Ace in the Hole (4 page)

“If you’re seeking my forgiveness, you have it. I made peace with what happened a while ago.”

“Forgiveness is great in its own way, but that’s not the reason I’m telling you this. It should have been done a long time ago. I should have told you so you understood why. It had nothing to do with anything you did…or because I didn’t love you.”

Even as he sat before her, he realized he’d loved her then and he still loved her. That was what made the situation so much more difficult.

C
urled up in front of the fire with a warm blanket, Gwen laid the book on her lap and let her head rest against the back of the sofa. It was a perfect evening, one she had been having almost every night this week. She couldn’t resist curling up with a good book in front of the fire, but tonight was different. She couldn’t get her thoughts away from Ace.

Even after having her heartbroken by him, she couldn’t get him out of her system. She longed to feel his touch. If only they could pick up where they left off. She dragged her hand through her spiky hair and enjoyed the moment. At least the tension that had been there before was gone.

“Why didn’t you tell me you bumped into Lucky?”

His words pulled her from her thoughts. “You sidetracked me when I got in and I forgot. He wanted me to pass on the invitation to his place for dinner. You’re supposed to text him your response tonight so he knows.”

He held up his cell phone. “I know. He just texted me. He suggested I send you to bed without supper, like Mom always threatened, for not telling me.”

“Your mom would have never done that.”

“No, but she threatened. So, little lady, shall I force you to bed?”

Her hormones were playing with her heart and soul; if she wasn’t careful they’d lead her to dangerous waters. “Try me, if you’re man enough.”

He tossed his phone aside and stalked toward her. “That sounds like a challenge. One I think I should take you up on.” Taking hold of her hand, he pulled her up out of the chair, the blanket sliding down her legs to land in a pile at their feet.

“Ace.”

“Yes?” He scooped her into his arms.

“Put me down.” Instead of doing what she asked, he pretended to drop her, forcing her to squeal. “Ace Le Diamond, I demand you put me down.” She tried to fill her voice with authority but it was hard with his cologne filling each breath.

“You know I won’t drop you.”

“What are you doing?” She resisted the urge to rest her head against his strong chest. “You’re not putting me to bed.”

“It’s been so long and I’ve missed you. Is it wrong that I just want to feel you against me?” He sank down onto the sofa, taking her with him. “If it is, I don’t want to be right. I just want to hold you. Is that too much to ask?”

“No, it’s not.” She let herself relax in his embrace, her head resting on the curve of his shoulder. She began to wonder what it might have been like if they’d never drifted apart. Maybe they’d be sharing this same moment as a married couple, the child she was expecting his. Fantasies, yes—but it was what she wanted.

His lips brushed against the top of her forehead. “This is nice.”

She leaned away and looked into his eyes, hoping to find the answer she needed. She needed to know if she was just another girl to fill the time before he left again, or if there were feelings within him that burned for her.

“I can’t do this.”

“What?”

“I can’t…” She took a deep breath and pushed away the tears. “Ace, I never stopped loving you. All these years I waited for you, hoping one day you’d see reason and come back. When I woke up from the coma, you were the one person I wanted at my bedside, but then I realized it was never going to happen. Instead of giving my heart away to another, I buried it deep within me and decided to do this alone.”

She ran her hand over her stomach, knowing she had to do this not only for herself but for her daughter. They couldn’t live in the same town together if he broke her heart again. “I can’t do this because I can’t risk you going off on your next training or mission or whatever the hell you want to call it and deciding what’s best for me.”

“Wait.” With one arm, he held tight as she tried to wiggle out of his embrace. He reached behind him, grabbing his wallet. “Every day I’ve carried this with me.” He pulled out a creamy white ribbon with pink stitches along the edges. “It’s my lucky charm, always keeping me safe, no matter how dangerous things get. I never stopped loving you.”

Seeing that ribbon sent her memories racing back to that night, only hours before he shipped off to boot camp. They’d sat on the beach, watching the waves crash onto the shore, his arm around her. Back then, it wasn’t supposed to be goodbye, only a short time apart until his training was over. Even knowing he was supposed to come back and they’d be together again, her heart broke.

He untied her hair from the ribbon, letting it down to blow in the wind, and whispered sweet promises in her ear. Promising they’d be together forever, he tied the ribbon around his wrist and pushed her gently back onto the blanket, kissing her.

“Do you remember what happened that night?”

His words pulled her back from the memories. It was the first and only time they made love. She lost her virginity to a man she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with. One who ended up leaving without so much of an explanation.

“I remember.” As much as it warmed her heart to know he had kept that with him, it didn’t change things. “I remember what happened that night, but what is more important is what happened after…”

“Gwen.” He slid his hand down her thigh. “I made a mistake, but there’s no reason we should suffer from my stupidity any longer. We deserve a second chance.”

“Ace.” She cupped his cheek, feeling the smooth skin under her fingertips, and gazed into his forest green eyes. “I can’t…it’s too much for me. I’m sorry, but I can’t risk you breaking my heart again when you leave. You said it yourself, you’re only home for three days, then you’ll leave again and the same thing will happen.”

