I slide from the bed and come down on the
head of his cock. Sucking him deep into my mouth. His good hand is
in my hair and he’s tugging me off of him but instead I use the
movement for his cock to fuck my mouth and he’s moaning now,
begging me to stop. But I’m not feeling charitable, I’m feeling
needy and I take him deep, my tongue twisting and gliding over him.
It’s only minutes before he explodes in my mouth. I pull the sheet
back over him and lay back down on him.
“Cripple, my ass.” Are my last words as I
fall back to sleep.
A nurse bangs into the room loudly and sets
down a covered tray. I groan as I see it’s a little after seven in
the morning and slide off the bed. My hand running through my
hair.
“Ms. Dixon, I do apologize we forgot to move
a reclining chair into the room but you really should not be
sleeping on Mr. Morgan’s bed. You could be impairing his ability to
sleep and heal. Now, here’s your bag. You can finally get out of
those scrubs.
I also have it on stern warning from Mr.
Hamilton that he’s not going to be able to come by until late
tonight and if you haven’t eaten he said he would not be above the
use of force.”
I nod and go into the bathroom and strip off
the scrubs. I’d changed scrubs every few days and underwear but I’d
only showered about once a week. It would be nice to be in my own
things. Turning on the shower I pull out the clothes Claire brought
me. I pick out a long turquoise skirt and loose white top. I also
see the tampons and panty liners I had pleaded with Claire to buy
me. I had only asked for clothes not the birth control I kept in my
drawer, it had been the last thing on my mind. With a shrug I bury
them in the bag, I can’t go back onto the pill until I had another
period anyway. I’m sure we’ll be out of the hospital by then.
I brush out my long hair and see I need
another hair cut. After brushing my teeth I feel human and walk out
to find my mother parked in the chair beside Jack.
“And here’s Abby on her graduation day. She
looked so pretty that day. I was so proud. I remember her walking
across to get her college diploma and all I could think about was
her first steps. It’s funny that way. Even when they’re grown there
will always be this moment of time that captures them. Abby had
been determined to walk for weeks, but three steps was all she
could get to and she’d fall on her little behind. Then one day you
can tell, she’s had enough and today is her day. Her little face is
so serious, her hands tight little fists and she’s off and not just
walking, she running.”
“There you are sweetie. I was just showing
Jack here some pictures of you when you were young. Real pictures,
not some stuck on cell phone for years and what happens if you lose
the cell phone. All those pictures, poof gone.”
“Mom, you can back up pictures from your
phone. Oh, mom, I love this taco place. Thank you, you didn’t have
to do that.” I take the bag and settle into the large ledge of the
window.
“Well of course I did. Sweetie, you’ve lost
so much weight. Now I know it’s the whole you can never be too
skinny era but goodness. It’s not healthy.”
I finish the tacos as my mother attempts to
enthrall Jack with more pictures. I toss the bag as a nurse
enters.
“Ms. Dixon, I was speaking with nurse Cantor
this morning and she wanted to apologize. She forgot to go over the
care of Mr. Morgan’s skin grafts. This is just regular baby oil and
it’s what we recommend you use, to keep the skin soft and prevent
drying and cracking. We recommend this for up to three months.
There you go, after a shower or bathing especially.
We’ll also be bringing in a recliner from
you, like you had in when Mr. Morgan was in ICU.”
“Thank you, I appreciate that.”
“Abby, aren’t you coming home now that Jack
is up.”
“Mom, I told you. I go home when Jack goes
home. His leg is still in bad shape and when it’s finally not, then
he’s going to start physical therapy.”
“Alright dear, but now that he’s out of the
woods, you will rest more won’t you?”
“Yes, mom, I promise.” I’m walking her out
the door and I thank the nurse just as an orderly brings in what’s
probably the same recliner I had been sleeping on in ICU. I thank
him and he smiles as he leaves. I settle into the chair and sigh.
This thing really was nearly a torture device. It was made of
plastic, had very little soft stuffing and it went back all of five
inches. Oh well, at least it wasn’t one of the hard back
chairs.
“Why the hell were you sleeping in that
thing?” Jack asks harshly and I look to him and smile.
