Authors: Eden Winters
He loved me. He loved me! I grinned through my tears. My Travis, my beautiful Travis, whom I’d let down simply because I’d been too self-absorbed to pay attention. I’d never make that mistake again.
His erection rose from a nest of dark curls, fluid clinging to the end. With a flick of my tongue, I licked the droplet away. Ah, the taste of him brought back so many memories, as did his murmured encouragements. Where before I’d have had sex with him or would have made love, now I worshipped. He tasted clean on my tongue, though the faint scent of pool chemicals filled my nostrils. No matter. Nothing mattered but Travis.
All the accusations I’d directed towards him were now reflected back at me. How wrong I’d been about him. My hands on his thighs and my mouth on his flesh begged forgiveness. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, again and again. I could apologize steadily for a thousand years and never be worthy of this man.
Tonight I’d show him his true beauty, teach him his worth, and if he then chose to return to my life, it wouldn’t be as “mine”, never a possession. I’d treat each moment he spent with me as the richest gift, for however long he’d allow. Forever, I hoped.
His skin warmed mine, and I brought our joined hands to my mouth to take his fingertips to my lips, kissing each in turn. Fighting a smile, I swiped my tongue across his palm, eliciting a gasp. Ah, yes. Somebody liked that.
Each nook and cranny, once well-known territory, now became an undiscovered country to be explored anew. I mapped trails across his skin with my tongue, closing my eyes, the better to capture his scent, his taste.
A gentle stroke of my fingers against his bare skin raised goose bumps, and I retraced once-familiar pathways: the spot just above his navel still caused him to flinch and gasp, and my tongue on his inner thigh teased out a moan. He’d once said he’d do anything I asked if I’d just lick… Oh yes, there it was, the weight shift to allow me to lavish attention on the area behind his balls. Regardless of time and tide, some things remained the same. Tonight, though, I wouldn’t let routine lull me in—I’d take nothing of my lover for granted. No, each gasp and sharp inhale warmed my soul, that after all this time, I could still play his body so well, give him so much pleasure.
The twin swells of his ass fit perfectly in my hands when I used them to guide his length into my mouth. With each plunge I marveled at the working of his muscles, until primal instinct took over.
To a chorus of sweet whimpers I argued my case.
We’re good together. No one knows you like I do.
His spilling on my tongue said he understood, though words were never spoken. I stroked myself to completion as he cried out.
Afterward we lay entwined. With our lust slaked, what would he say? My heart fell when he spoke, for they weren’t the words I wanted to hear. “I brought divorce papers for you to sign.”
If he wanted this, truly wanted to officially end us, I wouldn’t give up without a fight. “No.”
“No, what?”
“No, we’re not getting a divorce.”
He stared at me with those gorgeous eyes, as deep as the sea and as lush as a mountain forest. “You… you don’t want a divorce?”
“No, I don’t. You heard me. I love you. Why would I let you go?” No way would I remind him that he’d said those words too. Thank God for my coaching sessions with my counselor, otherwise I’d use whatever evidence I could.
Travis caught me in a narrowed-eyed gaze. “But you can’t imagine we’ll get back together like nothing happened.”
Expect it? No. Would love him to return? Definitely. “No, I don’t,” I said again. “But I don’t want us to end, either.”
His laugh emerged dry, humorless. “If you don’t want to end it or go back to how we were, what other choice is there?”
I thought he’d never ask. “We move forward, create a new beginning.” I joined my gaze to his, letting him see as deep as he dared into my soul. “Let’s start over. You have your life, I have mine. Let’s rediscover each other, like when we first met years ago, and see where the road takes us.”
Travis rolled away to stare at the ceiling. A wrinkle that hadn’t been there two years ago formed between his brows. Almost persuaded, but not quite. “With Bob grown and gone, what would I do with my time?”
Perhaps I wasn’t finished arguing after all. “Whatever you like.”
“Don’t take this wrong, but I don’t want to be the man behind the man anymore.”
