Read A Writer's Guide to Active Setting Online
Authors: Mary Buckham
The passage continues on, but serves so well in revealing who these characters are. It gives the reader a broader understanding of who they are, as a couple and individually, by what they surround themselves withâthese two are comfortable with themselves, casual, and intelligent.
What if Pickard chose to tell, not show? What if she wrote:
Our home reflects the fact we are intelligent people comfortable with our lives and who we are.
NOTE
: Straight telling does not reveal half as much as showing does.
Since this novel is part of a series, Pickard does not necessarily need to describe this room in this much detail in later novels because loyal readers will remember this room. In another book the author could choose to highlight a different room in the houseâthe kitchen, bedroom, or even the garageâso readers new to the series, as well as the series regulars, can experience this home on a deeper level. By seeing these characters in their environment, the reader feels more a part of the world of the story.
I'm not saying that in every story you want this much Setting description for every character, or that you have to reveal character every time, but I do want you to think in terms of how this one specific POV character relates to this Setting versus a different character. It's a great place to open up opportunities to reveal your character to the reader in different ways.
In this next example from a historical novel set in the 1920s, a young woman who has set off a recent scandal has been forced to face the consequencesâbanishment to Africa for a suitable period of time until the furor dies down. It's clear up to this point in the story that while she is not opposed to seeing Africa, she also feels unjustly punished for nothing more than an indiscretion. She loves Paris and feels that she will return as soon as possible. The author could simply tell the reader:
ROUGH DRAFT:
The day I left Paris I knew I would be returning as soon as possible.
This is how newer writers might approach the departure scene, instead of digging a little bit deeper into the POV of the character to reveal her relationship with this city of her heart.
Paris had dressed in her best to see us off. A warm spring sun peeked through the pearl-grey skirts of early morning fog. And a light breeze stirred the new leaves on the Champs-Elysees as if waving fare well.
âDeanna Raybourn,
A Spear of Summer Grass
What happens if we take out the descriptive words and details from the above example?
Paris saw us off. It was spring on the Champs-Elysees.
Fairly blah with no sense of a love affair with this city or any interaction with this location. If that was the case, the above sentence might work, but part of the conflict built into this story is the fact that this character loves Paris and does not want to leave. The author used the opportunity to drive that point home, not by direct telling, but by showing the character's response to her departure.
What if the character was glad she was leaving Paris?
Paris spit snow and sleet to see us off. Weak sunlight did little to warm the damp grey facades, hunkered down and braced for more cold. And a breeze rattled the bare branches on the Champs-Elysees as if hurrying us along on our departure.
OR:
Paris had dressed in her aristocratic snobbishness to see us off. Tepid sunlight fell across the damp sidewalks and row upon row of stone buildings, their shutters drawn and blank. A Seine-scented breeze wafted from the river beyond the Champs-Elysees as if taunting us to return.
Three very different Settings create three very different insights as to whom the POV character is and how she feels about leaving Paris.
NOTE:
Make sure your details truly reflect the viewpoint of the character experiencing the Setting, if it matters to the story.
Let's examine another example of characterization shown through Setting.
“Out of the way, please. Sheriff investigator. Come on now. Out.”
Merci Rayburn ducked under the ribbon and continued down the walk. Her heart was beating fast and her senses were jacked up high, registering all at once the cars hissing along Coast Highway to her left, waves breaking on the other side of the building, the citizens murmuring behind her, the moon hanging low over the eastern hills, the smell of ocean and exhaust, the night air cool against her cheeks, the walkway slats bending under her duty boots. She figured a place like this, ocean front in San Clemente, would run you two grand a month and you still got termites in your walkway and spider webs high in the porch corners.
âT. Jefferson Parker,
Red Light
This one-paragraph description that opens the story shows a lot about the character by how she looks at the Setting. The reader is not introduced to the crime scene as a laundry list of narrative descriptionâbuilding, location, time of day. Instead, while actively moving the story forward, the author threads all of this information through the character's description of the Setting in such a subtle way that the reader is pulled deeper into the story and skin of the POV character.
We learn that Merci can multi-task and take in many different details at once, a good characteristic for an investigator to have. Therefore the author can slip in other important details later in the story without the reader feeling that it's strange for Merci to notice. The paragraph also lets us know that Merci covers her uncomfortable emotions with snarky thoughtsâ
a place like this, ocean front in San Clemente, would run you two grand a month and you still got termites in your walkway and spider webs high in the porch corners.
Later, if Merci does this again, the reader can assume she's uncomfortable in some way.
In the next example, the author uses Setting description to show the thought process of the POV character and where he's coming from while filtering in insights about a secondary character. The POV character, Joe Pike, has been assigned to protect the life of a spoiled rich girl. Two attempts have already been made on her life, the latest one while she's been in Pike's custody, so he's now taking charge of the situation by moving her to a new location (remember when you shift your characters to a new location, you shift your readers, and they need to be anchored all over again).
Let's assume Robert Crais, the author, wrote a rough draft first:
ROUGH DRAFT:
Joe and the girl arrived at the new location. She didn't look happy about the place, but it looked like it'd work for him.
Do you see why the POV character sees her displeasure or why he makes the judgment call? Not really. You're told, which holds you at arm's length from the story until something else happens.
Look at how the author shows what Joe Pike reveals about himself, and about his impressions of the girl, in this one paragraph of Setting.
