Aftershock (8 page)

“I’m too pissed to sleep with you!”

“Sweetheart,” he tossed over his shoulder, “I feel the same way.”

I kicked off my heels and went after him, following him into the bedroom. He toed off his shoes and shucked his jeans, magnificently naked in an instant.

He’d been commando beneath those jeans.

My brain scrambled for a minute, then I fought back by getting naked, too. “I don’t want my family being used.”

“I don’t want my girlfriend making assumptions about my motives.” Jax yanked the covers back and slid into bed.

“You’re the one who keeps telling me that your family can’t be trusted!”

He settled against the headboard. “But you didn’t get mad at my family, did you? You got mad at me. And instead of asking me about it, you decided to drink and close ranks.”

“I wouldn’t have to ask you about it if you told me in advance.” I headed into the bathroom. “But whatever. You’re always right, aren’t you, Jax?”

“Seems to me I’m always in the wrong,” he muttered after me.

I turned on the shower and scrubbed my makeup off while the water heated. When I stepped into the stall, I took my time, dragging out the shower as long as I could in the hopes that Jax would fall asleep and stop talking.

Closing my eyes, I stood beneath the spray. Jax was a man who cowed other dominant men with a single glance. He talked around others, refused to cede any ground whatsoever, and he was a painfully sharp strategist. I respected all those things about him. I was attracted to and aroused by his self-command. But I really hated how he could retreat behind that rigid control and put me on the outside; shutting me out and dealing with me like an opponent.

I couldn’t imagine living the rest of my life being treated that way.

“Am I going to have to drag you out of there, too?” Jax said, opening the floating glass door and standing amid the steam that surged eagerly around his bared body.

“Go away,” I told him wearily, shutting off the taps. “I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight.”

His jaw tightened. His chest expanded on a deep, slow breath. “I...” He paused. “I’m sorry.”

Nodding, I pushed him back and stepped around him. “Thank you for that. I’m sorry, too. We both handled this badly.”

I shrugged into the terry-cloth robe hanging on a hook, then wrapped my hair up in a turban to wring it dry. “Goodnight, Jax.”

He followed me through the bedroom, grabbing me by the elbow when I approached the door to the hallway. “Don’t be like this. I said I’m sorry and I meant it.”

Stopping, I looked at him. “I know you did, and I meant it, too. But it doesn’t fix a fundamental problem we’re having with the way we communicate. We don’t talk about family. We don’t talk about work. We hang out together and fuck, which makes us more friends with benefits than anything, doesn’t it?”

He pulled me closer, stepping into me at the same time so that he was pressed up against me. “I love you, Gia. More than I’ve ever loved anything. You know that.”

I sighed. “And I love you enough that I couldn’t get over you, even after I thought you’d dumped me like trash. But that means you can hurt me real bad, Jax. I’m having a hard time living on the periphery of your life. And if being with you hurts worse than being without you, I’ve got to decide what’s the best thing for me to do.”

“You’re the center of my life.” His hands went to my shoulders. “There isn’t a moment that goes by when I’m not thinking about you.”

“That may be true, but you’ve got a unique ability to cut me off, and I’m not sure I can live with that.”

“You’re cutting me off now,” he accused. “You cut me off earlier tonight.”

“So once again, we’re both handling this badly. Maybe that’s a sign. Listen, I’ve got to get some sleep. We can talk about this tomorrow. Okay?”

He cupped my nape. “Sleep with me. I’ll keep my hands to myself if that’s what you want.”

I ached to do what he asked, but I also worried that we’d just be putting a Band-Aid on something that needed a lot more work. “I want to sleep in the guest room.”

I pulled away and left the room, feeling his eyes on my back as he stepped out into the hallway after me. Surprisingly, I fell asleep quickly, despite having damp hair and a painfully tight chest.

Sometime during the night, I felt Jax slip into the bed with me. I rolled to my side, hugged my pillow, and went back to sleep.

8

IT WAS A
relief to arrive at work the next day.

