All Things Lost (14 page)

Chapter 8

     Life is funny sometimes. Not ha-ha funny; the kind of funny where, for the life of you, you just can't figure out what the hell is going on. Every time you think you're starting to understand the rules of the game, something or someone comes along and throws you a curveball-or three.

     First, there was the whole mess with Asher breaking up with me and making it seem to be my idea. I had to admit I still hadn't sorted out all my feelings on that one. I'd been busy enough with my new job that I hadn't really had time to dwell on it all that much, but I had recently realized that I hadn't been as upset as you would expect over my break-up with my boyfriend of almost two years. It had hardly been more than a speed bump. I wasn't sure what, if anything, that said about me. Maybe it said more about us.

     Then there was this whole fiasco of moving to the Addams' Family homestead. It was causing a definite tension between Adam and Steve. I hoped they weren't heading for a break-up too.

     And as if that wasn't enough, now Jake was kissing me. I wasn't at all sure how I felt about that. I'd always been attracted to Jake. I mean, who wouldn't be? But it was only on a strictly physical level. It was that animal attraction and his aggressive manner that had thrown us together the first time. But I'd grown a lot since then.

     “I'm not going to lie to you, Jake,” I said softly, “I am attracted to you.”

     With a sexy grin, he moved in for another kiss. I placed both hands against his chest and gently but firmly pushed him back.

     “But that's all it is, Jake, a physical attraction.”

     “What do you mean?” he asked, his face a study in confusion.

     “Maybe that was enough once, if it ever was, but it's not now. I need more than that. I don't need a meaningless fling right now. I don't even need a boyfriend. I have too much going on that I haven't figured out. What I do need is a friend. Think you'd be interested in the position?”

     “I don't know,” he said slowly, “What are the requirements?”

     I smiled. “Just be yourself.”

     “I think I can handle that,” he said with a tentative smile of his own.

     “And no pressure to be anything more,” I added.

     He nodded and we started walking back, side-by-side in a companionable silence.

     “You know,” he said, stopping suddenly a short ways from the house, “Out in
California
it was so different from here.
Especially where we were.
It seemed like everyone wanted something from you, usually sex. It was easy to just fall into the same patterns everyone else was following. I was really confused and angry about everything that happened. Hell, I was just plain messed up. I still am. That's one of the reasons Mom wanted to move back here. Do you know that I probably slept with more than twenty people while we were there? I lost count.”

     “Jake!” I gasped.

     “Don't worry, I always used protection and get tested regularly. That's not my point.”

     “But twenty?”

     “Yeah, I was a slut. But my point is, I've forgotten what
it's like to just be friends
with someone, with no strings attached.”

     
“Why are you telling me all this?”

     “Isn't that what friends do, tell each other everything? I just want you to know that I'm a little rusty on this whole friend thing. I'm probably going to screw up; you should know that now. Like when I was coming on to you back there, it was just, like, force of habit, you know? It was like I couldn't stop myself. And I hated myself the whole time.”

     “Gee…thanks.”

     “I didn't mean it like that,” he said quickly.

     “I know. I was just trying to make a joke.”

     “Oh. Well, what I meant was that…oh hell, I don't know what I meant. What I'm trying to say is that I do want to be your friend. I just want to make sure you know what you're getting into.”

     “I'll take the risk.”

     “Thanks. And thanks for not letting me screw it up.”

     “Hey, what are friends for? Just be careful because I'm not at all sure I'd be able to say no a second time.”

     He grinned. “I'll keep that in mind.”

* * *

     I walked slowly down the beach by myself. Fog swirled around me and blew across the sand in undulating and ever-changing patterns. Everything seemed softened, even the sound of the waves crashing in seemed muted.

     Suddenly, through the fog, I spotted a familiar form walking in front of me. I stepped up my pace but he somehow stayed just ahead of me, winking in and out in the mist.

     “Seth!” I called out. He turned and smiled, then, with a little wave he turned and disappeared into the fog. I started to run, trying to catch up to him. I saw him again, this time within reach; I grabbed his shoulder. He turned around but it wasn't Seth. It was Todd and suddenly we were back in the room the night he tried to kill Asher, Jake and me, but now it was just me and him. I was holding a gun in my hand, pointed straight at Todd.

     “You took Seth away from me,” I screamed. I pulled the trigger, once, twice, three times. There was no sound, just the sight of Todd crumpling to the ground, his blood a brilliant splash of red. I stood looking down at his lifeless body until I felt a presence beside me. I looked up to see Seth looking at me in horror.

     “You killed him! You're no better than him.”

     With a gasp, I sat straight up in my bed. Weak sunlight trickled through the window and across my sheets. Kane slept peacefully in his bed.

     I hadn't dreamed about Seth in a long time.  

* * *

     Asher was fifteen minutes late meeting me at the restaurant where we had agreed to meet. I sipped a cappuccino while I waited and wondered what the hell I was doing there. I didn't know this kid, why should I care what happens to him? Besides my insatiable curiosity, I knew I was doing it for Asher. Whether or not we were dating, we'd shared too much to turn my back on him now.