The girl was moody getting out of the car, making a sour face to let him know she hated the shabby house and sun-scorched street smelling of chili and epazote. To him, this anonymous house would serve. He searched the surrounding houses for threats as he waited for her, clearing the area the way another man might clear his throat. He felt obvious wearing the long-sleeved shirt. The Los Angeles sun was too hot for the sleeves, but he had little choice. He moved carefully to hide what was under the shirt.
She said, “People who live in houses like this have deformed children. I can't stay here.”
âRobert Crais,
The Watchman
We get a sense of Joe Pike looking for threats and assessing safety issues: he's not here because the neighborhood is safe, but because he can keep her safe here. The house is anonymous. He doesn't think about the people in the houses or the paint job or anything but security. This also shows a lot about the intrinsic differences between him and the girl he's guarding by her response to the Setting and how he sees her response. There's a lot going on in one paragraph, but the forward momentum of the story never slows down.
Let's look at another example, this time from an author who is always good to study for her ability to make every word do double duty. In this description we're about a third of the way into the story, and the POV character is looking for a tenuous lead on her missing ex-sister-in-law.
First, let's look at this as if the author was writing from first draft to finished version.
NOTE:
Since we are using the work of published authors as examples, the rough first draft is imagined. Of course there's no telling what the author initially wrote or how many drafts he used to get to the final product. What you should look at are the possibilities you can apply to your own work if you currently lack Setting detail.
FIRST DRAFT:
I drove my vehicle into the hills to my sister-in-law's house.
Bland. No sense of location. All the writer did was get the character from point A to point B. Sometimes an author simply needs a transition sentence or two to move a character through time and space. But often the writer is missing a rich treasure trove of showing more, or showing with telling, that can make a story so much richer if she wrote with intention.
SECOND DRAFT:
I drove my rig into the hills above Santa Barbara, and when I arrived at my sister-in-law's place, I stopped and checked it out.
A little better. Now the reader knows where the POV character is, but we're not experiencing any of what that character is experiencing or the interaction she's having with what she's seeing.
Now see if you can tell what the POV character thinks about her ex-sister-in-law by what she observes of the surroundings and interior of the woman's cabin.
The sun was flaring red in the west when I drove my white Explorer up a gully toward Tabitha's house, past sandstone boulders and gray-green brush. The air smelled thick with mustard and eucalyptus. The view of the city, two thousand feet below, was spectacular. Santa Barbara lay like a velvet sash between the mountains and the Pacific, smooth and glimmering.
The house itself looked neglected. Faded gray paint curled from the wood siding, and weeds spread across the lawn, humped and matted, like an overgrown beard. When no one answered my knock, I looked in the front window. The living room held some thrift-shop chairs and a work table covered with pens, pencils, and drawings. In the dingy kitchen, shopping bags bulged with cans of creamed corn and SPAM. Was that what she cooked for Brian? No wonder he had requested sea duty.
âMeg Gardiner,
China Lake
Notice the author uses contrast between the city of Santa Barbara, known to be one of the most exclusive of Southern California's coastal towns (also known for its red-tiled roofs which creates the red of the red-sash imagery), and the area surrounding the home, to show the POV character's feelings as she enters her sister-in-law's world. Gardiner also doesn't leave the reader to guess the POV character's impressions or emotions surrounding her ex-sister-in-law, choosing words such as
neglected, faded, humped, matted, thrift shop,
and
dingy
to describe her living space. She even names the specific food that's visibleâ
creamed corn and SPAM
.
One last point to notice is that Gardiner doesn't stop the story to give a description; she filters in sensory details and movementâ
driving
,
looking
âwith internalization (her internal thought process). This is a powerful use of description that places the reader in the Setting and gives insights into the POV character and the ex-sister-in-law.
NOTE:
Notice the specific word choice of
velvet
âa tactile, luxurious, even glamorous fabric used to contrast with the rough and decidedly unglamorous house. A clever use of the sense of touch for something we wouldn't ordinarily think of touching (the ocean, the city, the lawn, the house siding).
Using Setting to contrast one character's world with another character's can power up characterization by threading in conflict at the same time. In the next example, from a paranormal romance series, the author uses contrast in characterization to make it clear that the hero in the story comes from a radically different environment than the rich, upper-crust heroine. This passage describes what the heroine sees and experiences when she enters a favored place frequented by the hero. The reader already knows from the hero's POV that he feels out of her league, so let's see how the author brings home that point by seeing his environment from her POV.
Mike's gym was a man's world, baby. Place smelled like an armpit, had walls that were prison-worthy, and was hung with faded pictures of Arnold from back in the eighties.
âJ.R. Ward,
Crave
Two succinct sentences and the reader learns more about the hero, by the place he feels most comfortable in, and about the heroine, who does not belong in this environment and has very different feelings based on what she focuses on. Notice how the author uses the power of three to bring home the points she wants to make. A novice writer might stop with:
INITIAL DRAFT:
Mike's gym was a man's world.
But the author added three more beats to bring home her points:
Place smelled like an armpit, [
Beat oneâa sensory detail that pulls the reader into the odor of the gym.
] had walls that were prison-worthy, [
Second beatâa visual here that is less about the colors of the walls and more about the message that the men who hung out here, including the hero, could feel right at home in a prison.
] and was hung with faded pictures of Arnold from back in the eighties. [
Third beatâvery specific detail; using a pop-culture icon associated with bodybuilding makes this place real, not generic, and lets the reader step into the scene while understanding both characters just a little bit more.
]