Alien Child (14 page)

“Thank you for telling me this,” Nita said. “Good night, Llipel.”

“Good night.” The image vanished.

Sven stepped toward the platform; he seemed a little unsteady on his feet. “What was that all about?”

“I had to speak to her,” she answered. “I didn’t want her worrying about me after the way I acted in the cold room. She sounded strange, Sven. She says another time’s coming, that she may not speak to me after a while, but that I have nothing to fear.”

“Somehow that doesn’t sound comforting.”

She leaned back against the pillows. “Did you ever think that maybe they’re testing us, trying to find out what we’ll do now? We’re so quick to see them as threats, even after all the years they’ve looked after us. Our kind seemed to see everything as a threat or an enemy.”

“Not everything. We can trust each other, can’t we?” He sat down on the platform next to her.

He seemed to want companionship now; he reached for her hand. She let him hold it, surprised at how moved she was by the gesture. “It wasn’t a lie, what I told Llare,” he said, “that I wanted to be alone with you for a while.”

Her cheeks grew warm as she smiled. “I feel the same way,” she said softly. His arms were around her; she leaned against him, welcoming his touch. She thought of how she had snuggled up to Llipel and had been comforted by her warmth. She had missed such closeness.

Sven stroked her arm gently. She pressed closer to him; his cheek brushed against hers. Her arms were around his waist; she trembled a little, surprised at the pleasure she felt.

His hand pulled at her shirt. A wilder feeling welled up inside her, and then she was afraid. “Nita,” he whispered. “I want to—I can’t stop thinking about it.”

She drew back a little. “No, Sven. We can’t—”

“It’s all right.” He held her more tightly. “I have an implant. I got one a little while after I first talked to you. I knew what could happen, and so did Llare. I asked him to help implant it, and he did.”

“I can’t.”

“Nothing will happen. Isn’t this what we’re supposed to do?” He pressed his lips against her neck; she tried to push him away, but his grip was too strong. “I want this so much—it has to be time.”

She twisted away. “No!” He reached for her; she jumped to her feet. “I’m not ready for this!”

“Then why did you let me hold you before?”

She could not answer.

“What do you want, then?” His face was drawn, his eyes angrier than she had ever seen them. “You didn’t seem to mind at first.”

“It isn’t supposed to be like this.”

“How do you know?” he said. “I just want to do what our people did when they were together. I can’t put it out of my mind. What do you want? All those words I’ve seen in some of the stories about how I love you and I can’t live without you? Well, I can’t, can I? You’re the only one of my kind here. Who else can I go to?”

“I don’t want this.”

“You could try. I can’t believe you don’t feel it, too.” He started toward her and grabbed at her arm. She pulled free and yanked her weapon from its sheath.

“Don’t come near me!” she shouted, shocked at her own rage. “You aren’t thinking of me, just of what you want. I’ve read the records, I know what some men did to women, forcing themselves on them and hurting them and not caring about their feelings. Is that what you’re like?”

His face paled. “That’s what you think? I wouldn’t have hurt you. Do you think you’re any better? Look at you—you’re ready to fight the only one of your kind left.”

Her arm fell. He spun around and strode from the room. She let the wand drop to the floor, then threw herself across the platform.

She had wanted him closer to her, at least in the beginning. Why hadn’t he seen that his embrace might have been enough? Had she made some sort of mistake and led him to think she wanted more? She had felt almost as if an enemy was with her, one who saw her only as something to be overcome.

She buried her head in a pillow, holding back her tears.

She was awake. Nita rubbed her eyes and sat up. A glance toward the window revealed a bright, sunlit sky; she had overslept.

She went into the lavatory and splashed cold water on her face as she thought of Sven. Another floor of residential quarters lay beneath this one; she could always live there. She was used to being alone; Sven would understand. Maybe he would want to keep away from her now.

She left the lavatory and saw that her weapon was still on the floor. She picked it up, then thrust it into her belt.

I don’t want to fight, she thought. They would have to reach some sort of agreement. She was the only one Sven could turn to; he had said so the night before. If others had lived, he could have gone to someone else.

That notion was a knife stabbing inside her, bringing pain, anger, and a feeling of helplessness and desperation. She realized that she was feeling what some of the records called jealousy, that she could feel it even when no one lived who could take the boy from her. The feeling was poisonous; she could rid herself of it only by reaching out to him.

Sven was sitting at a table near the lift as she entered the cafeteria. He lifted his head; dark circles were under his eyes.

She walked toward him. “Are you still angry?” he asked.

“No.”

“I don’t know what happened to me. I had these feelings, but I could ignore them before. Then I was holding you and I couldn’t think of anything else, and when you tried to pull away, I didn’t know what to do.”

“I had some feelings, too, at first, and then I was frightened.”

“Even when you knew about my implant and that nothing could happen?”

She nodded. “I was confused. All these feelings came at once—wanting to be close, feeling happy, and being afraid.”

“Then you said I was like those men who forced themselves on women. It was like saying I was worse than you, or was something else you weren’t. But maybe I
am
like that. Maybe that’s what I’ll become.”

“No.” She sat down across from him. “I won’t believe it. I wouldn’t have said it if I hadn’t read some of those stories. You’re not like that, I know you’re not. We don’t have to be the way they were.”

“You sound as though we have a choice.”

“It’s better to think that we do,” she replied.

“And we can still be friends?”

“Of course.”

He stood up and paced toward the windows. She was about to speak when he motioned to her. “Nita, come here. There’s something below you should see.”

