Authors: Lee Shepherd
As the following summer approached, Jonathon could not wait for the long break; due to his troubled home life, he had again become very reserved and withdrawn. Any friends he had made previously he had since lost, as he felt as though he couldn’t trust anyone — especially not his Social worker, who’d totally dismissed what he had told him that night. He also started to become a victim of bullying in school, as the other children classed him as a ‘weirdo’ and would often taunt him at break times. There seemed to be no respite for Jonathon, and the only thing he actually took comfort in was his one true friend, Amber, who he could often offload his problems onto. He couldn’t wait for a break from it all.
Unfortunately for him, that respite did not come, as when the school term finished, the beatings became more frequent, as Jim had turned his once a week drinking sessions into full weekend events, with more and more of Jim’s ‘friends’ attending the farm. With Jonathon being off school, Jim didn’t have to worry about the teachers or other parents witnessing the horrific injuries the boy was sustaining for a while. Brian would sometimes appear from time to time, but whenever he would catch Jonathon’s gaze, he would just offer him a half-arsed smirk, as if to say, ‘Know your place, boy!’
***
One August summer night, just six days before Jonathon’s ninth birthday, things went from bad to worse. A drunken Jim crept into Jonathon’s bedroom whilst his friends
continued to drink downstairs; Edna had already taken herself off to bed, as she had had just about enough of Jim and his friends. What came next for the innocent eight year old little boy still haunted him in later life.
Jim quietly woke him from his sleep by pressing his wandering hand down on the boy’s leg. As Jonathon opened his eyes and looked up, he could clearly see Jim sat on the bed beside him. With one hand still on Jonathon’s leg, he raised his other hand towards his face and placed his finger over his mouth as if to say, ‘Be quiet’.
Once Jonathon was fully awake, he not only noticed that his bedroom door was shut, but he had to watch as Jim started to undo his trousers. Jonathon didn’t have a clue what was happening, and prayed he was going to wake up and realise it was all just a bad dream. Unfortunately for him it wasn’t. Totally numb, Jonathon listened as Jim whispered threateningly at him in the dark.
‘Do exactly as I tell you, boy. If you tell anybody about tonight, nobody would believe you and you’ll get into huge trouble for telling lies.’
Without further warning, Jim removed his penis from inside his underwear and forced Jonathon to perform fellatio on him.
‘If you try anything like biting me or screaming, I promise I’ll break your skinny, worthless neck and bury you in the garden.’ Jim’s words made Jonathon’s blood run cold.
As Jonathon did as he was told, he felt sick to the pit of his stomach and could not wait for this ordeal to be over. All he could smell was the pungent, stale sweat from Jim’s genitals, along with the combination of whiskey and cigar smoke that clung to him. His mouth tasted as though someone had urinated into it. Jonathon died a little bit inside that night, as he was hoping that one of the many voices he could hear coming from downstairs would come and rescue him, but it wasn’t to be — he realised he was alone, nobody was coming to his aid. He had to endure this abomination of trust until Jim had
finally ‘relieved’ himself into his mouth.
Jonathon just lay there, once again frozen in his bed, scared to move in case Jim decided to give him another beating for good measure. He managed to contain his emotions as he waited for Jim to leave the room and go back downstairs and continue drinking with his friends, as he didn’t want to show Jim just exactly how petrified and upset he was. When he finally plucked up the courage to move, he ran to the bathroom to wash the vile taste from his mouth, then brushed his teeth for a good ten minutes and drank several glasses of water, but nothing could take away the feelings of shame and disgust that he was feeling.
This cycle of sexual abuse and violence continued throughout the next couple of years of Jonathon’s life, but by now other men were starting to become involved too. Unbeknown to Jonathon, Jim and his so-called ‘friends’ from the lodge, were actually part of a secret paedophile ring that spanned throughout Cumbria. Many of them took in children in care, often referred to them by the Social worker, Brian Jenkins — the same man that just happened to be Jonathon’s Social worker. Quite a number of them had high-profile jobs in authority, which made a perfect cover for their more deviant indulgencies.