“Just like I told my mom, I go home when you
go home. So enough with all that you can leave nonsense. You want
to leave me, you’re going to have to walk away under your own
steam. I think we’ve cleared up you haven’t lost all sensation
below the waist. It won’t be long before you regain the rest.” I
say as I push the back the recliner and doze.
Shane comes in with a knock. Jack has been
ignoring me by pretending to watch television since my mother left
and I’m reading pretending like I don’t feel Jack’s eyes on me
every five minutes.
“Hey, man. Damn, it’s good to see you sitting
up and looking more like yourself. I was beginning to wonder if
they would ever take off all that gauze crap.” Shane pats his leg
and comes over to me, he leans down to give me a hug of welcome.
“Did you eat like I told you too? Finally, in real clothes again
but they look like they’re hanging off of you.”
“I ate breakfast and lunch but dinner, eh.
And this is the new anti-hipster look, baggy and loose.”
Shane laughs and ruffles my hair. Pulling two
candy bars he presents them to me with a bow. “My apologies my
lady. I stopped at that sandwich place you like but they were
packed and I was too annoyed to wait.”
“I’ll forgive you this once, chocolate is a
suitable gift.”
“Abby, do you think you can give me and Shane
a few minutes or is that too much to ask for? Will your head
explode if I’m out of your sight for five minutes?” The words are
rough, his features rude and harsh.
Shane looks stunned but I shrug when Shane
looks at me. “He’s being an asshole. The spinal specialist won’t
guarantee he’ll walk again but considering his leg is still messed
up he’s got time for that. He freaked out when they took off the
gauze, called himself roadkill. He’s still gorgeous, a little red
sure. I forgot to put on the mixture with all the moving and
whatnot last night which is probably why. He said some stupid shit
about me leaving but I’m ignoring him, let him have his tantrums. I
guess for now he’s a bit entitled to them, it’s a lot to take in.
I’ll go get some hot chocolate. Lorna’s on duty, she’s nice and
gives me hot chocolate with marshmallows.”
I go on my tiptoes and kiss Shane on the
cheek and his hand is on my back until I’m out the door. The door
clicks and I swear I don’t do it on purpose, it was just harder to
move away from the door than I thought it would be. So, completely
by accident, I listen in.
I hear Jack, he’s angry and loud. “What the
fuck man? I’m laid up three weeks and you’re all over her. You know
what, never mind, I’m fucking happy. Get her out of here, take her
with you. I trained her well, she’ll be the best lay you’ve ever
had. Hell, unless you already went there. I don’t give a fuck. Just
get the fuck out of here and take her with you when you go.”
“You’ve been my best friend almost ten years
and I love you like a brother but if you weren’t in a hospital bed
I would so put you there. What the hell is the matter with you?
Abby, is so in love you it’s like no one or nothing exists outside
of you. She hasn’t left this hospital since the first day they
brought you in. Have you not noticed that’s she’s lost almost
fifteen pounds and until today she looked half alive. Abby is the
one who’s bathed you, Abby has changed your gauze and been applying
stuff to your face that even the doctors and nurses are impressed
by, just real aloe gel and Neosporin but after one day you looked
better for it.
I’ve been trying to watch out for her like I
thought you would want. She doesn’t eat unless someone puts
something in front of her. There were times she talked or read to
you until her throat was raw. She tried to quit her job for you.
Why are you doing this man? What happened to she was it, there’s no
one else for you. She’s perfect, the love of your life. The kids,
the house, what happened to all of that? Why the fuck are you
acting like this?”
It’s so quiet I wonder if Jack is whispering
but finally he answers.
“Are you kidding me? I’m not tying her to me
and the half life I’ve got in front of me. No way, she deserves
better that. I’m not going back to the force, I’m too messed up for
it. So what now? What am I supposed to be now? If I never walk
again and spend the rest of my life in a damn wheelchair, she’ll be
right there held back with me. How am I supposed to have kids if I
can’t take care of them? Hell, so what if I can have a hard on, I
might never be able to be the man she was used to, that she needs.
She needs sex, she needs a lover not some cripple she has to cater
to. No way will I do that to her. She’ll stick around but she’ll
resent me and then finally when she stops feeling sorry for me
she’ll leave. I’d rather she just left now.”
