All That Is Bitter and Sweet

Praise for
All That Is Bitter & Sweet

“Ashley Judd has written a deeply moving story—amazingly, searingly
frank
. It is her life story, warts and all. As I read her account of her childhood, I asked ‘How could one so traumatized, so abused in childhood, become the woman we know: so caring, so altruistic, so compassionate, so concerned for others, and so joyful?’ ”

—A
RCHBISHOP
D
ESMOND
T
UTU

“Ashley Judd has lived an extraordinary life. She has learned from it and turned it into a blessing and a call to action for others. Her journey is both moving and inspiring, unique and universal. Reading about it makes your own life make more sense.”

—M
ARIANNE
W
ILLIAMSON

“This lovely woman, this movie star, this determined dreamer will be familiar to you, assuming you have struggled to resolve your childhood, carve out a career, and make greater use of yourself. Ashley Judd’s story reminds us to work harder and on more important tasks, and promises that if we do, contentedness awaits.”

—K
ELLY
C
ORRIGAN
, author of
New York Times
bestseller
The Middle Place
and
Lift

“Ashley Judd has given us magnetic and searingly honest portrayals of diverse women on screen. Now with the same honesty and magnetism, she brings us her true self on the page. From her childhood to her revolutionary empathy with women and girls living very different lives, her path will inspire readers on journeys of their own.”

—G
LORIA
S
TEINEM

“Judd’s hauntingly beautiful memoir reflects upon her life as actress, wife, daughter, sister, woman of faith, and ultimately, as friend of the world’s forgotten.
All That Is Bitter & Sweet
is engaging as a narrative—I could not put it down—but this is not your typical ‘celebrity memoir.’
All That Is Bitter & Sweet
is written with uncommon depth and uncommon love. It has the power to transport you not only into the mind and spirit of a true activist, but into the elusive meaning of our shared humanity, and even into unexpected places in your own soul. Prepare to have your eyes opened and your heart jolted.”

—S
UE
M
ONK
K
IDD

“Over the last decade I have watched my gifted, brilliant friend grow as an artist, but more important, as a wise, deeply empathetic woman. I have read the diaries that are the heart of this memoir since she began traveling the world, fearing for her safety and sanity, baffled why she chooses these grueling missions.
All That Is Bitter & Sweet
will be a revelation to readers, exposing Ashley Judd for what I have known for years, that she is an amazing woman doing extraordinary work.”

—M
ORGAN
F
REEMAN

“There are certain books that stay with you long after the last page—Ashley Judd’s
All That Is Bitter & Sweet
is that very type of book. With her sincere honesty, her commitment to servant leadership, and her intense passion for everything that she is involved with, Ashley Judd presents a multilayered portrait of how one person—committed, caring, and conscientious—can truly make a difference. She may be our program’s No. 1 fan, but after reading this, you can count me as one of her top fans.”

—J
OHN
C
ALIPARI
, head coach, University of Kentucky

All That Is Bitter & Sweet
is a work of nonfiction. Some names and identifying details have been changed. As of press time, the URLs displayed in this book link or refer to existing websites on the Internet. Random House, Inc., is not responsible for, and should not be deemed to endorse or recommend, any website other than its own or any content available on the Internet (including without limitation at any website, blog page, information page) that is not created by Random House.

Published in the United States by Ballantine Books,
an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

BALLANTINE
and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following for permission to reprint previously published material:

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company and SLL/Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc.:
Excerpt from “Unknown Girl in the Maternity Ward” from
To Bedlam and Part Way Back
by Anne Sexton, copyright © 1960 by Anne Sexton and copyright renewed © 1988 by Linda G. Sexton. Electronic rights and rights outside of the United States and Canada are administered by SLL/Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company and SLL/Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc.

Liveright Publishing Corporation:
Four lines from “may my heart always be open to little” from COMPLETE POEMS: 1904–1962 by E. E. Cummings, edited by George J. Firmage, copyright 1938, © 1966, 1991 by the Trustees for the E. E. Cummings Trust. Reprinted by permission of Liveright Publishing Corporation.

Middlemarsh, Inc.:
Excerpt from “Always Unsuitable” from
Early Grrrl: The Early Poems of Marge Piercy
by Marge Piercy, copyright © 1999 by Middlemarsh, Inc. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of Middlemarsh, Inc.

Penguin Group UK and Johnson & Alcock Ltd:
Four lines from “Colours” from
Yevtushenko: Selected Poems
by Yevgeny Yevtushenko, translated by Robin Milner-Gulland and Peter Levi (Penguin Books, 1962), copyright © 1962 by Robin Milner-Gulland and Peter Levi. Audio rights are controlled by Johnson & Alcock Ltd. Reprinted by permission of Penguin Group UK and Johnson & Alcock Ltd.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Judd, Ashley.
All that is bitter & sweet : a memoir / by Ashley Judd with Maryanne Vollers.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-345-52482-9
1. Judd, Ashley. 2. Motion picture actors and actresses—United States—Biography.
I. Vollers, Maryanne. II. Title.
PN2287.J83A3 2011
791.4302′8092—dc22

[B] 2011002939

www.ballantinebooks.com

Jacket design: Marietta Anastassatos
Jacket photo: © Kelly Campbell

v3.1

For my beloved grandparents

“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite and He bends with you His might that

His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

So he loves also the bow that is stable.”

—KAHLIL GIBRAN, The Prophet

Love is a great thing, yea, a great and thorough good; by itself it makes everything that is heavy, light; and it bears evenly all that is uneven. For love carries a burden that is no burden, and makes everything that is bitter sweet and tasteful.

—THOMAS À KEMPIS, The Imitation of Christ

CONTENTS