All I Have to Give (22 page)

‘And how does this benefit— Oh my God, Petra, you are not thinking what I think you’re thinking?’

‘I am. And why not? When Marcelina last miscarried, she had everything taken away from her.’

‘But why didn’t you tell me this, Petra? Our own child undergoes an operation as serious as that, and you keep it from me?’

‘I was afraid of your reaction. I knew we couldn’t go back there. I tried to shield you. The agony of our separation, and not knowing when we will see our child again, is enough to
bear. I decided to keep the operation from you for that reason. Marcelina was devastated, but we can bring her happiness again.’

‘But how? By stealing a child? And how will we get the child to Marcelina? You have just said that we can’t go back, and you know she can’t get out.’

‘The letter that you brought back from town this morning is from Marcelina. She disguised it in an official envelope. I’ve been waiting for the right moment to share the news it
contains with you. Marcelina is back in Russia. She and Feodor have made it back to where his parents fled to. Oh, Aleksi, we can go there. We can cross the border and go to Russia. We can take a
child to our daughter. Marcelina has said that there is still travel in and out of there by boat. You know that Feodor’s parents are very rich; they have orchestrated Marcelina’s and
Feodor’s escape and they will help us, too.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? You could have discussed it when you came out to the field with me. You are a mystery to me at times, Petra. But what you do not realize is that
this is
not
good news. On my travels I pick up news of what is happening in the world. There is a great deal of unrest among the students and peasants of Russia. There is likely to be
another revolution, far bloodier than that of 1905. It’s not safe to return there, and I am heartsick that Marcelina is in Russia. Tsar Nicholas does not take any heed of how his warring
tactics are alienating his subjects. There is a great deal of unrest.’

‘I didn’t tell you because I hadn’t read the letter then. I too thought it was an invoice or some such. Oh, Aleksi, every joy is counteracted by a step back into fear. But
surely, if Feodor’s family know of the unrest, they will act. We should wait until we hear again from Marcelina. It is months until Edith’s baby will be born. We have a long time to
plan.’

Though her heart was racing with fear at what Aleksi had told her, Petra still felt hope. Feodor’s parents had at last done something to get their son and Marcelina out of Poland, and she
felt certain they would make plans to save the young couple and themselves.

Low Moor, late October 1916
An unlikely friendship that brings hope

‘Rene, it is good to see you.’

‘Well, I can’t believe you’re here. I don’t know how you managed this, Eloise. And, though I don’t mean to sound rude, never in a million years did I think I would
ever be sitting in a teashop with you, in the North of England, discussing ways of helping others! What happened to change you?’

‘I know. I was an empty-headed, silly girl, but war gives you food for thought. I’ve been working through a gradual process of wanting to do something to help, as you know, but when
Andrina died it – it did something to me, and quite the opposite to what I expected. It made me stronger, and it made me think more of others.’

‘I didn’t want to mention Andrina, but I’m glad you have. It broke my heart when I heard the dreadful news from my mama. I’m so sorry. I didn’t believe the stories
passed through the servants’ grapevine.’

‘They were probably true.’

Talking to Rene seemed to help. Rene was an independent ear, someone who hadn’t been involved and, whilst she was saddened and shocked, she was not knocked off-balance by it all.

‘Oh dear, poor Andrina. I wanted to come down for the funeral, but I couldn’t. I had no leave due, and a friend’s death didn’t come under the rules for compassionate
leave.’

Eloise understood, and told Rene that all of her family had known she would have been there, if she was able to. They talked about the funeral, and discreetly dabbed away tears over the loss of
Andrina, before the conversation turned to Edith. Rene had met Edith on a couple of occasions, and her way of looking at things gave Eloise some hope as she said, ‘I’d say that Edith is
all right. From what I saw, she was a determined woman, who became a doctor against all the odds of a woman achieving this. Why you haven’t heard anything could be down to a number of things,
not least poor communications due to the war. The Army has taken over most of the services, and has priority. Edith will find a way to survive, and a way to get in touch when she can.’

Rene’s reasons for not hearing from Edith sounded plausible, given how long it took for letters from her Aunt Marianne to arrive from France. The last one was dated months prior to its
delivery.

‘I think you are right – of course you are. Now, let’s talk of other things. The reason I am here, for one.’