“Man, I wish I didn’t know you so well. I had
hoped for better, for more from you. It’s a good thing I was wrong
about Abby though, she’s stronger than you. Hell, I think she’s
probably stronger than me. She packs quite a punch for a little
thing too. Abby isn’t going anywhere. She’s made it clear from the
beginning, so good luck with that. Nothing you say is going to
change that, nothing I say either.
So I’m just going to encourage you to get
better as fast as you can and if you still feel like leaving her
then you can. If that’s what you really want.”
I jump back as the door opens and Shane pulls
the door closed. I can’t say anything, the tears just start coming.
Tears I hadn’t allowed myself to cry since the day I walked in the
hospital. I hadn’t wanted Jack to hear me cry, to hear me
frightened. Shane puts an arm around me and guides me to an empty
waiting room. He doesn’t say anything, just rubs my arm and lets me
cry.
As the storm comes to an end he hands me a
wad of tissues and I try to mop myself up.
“You okay? I told you, you were going to have
to be stronger than him. He never once said he didn’t love you
anymore, he said he didn’t want you to suffer with him. Don’t
listen to him, he has a low pain threshold. I talked to the
doctors, most of them are patting themselves on the back. Spinal
guy is tight lipped but I think he’s afraid of saying yes in case
it turns out to be a no.”
“It won’t be a no. Jack is going to walk
again, there isn’t a damn reason why he can’t. Nothing was broken
or damaged. He goes through the therapy, he wants it and he doesn’t
give up and he’ll walk again.”
“What if he doesn’t? What then?”
I shrug, not understanding. “Then he doesn’t
walk. We’ll move from the condo and get a house where it will be
easier for him to get around. I heard him say kids were out and I
don’t think that’s a valid reason. I’m not going to lie, I want his
kids. Not kids, his kids but if he doesn’t come around on that then
fine. We won’t have kids but a wheelchair doesn’t mean he won’t
have a good and full life.”
“What about the other things he said? What if
he can’t be the man you need? What if he can’t please you sexually
and it’s you doing all the work? He seemed to think that was
important to you.”
I don’t even blush, “That doesn’t matter to
me. I lived five years without sex I can live fifty. Jack made love
to me just by holding me when we watched television. I can get an
orgasm from a vibrator, I need Jack to feel loved.”
Shane hugs me to him. “You’re gonna have to
be strong. He can be one hard headed asshole but I know he loves
you. He really believes he’s doing the right thing for you.”
“I get it, I do. His whole family left him,
and they were his blood. I understand why he thinks I would leave
him too.”
I walk Shane to the elevator and he gives me
another hug goodbye. I stop off in a restroom and run freezing
water over my face. I look a little less like hell when I’m
done.
Without bothering to knock I enter Jack’s
room and without looking at him make my way to the recliner. It’s a
few minutes before he finally speaks.
“What are you still doing here?”
“I leave when you leave, I told you that
already.” I pull up the blanket a nurse had given me and do my best
to sleep.
It isn’t easy, after last night in Jack’s
arms the recliner feels even more painful. I pretend until he turns
out the light and the light above his bed. I give it a half hour
and I’m up at the window. My insomnia had actually been a blessing
the last few weeks. I would often blame the insomnia for being up
instead of the recliner when the nurses checked Jack’s vitals. I
can see the highway from here and start to count eighteen wheelers.
I yawn and lean my head against the cool glass. January and
February were actually the coolest months in Austin. As I have for
the last three weeks I don’t let my mind go any further than today.
Jack had looked better tonight, he’d been refusing pain medication
but after the removal of the gauze he had to be feeling some pain.
I remember the mixture I had created after calling a natural foods
store I went to often after they had made suggestions that actually
worked. Claire had been kind enough to buy the things I’d asked for
and some empty jars.
I pull out the prepared aloe and Neosporin
and find an empty jar, I add the aloe and baby oil and mix it up a
bit. I’m at Jack’s right side, his eyes are closed. Setting aside
the baby oil, I pick up the mixture for his face and neck and am
standing over him when his hand shoots out and grabs my wrist. His
grip is tight to the point of pain. Fighting the instinct to cry, I
whisper his name and his grip loosens, barely.