She hurried toward him, then peered down through a pane at the garden. Llipel and Llare were sitting together under a tree; Llipel leaned toward her companion and gestured with her hands.

Sven let out his breath. “I think their time for separateness is over.”

12

“It seems,” Llipel said, “that you can protect yourself when you go into the forest.”

Nita lowered her weapon. She had been preparing to fire at a rock Sven was about to hurl into the air. “I’m better at it,” she said, “but it’ll be harder to hit a target out there.”

“You will have to keep close to this place when you first explore, until you grow used to the forest,” Llipel replied.

Llare descended the ship’s ladder; the opening above him had disappeared. Sven turned as his guardian went to Llipel’s side. For days, Nita had rarely seen the two apart. They often went to their ship when Sven and Nita were outside practicing with their wands; at other times, their guardians sat together and watched them in silence. It was strange to see them together so much, and even more unnerving to sense their eyes on her as she aimed and fired. They seemed unperturbed by the weapons, but they could be looking for weaknesses, trying to see how well she and the boy could defend themselves.

“You’re improving,” Sven muttered.

“That isn’t saying much,” Nita responded. She usually hit her target only when it wasn’t moving.

“Try again.” He tossed the rock into the air; she miscalculated and missed. She was more used to the weapon now and did not miss quite so often. She supposed she would get better with more practice, but skill with the weapon wouldn’t be enough. If her guardian could make her nervous, how ready would she be to aim at a dangerous animal?

She gazed at the forest, trying to imagine herself among the trees and uncertain of what lay behind her or ahead. She and Sven had been reading about wildlife, tracking, setting up a shelter, signs of possible dangers, and what supplies might be needed, yet she worried about how useful much of that information would be. The forest had been a different place long ago, tamed and shaped by her kind. The people who had entered the wood had known that others could aid or rescue them if they were lost or endangered.

Llipel and Llare were sitting on the ground near their ship. Nita caught a few indistinct mewlings and whistlings. They were using their own language, as they so often did when together. They rarely gestured as they did when speaking her language, when they sometimes needed a sign to make their meaning clear.

“I think we’ve practiced with the weapons enough for now,” Sven said. “Do you feel like running?”

“I suppose so. We can use the exercise.”

They stretched, flexed their arms, then began to run south, toward the front of the Institute. They had been running together in the courtyard every morning since moving to the tower, and she was able to keep up with him now. When they were near the stony surface in front of the tower, he slowed and motioned to her. Apparently the run was only an excuse to get away from their guardians.

“I wish we’d found shoes that fit us,” he said, “or that we could wear to walk in. Maybe we’ll just have to get used to the ones we found.”

She thought of the shoes she had discovered. Most were too large, or too narrow; some pinched, and others were so light and flimsy she wondered why anyone had bothered to wear them. “At least we found some socks,” she said. “The boots I found in the cold room fit me better than any of the shoes.” She sat down, stretched out her legs, and wiggled her bare toes. “You could probably find a pair that would fit you. In fact, we could wear the suits when we leave. They’re light, they’re sturdy, and they’d protect us if it gets cold.”

“That’s an idea,” he said. “It’s really beginning to bother me, seeing Llare and Llipel watch us the way they do.”

“I feel the same way.”

“I could ignore it for a while, but I don’t know how much longer I can stand it. They keep showing up, and they’re always going to the ship.”

“At least they don’t come to the tower,” she said.

“I keep expecting them to do something—anything,” he said. “It’s as if they’re trying to decide what to do. I wish I knew what they were waiting for.”

That was the same feeling she had, that the two were anticipating another change. “We could confront them,” she said, “demand some answers.” That was a ridiculous idea. Llipel and Llare would have no answers and would only murmur soothingly about how Nita should not worry.

“We keep talking about leaving the Institute,” Sven said, “but we don’t make any real plans.”

“There’s still more we should learn.”

“There’s always going to be more we should know. We won’t really find out what’s out there until we see it for ourselves.” He tugged at the sleeve of his coverall. “I guess it’s easier to keep putting it off.”

“We shouldn’t go anyway until we have some idea of what they’re waiting for. They might be expecting us to leave; that may be part of what they want.” She shivered, wondering if they knew of a way to shut down the mind or to close the Institute for good. She and Sven might leave, then return only to find their home forever barred to them.

Nita climbed out of the pool, dried herself with a towel, and combed out her thick, long hair with her fingers before putting on her coverall. Since the night Sven had come to her room, she was shyer of swimming with him; now they each went to the pool alone to swim. She had gone back to wearing coveralls, as the boy had; Sven considered such clothing more practical now. Her reason for wearing coveralls was different. She did not want to wear garments that might be more revealing.

The door to the east wing opened; Sven entered the garden. “If you want to swim,” she called out, “I’ll leave. I was going to go to the library anyway and call up some maps, see where we might go on our first journey.”

He smiled a little, as if he found that amusing. Often she thought that he would rather plan the trip than make it. “I can swim later—right now, I’m too full of food to swim. Doesn’t Llipel usually keep some of her food in the east wing cafeteria?”

Nita nodded.

“I didn’t see any there,” he said.

“They’ve been in their ship so often that maybe they eat there now.”

Sven sat down on the tiles near the pool. “I had a dream last night. It was so real that I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

She seated herself across from him. She had dreamed about Sven last night, and the dream had disturbed her so much that she had awakened. Most of the dream had faded from her mind a few moments later, but she remembered the sharp longing she had felt before she suppressed that urge.