‘Yes, of course. Ada. Poor soul, she’s lost and doesn’t know which way to turn. She’s staying with her sister Beryl, but there is a bitterness between them. I think I
told you about Ada’s husband’s affair with the sister, and it resulting in a pregnancy?’

‘You did. How awful for Ada.’

‘Yes, well, she needs to get out of there. Her cottage was destroyed and she lost most of her things, but thank God she found the mementoes of her sons. She is a proud woman, Eloise, so
your charity won’t be easily accepted.’

‘Have you spoken to her about me?’

‘No, I didn’t think it wise. She might not have agreed to come. I just wrote to her telling her that I had time off, and would she meet me here? She’ll be along soon, I am
sure.’

Ada released a sigh of relief and frustration as she closed Beryl’s door behind her. The atmosphere between Beryl and Bill made for an uncomfortable life in their
presence. Beryl – rounded as if she was carrying a dozen young ’uns, and about to drop her babby at any time – moped around, not wanting to do anything, whilst Bill was in a
permanent bad mood.

Trying not to be alone with Bill was a strain, but if she didn’t dodge him, he would start on the same subject. And he asked questions, always questions: did she know about the affair?
Couldn’t she tell Paddy was having it off with another woman? Oh aye, she could answer that one, as suspecting it had been part of her daily life, or even knowing he was at it, and suffering
the humiliation it wrought upon her.

In some ways it would have been better if Bill had left Beryl and let that be the end to it, because what he put her through amounted to cruelty. It had shocked Ada to find that he had a side
like this to him, as he’d always seemed such a nice man. Not that she blamed him altogether; she had little sympathy for Beryl at times, and forgiveness hadn’t come wholeheartedly from
her, and probably never would. But, in her condition, Beryl didn’t need the constant aggravation and reminder of her sins that Bill subjected her to.

Leaving the house and the troubled folk inside it behind her, Ada walked down the hill. Every step caused her pain, as many of the ribs broken by the force of the explosion still weren’t
fully healed. Biting on her lip, she tried to ignore the discomfort and decided she would make it to the tea rooms, which were about a mile away.

It would be lovely to see Rene again. Ada didn’t know how someone of her standing could look upon her as a friend. Her experiences of moneyed folk in the past had led her to believe they
were all a toffee-nosed lot, who’d rather look down on you and label you as scum than talk to you. But, in Rene, she saw someone who cared.

Her thoughts went to Joe. Poor Joe. If only she could visit him, but they had put him on remand in a prison down south, to await a trial date. His case seemed a helpless one, and in her
nightmares the gallows loomed. So often she awoke with sweat running down her body, her hands clawing at herself and unreleased tears and screams strangling her throat. Would she ever see Joe
again?

‘Hey! What world are you in, Ada? I’ve shouted at the top of me voice to you, and you haven’t acknowledged me!’

Looking up, Ada was shocked to see Bill. He’d pulled up in his car, a huge Ford Roadster that thought itself a Rolls-Royce, and was treated like one by Bill. How he afforded it, let alone
afforded to run it, she had no idea.

‘Climb up. I know you’re not comfortable walking, and I thought it would sit well with your new friend to see you arrive in a car.’

‘Ta, Bill. That’s kind of you, but I wouldn’t have bothered you.’ But as she said this a little tickle set up in her belly, at the thought of riding in the open-topped
car.

‘Let me give you a hand.’ Before she could object, Bill was out of the car and coming round to her. ‘Put your foot on the step and I’ll give you a push.’

His push enabled him to place his hands where he shouldn’t. Swinging her bag caused her deeper pain than walking had, but also caught Bill a glancing blow that had him stepping back in
astonishment.

‘I – it were a mistake, Ada, I didn’t mean to . . .’

‘Oh, aye, your bloody hands slipped a bit low and then forward, did they? Don’t play them games with me, Bill. Anyroad, I thought you couldn’t do owt!’