Jonathon was now twelve years old and had become quite desensitised to the abuse bestowed upon him. He would often lock himself away in his room for hours watching action movies on the VHS recorder he had received from the Beatties for Christmas. His favourite actors were Charles Bronson and Bruce Lee, as he loved how masculine and tough they were. He would sit and watch their movies over and over and dream of one day becoming like them. He knew they wouldn’t be the type of people to let others abuse them the way he had been abused, and he was in awe of their strength and courage.
It was also around this time that he picked up and started to read the Bible that had been in his bedside drawer ever since he arrived at the farm.
It was on one of these occasions, whilst scanning through Genesis 6:5-8 in the King James Version of the Bible, that he came across a passage he associated with.
And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was evil continually. And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. And the Lord said, ‘I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the fowls of the
air; for it repenteth me that I have made them’. But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord
.
It was after reading this that Jonathon started to find solace in the Bible. Although he didn’t quite understand it fully, he saw himself as Noah, and his abusers as the wicked men that God would wipe out. The thought pleased Jonathon. Thus, his interest in Christianity was born.
Jonathon actually started to look forward to and embrace his once hated Sunday morning visit to church with the Beatties, and he would take the Bible text as literal and set about studying it in its entirety for passages he could relate to and take meaning from that would offer him some form of comfort in what he was enduring.
However, there was just one thing he could not quite get his head around: if Jim was a Christian, how could he commit such devious and wicked crimes against fellow mankind?
He read a passage in Levictus 20:13 which both pleased, yet frightened him.
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them
.
For obvious reasons, he liked the idea of his abusers being put to their deaths, but he couldn’t work out if this also applied to himself. He liked to think that due to him being an unwilling participant in the abuse, the Lord would give him mercy.
***
As Jonathon grew into adolescence over the following couple of years and his body matured, he started to stand up for himself a lot more, unwilling to suffer any more abuse either at home or in school. He started fighting
back, and the Beatties would often get phone calls from the school to come and collect him after he had been involved in one fight or another. Even Jim, who had totally overpowered and dominated him over the past seven years, was starting to become wary of the ever growing young man before him.
Finally, the abuse came to an end after one drunken night when Jim staggered back into the farm after a heavy drinking session with his pals. He immediately started to become aggressive towards Edna for no other reason than because he could. Jonathon had then reached breaking point, and as Jim raised his hand towards his fearful wife, he received the shock of his life as the fifteen-year-old Jonathon jumped up from where he had been sitting to protect her.
‘And what the fuck do you think you’re doing, you ungrateful bastard?’ Jim slurred. Before Jonathon could respond Jim continued. ‘You’re a worthless, pathetic excuse for a human being! No wonder your whore of a mother didn’t want you!’
Jonathon, confused by Jim’s words, retorted, ‘My mum died, you fucking arsehole!’
Edna tried to intervene and retract Jim’s words on his behalf, knowing what he was about to blurt out next. She tried to tell Jonathon to ignore his ramblings, and pass it off as drunken confusion, but Jim was having none of it.
‘Tell the fucker, Edna, tell him how his whore of a mother abandoned him because she didn’t want the worthless bastard either! It’s about time he knew anyway.’
Edna was beside herself with fury. She turned to him and, for the first time since Jonathon had been there, Edna stood up to her husband.
‘THAT’S ENOUGH JIM, SHUT YOUR BIG MOUTH AND LEAVE THE BOY ALONE!’
It was too late though: the seed of madness had been planted.
Jonathon looked straight at Edna and asked her, ‘What the fuck is he talking about?’
Jim interjected before Edna had the chance to speak.
‘Fuck it, I’ll tell you! The McMullens weren’t you’re real parents. Your real mother was a good for nothing whore of a schoolgirl who gave you away at birth. I should know, I’ve seen all your files!’
‘Is this true?’ Jonathon demanded of Edna.
‘I’m afraid it is Jonathon — well the part about your real mother giving you up for adoption at birth anyway. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.’
Jonathon was in utter shock at this news, and could not process what he was being told. His whole life had been a lie.
