After All These Years (One Pass Away #2) (4 page)

The crowded locker room smelled like sweat and antiseptic.
For Gaige, they were the most natural aromas in the world. Several of their
teammates heard Sol’s comment and before he knew it, half a dozen Knights were
sharing long necks and laughs.

This was his family
, Gaige thought, the noise around
him welcome. Three thousand miles away from his abuse-filled childhood, he had
found his place in the world. It wouldn’t last forever, but for now, it was
pretty damn perfect.

RILEY WAS STILL mulling over her father’s words when the sound
of approaching feet reached her.
Now who
, she wondered. Annoyed, she
turned her head.

“Sean!” Riley smiled in delighted surprise.

He was still in his practice gear including full pads. His
dark hair was damp and slightly matted from the helmet he must have left on the
field. His face was flushed, sweat covering his brow. He looked like a warrior
returning from battle. Fancifully, Riley pictured herself opening her arms in
welcome. In her dreams, he would gather her close, happy to be home. Then—

“Riley!” She jumped when Sean snapped his fingers in front
of her face. “Are you in there?”

“Sorry.” Why was she daydreaming about Sean when he was
right there? The real thing was so much better.

“You were a million miles away.” Sean tilted his head to the
side, his lips curving slightly. “I saw your dad up here. Did he upset you?”

“No.” Riley didn’t want to talk about her father. “I came to
see you. I want to apologize about yesterday.”

“I thought that might be why you were here.” He shook his
head. “There isn’t any need. It was just a kiss. Let’s forget it, okay?”

The kiss
? Sean thought she wanted to apologize for
kissing him?

“I’m not sorry I kissed you, Sean.” Riley touched his arm.
When he didn’t move away, she felt emboldened. “I’m sorry my mother came on to
you. It was embarrassing. Though I suppose you’re used to that kind of thing.
Women must throw themselves at you all the time.”

Riley didn’t see the irony of her words. To her love-hazed
brain, her mother’s actions were wrong. Her own were justifiable. She wasn’t
looking for a one-night conquest. Her feelings were deep. Genuine.

“Riley. There is something I need to say.”

Sean stepped closer. It was the wrong move. Instead of
seeing a man intent on letting her down gently, Riley saw what she wanted to
see. She threw her arms around his waist, plastering her body to his. He
smelled wonderful. His sweat clean and spicy.

“I love you, Sean.”

“No, you don’t.” Kindly, Sean returned Riley’s hug. “This is
a crush.”

“It’s love,” Riley said, her voice firm. “I’ve loved you for
three years. I’ll love you three years from now. I’ll love you forever.”

“Can we sit?”

Reluctantly, Riley stepped back. Sean flipped down two of
the hard, plastic seats, then waited for her to join him.

“I know what you’re going to say.”

“Probably,” Sean nodded. “You’re the smartest person I know.
You know what we’re all thinking. Make me happy and humor me this one time.”

Knowing he was teasing, Riley smiled. “Fine. But you won’t
change my mind.”

“Why are you in love with me, Riley?”

Surprised, Riley blinked. Why? Why did anyone fall in love?
There had to be a specific reason?

“I don’t understand what you mean?”

“You don’t know anything about me, Riley. Nothing important.
God knows, I’m no expert. If you loved me, really loved me, you would know more
than what is in my team bio.”

“What makes you think I don’t?”

“Fine.” Sean gave her an indulgent smile. “Tell me something
besides where I was born or how many siblings I have.”

“You love the color blue.”

“That’s all you’ve got?”

Riley’s eyes narrowed. She hated that condescending
tone—especially when it came from Sean.

“Deep down, you wanted to be drafted by the Chicago Bears.
Your dad is a big fan. Or was. He switched allegiances when you signed with the
Knights. Your dream was to be a running back, like Walter Peyton. You had his
poster on your closet door when you were growing up.”

“Riley—”

“You had a dog named Grover. A mutt that followed you home
from school when you were nine. Your mother allowed you to keep him and it
almost killed you when he had to be put down your sophomore year of college.”