His words took another nick out of my heart. I wouldn’t be where I was today if not for his love and support. “Then what do you want?” His acting would keep him away from me many nights, if not weeks, the reason he’d put his career on hold to stay home and raise Bob. Wait! The man behind the man? No wonder he’d left if he didn’t consider us equal partners. If I wanted him in my life, it appeared it would be on his own terms. I’d just have to convince him that his terms included me.
And darned if Travis didn’t make me fall more in love with him. “I don’t know. Something helpful to you. I used to want to become a paralegal. That way I could be more a part of your work, understand what you went through on a daily basis.”
Okay, we were on a roll. Confession time. “If you could do anything you wanted to, make your living doing what you’re good at, what would you do?” I braced myself for answers like “Broadway” or “Hollywood.”
He turned to me then, a beautiful smile on his face that I hadn’t seen in years. “You know what I’m best at, right?”
Vulgar answers crowded my mind, but I managed to keep them in check. Instead I offered, “Acting? Cooking? Making people feel like they’re the most important beings in the universe?” In my mind, he excelled at everything. My life was certainly a dull place without him.
“No.” His smile turned sheepish. “Think about all we ever accomplished together. I, domestic god extraordinaire, and you, upholder of the law, made one hell of a team and raised one hell of a son. I’m mighty damned proud to have had a hand in that. And though I may not have said it often enough, I’m proud of the work you do. “
No boss’s praise had ever pleased me more. “Is there anything else you want to tell me?”
His words came out on a murmur. “I’d do it again.”
Hallelujah!
I lay in his arms, stroking his chest and feeding him a Belgian chocolate. After Bob had left for college we’d stopped having family day and date night. I’d used that time for my work, thinking with Bob gone we no longer needed the togetherness. How wrong I’d been. “We’ll need a written agreement,” I heard myself say.
“A pre-nup? But we’re already married.” His tone turned cold. “I don’t want your damned money, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
I shut him up with a kiss. “‘I
will
take vacations every year to be with my family’, and ‘nothing gets in the way of family day’. That kind of agreement.” Did he really think I only cared about money? I still had some atoning to do, then.
Oh, and I want us to attend couple’s counselling
remained unsaid. He didn’t need any added pressure right now.
“What about your working hours?”
“While I love what I do, I’ve been thinking about cutting back on my case load. Maybe even working from home when I can.” Compromise.
It’s all about compromise
, my counselor had said. “The long hours were a means to an end, my way of taking care of our family.” If Travis became my paralegal, I’d dare anyone—Travis included—to consider him “the man behind the man”.
“I know. Believe me, I know. But knowing with your head and feeling in your heart are two different things.”
“Yes, they are. And I want us to try new things, go places we’ve never been before instead of getting into a rut. Don’t get me wrong, we’ll still go to our favorite places, but we’ll be more adventurous too.” I’d already started a list: parks instead of museums, plays instead of Netflix, and an amusement park instead of our annual shopping trip to New York. Or going to New York and doing all the tourist stuff we’d prided ourselves on being too cool to do. Or I had. He’d wanted to visit the Statue of Liberty. Why the hell not?
This time he kissed me. “Sounds like a plan I could live with.”
We lay in the dark, me listening to every little breath from his side of the bed. Who needed music?
“When do you have to be back at work?” he asked.
“I don’t.”
He rose up on his elbow. Even in the darkness I felt his stare. “You, who never missed a day?”
Confession time. “I’ve done something I should have done a long time ago. Took time off to save my marriage.”
Over the next two days we rarely left the room.
***
Bob’s eyes widened as he approached the table. “Dad?” He glanced back and forth between me and Travis. Underneath the tablecloth my husband gripped my hand. We’d come a long way, but the journey was far from over.
“Are you back together?” Bob’s hopeful smile made me wish I could say yes. One step at a time.
“We’re… working on getting to know each other again,” Travis answered, with a squeeze of my fingers. “For now.”
Why did two little words give me so much hope?
“I’m in therapy for depression, and my doctor still keeps a close watch on my medicine, but I’m feeling much better now.” A heated gaze from Travis’s lovely green eyes warmed me better than the sun. “Your dad and I are also in couple’s counseling.” Something we should have done years ago.
