“They say you never miss what you never had, but the truth is, you already have Maggie and if you fill that hole, you may be making a conscious decision to throw all of this away, and then to live with the memories of what you've lost. I would die without Sam, and from what I've seen, I think your love for Maggie is at least as strong as my love for Sam. I would do anything to keep Sam in my life. Are you willing to do the same for Maggie?"
Gina placed her hand on Jordan's shoulder.
"The bottom line, my friend, is whether your love for Maggie justifies allowing the future Jordan to become paralyzed in that fall."
CHAPTER 29
Sam was waiting on the porch when Gina dropped Jordan off at the house. Gina hugged Jordan warmly when she got out of the truck and held the door open for Sam to get in. Sam kissed her on the cheek. "She's barricaded herself in the bedroom. I recommend giving both of you some time to think about the implications of your being here, Jordan."
"It's not like I have a choice, Sam. My portal home is closed."
Sam got into the truck and hooked her seatbelt, then leaned out the window and placed her hand on Jordan's arm.
"I'm not sure it is, Jordan. I think you could go home at any time simply by changing the series of events that brought you here. It just might not be the same home you left."
* * *
Jordan paced back and forth in front of the fireplace in the bunkhouse. A swell of emotions raged through her, so intense she had to run to the bathroom to eject the contents of her stomach. She knelt on the bathroom floor with tears streaming down her face. Anger formed in the pit of her stomach as she beat the floor with her fists until her knuckles were bloody.
"Why? Why does this have to be so hard," she cried out loud.
She curled into a fetal position and thought about the events that had brought her here.
You called to me, Maggie. The dreams… the diaries. I swear you called to me.
Jordan pushed herself to her knees then climbed to her feet. In slow and emotionally painful movements, she made her way back into the common area of the bunk house and sat on the couch in front of the fireplace.
Are Maggie and Gina right? Would I simply disappear if the hole was filled to the point that it posed no danger to my future self? Would I cease to exist here in this time?
Jordan thought back to her teenage self before the accident. She was sixteen and a sophomore in high school and she was just beginning to realize her attraction to girls. She had dreams, as most young women do. Dreams of becoming an Olympic Equestrian. Dreams of going to veterinary school and eventually setting up a clinic right here on the farm. She had it all planned out, right down to building a new barn in the north pasture to board horses… ironically, right where Maggie had built her new barn just months earlier.
Maggie is right. If I hadn't fallen into that hole, I wouldn't have become a scientist. The whole reason I studied spinal cord injury regeneration was because of my own injury. I wouldn't have met Kale and Andi or Peter. Hell, Kale wouldn't have met Andi if I had never been injured. I didn't realize how many lives I would be changing simply by filling that hole.
Jordan thought about how her life had affected Maggie's so far.
Maggie would be dead right now and Jan would own this farm while quite literally getting away with murder if Sally and I hadn't stepped into the hole when I was sixteen. If I reset the life of my future self, then everything I have done here that affects Maggie will be reset as well. Saving Maggie's life is the direct result of me crossing paths with her in the future through her diaries.
Jordan sat forward on the couch and propped her elbows on her knees, then lowered her head into her hands. She closed her eyes as an intense wave of emotion washed over her, an emotion she recognized as overwhelming love and need for Maggie.
Jordan sat up, wiped the tears from her face then stood in front of the fireplace. "I know what I need to do," she said. Wincing as her injured knuckles scraped the hem of her pocket, she retrieved the keys to the truck and left the bunkhouse. Moments later, she backed the truck up the barn and threw several tools and implements into the back end then headed out to the north pasture.
Maggie stood at the living room window and watched Jordan back the truck up to the barn. Her heart sank as she saw Jordan load additional digging tools into the truck and drive away in the direction of the north pasture.