‘Not with Beryl, I can’t. She’s too demanding. She’s like an animal grabbing me and expecting it every bloody night, despite her having it off with your Paddy at the same
time. Not that I knew that. But she got me in such a state with her demands that I . . . Well, I couldn’t perform at all in the end. But with you, Ada, I—’

‘No, you bloody can’t! I ain’t like Beryl. Oh, aye, me Paddy were a passionate man and I were willing, but I ain’t for having another woman’s man. I’m a loyal
person. I have me Joe now, and will be his until the end of me days. You just try them tricks on me again, Bill, and I’ll knock your block off.’

‘Sorry, Ada, I didn’t realize. Come on. I’ll be good, I promise.’

Unable to refuse the lift, she allowed him to help her climb in, and was glad that, this time, he kept his hands on her waist.

‘I’ll say something, though, Ada. I married the wrong sister.’

Ignoring him, Ada had thought she’d never see the day she’d sit in a car.
Eeh, it’s grand! Though the seat is harder than I thought, specially with me having no padding on
me rump now. I’ve to feed meself up and get back me figure, just in case Joe gets out.

She shook herself in disgust. These thoughts must be the result of what Bill had just done. She hadn’t wanted her feelings to be reawakened by such an incident, but had to admit that the
touch of a hand there brought back memories of the pleasure it gave her, and she realized she missed coupling with a man. Aye, and at times she missed Paddy. He was larger than life, and with a
sexual appetite that could satisfy many women at once. But mostly he had been hers. She would think of that when she remembered him, and not of the many times he had strayed.

‘You’re quiet. Enjoying your ride in a car then?’

‘I am, Bill, but I wish you hadn’t done what you did. It changes things between us. I won’t feel comfortable around you now.’

‘You can’t blame a man for trying, Ada. We have our rights, and you gave off something that said you liked me, so it was your own fault.’

Bloody men! Give them a smile and they think they can have you. And it’s your fault if they try when you don’t want them to! Some things need to change in this world.
‘So, if I ask you to take me to visit Joe, you’ll expect to be in me bed by the neet? Well, I have news for you, Bill. Friendship from a woman isn’t a reet to take her down. God,
you men think with your cocks, and that’s why the bloody world is in the mess it is.’

‘Ha, you’ll be bleating “Votes for women” next. God only knows what state we’d be in, if that ever happens. You’ll all be voting for the most handsome man,
whether or not he has any brains. God help us and save us from such a fate!’

‘Bloody cheek. You know, you are a handsome man, Bill, and well set up, but I don’t see the ladies braying at your door. So that knocks your theory for six. I hope those fighting for
women’s rights win through. I don’t agree with how they go about it, but I’m with them and would help them if I could.’

Bill was silent and concentrated on his driving. Ada glanced at him. He was a handsome man. His tall, slender figure gave him an elegance and made him look good in his bespoke tailored suits;
and his dark hair, parted in the middle and held to his head with some cream, suited him, as did his handlebar moustache. His brown eyes were attractive and had a look that said, ‘I’m
an all right bloke.’ They made you trust him, but now she wasn’t so sure and wondered if she’d seen the last of his advances towards her.

‘Yes, I’ll take you to see Joe,’ he said, after a moment. ‘I’d like to meet the fellow. He must be something special, to have taken you from Paddy. Oh, I know Paddy
was a wild one, but he was the kind that could get any woman, and a woman felt privileged to be wanted by him. I have often wished I had half what he had, in those stakes.’

Ada thought it best to let this go. Bill was hoping for a compliment, but he wasn’t going to get one. She was happy that she was being driven in his car. If it meant she had to deal with
his advances, well, she’d be ready for him. Nothing she could say would change his, or any man’s, ego; they’d still think every woman wanted them. Theirs was a culture that made
them think there was no such thing as rape. Well, she knew there was. Many times Paddy had forced her to open her legs when she hadn’t wanted to. Though she had to admit that sometimes, when
he had, she’d been glad. But then that was because he was her husband and she held a big sexual attraction in her for Paddy. Those men who took a woman against her will in different
circumstances: that was rape by any name and repulsed her.
Aye, there’s a lot that needs changing, but whether any of it will happen in my time, I don’t know.

Her nerves jangled when the car drew up outside the teashop. The shop looked the same as every other time she’d passed it. Its net curtains were draped in immaculate folds and were a
pristine white. The windows gleamed. A posy of flowers sat in each window, and the white paint of the windowframes was set off by the black paint of the outside sills and the door.