Unable to sit there any longer, she slipped from his embrace, putting distance between them. She needed to be alone, so she grabbed her coat from the hall closet before heading out the front door.

It might not have been the smartest move, but it preserved her heart. Forcing away the tears, she thrust her hands into her pockets and tried to steady her breathing. Following her urges could land her back in the same position she’d been in all those years ago. There was no way she’d let that happen again.

A
ce stood there stunned beyond belief as he watched Gwen storm out of the house. It was unlike her to face a problem head on. Unwilling to screw this up again, he slipped his shoes on and decided to follow her. He understood where she was coming from, but damn he wanted her. Having her body pressed against his made everything come back. His job was dangerous and the commitment she needed was one he wasn’t sure he’d be able to give…no matter how much he wanted to. Even so, he had to make it clear how much he cared.

Outside he looked both directions but couldn’t see her anywhere. How she had managed to disappear when he was only minutes behind her, he had no idea. Going with his gut he headed to the park, imagining it would give her a place to sit and think. Not wanting to lose her, he took off in a steady jog, scanning each side street as he past.

Three blocks later, he entered a picturesque neighborhood, fall leaves scattered on the ground. It was quiet, deserted at that time of night. Headlights illuminated a few small brick houses, then the small car motored off. Just down the path on one of the benches that overlooked the playground area was Gwen, her hand rubbing small circles over her stomach. The dim light caught the glistening tears running down her face.

Damn it, this is why I left. I never wanted to cause her pain, but here I am screwing up her life again.

He needed to make it right. If she chose not to pursue things between them, he’d have to respect that, but until he said what he needed to, he wouldn’t back down. If things were going to work between them, she had to be able to accept everything as it was—his job and their past.

“Gwen…” He sat down on the bench next to her and kept his gaze on the playground before him. She barely acknowledged him. “Years ago, I screwed up. I should have been upfront and discussed things with you. Instead, I made the decision without even consulting you. It was wrong of me, but I thought I was doing what was best for you.”

“What’s done is done, none of it matters now.” Her voice broke.

“It does.” He turned and laid a hand over hers. “I don’t deserve it, but I believe we were given this second chance for a reason.”

“I have a child to think about,” she snapped. “I wouldn’t just be risking myself but my daughter. I can’t…”

“We have months before she’s born, let’s take time to explore things between us.” He laced his fingers through hers. “I can see the look in your eyes. There’s still something between us, and it’s not just hard feelings. Tell me you don’t still love me and I’ll let it go.”

“I…” She shook her head, then wiped her nose.

“See, I knew you couldn’t, because I can’t deny it either.” He scooted closer to her on the bench, closing that last remaining distance.

“Maybe love isn’t enough.” She wouldn’t look at him as she said it, giving him the impression she didn’t believe it.

“Let me prove to you that is it.” They sat there in silence for what seemed like ages, but finally he couldn’t wait any longer. “I understand it doesn’t seem like enough. Maybe what I can give you isn’t what you want, but I do love you. Being a SEAL is who I am. If I thought anyone would understand, it would be you.”

“I’ve never asked you to give it up. It’s what you’ve always wanted, and now you have it. Was it worth what you lost?”

“Is it wrong to want everything?” He turned on the bench so that he could look at her. “When I left, you were only seventeen. I had planned to complete my training and come back for you. To marry you and give you everything you ever wanted. I wanted to wait until I knew I could do it, because if I failed…I didn’t know what I’d do.”

“I knew you wouldn’t fail, it’s not who you are.” For the first time she met his gaze, telling him she had more faith in him than anyone else. “You worked so hard to prepare yourself before you left. I never doubted you.”

“I failed in the one part that mattered most. I failed you, Gwen.” As the tears streamed down her face, he pulled her against his chest, holding her as if she was all he had left. “No excuse changes that.” He let her tears subside before adding, “Let me prove I’m worthy of you. This time I won’t make the same mistake.”

With her arm around his waist, she kept her head pressed against his chest. “I don’t think the timing is right. I’m pregnant.” There wasn’t regret in her voice but maybe disappointment, as if she thought they’d miss their second chance at love.

“On the contrary, I think it’s the perfect time. Give
us
a chance. There’s no other way to prove to you that it won’t happen again, unless you give us a chance.” He ran his hand along the curve of her back, hoping she wouldn’t turn away from him.

“You’ll leave and things will end again. I can’t take that pain.” Her voice broke. She pulled back from his embrace, biting hard on her bottom lip. “I don’t care what people say. It
isn’t
better to have loved and lost.”

“There’s a reason we were brought back together, that my mission ended early and you were here.” He gazed down at her and hated that the tears were because of him. “Let’s take it slow. Seventy-two hours isn’t enough time for me to convince you, but when I come back from this training, I should be home for a while, unless a mission comes up. Then you’ll know I’m not going to make the same mistake and I’ll have time to properly show you what you mean to me.”

“Slow, okay?” The tears were gone now, faint lines marking her face where they fell.

He nodded and kissed her forehead. “Whatever pace you want is fine with me. Come, let’s go home, sit by the fire and warm up. On the way, you can tell me about your home search today. Lucky mentioned you were looking at a condo in his building.” He kept his arm around her waist and led her back the way they had come.