I woke up next to a brooding and uncommunicative Jax. The rest of our shared morning had been thick with tension. On the walk to the subway, I texted my dad, asking him to call me when he could, then I scrolled through my email. Adrenaline surged through me when I saw Deanna’s name. I’d nearly forgotten about the favor I had asked of her. Once reminded, I couldn’t help but hope for news.

“Please have something for me,” I muttered to myself as I arrived at my station and hurried up the steps to reach the street. I was damned near desperate to have something—
anything
—that would give me insight into the man I loved.

Unfortunately, her email only read to call her, and I reached Deanna’s voice mail when I tried. I didn’t hear back from her before I reached Savor, where I had to silence my smartphone and tuck it away.

“Good morning,” I greeted Lei when she arrived.

“Good morning.” She tilted her head to the side. “Everything all right?”

I blinked, startled by the question. “Everything’s great.”

She hesitated, then said, “Come into my office.”

I followed her, taking a deep breath in preparation for whatever might be coming my way.

Lei bypassed her desk and settled into one of the gray club chairs in the seating area, looking younger with her hair hanging straight and loose, even with the wicked cool streak of silver. She waited until I took the matching chair before beginning. “Things have been...strained between us the last few weeks. I really regret that.”

The tension left my shoulders. “I do, too.”

“I’m concerned for you...and I have my reservations about Jackson...but really—” she swiveled her chair to face me directly “—the problem is with me. I’m projecting my own experience onto you.”

“You mean Ian.”

Her red mouth curved without humor. “It must be obvious that I loved him. He was my whole world. If you’d asked me then, I would have told you that he’d never betray me. That he didn’t have it in him. I would’ve told you he loved me too much to do anything like that.”

“What happened?” I had never broached the subject before, but now that she’d opened the door, I was dying to know what had helped shaped my boss into the woman she was today.

“We were working on a deal. The negotiations had been tough, but I had the advantage and Ian let me run with it.” A thoughtful wrinkle appeared on her otherwise smooth forehead. “Unfortunately, sometimes I get so focused on the hunt itself that I forget to pay attention to my prey.”

She looked out the windows at the Manhattan skyline. “I was too confident and I pushed for too much without giving enough in return. Worse, I made the man on the other side of the negotiating table feel insignificant and powerless. Somewhere along the way, he decided he’d do anything to put me in my place.”

“What place?”

“
Behind
Ian, instead of beside him. I think Bruce was insulted that Ian had him doing business with me. I don’t think he ever saw me as Ian’s partner, just Ian’s piece of ass, so that’s what he used against us.”

“How?”

“He kept setting up recurring meetings with me, telling me he needed clarification on different points or wanted to discuss alternatives. We met in the restaurants of the hotels he was staying in at the time, just as you and I did with the Williams twins at the Four Seasons. It wasn’t until later that I understood he’d been creating a paper trail to prove he and I had been having an affair.”

“Oh, Lei.” I felt a little of her remembered suffering; her tone of voice carried so much pain. “What did you do?”

“Nothing, and maybe that was the wrong choice. Ian is prone to jealousy, so he’s especially vulnerable in that regard. I refused to confirm or deny his accusations because I was so hurt that he’d given them any credence at all. I told him to figure it out for himself, and apparently I was tried and convicted.”

“Jeez. I’m sorry.”

She shrugged off my sympathy, but gave me a rueful smile. “It’s been over a long time now.”

I drummed my fingers on the armrests of my chair as I warred with myself about discussing Jax with someone who didn’t trust him. I valued Lei’s opinion, but it wasn’t objective when it came to Jackson Rutledge.

In the end, though, I told her
because
of her bias. I wanted an extreme, worst-case-scenario opinion.

Lei sat forward as I spoke, and by the time I finished, she’d set her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands. “So he’s withholding information from you. People keep secrets for two main reasons—to protect themselves or to protect someone else. Do you have any thoughts about which direction Jackson is moving in?”

