My woman and our baby. The thought is heavenly.
“Yeah, beautiful,” I reply, smiling. “Our family. You, me, and baby. Nothing else matters. I’m a lucky bastard.” And I am. The luckiest bastard in the world.
I gaze at Kylie, remembering that day. We were in love, so hopeful and excited. She was carefree, happy, and beautiful. Our excitement made us fearless. We were ridiculously naive. I don’t know how we went from that to this. I don’t want this for us anymore. Being inside her last night and having her here with me this morning makes me aware of what we used to have.
What we should still have.
“You okay?” she asks, her smile fading. “Where did you just go? You seemed miles away.”
I’m hit with the urge to hold her, to have her close. I want her back. I want to make her feel whole again and try to figure out my shit in the process. I’ve been fighting us, and it’s been stupid. Yeah, she hurt me pretty fucking badly, but I’ve been hurting her too.
“Come here, Kylie.” It comes out as a low command.
She blinks and looks confused.
“Please, baby,” I whisper.
She stands, and I swallow, looking at her body. She walks tentatively, her hips swaying as her longs legs move gracefully. My wife is sexy. I don’t think she realizes how enticing and erotic she is. I’ve watched her interact with other men. I know she knows how to use her sensual charm to her benefit, but with me, she loses that confidence. It’s something I need to fix. I need to bring back my sex kitten. The sex kitten who took and owned my mind, body, and soul as equally as I did hers.
She sits next to me. Not nearly close enough. I decide ‘screw it’, I need to hold her. I pick her up and put her in my lap. She gasps, and I move my hands to her face, focusing my eyes on hers. She looks taken aback, and I smile. I like that I’ve surprised her.
“What are you doing?” She giggles.
“I wanna talk to you.”
“Okay…” she whispers.
“I want you to know last night was good. It was a surprise, but I wanted you, and I think we needed it. We have a ton of shit to work out. I don’t know where to start, but I remember when things were good.” My eyes search hers for understanding. She nods, so I continue. “We have so much to talk about, but I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me. That’s never been you.”
She smiles, a tiny curl tilting her lips as her eyes crinkle at the sides. “No, I’ve never been good at keeping my mouth shut and my emotions in check.”
I shake my head and chuckle, because she’s right. She’s always been my dainty spitfire. I love that about her. “No, you haven’t, but I know this is difficult and we’re both unsure of each other. We don’t know where to go from here, but we’ll figure it out. Baby steps? Yeah?”
She nods. “So no regrets over last night?”
Her eyes hold a glimpse of anxiety that I immediately want to soothe. No matter how bad things have gotten, I’ve never regretted a single moment of my life with Kylie. I may regret the choices we’ve made or the way things have worked out, but not her.
“Never,” I whisper. “I could never regret being with you. I’ve always loved you. That’s never stopped. Even in the most painful moments when I wanted to hate you or when I didn’t understand you, I’ve loved you.”
I lean forward and kiss her softly. I drag my hands from her cheeks, lacing them through her hair. She sighs when I pull away after that small kiss. I keep my hands where they are, restraining myself from taking it further.
“I know we’ve hurt each other, and there’s some stuff we need to talk about.” I grimace, my stomach tightening when I think of telling her my secrets. “It’s not going to be easy. Moving forward never is, but if we’re going to make it, then we both have to try. I’m ready to do that. I need to learn to listen and not run. I’ll probably fuck up, but we’ve come this far and we’re still hanging on, so that has to mean something. I don’t think we’ve ever let each other go, but I’m ready to find you, find us, if you’ll give me a chance.”
Tears trail down her cheeks, and my chest seizes. I hate seeing her cry. I hate seeing her hurt, and last night comes back fresh.
“I ruined it all.”
“I fucked up everything. Did you stop loving me that day?”
She places so much blame on herself, and I’ve let her. I’ve blamed her for everything. I’ve placed my failures on her shoulders. I’ve convinced myself I never agreed to an open marriage and she made that decision without me. But that’s not true. I didn’t fight for her. I let her down.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I prod.