“How do you know all of that?” Sean frowned. He knew he had
never spoken of those things with Riley.

“I listen.” Riley wanted to reach for his hand but
restrained herself. “Three years, Sean. There were times when you didn’t notice
me. Practice. A party. After a few beers, you like to reminisce. I’ve learned a
lot because I care. I love you.”

“You have to stop saying that, Riley.”

“Not saying it won’t stop it from being true.”

Her earnest expression was almost Sean’s undoing. He wanted
to gather her close and tell her it would be all right. Then he remembered
Gaige’s advice. He had to kill Riley’s hope. It would be like crushing a
butterfly emerging from its cocoon, but he knew in the long run, he would be
doing her a favor.

“Do you know what I’m going to do tonight?”

“Have a beer with the guys. Pick up a woman. Have sex.
Forget her name before you have your first cup of coffee the next morning?”

Jesus, she did know him
. Sean’s resolve stiffened.
All the more reason to end this silly crush right now.

“Then I’ll do it again. And again. And again.”

“But—”

“I can see that mind of yours working.” Sean sighed. “Forget
it. You can’t fix me because I’m not broken. I didn’t have a horrible
childhood. I wasn’t abused or misused. I’m famous, rich, young, and healthy.
There is an endless supply of willing women out there, Riley. One—sometimes two
or three—for every day of my life. Why would I settle for the same meal day
after day when my palate demands something wild and exotic?”

“I’m not asking you to change.”

“Then what do you want, Riley?” Sean demanded. He knew what
he wanted. This. Over. Now.

“You.”

“Shit. And, no, I’m not going to apologize for swearing.”
Sean ran a distracted hand through his hair. “Open your ears. We are never
going to happen.”

“Why?”

“Too young. Too inexperienced. Too naive.” Sean ticked each
off on his fingers.

“Those things I can change.” Riley reasoned. “Except the too
young part. But with more experience, I won’t seem as young. Or naive.”

“You could fuck a hundred guys a hundred different ways,
Riley. It wouldn’t change the most important fact. I’m not attracted to you. I
don’t want you. Not now. Not ever.”

Her mother’s slap hadn’t fazed her. However, Sean’s words
felt like a punch to the stomach. For a moment, Riley couldn’t breathe. The
pain was sharp. Intense. It was all she could do not to double over. Tears
filled her eyes. Mortified, she turned away. She never let anyone see her cry.
Not her parents. Not her friends. She refused to let Sean be the exception.

Without a word or a backward glance, Riley ran.

Sean almost called out to her. It killed him to know he
caused her pain. He liked Riley. Truly liked her. However, seeing the
unadulterated hero-worship shining from her eyes had made him uncomfortable. No
one could live with those kinds of expectations. One day he was bound to
disappoint her. Better now while she was young.

Riley believed her heart was broken. Sean knew better. It
was dinged. She had been crushed by her crush. In a few days, a week at the
most, she would laugh at her foolishness. Their first meeting would be a little
awkward. Then things could go back to normal. Friends. Brother and sister. That
was how they would go forward. They would put today in the rearview mirror.

Satisfied that he had done a good thing, Sean headed to the
locker room, blissfully unaware of the wheels he had set in motion.

IT WAS TWO weeks later and Riley still wasn’t laughing.

Her heart that Sean so blithely believed was only dinged,
was a constant ache in her chest. She couldn’t sleep or eat. The only thing
that got her up and out of her bedroom was school. That one constant gave her a
purpose. A goal.

Winter break was fast approaching. A month without classes.
Riley had no idea what she would do with the time.

Her world had been turned on its side. After three years, in
a few short minutes, Sean had destroyed her dreams. It didn’t matter how
unrealistic they had been. Or that Sean had never given her an ounce of
encouragement. There had always been a spark of hope. Now there was none.

“Your mother insists that you stop moping around your room,”
Veronica Trumbo informed Riley.”It is unacceptable for you to miss family
dinners when your parents are entertaining guests.”