Travis looked like a million bucks. Gone were the gaunt hollows from his face, and I’d become enamored with the slight dusting of gray in his hair. The “distinguished gentleman” look suited him—and had won him his latest role, a small part in a movie as an attorney. Ah, the irony.
“Well, that’s a start.” Bob ordered a breakfast of croissant and eggs.
I peeked over my paper in time to spot a blob of butter clinging to Bob’s cheek. My napkin beat Travis’s to the smear. We all laughed. Then I put my paper down. Time enough to read the news later. Now was family time.
Epilogue—Ten Years Later
Travis’s gray hair glittered, and laugh lines etched deeply into his face. Thirty years. For thirty years he’d been by my side, save for the two years apart that had only served to strengthen our bond. Eventually. We called those lost years our “time out”.
He produced a Wet Wipe to swipe away a chocolate smear from our grandson’s chin, while I helped our daughter Shari don her necklace.
Bob asked, “Everybody ready?” How proud and confident our son stood, so unlike the scared little boy he’d once been.
“I believe so,” I replied, wrapping my fingers around my husband’s.
Travis added his voice to mine. “I can’t wait.”
Bob took over parental duties, herding the youngsters out of the tiny café we’d rented for the occasion, and led them to the very front of an assembled group of family and friends. Travis and I trailed behind, and when the kids took their positions near a makeshift podium, we stepped forward.
We stood on a mountaintop at sunset, a far cry from the sumptuous hall we’d used the first time we’d said our vows. I’d made a promise to avoid the norm, and never to settle into a rut—I’d kept that promise too. Whereas before we’d worn suits, this time we’d both opted for khaki shorts and white polo shirts. Several things did remain the same—the green eyes gazing at me still told me better than words “I love you”. Oh, and once more Bobby stood with us at the makeshift altar—Bobby Junior, rather. My grandson.
My grandson!
I winked at him. We’d cause some mischief later.
To my left Bobby, Sr., excuse me, “Bob”, stood with his wife, his two-year-old daughter now squirming in his arms. Next to him Shari jutted her chin out and extended her full height, trying to impress her older brother. If she kept up her growth spurt she’d soon reach his shoulder, and at eight years old, she’d growing left to do. How we’d worried for her at first, a child born addicted to crack. The cry! Lord, her wails had torn my heart out. Many times Travis and I had feared letting her down, but in the end, through sleepless night and many tears and prayers, we all pulled through.
However, now we feared Shari might grow up with a bent spine, for we couldn’t keep her from lugging her nephew or niece around on her hip. She took her role as “Auntie Shari” seriously.
Yes, there was something Travis did well, and although he made a fine assistant to me, the love he gave our family would forever more be his legacy, for he was the glue holding us together.
As the sun sank behind the trees, the minister asked, “Do you, Ian, take this man…?”
I replied without hesitation, “I do.”
“Do you, Travis, take this man…?”
Green eyes glimmered with unshed tears, but they were happy tears, as they should be. “I do,” my husband answered.
When he kissed me our children cheered.
No more “almost”; no more “mine”. I am his.
Somewhat of a nomad, Eden Winters has visited seven countries so far. Her earliest memories include making up stories for the family’s pets, and through her academic years, she wrote many short stories and poems. Dreams of writing professionally were realized, only not as planned, with a good dozen years spent as a technical writer.
She began reading GLBT fiction as a way to better understand the issues faced by a dear friend and fell in love with the M/M romance genre. During a discussion of a favorite book, a fellow aficionado said, “We could do this, you know.” Eden wrote her first novel shortly thereafter and never looked back.
Currently, Eden calls the southern US home, and many of her stories take place in the rural South. She lives alone, having successfully raised two children, and divides her time between a day job, friends, writing, trying different varieties of vegetarian cuisine, and outdoor adventures such as hiking and camping. Her musical tastes run from Ambient to Zydeco, and she’s a firm believer that life is better with pets. She also loves cruising down the road on the back of a Harley Davidson.
Find Eden’s other works at
http://edenwinters.com
or contact her at
[email protected]