“I’m… I’m a little overwhelmed. I keep asking myself if I’m dreaming. Are you really here? I’ve needed you for so long, and last night was…” She blinks, trying to figure out what she wants to say. “Last night was like coming home.”
Those last two words tickle my skin, inducing a burn from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. My skin blazes, and my heart rate increases to frantic speeds.
Her eyes twinkle, the blue glinting beautifully against her olive skin as she continues. “I’ve missed you. I didn’t know how to get through to you. I’ve been fighting myself, trying to figure out what I could do to fix us. Last night was… God, it was everything I’ve wanted. Then this morning… this morning, I was
scared
.” Her eyes glaze over with that ache they always have. My body burns to take that pain and replace it with something else. It wants to soothe her, draw that out of her and protect her.
She takes a deep breath. “I rolled over, and you weren’t there. I thought you had run. I thought you had left me. I wanted to believe you’d still be here like you had promised. But I thought… last night wasn’t enough. I would never be enough, and nothing I could do would save us.”
Tears trickle down her cheeks. I stroke under her eyes to dry them.
The last couple of weeks have been opening my eyes. From seeing her in the Keys, to finding out about Nate, to watching her with Gray. From the office, to the standoff at Grayson’s apartment. It’s been chipping at my sanity and we’ve finally hit a breaking point.
This is it for us. I don’t just want to fix this, I’ve got to. This girl’s been in my life since I was sixteen years old. She’s in my blood. I woke up thinking about her and closed my eyes to thoughts of her. I ate, breathed, and lived this girl. I’ve lost that, and it shows in every area of my life. I’ve been miserable. I lost the thing that grounded me.
I’m taking it back. I’m grabbing it and running with it. Fuck the repercussions. I’ll deal with them as they come, but I’m jumping on this ride and taking every damn thing I can from her. Because I need her.
“I’m here, baby.” I move my lips to her cheek.
“I know you are. When I saw you on the sofa, I felt like I could breathe again,” she admits.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not anymore. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been. I want you back. I hate all this shit between us. I hate that I haven’t been the man I promised I’d be. Don’t give up on me
again
.”
She pulls back and looks at me, her brow furrowing. “I’m not going anywhere. I’d never give up on you. Is that what you think? That I gave up on you?”
My throat tightens when I think of the night I felt betrayed. “Yeah.”
She swallows, her eyes dropping to her hands. “I’m sorry. I never… I didn’t… I was messed up.”
The moment becomes tense. We’re both holding on to a lot of hurt. We both have a ton of unanswered questions and things we need to talk about.
“I think we gave up on each other.”
She lifts her eyes to mine. “Yeah, I guess we did. But I’ll never go down that road again. I only want you.”
“Are you sure about that?” I ask, needing some sort of reassurance.
“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life,” she whispers, her blue eyes wide with honesty.
My heart rate triples. I wish I could believe her. I wish I could trust her, but this is a good first step. I want my wife back. “Can I touch you? Kiss you? Make love to you again?”
Her breathing becomes rapid, and her chest brushes mine. Her voice comes out soft and breathless. “I’d love nothing more.”
I pull back, needing her to see my hunger and primal need to earn her back. I exhale as desperation to possess her sets in. “I’m going to make you remember me again. Once you do, you’re never going to want to let another man touch you.” I shift her around so she’s straddling my legs, and I pull her face to mine. My nose touches hers, and my breath fans her lips. “I’m going to
work
you so good, it’ll be impossible for you to see, feel, or need anything but me, Kylie.”
She trembles, trying to respond, but I place a finger to her lips to hush her so I can continue. “I’m going to make you mine. Every square inch, I’ll own.” I kiss her and slide my tongue in her mouth for a brief moment. She moans, and my cock throbs in response. “You’re going to hand me every piece of your body and soul, and I’m going to do the same. It won’t be today, because we have a lot of work to do. It won’t be tomorrow, but I swear to God, I’m going to earn every part of who you are. I will claim you.”