* * *
It was nearly dark when Jordan returned to the house four hours later, tired and covered in dirt. The blood on her knuckles was crusted over and her fingers were stiff and swollen. She pulled the truck up to the front of the house, turned off the ignition and sat there for several minutes while trying to come up with a way to apologize to Maggie for her earlier indecision. Finally, she decided to just take her knocks as they came and hoped Maggie would forgive her.
Jordan climbed out of the truck and went into the house. All was quiet, like no one was home. She saw Maggie's truck in the yard, so she was sure Maggie was still home. She made her way through the kitchen and living room and finally into their bedroom where she found Maggie asleep on the bed. She stood beside the bed for a time, just watching her sleep and allowing the love she felt for this woman to overwhelm her heart and fill her eyes with a fine mist. Finally, she went to the bathroom and stripped off her clothing before stepping into the shower.
Jordan felt a sense of renewal when she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. She towel-dried her hair and body, then grabbed her robe from a hook on the back of the bathroom door. The burning feeling on the backs of her hands led her to rummage through the medicine cabinet for salve and bandages, which is what she was in the process of doing when the bathroom door opened, admitting Maggie.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were back," Maggie said and began to leave.
"No. No, please come in. I'm just about finished in here," Jordan said.
Maggie walked completely into the room and saw what Jordan had in her hands. "What did you do to yourself?" she asked.
"I'm afraid my temper got the best of me," Jordan replied as she turned her hands over to show Maggie her knuckles.
"Jordan," Maggie admonished. "Go sit on the bed. I'll be out to bandage them for you as soon as I pee."
Jordan sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Maggie, hope brewing in her chest after their relatively civil first encounter since the confrontation in the pasture earlier that day. Maggie came out of the bathroom and sat on the bed beside her.
"Give me your hand," she said, and proceeded to apply salve and to wrap gauze around Jordan's knuckles. She avoided Jordan's eyes as she worked. "Jordan, I want to apologize for my behavior earlier today."
Jordan stiffened.
She's apologizing to me?
"No, Maggie. You've done nothing to apologize for."
Maggie taped the gauze then moved on to Jordan's other hand. "How did you say you did this?" she asked.
"My temper got the best of me. When Gina dropped me off, Sam recommended I give us both some time to think about things, so I went to the bunkhouse and did just that. The more I thought about it, the sicker I became until I finally lost my lunch and then beat the hell out of the bathroom floor when I realized what I fool I had been."
Maggie looked into Jordan's eyes after she taped the gauze on the second hand. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"Maggie, I just came back from the north pasture where I not only dug the hole a little deeper, but I covered it with a layer of plywood and sod, just like it was when Sally and I went through it so many years ago."
Jordan raised one bandaged hand to cup the side of Maggie's face.
"When I filled that well a few weeks ago, I didn't realize I was potentially throwing away everything I have worked so hard to have. Everything I have done… everything I have risked to get here was for you. When I was in the bunkhouse earlier today, pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace, asked myself if everything I went through as a teenager confined to a wheelchair, and everything I went through with failed relationships as an adult, and everything I endured during the testing and failures of the implant was worth spending the rest of my life with you. Undeniably, the answer to every one of those questions is yes. Yes, I would do it all over again just to be here with you right now and to be facing such a promising and loving future with you."
Jordan watched Maggie's eyes fill with tears.
"Maggie, I love you more than life itself, and if you'll have me, I will spend all my tomorrows making you happy. I'm asking you to forgive me, Maggie, for I have truly been a fool to risk losing the most precious thing in my life."
Maggie closed her eyes and allowed the tears that clung to the edge of her lids, to roll down her face. She opened them again and smiled through her tears. "I guess we should be planning a wedding then."
Jordan lowered her mouth to Maggie's and kissed her tenderly, then rested her forehead against Maggie's. "Thank you, Maggie." She kissed her once more. "Let me love you."
"Not with those bandages on your hands," Maggie replied. "I will however, submit to sleeping in your arms tonight."
Jordan smiled. "I would love to hold you in my arms while you sleep. I love you, Maggie. Thank you for loving me too."
