.”

I glared at him. “Really? What did you picture?”

He smirked. “Not some little hot as hell fire crackah that can keep him on his toes. When he talks about you, he uses words like ‘loyal’ and ‘sweet.’ Says you think he’s funny instead of annoyin’ as hell. When he talked about Tay, or hell, even Bex, he would use physical descriptions, like ‘giant rack, tight ass, screamah, lips that would…’”

“I get the picture,” I snapped, interrupting his list, still glaring. I remembered
that
Matty, quite well. He’d been gone for a while, though. “Your point?”

His smile widened. “He talks about you. Not your looks. Hell, you coulda been a fifty year old widow, and I wouldn’t have known because he never talks about how fuckin’ hot you are.” I fought the urge to pull on the hem of my short dress.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes again. “Did you need something?”

He took another sip off his bottle, and looked out into the city. “We’re a private group. We don’t trust outsidas as a rule. I feel like I’ve known you for years, though, so I don’t see you that way. But, the guys, well… the ring, it was a surprise. Another thing
Matt never mentioned. They’ll get over it, though, so don’t take that shit personally. How long you been hitched anyway?”

I rolled the bottle between my hands. “A long time. Before I met Matty.” I sighed. “I have two kids, too. “

He couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice. “Really? Wow…” he chuckled. “I knew about the kids, not the old man.” He paused, taking another sip and then stood straight and faced me. His voice was loud when he spoke and he offered me a wink. “Not right now, I’m puttin’ the moves on this little cutie. Give a guy some privacy, will ya?”

I turned around and my breath caught. Matty was standing a few feet away, head tipped slightly, watching me. I moved my eyes over him slowly, taking him all in. He was dressed in dark blue jeans that showed how long his legs really were, and an untucked white dress shirt with a black tie. He’d put a few spikes in his dark hair, leaving the rest of it in a sexy mess. He hadn’t shaved, leaving a thin layer of whiskers over his chin and down his neck. I wanted to run my tongue along the edge of that shadow. He looked scrumptious.

I didn’t know that I was biting my lower lip, but suddenly he was directly in front of me, a hand on my cheek, his thumb on my chin, pulling it down to free my lip. Then his mouth was on mine and I couldn’t keep myself from letting a moan escape. His other hand came up, cupping my cheek, pulling my face closer to him and deepening the kiss. His hands trailed down my face and neck, onto my shoulders and then fingertips lightly touched my back. Settling on my ass, he moved forward a step and I thought he was going to pick me up. Instead, his hands grabbed the thin material and started inching it up.

A throat clearing snapped my head away from Matty’s, and I pushed at his hands until he stopped tugging at my dress. He growled, but let me move his hands, and then, as if remembering where he was, stepped back a pace. He turned, glaring at his friend. “Rob? You hittin’ on my girl?”

Rocker gave us evil grin, and leaned back on the railing. “Nah. I’m only here for the show.”

I giggled, but Matty gave him the finger. Looking down at me, he smiled. “You look amazing. Can I go show you off?” He stepped back, holding out his hand. I laced my fingers in his and waved to Rocker.