A Widow's Guilty Secret (11 page)

Nick stopped her before she could continue. She’d already said the relevant part.

“Then, don’t you see, that’s all that matters. You love him and you’ll be there for him. He’s your son and part of you. And in the end, having him will help
you
get through this.”

Suzy pressed her lips together. He’d undone her with his kindness. Her emotions spilled out.

Nick saw the lone tear trickling down her cheek. The sight of it felt like a one-two punch straight to his gut. Holding himself in check, he took a breath, and then he took his thumb and very gently, wiped the tear away.

Suzy let out a very shaky breath. “You’re very insightful for a police detective,” she told him in a voice that was only slightly above a whisper. She was acutely aware of his closeness, his gentleness. Aware and finding herself getting incredibly warmed by it.

Maybe
too
warmed.

“It’s my sensitivity training,” Nick quipped, trying to be flippant, doing his damndest not to get reeled in any further by eyes the color of cornflowers in the spring or lips that he had a great deal of difficulty ignoring.

He’d brushed away her tear with his thumb and had been struck by how soft her skin felt. At the same moment, the realization of just how very long it had been since he had kissed a woman had hit him. Not just that, but also how very long it had been since he had
wanted
to kiss a woman.

And then, just like that, he was no longer thinking about how long it had been because the answer to that was not long at all. He was feeling it and he was doing it. Doing both.

Wanting and kissing.

Cupping Suzy’s cheek with the palm of his hand, he’d lowered his mouth to hers.

Suzy remained very, very still, her eyes wide open and watching him. Afraid to move, afraid to take a breath, afraid that if she did either, she would break whatever spell had brought this moment about and make him back away.

When his lips touched hers, she felt the heart that had been, just a second ago, hammering double time all but sigh with pleasure.

The next second, as she leaned forward
into
the kiss, Suzy felt her pulse accelerate the way it used to when she was jogging and nearing the end of her run.

Except that this was far more exhilarating.

And almost as rewarding.

Still cupping her cheek, Nick took his other hand and framed her face, deepening the kiss he still couldn’t bring himself to believe was happening.

Kissing her was definitely having its side effects. He could
swear
he was feeling somewhat lightheaded and, at the same time, incredibly and almost wildly exhilarated.

Damn it, Jeffries, get a grip! This has no place here!
his brain was all but screaming at him, years of discipline warring with very strong, very basic needs and desires.

With a huge surge of regret thundering through his system, Nick pulled back. His hands were on her shoulders again as much to steady himself as to steady her.

How did he make this huge transgression right?

“I’m sorry,” Nick began and was able to get no further.

He got no further because he couldn’t. Couldn’t form a single other word. This time, with her arms firmly linked around the back of his neck,
she
was kissing
him.

When he’d pulled back, creating that chasmlike space between them, Suzy had looked up at him with dazed confusion, trying to process what he was saying to her and what she felt had to be his feelings behind his words. But then, instead of listening to anything further, instead of hearing something she might not want to hear, Suzy had launched herself back at him and had resumed the delicious, abruptly interrupted, kiss.

Because, at that particular moment, when Nick had kissed her without warning, she had realized that for the first time in close to a year, she felt alive.

More than that, she felt like a living, breathing
woman,
something that she hadn’t felt like in the last year of what she now knew had been only a sham of a marriage.

This was what she’d wanted to feel when she was with Peter, but she hadn’t—and now that she looked back, she realized that it had turned out for the best, though of course she’d never wanted him to die. Her love had been a lie, since he was a lie. Everything about Peter had been a lie. Had she truly loved him, it would have made things that much worse for her.

This kiss had been, Suzy suspected, an accident on Nick’s part, a moment fueled by a temporary weakness. Whatever the reason behind it, she didn’t care. Right now, all she cared about was the effect. She wanted to savor this sensation, this feeling before it was gone out of her life for good.