“I’m not sure. With everything else we’ve faced, I could see him trying to...shield me from something. But this... I can’t help feeling like he didn’t want me to know my family was being used to further a Rutledge agenda.”

“If that’s the case, it probably won’t be the last time. How do you feel about that?”

“Pissed. How can he say he loves me, and then do things that I have a problem with?”

“That’s a question you have to ask him. Sooner rather than later.”

Lei had just reaffirmed what I already knew, but it was still valuable to have my position confirmed.

Now I just had to prepare myself for what I’d do once I got the answer.

* * *

When my lunch break rolled around, I checked my smartphone and saw I’d missed a callback from Deanna. I headed to one of Savor’s conference rooms for privacy, passing LaConnie, who was arranging a new display of branded spices and seasonings on the shelf behind her reception desk.

She waved as I passed, and I complimented her on the kick-ass red pantsuit she was wearing.

I was smiling when I entered the same conference room where I’d taken Jax when he visited Savor. That memory helped alleviate some of the nervous anticipation I felt when I dialed Deanna’s number.

“Gianna,” she greeted me. “Glad we got past the game of phone tag.”

“Me, too. How are you?”

“Excellent. Hang on. Let me move somewhere more quiet.” A moment later, the background noise of multiple people talking at once disappeared. “So I looked into the Rutledges, focusing on Leslie Rutledge as you suggested. You’ve got great instincts—I hit a gold mine with that one.”

“Oh?” A shiver of unease slid down my spine.

“The family had her committed to a sanitarium for a few months. It was after she was released that she disappeared from public view. There were some rumors back then, nothing concrete, but now I’ve got a reliable source.”

My gut twisted. I started pacing.

“I can’t confirm what kind of mental illness she had,” Deanna went on, “but the real story here is that she was expendable. She had a problem and they packed her up, out of sight.”

“You don’t know that!” I thought of the photos of Leslie in Jax’s living room. He hadn’t forgotten her.

“Uh, yeah. I do. Just a minute.” The receiver was muffled, then, “Anyway. More details will emerge after the story breaks. They always do.”

I straightened, panicked. “What do you mean ‘after the story breaks’?”

“It’s news and about to be public knowledge.”

“That wasn’t the deal!”

“What deal?” Deanna shot back. “We didn’t have one beyond you paying me for my time, which I won’t be collecting on because this is going to pay off in other ways.”

“You can’t run this story!” I hissed, circling the conference table with angry strides.

“It’s already done, Gianna. Your name isn’t mentioned, so don’t worry about that. Listen, I’ve got to go. I just wanted to give you a head’s up and say thanks. Take care, all right?”

She hung up and my smartphone disconnected before I’d even lowered the phone from my ear.

* * *

I left the conference room in a rage, so pissed I could hardly see straight. I was as furious with myself as I was with Deanna. How could I not have foreseen the possibility that she’d use the information she found?

“Your man knows how to treat you right,” LaConnie said as I passed her again. “I just set another delivery on your desk.”

Cringing inwardly, I felt the weight of guilt on my shoulders. The sight of pure white lilies next to my phone damn near closed off my throat.

I plucked off the attached card.

I’m waving the white flag of surrender.

I love you, baby. We’ll talk tonight.

Jax had signed the card, but his signature blurred amid my anxious tears.

Worse than the violation of his privacy, I feared that such personal revelations about his mother would hurt him deeply. Her pictures in the living room of our home told me he had cared for her, but his reluctance to talk about her suggested the topic was painful.

And now the world would know about her, and I was directly to blame.

I touched a velvet-soft petal. “We’ve screwed up something perfect,” I said softly.

Sinking into my chair, I started to plan how best to tell him what I’d done.

* * *

I had a good handle on how I wanted to open the subject of Deanna’s story when the elevators on the penthouse floor opened and I stepped out into chaos.

I paused, shocked. The front door was open and through it I could see a dozen people in suits, pacing in my living room with smartphones pressed to their ears.

The queasiness I’d felt all day worsened until I thought I might be sick right there in the foyer.