Her mother’s personal assistant often delivered messages.
Corrine didn’t care what bothered her daughter. She cared how it looked to the
outside world.

“We don’t have family dinners. We have business meetings.”

“Which you are expected to attend. Your mother insists.”

Riley stared out the window. She was bundled in her favorite
blanket, sitting in the cozy little nook window. The trees that filled her view
never changed. Tall pines, green all year round. Riley loved those trees. Their
scent filled her room on warm summer nights. Simply looking at them could
soothe her like nothing else.The way she felt at the moment, they might as well
have been a cement wall.

“My mother can stick it up her—”

“Miss Preston!”

“Go away.” Riley couldn’t stir up enough interest to argue. “Let
me know the next time they need to put me on display. I’ll be there.”

“Your lack of familial loyalty is appalling,” Veronica
sniffed.

“Yeah. I’m a fucking ingrate.”

“That kind of language is unacceptable, young lady. It’s
offensive and vulgar.”

“Then cover your ears, or leave the room. I’m about to let
loose with words that will peel the paint off the walls.”

She turned her head, her eyes boring into Veronica. The
woman didn’t deserve Riley’s ire. She was doing her job. It was a case of wrong
place, wrong time. Riley needed to vent, and Veronica was the only one handy.

“Still here?”

“Miss Preston. You are well educated. Cursing shows a woeful
lack of imagination and creativity.”

“I disagree. Listen to how imaginative and creative I can
be.”

She let loose a string of expletives so colorful Veronica
almost fainted from the shock. For the first time in weeks, Riley felt like
smiling.
Thank you, Grandpa.
He had never seen anything wrong with teaching
a young girl how to express herself. He had warned her to use the words
judiciously. Until today, Riley seldom swore. However, now that she had
started, it felt better than she could have imagined.

“Your mother will hear about this.”

Red-faced, Veronica hurried from the room.

“Then she can send you back with her disapproval,” Riley
yelled. Then she muttered, “Bitch.”

“Impressive.”

Riley’s eyes widened.
Gaige
. Where had he come from?
Knowing he must have heard every word she spewed at Veronica, Riley felt her
cheeks heat.

“I’m not going to apologize,” she said, her chin jutting
out.

“Why would I ask you to?”

The room was meant for a small girl. Her grandfather had it
decorated with her favorite colors. Purple and pink. Riley’s tastes had changed
considerably in twelve years, but she hadn’t been able to change a single
thing. The frilly canopy bed, the Hello Kitty wallpaper.

Riley hadn’t thought about it until now. Gaige made the room
seem twice as small and three times as childish. Sean’s words rang in her head.
Immature. Between her childish outburst and the pink elephant floor lamp, she
realized it would be hard to argue the point if he suddenly walked in.

Having Gaige witness it was almost as bad.

“Why are you here?”

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen you around the complex.”

“Oh, God.” Riley covered her face with the blanket. “He told
you.”

“Sean is worried about you, Riley. We all are.”

“All? He told
all
of you? The whole team?”

“Mind if I join you?”

Riley slid to the side. The window seat wasn’t very big.
Somehow Gaige wedged himself into the limited space.

“Can you breathe under there?”

With a sigh, Riley lowered the blanket.

“What?” she huffed, pushing back her dark hair. She hadn’t
combed it today. Riley wondered what she looked like, then decided she didn’t
care. Gaige hadn’t been invited. He would have to take her as he found her. Rat’s
nest hair and all.

Gaige smiled, his green eyes warm with concern.

“In Sean’s defense, the team already knew how you felt.”

“Are you trying to make me feel worse?”

Gaige grabbed the blanket before she could disappear again.

“Riley…”

“Not you too.” She shook her head. “It isn’t a crush, Gaige.
Not that it matters. I’m unfuckable.”

“Jesus, Riley. What the hell did Sean say to you?”

“He wants heat—spice.” Riley curled into a tight ball. “I’m
boring and inexperienced. Like a cold bowl of pablum. To quote the man himself,
he wouldn’t screw me if I were the last woman on earth.”

