A Winter's Promise (4 page)

But if
there was no money, she
kne
w, there would
no horses. No horses, no trips to see Pa and Ma. Tears
threatened again. No money, no sewing machine. Each
yea
r it was harder to sew all thos
e
clothe
for the
chil
dren by hand. And the taxes—they had to have mo
n
ey
for taxes. And shoes for all
of them. She could knit and
sew, but
she
couldn
’
t make shoes.

The cl
ock struck twelve. A precious hour gone, and
she hadn
’
t even begun to rest.

“
Got to
sto
p worrying. G
ot to stop
worrying,
”
Emma
muttered
to the pillow.
“
I
’
ll think of some songs..
‘
When the roll is called u
p
yon-de
r,
’
“
she
hummed, but
the words didn
’
t make
her feel better at all. She had
a lot
of living to do
before she was r
eady for that ro
ll call.

“
Bringing, in the Sheaves
”
didn
’
t help, either. It made
her back hurt to think of carrying sheaves.

“
May as
well
put wood in th
e
stove again, as long as
I
’
m
awake,
”
she told herself.

Emma was
barely out of bed when the shivering be
gan. Quickly she piled wood
on the glowing coals and
hobbled
back to bed,
wishing she didn
’
t have to move
again for hours and hours. She
longed
to sink into the
cozy depths of sleep—down, down
where pain couldn
’
t
find her.

“
Sing another song,
”
she ordered herself.
“‘
Abide
with me, fast falls the ev-en-tide.
The darkness deep—
ens; Lord, with me abide.
’
O Lord, I
’
m so lonesome. It
’
s so dark. I
’
m scared,
”
she sobbed.

Suddenly, there was Kate!
She had burst in the door
wearing one of her
cotton housedresses, and the light
was shin
ing on her hair as it had that day
in
Phillips.
“
Emma-lass?
”
her voice rang out.
“
Where are
Y
ou?
Heard you cryin
’
. There be trouble?
”

With
all
the energy she possessed,
Emma tried to call
out,
“
I
’
m here! I
’
m here in the bedroom!
”
but no sound
came.
I
’
ve got to get up!
Kate will go away if I don
’
t get
out there!
Pain!

Emma jer
ked awake. All was dark. There
was no
Kate.

“
Kate ... Kate ..
”
she whispered.
“
What I wouldn
’
t
give to have that dream come true! Oh, Kate, I miss you
so much!
”

The baby
gave a little
I
’
m-getting-hungry
cry and was
quiet again. What time was it? Emma listened intently. She heard the clock
’
s tick, tick, tick—the children
’
s soft
breathing—but
no fire snapping!

“
Not again!
”
she
groaned and
hois
ted herself out of
bed.

Not one living coal remained.

Shivering so v
iolently she could scarcely hold the
p
oker, Emma shook down the Ashes,
crumpled more
precious paper, and added more of the meager kindling
s
upply.

While the kindling caught fire, she limped back to
the bed, grabbed a comforter and wrapped it around her
self.

The baby let
out a loud cry. Emma gathered him
up
and began to nurse him
as
she stood by the stove, wait
ing to
add more wood.

She anticipated the usual tingle as the milk let down
when the baby began to nurse. It didn
’
t come. He nursed
a moment and then pulled away and cried.

“
Liebc
hen ...
Liebchen...
Mama
’
s sorry!
”
Under her
breath Emma scolded herself.
“
Should have eaten
last night
, o
r
at least
should have
drunk more.
”

With the baby on her shoulder, she poured a cup o
f
water
from the teakettle and drank it
without
stopping.
At least it wasn
’
t ice cold.

She put
the wood in th
e stove and took the crying
baby to bed wit
h her. When she offered him the
other
breast, he nursed and dozed.

0 Lord ... thank You!
Please
^,
keep him sleeping!

Hardly daring to
breathe
lest she wake him, she grad
ually relaxed—jaws ... shoulders
…
arms.

“
You must rest,
”
she instructed her
self. She wished
....
she had water
within her reach. Her, body, she knew,
needed water
—
and food
—
but rest, she decided, was
most important.

Father, I thought, I
had asked You for just about
everything.
But now I come to
You with one more need.
Please help my body make the milk my baby
has
to
have.

Rest.
Rest.

The clock bonged six.

“
Not already!
”
Emma whispered as she eased
the baby
into his cradle with another prayer that he would sleep
until she had finished
the chores.

The cabin was still far from warm as she dressed her
shivering body, put more
wood in the stove, and drank
more water.
Had she been less intent on getting the
chores done, she
^,
might have cried with the pain that
sta
bbe
d
t
hrough her with each movement.

Daylight was still far away, and the lantern sat in the
barn. Carryin
g water for the chickens in he
r right hand
and wooden matches
in her left, she felt her way
to the
barn, guided by the high snow
banks on either
side
of the
path.
Although she groaned with pain, her legs didn
’
t
buckle under her as they had last night. She didn
’
t even
spill the w
ater.

She wanted to rush
through the chores and get back
to the house, but she held herself back, knowing she must
use .as little energy as possible so her body
could
pro
duce milk
.
The baby wouldn
’
t sleep long, she knew.
She
wondered what little Albert would do i
f George
cr
ied and cried. Even though she had told
him never to
take the
baby
out of the cradle, would
he
try? Maybe
d
rop him?

She wasted no time feeding the chickens and
cattle.
Then, warily, she approached
Cora.
Her knees trembled
and pain made her
eyes tear, but she managed to hold
the pail.

With a firm grip on the milk pail, Emma made her
painful way back to the house. Silence greeted her.
“
O
Lord! Thank you! I
’
m
so
glad they
’
re still sleeping,
^”
she
whispered as she took off her coat.

When she had pulled off
her overshoes and
washed
her hands,
she poured
a cup of warm, foamy milk.
She hated warm milk, but she took a deep breath and drank
it all. She shudde
red and wiped her mouth with
the
back of her hand, willing that milk to go directly where
it was
needed. Now, if she could just
get a little more
rest…

Qui
etly, she put wood in the stove,
stirred oatmeal
into boiling water, and set the pot on the right-hand lid
to simmer.
Soundlessly, she crept into bed.

She hadn
’
t even pulled up the comforter when Ellie
called,
“
Mama?
”

Emma choked back
a groan and whispered,
“
Come
here,
Liebc
hen.
”

“
Go potty
first,
”
Emma whispered, when Ellie stated
to crawl into bed.
“
Pull your nightie way up! You can do
it. You
’
re a big
girl. Then you can come and cuddle in
with Mama.
”

Emma held her breath. Would Ellie bang the lid and
wake the boys?

“
Good girl! Mama
’
s big girl,
”
Emma crooned into El
lie
’
s soft curls when she had snuggle
d in beside her. S
he
let her breath out slowly, and the quiet settled around her.

Oh, Al! If
you only knew
. . .
you
’
d come home. I know you would.

Bein
g
alone hadn
’
t sounded scary back in Philli
ps. Af
ter li
ving in the clatter and racket o
f the city, the quiet
country had sounded
like a haven
. She hadn
’
t even
thought about trouble, only about the hard work
—
a
nd
that
she was willing to
face.