Alexia Eden (FairyTales Don't Exist) (41 page)

I rush out her back door as I throw up in the bush as the images of what I put her through last night flood my memory. I'm so disgusted in myself. I walk to the fountain in the woods and sit on the big rock, I fold my legs to my chest and I cry.

What I did to her last night is unforgiveable, the horror I put her through because I couldn’t control my wolf...I’m a monster.

She deserves someone better but I’m too selfish to let her get away. She can’t leave me, I won’t let her.

I wipe the tears away, I go back into her house and take her keys.
 I don’t want her leaving without giving me a chance to talk to her but I’m going to give her time and speak to her tonight. I drive her car up to the pack house and park it by the barn.

I reach school a little late and I’m distracted throughout the day. I arrive at Lexi’s house that evening and see her lying on the bed in the same spot. She is dressed in large baggy clothes, now staring out the open window. Her room is now clean, her bedding all gone but I can still see the dried blood stains on the bare mattress where she lies. I swallow down the hurt I feel for her. I pick out her clothes and throw them on the bed, she whimpers when the clothes hit the bed and I wince at the fact that she is afraid of me. Before leaving the room I take her phone just in case she calls someone to fetch her, I forgot to take it in the morning.

She comes out of the room, her face hides any evidence of the torture I put her through the previous night and I don’t know how she got all the swelling to fade. She walks straight to the car and waits for me, I notice she is very jumpy and I can see she is trying very hard to walk straight but I notice her limping.

I need to know she loves me. I know she does but I need to hear it so I make her.

She struggles to get in the car but eventually gets comfortable; I see her wince as I close the door.

When I put her seat belt on her, she held her breath and closed her eyes as if I would hurt her again. The entire drive she was staring vacantly out the window until I put my hand on her leg, she whimpered but never looked at me.

We get to the restaurant and as I stop, I see her open the door, I watch her as she panics as she tries to get out of the car because she’s clearly in pain, I really want to help her but as I lean forward she hastily gets out and moves away from me afraid.

I
 don't know what I was thinking when I flirted with the waitress, I wanted to make her jealous and see if I could get a reaction out of her that indicated that she still loved me after what I did.  I watch her turn around facing the view as she wiped a few tears away and I knew then that of course she still loved me even after the shit I put her through, that’s the way Lexi is. I just keep making things worse. I had no excuse this time because I was in control of my body and the actions I made were all mine.

When I saw the blood stained bandages on her wrists I instantly knew what caused it. Then she repeated the words my wolf told her last night while he destroyed my beautiful girl, “You don’t have to apologize… I deserved it.”

He made her think that she deserved everything he did. I could hear Sebastian howling within me but I wasn’t going to let him loose from the cage I stuck him in. I couldn’t let him hurt her again.

After she left with Ronny I immediately went home, I had to sort my shit out and talk to her...she needs to forgive me, I want my Lexi back.

I drop my car off and walk to Lexi’s trailer. I climb in through her window and instantly hear the shower on so I know she’s in there. I can’t stand to look at the bed with the blood stain on it, I try clean away the blood with cleaning detergent but the stain remains so I flip the mattress over so the blood is hidden. I go to the passage cupboard looking for linen and the cupboard is stocked with clean bedding, I make the bed for her before I walk to the bathroom.

I hear Lexi’s sweet voice as she mumbles the same thing over and over, I can't tell what she’s saying. I lean on the bathroom and watch her, she’s sitting naked under the shower as steam fills the bathroom, I notice the towel covering the mirror too. She sits with her arms folded over the side of the tub,
 her cheek leaning on her one bruised arm as she stares distantly at her wrist that has a clear cut around it. Her body is black and blue and her face is emotionless, her once beautiful blue green eyes are now a dull grey void of any colour as she repeats over and over “I love him. I deserved everything I got for betraying him...“

What have I done?
I feel a tear slip from my eye.

She looks over to my shoes then looks back at her wrist as if I’m not even standing there and it hurts deeply.

I walk slowly toward her, I watch as her body tenses and her mumbling stops. She looks at me from the corner of her eyes as I switch the boiling water off, her skin looks raw as I pull a towel from the rack. Her back and bottom has welting and a few cuts from the thin belt I used to hurt her. I swallow the tears.

I bend down to her level and look at her broken face, her heavy makeup she was wearing is running down her
 cheeks and the bruises I’ve caused are now displayed.

I raise my hand to wipe the hair out of her face but she cringes away from my hand and whimpers.

It hurts that she doesn’t want me to touch her but I need to show her that I’m not going to hurt her and that I want to take care of her. I try again and she freezes, I pull her head to my chest as I kneel and lean over the bath, her hair makes my shirt wet but I don’t care. I move the hair out of her face, then kiss her head and she relaxes slightly under my touch. 

I use the tip of the towel as I wipe away the make-up gently from her face, she doesn’t look me in my eyes once, she closes her eyes and lets me clean her face. The bruises and scratches are no longer hidden and the evidence of what I did to her is all over her body. I lift her up out of the bath and she lets out a cry of pain and I cringe.

I wrap the towel around her shivering body. Then pick her up again and carry her to the room, she remains tense as I carry her it’s as if she doesn’t want to be touched by me and I understand.

I get her some warm clothes then help her dry herself, even though I can tell she doesn’t want my help she doesn’t say one word to me. She turns and places her underwear on, then drops her towel as she places her bra on. I spot a large bruise on the side of her ribs, my footprint. I break down, I sit on her bed and weep like a little girl, I can tell she’s watching me as she continues to get dressed so I cover my face with my hands to try to muffle the cries but my whole body is shaking.
  

“You did this to her! You broke her and now I’m left to pick up the pieces. She must hate me. How could you hurt her like that! I fucking hate you for what you’ve done to my girl, I swear if she leaves us, I will never let you run free again…you will never see the light of day!”
I shout at the wolf within me as I hear him cry as he too see’s the after effects of what he’s done to her.