In a strange, roundabout way, she caught herself thinking before all thinking stopped, Peter was responsible for making this happen. It was the only decent thing he’d done for her in a long time, she thought, other than giving her Andy.

Chapter 10

N
ick discovered, much to his surprise, that it was harder pulling away the second time around—because this kiss was even more enjoyable and arousing than the first kiss.

Somehow, he managed to draw away from the woman who’d stirred him to the point that he found himself ditching his principles, his training and his natural tendency to be cautious.

Had there been no investigation, no case that could possibly involve Suzy directly or indirectly, he would have been free to go with his instincts—instincts he had been so very sure that he’d sealed away and left behind him years ago.

But then, had there been no investigation, their paths, his and Suzy’s, most likely wouldn’t have crossed. And even if they had, there would have still been a problem. At that point—if there’d been no murder—she would have been a married woman, he reminded himself.

It seemed that no matter how he sliced it, this—whatever
this
actually was—was just
not
supposed to be happening between them.

And yet, there was no denying that something was definitely happening between them.

It took Nick more than a couple of seconds to get his bearings—and that, too, surprised him. Until now, he’d always been able to land on his feet no matter
where
he fell from.

“I’m sorry, that shouldn’t have happened,” he apologized, taking the full blame for both occurrences. “It’s just that you looked so upset and I wanted to help somehow.”

Nick suppressed an exasperated sigh. That hadn’t come out right. Words, whether verbal or written, had never been his long suit. He’d always been better at doing, at acting rather than talking. Now was no exception.

Despite everything that was going on, Suzy couldn’t help but smile at him. This tall, powerful-looking police detective was stumbling around like a newborn colt trying to stand up on his unsteady legs.

“Actually, you did help,” she responded. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt—anything.”

Suzy left it at that, a vague statement he could interpret any way he wanted to. To say more now would only scare both of them off and she had no idea if what she was feeling was born of gratitude—or something else.

“Maybe I’d better come back later—tomorrow,” Nick suggested, wanting to give her some time to reassess the situation—wanting to give himself some time, as well.

As far as he was concerned, this was nothing short of conduct unbecoming in his case and no matter how attractive he found the woman, that wasn’t supposed to have any bearing on his behavior. He wasn’t supposed to be acting on impulses even if his intentions had been honorable to begin with—or so he’d told himself.

“No, please.” Suzy caught his sleeve, holding on to it far more firmly than he would have thought her capable of doing. “I want to help you with this investigation. I
need
to help,” she emphasized. “The Peter Burris I knew wasn’t a monster, but if what you’re telling me is true, he was far from being the honest man he pretended to be and he did things that I will always be ashamed of—”

Nick didn’t want her dwelling on that. “I told you, it’s not your fault,” he said firmly. “
None
of this is your fault.”

“Then let me help,” she requested simply.

He saw the need in her eyes and relented. Not to would have been cruel.

“All right, I could use another set of eyes as well as hands,” he allowed. “And you’ll probably make much less of a mess than I would—although,” he warned her, “this is going to have to be a thorough search.”

She wasn’t going to hide. If there was something damning hidden here, it had to come out. And if there wasn’t, then maybe the picture wasn’t as black as Nick had painted it. Either way, she wanted the truth.

Suzy nodded. “I understand.”

* * *

They spent the next several hours going over the three-bedroom home with a fine-tooth comb, emptying closets, clearing drawers, climbing up ladders and examining places that were normally inaccessible to anything but dust accumulation, such as the tops of kitchen cabinets. The search took twice as long as initially projected because they painstakingly disassembled then reassembled each room.

And for their trouble, they found a few things that Suzy had long thought lost. As far as discovering why Peter Burris had been murdered, along with the man who’d been his mark, or why there’d been a third victim thrown into those shallow graves, they got no further in their investigation.

Somewhat drained by the search and the subsequent disappointment, Nick suggested they take a break. They’d just finished going over the master bedroom and, crossing into the hallway, they sank down onto the floor, their backs resting against the wall.