* * *
"Jordan, calm down. It'll be fine," Maggie said as Jordan paced back and forth in front of the gate.
"Calm down? Mags, they're your parents."
"And your point is?"
"What… what if they don't like me? Hell, your father was ready to just give the farm to Jan."
Maggie stood in Jordan's path on her next pass by the gate. "Stop. Please. Jordan, they'll love you. Trust me."
"How do I look?"
"Good enough to eat."
Jordan grinned. "I'll take you up on that later. Shit! Here come a bunch of people off the plane."
Maggie looked intently at the surge of people coming through the gate. "There they are," she said and began to wave. Once they cleared security, Maggie ran toward them and hugged them fiercely. "I missed you guys so much," she said. "How was your flight?"
"We had a long layover in Newark, of all places. Other than that, it was fine," Gary Downs said.
Maggie stood between her parents and slipped her arms into theirs as they walked toward Jordan. "Mom, Dad, this is Jordan Lewis. Jordan, these are my parents, Gary and Sharon Downs."
Jordan extended her hand first to Maggie's father. "Mr. Downs. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Likewise, Jordan. But since you are going to be part of the family soon, you need to get over the Mr. Downs thing. Call me Gary."
"Thank you, Gary," Jordan said before turning her attention to Maggie's mother.
"Sharon, or Mom, if you'd like," Sharon said before Jordan could speak. "And may I add that you are quite a beautiful woman. You chose well, Margaret."
"Mom, do you have to call me that?" Maggie whined.
Sharon batted Jordan's hand away. "In this family, we hug," she said, opening her arms to Jordan.
"Thanks, Mom," Jordan said, winking at Maggie over her mother's shoulder.
Sharon slipped her hand into Jordan's arm. "Gary, Margaret, why don't you go on ahead to collect the luggage so I can get to know my new daughter-in-law."
"Better to do as you're told,
Margaret
or there'll be hell to pay," Gary teased.
"My name is Maggie!"
Jordan smiled broadly as Gary took Maggie's hand and dragged her toward the luggage carousel.
* * *
"Who gives this woman in matrimony?" the priest asked.
"I do," Gary said as he stepped forward and stood beside Maggie.
"And who gives this woman in matrimony?" the priest repeated.
"That would be me," Gina said. She stood beside Jordan.
"Please join hands."
Jordan and Maggie joined their right hands.
The priest removed a brown cord from around his neck and handed it to Gary, who wrapped it around their joined hands.
"Let this brown cord represent Mother Earth. In her name, we rejoice in the bounty that comes from a loving union," the priest said.
He then handed a blue cord to Gina, who tied it around their joined hands.
"Let this blue cord represent the depth and breadth of the commitment between you. As soft as water, yet as deep as the ocean."
Gary next tied a green cord around their hands.
"Let this green cord represent the ongoing renewal of love required for a healthy marriage. May it always grow and blossom like spring flowers."
Gina then tied a yellow cord around their hands.
"Let this yellow cord represent the warmth and energy of the sun. Let warmth and energy always be present in your everyday lives."
The priest spread his arms open. "Jordan and Maggie, you have chosen to write your own vows. You may now share them with each other and with all present. Maggie, you may go first."
Maggie smiled into Jordan's eyes. "Jordan, you literally appeared out of thin air to rescue me. I summoned you from afar, reaching through the time continuum, pulling you toward me. At great risk to yourself, you came. You came in the nick of time; my knight in shiny armor, riding her steed at full gallop across the plains to save me. And save me, you did. For that, and for so many other reasons, I will love you forever, across all space and time. Thank you for consenting to spend all your tomorrows with me."
Jordan cleared her throat to speak. "Maggie, I never really understood how full life could be until you came into mine. I was broken and damaged, yet you looked beyond my limitations and demanded no less of me. Your love healed me. Your love reached through time and summoned my soul. I could do nothing but follow your call. You say I rescued you, but it is I who was rescued by a fierce red-headed warrior named Margaret… er, I mean, Maggie."