“
I’m so sorry, I couldn’t control myself and I needed to make sure she knew who she belonged to. I never wanted to hurt her but once I started I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stand the thought of our girls lips on other men. I hate myself, please Drake, please get her to forgive me…” Sebastian
cries.

I continue to sob as I lean forward with my elbows on my knees and my hands covering my face, I'm not sure where Lexi is at this point. I feel a soft touch on my back and I turn to see Lexi rubbing my back in a comforting way. My girl is so sweet, she can barely walk from the pain I’ve caused her yet she is trying to comfort me? She is too good for me and she deserves so much better.

As I look at her sad face she quickly removes her hand away from my back and moves away from me on the bed.

“Lexi…please don’t hate me…I love you…I love you so much…I’m so sorry, I fucked up again.” I say as I wipe away the tears and move closer to her but she moves away from me so that she is now sitting in the middle of the bed up against the head board. Her legs are folded with her
 arms crossed over holding them together with her face between her knees as she continues to mumble the same thing over and over and shivers with fear.

“I love him. I deserve everything I got for betraying him …”

ALEXIA POV

I love him. I deserve everything I got for betraying him….

He sat there on my bed looking so fragile crying, I watch him and I try to convince myself to stay away from him but I know this is my Drake and not Sebastian and in the end my feelings for Drake get the better of me.

I tip toe and climb on the bed behind him as I find the courage to touch him. After three failed attempts at putting my hand on his back I finally do it, he immediately looks over at me with his red face and I see those beautiful hazel eyes of his. I quickly move away from him remembering how black they were last night and what he did to me…that wasn’t my Drake…my Drake wasn’t strong enough to keep his wolf from hurting me.

“No Lex, you don’t deserve any of what I did. You deserve better than me. Please don’t hate me my Lex…please don’t.” Drake begs me. I remove my hand
 from him and back away I’m up against the head board. I wrap my arms around my legs and hide my face as I repeat the words his wolf said last night. I’m so scared of him but I can't seem to move my legs to run away. I feel him gently run his hands over my wet hair then he pulls my aching body into his big warm arms.

I want to hate him so much for what he did to me,
 I want to shout and scream at him and make him feel like shit but I can’t…I love Drake too much to ever want to harm him.

I wrap my arms around his broad waist as he holds my head gently to his chest with his mouth in the crook of my neck, he inhales my scent.

“I don’t hate you Drake…I… I wish I did though.” I whisper into his chest knowing that he hears me. I feel his body tremble as he cries with his head in the crook of my neck. I can feel the droplets of his tears running down my neck, I lift my head onto his shoulder as I look out the window at the beautiful full moon that can be seen from where I'm sitting, I think about the twins.

Are they seeing the same beautiful moon I am? Are they thinking about me? Will they ever hurt me like Drake has? I wish I was with them now…they could make me feel better but I can never be with them. Drake will kill them and destroy everything I love.

As Drake holds me tight in his warm embrace I give in to his warmth and protectiveness but inside I really just want to thrash loose out of his grasp and run until I find a quiet corner to hide where no one will find me.

I feel Drake letting go, I gently move away from him as he opens the sheets for the bed, trying to avoid his touch I quickly climb in bed so he hasn’t got a reason to touch me or help me in.

I noticed my bed has been made with new linen and it smells fresh and clean so I know he must have changed the bedding. Under different circumstances I would have thought the gesture was sweet but in reality I know the only reason he changed it was because he couldn’t stand to be reminded of what he did to me.

By covering all the evidence it may put him at ease but I’ll always know what’s beneath these covers, it will always be tainted… damaged…disgraced and never the way it was before.
  No matter how hard I try to forget…I will always remember how he destroyed me.

I roll over so I can look at my favorite view, the view that reminds me that there are still beautiful things out there…things that haven’t been destroyed by man.

Drake is behind me and I can feel his body inching closer to mine. He comes right up behind me and I wince as his abdomen is against my ass. My lower body is still aching from the violence he inflicted last night…so wild and animalistic. It was so unlike the gentle way Drake usually touches me when he’s intimate. I cringe at the memory.

Drake leans on his elbow looking down at my curled up form, I can see him watching me over but I can’t get the courage to look at his beautiful eyes… how black and hateful they were last night will always be a reminder of how easily my Drake can change into the monster that’s hidden within him.

“Sebastian wants me to tell you how sorry he is and how much he hates himself for what he did to you. I just wanted you to know that he loves you so much it drives him crazy and when he heard about you…kissing...someone else…. he couldn’t control himself.” Drake says with a rough voice.

I wince at the mention of his wolf, the wolf that made him do this to me. I may still love Drake but I'm not sure about my feelings for Sebastian right now. I nod my head not knowing what to say to that. Do I say I accept his apology and that he is forgiven? I can’t say that...because I could never forgive him.

Well not yet anyway.

He places the arm he’s not leaning on over me and I look up to meet those perfect hazel eyes.

“Lexi…I can’t tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you, even if my wolf was in control I should have fought harder. I’m blocking him out because of what he made me do to you and I know it’s no excuse that I’m blaming my wolf for what happened but I need you to know that it wasn’t me, I had no control over him. I would never want any harm to come to you, I love you so much and it’s killing me seeing you in so much pain from what he did to you. I had to watch and be there while he took away all your trust in me, I was screaming and begging him to stop and I saw how rough he was and how much pain you were in and it killed me that I couldn’t do anything, he’s out of control. I’m going to get help Lexi, I never want to be the one watching helplessly as my wolf hurts you, I need to get stronger. I don’t think I can live with myself for what he did, I don’t want there to be a chance that it could happen again.”