“Idiot,” Gaige grumbled. “Come here.”

It took some doing, but Gaige untangled her limbs then pulled
her into his arms. With a weary sigh, Riley slowly relaxed. The last person to
hold her like this had been her grandfather. Feeling close to tears, she
realized how much she had missed being held and comforted.

“You aren’t un— Gaige hesitated. “You know what I want to
say.”

“Yes.” Riley nodded. “It wasn’t the words, Gaige. It was the
person who said them. He wanted to hurt me and I don’t know why.”

“It’s my fault.”

Riley shook her head. “I know you think you have control
over every member of the team, but Sean is a big boy.”

“I told him to speak to you.”

“What?” Riley’s body tensed. “Why?”

“To spare you this.” Gaige squeezed her hand. “I messed up.”

Jumping to her feet, Riley rounded on Gaige. “It wasn’t up
to you. My heart. My heartbreak. God!” She closed her eyes, fists clenched. “What
is wrong with me?”

“Nothing.”

“Really?” Riley met his gaze. The sadness in her eyes tore
at Gaige’s heart. “My parents have no use for me unless they are trying to
present themselves as the perfect family. Sean thinks I’m a boring virgin. Not
so far off, it would seem.”

“Riley.”

“And you.” Riley swallowed the lump in her throat. “My hero.
That’s how I’ve always thought of you. It hurts to find out you have no
confidence in me.”

“Why do you say that?” Gaige frowned.

“You don’t think I’m capable of handling my feelings for
Sean.”

“I made a mistake. I’m sorry.”

“So am I.” Riley sat down, wrapping the blanket around
herself—shutting out the world. Shutting out Gaige. “Leave.”

Gaige slowly walked to the door. At the last moment, he
turned back. “You shouldn’t be alone.”

“Don’t worry about me.” Hugging her knees, Riley looked out
at the trees. “I’m used to it.”

ENTERING THE BAR, Riley looked around.

It was two in the afternoon—the week between Christmas and
the new year.
The Extra Point
wasn’t exactly hopping with activity. A
man and woman sat at the bar, nursing beers, and lamenting the end of another
year. On the jukebox, Nat King Cole sang of a Mona Lisa smile. In the corner, a
lone figure knocked balls around a pool table.

Hanging her umbrella on a row of pegs by the door, Riley
crossed the room. She felt nervous. Uncertain. For the first time, she wasn’t
sure of what her reception would be. When he looked up and smiled, Riley smiled
back. Her nerves melted.

“Want to play a game? Gaige held out his pool cue.

“Sure.” Riley removed her jacket. Waiting while he took out
the rack, she chalked the end of the stick. “Straight eight ball?”

Gaige nodded. “You break.”

Riley moved to the end of the table and took aim. “I’m
sorry.” She struck the white ball with at clean, hard stroke.

“You were right to be mad,” Gaige said, watching two solid
balls fall into opposite pockets. “I had no right to interfere.”

“You meant well. You always do. After I had time to cool
down, I realized you were right.”

Gaige didn’t answer. He waited while Riley ran the table.
There was a beauty to her movements. Sure and easy. An athlete of sorts—though
she would have scoffed at the idea.

“Why do I bother?” He asked when the eight ball disappeared
into the side pocket.

“If you didn’t want me to beat you, you never should have
taught me the game.”

Riley had been thirteen and still reeling from her
grandfather’s death. Gaige hadn’t thought anything of it at the time. He and
the rest of the Knights were attending a party at the Preston mansion. A few of
them were playing pool in the game room when he noticed the gangly girl with
big blue eyes watching. She looked so lonely. Showing her the basics of the
game had been a careless gesture of kindness. The friendship that had grown
between them had been a surprise. And a blessing—for both of them.

“You took to it like a duck to water.”

Riley laughed. “I practiced every day.”

“I figured.”

Gaige held out a chair. A mug of hot chocolate was set in
front of her.