‘I fucking told you!’ Jim sneered.
By this point Jonathon had had just about enough of listening to anything Jim had to say. Before he could spew more nasty words, Jonathon snapped and rushed towards where the drunken Jim was standing.
‘I FUCKING HATE YOU!’ he screamed in his face.
Then, with all the strength he could muster, Jonathon unleashed a vicious combination of punches and kicks he had secretly been practicing in his room. He delivered blow after blow to the already unsteady Jim, until he finally toppled him in a heap on the dining room floor.
Edna just stood there and watched with a hint of a smile on her face as her bully of a husband finally received his comeuppance at the hands of the child she couldn’t protect. She knew in that instance that this would be Jonathon’s final night in the household, but she was happy. Happy because she knew that with it, the young man’s suffering at her husband’s hand had finally came to an end.
Once Jim had picked himself up off the floor, embarrassed and bloodied, he immediately pushed past his wife and went to the phone in the hall. He was initially going to call the police, but stopped himself — he was unsure what Jonathon might say to them. Instead, he called Brian and proceeded to tell him how Jonathon had beaten him in an unprovoked attack. He stated that he wanted him out of his house and out of their lives forever, and told Brian that he had until the morning to come and
collect him, as he would not be welcome for more than one more night under his roof.
This came as no surprise to Jonathon, who was already by this point packing his belongings up in his room. Edna went and spoke to Jonathon whilst Jim poured himself another drink and sat brooding in silence on the sofa. He knew his hold over Jonathon was finished forever, and he had no further use for him. A tearful Edna went and sat on Jonathon’s bed as he gathered all his things into his bags.
‘I am so sorry Jonathon. Please forgive me for everything. I sincerely wish I could take away all the hurt and suffering you have had to go through, I really do. I’m so sorry I couldn’t have stopped it, please believe me.’
Jonathon pitied Edna. He knew he had finally broken free, but he knew that she would never be strong enough to leave.
He gave her a great big hug and kissed her on the cheek. ‘It’s not your fault.’
Edna could barely look him in the eye due to the guilt she felt as she made her way out of his room.
‘I wish you all the best for the future Jonathon, I really do. Go and find the happiness we couldn’t give you.’
Those were her final words to Jonathon, as she never did see him again; she couldn’t bear to look him in the face or say goodbye the following morning. Jonathon never slept a wink that night as he waited for Brian to come and collect him. He had far too many thoughts running through his mind after what he had just discovered. He also had many, many questions he needed answered from Brian too.
As Brian pulled in the long driveway leading to the farm the next morning, Jonathon went over to where the now very old and weary Amber lay in her bed. He looked deep into her eyes; as he did so, a tear fell from his eye and rolled down his cheek. He stroked his companion one last time and told her how much she had comforted him over the years, and just how much she meant to him and that he would never forget her. He gave Amber one
final hug and kiss goodbye, then grabbed his bags and made his way outside, straight into Brian’s waiting car without looking back.
‘Are… are you okay?’ Brian asked hesitantly.
Jonathon gave him a cold look. ‘Get me away from this fucking place, NOW!’
Brian was not accustomed to this new found attitude and foul language coming from Jonathon. Wary after receiving Jim’s call the previous night stating how Jonathon had allegedly battered him in an unprovoked attack, Brian decided not to delve any deeper — he did not want to be on the receiving end of Jonathon’s wrath. Instead, he did as Jonathon had asked and left the farm without even speaking to Jim or Edna.
‘So, Brian, why didn’t you tell me I was adopted, and that my real mother gave me away at birth?’ Jonathon asked a now uptight Brian.
‘Err, well, the thing is Jonathon, with you being under sixteen, and still classed as a minor in the eyes of the law, we as Social workers have a duty of care to provide to you. We do what we think is in your best interests. Besides, we can’t legally give you this information until you turn sixteen, when it is deemed you are old enough to be able to understand and cope with this information.’ Seeing the look on Jonathon’s face, he continued hurriedly, ‘But seeing as you are coming up sixteen in a few short months, what do you want to know?’