When I crossed the threshold into the apartment, I looked for Jax. I couldn’t find him, but Parker was there in front of the entertainment center, his gaze on the photos of his late wife. He would have stood out from the melee on sheer presence, but unmoving amid the frenetic swarm of visitors, he riveted me.

He turned his head toward me. I watched as the recognition of my presence set in. He started toward me.

“What’s going on?” I asked, although I feared I already knew the answer.

“We’re trying to put out a fire. I’m sorry we’ve taken over, but Jackson prefers to handle some issues from his home office.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

His mouth, so like Jax’s, twisted wryly. “I could use a drink. Something strong, preferably.”

“Okay.” I looked around him to the console by the window where crystal decanters held the world’s finest liquors. I frowned when I saw only a vase of flowers atop it. “I’ll get you something.”

“Thanks. I’ll put your purse in your bedroom,” he offered, holding out his hand for it.

As he set off down the hallway, I maneuvered through the men and women wandering around the sunken living room. Bits and pieces of conversations washed over me.

“...confirm the source...”

“...should consider possible defamation and slander liabilities...”

“...a declaration of war against the Rutledge family isn’t wise...”

My hands were shaking when I opened the doors of the console. The crystal decanters were tucked neatly inside, but they were empty. I made my way back to the kitchen, where I discovered an empty wine fridge.

Confused, I faced Parker when he returned. “Looks like we’re out of everything.”

“I couldn’t find anything, either.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll call the concierge. Is there anything in particular you’d like?”

He touched my arm. “I’ll take care of it. Why don’t you hole up in your room and get out of this mess?”

“I feel like I should help somehow.”

“Just take care of my son,” he murmured. “Leave this to me.”

My mouth opened to say something, but nothing came out. I didn’t know what to say. I ended up nodding and heading down the hallway, passing my room and going to Jax’s home office instead. He was alone in there, standing in front of the window with his arms crossed as he barked at someone through a headset.

“We need those records. Yes, I understand that and I don’t give a shit.... Don’t think whatever this is won’t blow back on you, too. Right. I’ll be at this number.” He tapped the earpiece, then pivoted abruptly, stilling when he saw me standing in front of his desk. “Gia...”

He fell silent. Shoving a hand through his hair, he cursed softly. He looked worn and edgy. He’d ditched his jacket and tossed it over a chair in the corner. His vest was unbuttoned, as was the button at the throat of his shirt. His tie was loosened and the shadow of evening stubble on his tight jaw gave him a dangerous appeal.

“Hi,” I said quietly.

“Baby.” He sighed. “I’m sorry about this. Something’s come up and we’ve got to get a handle on it.”

“What is it?”

“We got a tip today about an article that’s supposedly going out tomorrow, and I’m trying to get details about the reporter and her piece.”

I swallowed hard. “Deanna Johnson.”

Jax froze. “You know her?”

“She used to date Vincent.”

“Fuck.” He scowled. “I need all of her contact info—email, mobile and home numbers, address.”

“All right.” I stepped closer. “Jax, we have to talk.”

“I know, and we will. But I can’t right now.”

“This is my fault.”

He came to me and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “No. I should’ve talked to you about Ted and—”

His smartphone started ringing on his desk.

“I have to get this.” He tapped his earpiece. “Rutledge,” he answered briskly, then, “That’s a start. How quickly can you get them to me?”

He turned his back to me, and I clenched my fists. I left the room to fetch my smartphone to get the information he’d asked for. I was just going to have to blurt it out before he cut me off. I hated to blindside him like that, but he needed to know.

With my cell in hand, I headed back to his office and closed the door behind me. He was off the phone and sitting at his desk, reading something on his monitor.

“I have the information you wanted.” I walked up to him. “Deanna’s written an article about your mother. About how the family had her committed to an institution.”

His head snapped back as if I’d hit him physically. “You talked to her?”

I swallowed past the painful lump in my throat. “Weeks ago. And again this afternoon. I’m so sorry, Jax. I should never have contacted her. I had no idea...”