“Thanks, Wayne,” Riley said.

The owner of the bar winked before clearing off some empty
glasses from a nearby table. Gaige sipped his beer, waiting.

“I feel like I’ve been kicked out of a three-year haze. A
big fat, Sean McBride haze.”

“And?”

“I’m bruised, but healing.” And still very much in love.
However, she didn’t need to tell Gaige that. He already knew. Somehow, he
always knew. “The truth is, I feel like a fool.”

“There’s nothing wrong with loving someone, Riley,” Gaige
said. “I know it hurts, but having an open heart is a good thing. You’re one of
the lucky ones. There are people who are incapable of loving anyone but
themselves.”

Riley frowned at Gaige’s words. She was so used to him
having all the answers, it was easy to forget that Gaige Benson was as human as
the rest of the world.

“We all come to you with our problems.” Riley laid her hand
over his. “Who do you talk to?”

“Me?” Gaige laughed. He tried, but it didn’t quite reach his
eyes. “Haven’t you heard? I have it all.”

Riley would have pushed the issue, but Gaige changed the
subject. Because she cared, she let him.

“School starts in a few weeks.”

“Not for me.”

“You’re dropping out?” Outrage vibrated in his voice. “You
can’t.”

“I’m not dropping out,” she reassured him. “I’m leaving.”

“Seattle? Where are you going?”

“East. I’ve never told anyone this.” Riley looked a little
sheepish. “I was accepted to Harvard. I don’t have to tell you why I chose the
University of Washington instead.”

“Oh, honey.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Riley shrugged. “I’m going to stay with
friends in Boston. Amazingly, Harvard still wants me.”

“Of course, they do.” Gaige smiled. “Two years. I’ll miss
you.”

“I’ll miss you, too.”

Riley sighed. She looked at Gaige, wondering why she couldn’t
have fallen in love with him. He was gorgeous. Tall. Powerful. Women swooned
over his blond hair and green eyes. He was the real deal. And she
did
love him. As a friend.

“What’s with the mysterious smile?”

“What would I have done if you had never taught me to play
pool?”

“You’re strong,” Gaige said. “You would have been fine. I,
on the other hand, would have missed out on watching a precocious girl grow
into an amazing woman.”

The look that passed between them said it all. Respect.
Affection. Love. Gaige would always be there for her—no matter where she was in
the world.

“I have to go.” Reaching for her jacket, her lips curved,
her smile tinged with sadness and irony. “I’ll never be old enough for him,
will I?”

“Sean had it wrong, Riley. You aren’t too young for him. He’s
too young for you.”

“What?”

“He’s a little boy,” Gaige explained. “Everything is a game.
Football. Women. Life. He’s Peter Pan.”

“He looks all grown up.”
Boy. Did he ever
, Riley
thought, picturing Sean’s beautiful body.

“On the outside. Until his brain catches up, he won’t be
ready for you, Riley.” Gaige’s eyes were sympathetic. “It might never happen.”

“And I can’t wait around hoping it will.”

Gaige helped her on with her jacket.

“Keep in touch.”

Riley returned his hug. She felt safe with Gaige’s arms
around her and for a moment, she was tempted to throw away her plans. Seattle
was her home. The Knights were in the playoffs. How could she leave?

“Hey, Riley.”

Because all it took was the sound of Sean’s voice and she
wanted to fall to her knees.
Love me
, she would beg.
Why won’t you
love me
?

“Are you okay?” Gaige whispered.

Riley nodded. She straightened her shoulders, shored up her
resolve, and turned.

“How was your Christmas, Sean?”

“Terrific. I flew my parents in.”

“That’s nice,” she said as though nothing between them had
changed.

Riley could see the relief in his eyes. There would be no
recriminations. No embarrassing scene. Sean was off the hook. More than he
knew.

“Are you leaving?” he asked when she picked up her purse.

“I am.” All the way across the country. Riley wondered what
his reaction would be to that. Deciding she didn’t need any more heartache, she
kept it to herself.