Seeing her sister and the detective looking so weary, Lori must have taken pity on them. After putting Andy down for a nap, Suzy’s sister hurried downstairs and within minutes returned to present each of them with a tall, frosty glass of pink lemonade.

Suzy took hers with both hands and first applied it to her forehead and cheek, absorbing the coolness with an appreciative sigh.

“You’re a saint,” Suzy told her. Lori had placed a straw into hers, just the way she preferred it. It had the effect of taking her back to the early days of her childhood, when life was far less complicated and demanding.

Before she became aware that her family unit was far from idyllic.

“That’s not how she felt when we were growing up,” Lori confided to Nick as she handed him his glass.

“You needed a lot of work back then,” Suzy deadpanned. “But you let me guide you and you turned out really well.”

“Guide me, ha!” Lori declared with a pseudo- haughty laugh. “I ‘turned out really well’
despite
your so called guidance, dear sister, not because of it,” she concluded with a triumphant note.

Nick had no idea if this was headed for a confrontation, or if it was some battle solely based on habitual banter, so he decided to divert the conversation into a different direction.

“This really hit the spot,” he told Lori, holding up his glass after downing half the contents in one long gulp. He hadn’t realized that he was
that
thirsty until Lori had handed him his lemonade. “Thanks.”

Without turning around, Lori waved her hand over her head as a sign that she’d heard him and appreciated his comment. “My pleasure, Detective,” she said just as she disappeared around the corner.

“So, is that every place?” Nick asked Suzy once he was alone with her again.

She nodded. They’d been through every room, including the nursery and all the bathrooms. “There’s just Peter’s car left—”

That, he thought, turned out to be another dead end. “I already had a crew go over that. They didn’t find anything except that the late sheriff seemed to have a thing for chewing gum. There were a lot of discarded gum wrappers on the floor, both in the front
and
the back. Maybe he was going for a record in most accumulated gum wrappers.”

She laughed shortly. “Peter tends—tended,” she amended abruptly, correcting herself as she wondered how long it was going to take for her to get used to the idea that Peter was no longer among the living, “to chew gum when he was tense.”

“Whatever he was doing that was making him tense, it was recent,” Nick judged. “The wrappers hadn’t gotten dried out from the sun shining into the vehicle,” he told her. Finished with his lemonade, Nick wanted to get back to work. He rose to his feet then extended his hand to her to help her up.

Ordinarily, she would have ignored the silent offer of help and just gotten up on her own, but there was something about this man, something that made her trust him despite the way she had gotten burned in her marriage. Something that made her
want
his help. To welcome his touch.

So, placing her hand in his, she allowed Nick to help pull her up.

Taking in and releasing a long, cleansing breath, she looked up at him and asked, “Now what?”

Nick found he had to tear his eyes away from the way Suzy’s chest rose and fell as she drew in that deeper breath.

That was
not
going to help him keep a clear head here, he upbraided himself silently.

Damn it, he
knew
better.

“I think I’d like to go over the sheriff’s office one more time, see if we maybe we might have missed something.”

She cocked her head, trying to keep things straight. “You mean Peter’s office in town?”

“No, here,” he corrected. “The FBI guys are taking your husband’s office in town apart piece by piece—most likely not making any points with the new, interim sheriff,” he guessed. “They would have called if something had turned up.”

She nodded. “All right, you go ahead.” Suzy felt her stomach pinch her and she glanced at her watch. “It’s getting late.” As she talked, she started to lead the way downstairs. “I should start getting dinner ready.” Stopping midway down, Suzy looked at him over her shoulder. “Would you like to stay? For dinner, I mean?” she clarified in case he thought she meant anything else.

Distance, you need to keep your distance.
“I shouldn’t—” Nick began.

“You have to eat, Nick,” she insisted. She wanted him to understand that there was no need to reject her hospitality because of what had happened between them earlier. “And I promise to let you do it in peace.”