     He came through the door looking as good as ever. His curly black hair was still wet from his shower. He was wearing a silvery-blue pullover that set off his eyes and a dark blue pair of cargo shorts. He slid into the seat across from me.

     “Hi, Kill. Thanks for doing this.”

     “I've not done anything yet.”

     “You're here, that's something.”

     “I'm not sure what I'm doing here.”

     “You're good at this kind of stuff. I wouldn't even know where to begin.”

     “So what am I supposed to be doing anyway, interrogating the kid? This is all kind of weird.”

     “How is it weird? I just want you to meet him. Once you meet him you'll know he didn't do this. He couldn't have done what they're saying he did. It's not in him.”

     “There's a lot more in any of us then we even know,” I said, thinking about my dream.

     “What do you mean?” he asked.

     “I killed Todd.”

     “But you had to. It was self-defense.”

     “I still killed a person, Asher. I took someone's life. Maybe this kid felt like it was in self-defense. His dad abused him so he whacked him.”

     “Whacked? You sound like a gangster. And his name is Caleb, stop calling him the kid. He's not that much younger than we are. If you already think he's guilty why are you even doing this?”

     “I told you, I don't know why I'm here. I wouldn't be doing this for anyone else.”

     An unreadable look came into his eyes. “Do you still love me?”

     “What? I...Yeah, of course I do.”

     “You do?”

     “You thought I stopped loving you? Did you stop loving me?”

     “Yes…I mean, no. I mean, I didn't know what to think. You were acting so weird. You never talked to me, I mean really talked about important things. You never told me how you were feeling, what you were thinking.”

     “Maybe I wasn't ready for the kind of relationship we had.”

     “What do you mean?”

     “I think we moved too fast.”

     
“Too fast?
Killian, if we went any slower we'd be dating at a retirement center.”

     “We were kids. Hell, we still are. I'd never dated anyone before and suddenly here I was in a long-term relationship. I wasn't ready for that.”

     “I thought you just said you loved me.”

     “I did. I do. It's just that…I don't know what I want right now. I feel like I'm searching for something, but I don't think I'm going to find it in a relationship. Not right now, anyway. I don't want to lose our friendship. You're a part of my life and I've missed you.”

     “I've missed you too. I don't know what to do. Let's just do this now and worry about the rest later.”

     We stood up and walked out to the parking lot.

     “Are we going in one car or taking both?” I asked.

     “It's silly to take both. Why don't you just drive with me?”

     I climbed in and we set off. Conversation was kept to a minimum and what little there was seemed superficial. I was relieved when we arrived at the
Juvenile
Detention
Center
where Caleb was being held.  

     It was a squat brick building, not the most architecturally interesting structure. The small lawn had been attractively landscaped, though, and an American flag flapped in the breeze.

     We went in and told the uniformed lady at the front desk who we were there to see. There was some discussion on her phone,
then
we had to sign into a register. We were led to a room with a bank of booths with a glass wall separating us from an identical set-up on the other side. We had to wait a few minutes before Caleb was led in.

     I stared at him in surprise. My first impression was that Asher was right, there was no way this kid could have killed anyone. He was small, maybe 5'3” and if he weighed more than 100 pounds I'd be shocked. He had a mop of light brown hair and enormous brown eyes that radiated anguish like a beacon. His thin lips were pressed together nervously as he looked me over. He settled into the seat across from us and fixed his mournful gaze on Asher.

     “Caleb, this is Killian. He's the one who's going to help us prove your innocence.”

     I tried not to wince at Asher's over-the-top dramatics. Caleb's eyes shifted to me again before sliding back to Asher. He reminded me of a puppy that's been kicked by its owner one too many times and now it's distrustful of all humans.

     “How's he going to do that?” he asked in a soft voice.

     “He's a detective,” Asher said.

     “I'm not a detective,” I interjected, “I'm a secretary at a detective agency.”

     “But you're just like a detective and you've solved a murder before.” Asher gave me a look that I interpreted to mean he wanted me to play the master sleuth for Caleb's benefit. I had no intentions of pretending to be anything I'm not.

     “I didn't solve anything. I was just as surprised as everyone else.”

     “Well, your boss is helping too, and he's a real detective. He used to be a police detective and everything.”

     I couldn't argue with that. Caleb's eyes darted back and forth between us as if he was watching a tennis match.

     “So you're, like, going to find out who really killed my dad?” he said guardedly.

     “We're going to try,” I said quickly, before Asher could make any promises.

     
“How?”

     I shifted uncomfortably. “We'll ask questions. Talk to people. Look around…”

     “And that's going to find out who killed him?”

     
“Maybe.”

     “What kinds of questions will you ask?”

     “Uh, well, we'll ask your neighbors if they saw anything that night. Stuff like that.” I decided that it was time to take control of this conversation, “Do you know who would want to see your dad killed?”