She gasps, her lips parting, and I don’t hold back. I crash my lips to hers, pushing my tongue into her mouth. Her flavor is intoxicating, a mixture of Kylie and mint. I groan and rub my dick against her core. My tongue passes back and forth over hers. I gently brace her back against my legs and move my hands to cup her full breasts. I drag her shirt down and free her perfect nipples. I pinch and pull the pink buds as she grasps my shoulders and struggles for air.
My heart rate skyrockets, and adrenaline makes me feel animalistic. I claw at her clothes, needing to slam my cock deep into her. I want her to remember and feel me when she leaves this room. I want her to know that no other man can give her what I can. I want her to sense me deep within her and know that even when I’m not buried inside her, when we’re apart, I’m still there. That even though I abandoned her I have never stopped loving her, not for a second, not for one moment. She’s always been my heart. And while my heart might be a mangled mess, I’m going to try and let her smooth out the dents.
I’m not running. I’m finally ready to face this, us.
“Tell me what you want,” I say roughly, reaching for her shorts. “I want to know what you need. I’m gonna give it to you.”
“You,” she says, breathless. Her eyes flash with the same hunger I feel. “I just need you. All of you.”
I’m hit with immediate satisfaction, an almost barbaric, caveman feeling of bliss. I want all of her. No more holding back, no more fucking bullshit—just us. Once she’s bare below, I whip her tank over her shoulders and take in her nipples and the curve of her tits. My mouth waters to bite and suck them.
“Fuck baby, you’re gorgeous.” I moan as I run my palms around her breasts and grip them firmly.
“Harder,” she whispers. “Pull on them harder. I like it rough.”
My cock, already steel, turns almost painful at her request. “Jesus Christ, I want to fuck till you can’t stand.” I slide my hands up her chest to grip her neck. Our noses touch, and I train my eyes on hers. “I want you to understand something and understand it good.” She nods, and I continue. “I won’t share you anymore. I want you to understand that. From this second forward, you are mine and I am yours. I don’t give a fuck how either of us is feeling. There’ll be no more sharing. Understood?”
She quivers slightly as her eyes close. I see a couple tears trickle down her face. My heart, already frantic, thrashes, and my throat catches in unease.
“Kylie, look at me. Tell me what’s wrong, baby? You have to tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Do you know how badly I’ve wanted you? How long I’ve been dying for even a sliver of your attention? I’ve just needed this.” She opens her eyes, her voice cracking as if she’s forcing the words from deep within her soul. “I’ve done some shitty things, but you’re all I’ve ever wanted. It breaks me that I’ve shared you. That someone else has had you. The thought of you with another woman kills me, Cooper.”
I swallow the lump wedged in my throat and kiss her wet cheeks. I pull her against me. “We can’t change what’s done, baby. I wish we could, but we can’t. We’re going to have to deal with that pain, but right now, I need you to understand that the sharing stops today.” She nods, and I feel a weight lift off me. I feel a thousand tons lighter. “Close your eyes,” I say, wanting to silence her thoughts.
She complies. I lean her back on my knees just enough to glide my hands down to her pussy. Her chest heaves. Her breasts move up and down, gloriously sexy. I have to work to control the animal inside me. It’s clawing and growling to rip free and take her in one thrust. But she doesn’t need that right now. She needs to be reminded of
us
.
My fingers reach the top of her sex and stop. I sweep them slowly across her lower abdomen, teasing her. I watch her tremble and hear her moan. Having her in front of me sends a sensation I can’t even describe straight to my cock. I close my eyes, trying to compose myself.
My chest hurts, my breathing’s heavy. She’s wet, so wet I can smell it. My fingers itch to touch her, but I deny it. Instead, I move my mouth to her soft nipple and graze it with my teeth. She lets out a purr, a fucking purr. Her body jolts as I suck her and tease the top of her pussy. My dick spasms when her fingers grasp my hair, pulling me harder against her breast.