There was a hint of an ironic smile curving Nick’s lips. “You’re not the one I’m concerned about,” he told her.

Suzy stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned around to look at him again. Amusement had crept into her eyes. “Oh?”

“Yeah, ‘oh,’” was all he allowed himself to say by way of a comment on her reaction.

The truth was he didn’t trust himself. It was almost as if, when he hadn’t been paying attention, he’d undergone a breakdown in self-discipline.

But no matter how it came about, that would end as of this moment. Once was a fluke, not right but forgivable. Twice was the beginning of a pattern—and the end of his career as an impartial officer of law enforcement.

“So, three plates for dinner?” she asked, silently telling him that her sister would be joining them and that Lori would serve as their insurance policy that nothing remotely compromising would happen if he decided to stay for dinner.

She was a good cook and the prospect of heating up a frozen dinner or bringing something home from one of the takeout restaurants in his neighborhood didn’t sound nearly as appealing, so after what amounted to an incredibly short internal debate, he nodded, accepting her invitation.

“Three,” he echoed, then flashed what came across as a tight smile. “Thanks.”

Suzy caught herself grinning in response. She was really pleased the detective was staying.

Maybe it was wrong of her, but she was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and because of that light, she knew she would get through this ordeal intact.

And it was in large part due to the detective.

“Good—and don’t mention it,” she added as an afterthought.

They parted there, at the bottom of the stairs, each going their own way. She went to the kitchen while he went to give the sheriff’s already carefully examined home office one last once-over.

He’d just walked into the center of the room when his cellphone rang. Nick had it out and against his ear before the second ring had a chance to complete its chimes. “Jeffries.”

He instantly recognized the voice on the other end. It belonged to one of the members of the hastily formed task force, comprised of his men as well as several of the Bureau’s special agents. So far, they seemed to be working rather well together.

“Hope you’re having better luck over there than we are over here, Nick,” Detective Robert Littleton said. “That interim sheriff they appointed, Tony Berretti, wasn’t exactly all that pleased to have us ripping apart what’s now his office.”

“I already figured on that. Just remember, we’re not in the business of pleasing small-time county sheriffs. We’re after bigger things,” Nick reminded Littleton.

Having come up against dead end after dead end, at this point Nick found himself dangerously short on patience. He felt as if his back was against the wall. He bit back a sigh as he dragged one hand through his dark, and at this point, unruly hair.

“Yeah, I know, which is why it would have been great if we had something to show for our efforts, but there’s nothing here to give us so much as a clue that the guy was even
thinking
about blackmailing the ‘honorable’ senator from Dallas, much less doing it—or blackmailing anyone else.”

Someone called to Littleton and he shouted back that he’d be right there before continuing with his “non-report” to Nick.

“And there’s not a damn incriminating thing on his computer here. It’s just lucky that you got hold of the one that Burris kept at his house,” Littleton told him.

Nick could almost
hear
the relieved expression echo in the other man’s voice.

“Yeah, lucky,” Nick repeated. But they were going to need something more to corroborate “All right, Littleton, if you’ve got nothing to report, I’m hanging up. I’ll see you later at the office.”

He was about to terminate the connection when he heard Littleton call out to him.

“Um, Boss, if you don’t mind, the guys and I are gonna call it a night and actually go home at six for a change.” Littleton broached the idea slowly to his lead on the case. “My wife’s been complaining a lot lately that I’m not spending enough time with her and the kids. She’s got the kids calling me ‘stranger’ instead of Daddy.”

Nick suppressed a laugh at this piece of information. He kept forgetting that although he had no family, the other men on his team did. He couldn’t fault them for wanting to see them for more than a total of ten minutes a day.

“Fine, I’ll call you if anything comes up,” Nick said, then broke the connection as the man on the other end was thanking him.

He didn’t need gratitude. What he needed was more evidence, something concrete. For all he knew, someone could have doctored Burris’s home computer, planting damning evidence that would turn the dead man into a scapegoat. He needed something else to go on.