But the thoughts squeezing into her mind were a hell of a lot more complicated. She couldn’t get him out of her mind. She liked the sound of his voice. The way he smiled. She wanted to know everything about him. Worse, she was attracted to him in a way she’d never been attracted to another man. Every time she was in the same room with him, she could feel the attraction tugging at her.
Of course she was too smart to succumb to something as mindless as hormones. There were a hundred reasons why she shouldn’t let herself get tangled up in a relationship with him. He drank too much. He was moody and could be hostile. He had a dominating personality. It would never work. Still, she couldn’t deny the chemical reaction that exploded inside her every time he so much as looked at her.
“Enough already,” she muttered. “This is ridiculous.” Sighing, she looked down at the file, and realized she needed her “Receipts” file, which was downstairs in her desk.
Julia glanced down at the lavender drawstring pants and matching T-shirt she wore and briefly worried about running into John. But he’d retired almost two hours ago. She could creep down the stairs, snag the file from her desk and be back without ever being seen. Holding that thought, she padded to the door and went down the stairs.
Pleasure fluttered inside her as she walked between the aisles toward her desk. She loved slipping into the shop after hours when the place was dark and the smell of coffee and candles and old books lingered. She smiled at the memory of the customers she’d interacted with that day. The shop comforted her in a way most people found comfort in their bedrooms or kitchens or Labrador retrievers.
Her bare feet silent on the wood planks, she went directly to the desk and opened the file drawer. She flipped through several files, deciding to take the utility bills and credit card file as well as the receipts and other shop-related expenditures.
Satisfied she had everything she needed to at least put a dent in her tax work before she took it to the CPA, she closed the drawer and turned. She nearly dropped the files at the sight of John standing a few feet away, watching her.
“You startled me,” she snapped when her heart slid back into her chest.
“Didn’t mean to.”
His voice was low and rough. He was wearing faded jeans. No shoes. The navy chambray shirt was untucked, unbuttoned and opened to reveal a chest she knew better than to notice. Disappointment whispered through her when she noticed the bottle of gin he held at his side, his fingers wrapped around the long neck.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
“I’m fine.”
Julia let her eyes drop to the bottle. “I thought you were going to stop drinking.”
“Just taking the edge off.”
“Edge off what?”
He was looking at her oddly. As if she had somehow amused him. “You don’t want to know.”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.” When he only gave her that odd smile, she stepped closer. “John, look, I’m your friend. If you need help—”
“Help isn’t what I want from you, Julia.”
At some point her heart had begun to pound. She could feel the rush of blood through her veins. Suddenly she was aware of everything around her, her senses heightened to a fever pitch. She heard the sound of heat coming through the furnace vents. The tick of the clock above her desk. The cold floor beneath her bare feet. The heat of his gaze against her skin.
“What are you doing up at this hour?” she asked.
“Just trying to wind down.” His gaze flicked to the files in her arms. “I could ask you the same question.”
“I’m just . . . getting started on taxes.”
“Taxes, huh?”
“Yeah, you know. The IRS. April 15.”
“Odd time for you to be working on taxes.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Must be something in the air.”
She didn’t know what to say to that. The way he was looking at her was making her uncomfortable. As if he could see right through the cotton pants and T-shirt.
“I finished your book,” he said.
She didn’t know what to say to that either. A ripple of surprise. A tug of discomfort. “Oh . . . well.”
“You’re talented.”
“Thank you.” Pride swelled in her chest. Too much of it. Too powerful. She shouldn’t care so much what he thought of the book, but she did. “Did it give you any insights into why this goon is stalking me?”
“A lot of sexual content.” He shrugged. “This guy is probably fantasizing. He might have created his own little world. Put you right in the center of it.”
“Scary how someone could do that.”
“Yeah, well, fantasies are generally harmless. It’s when he starts acting on them that things get dangerous.”
The thought made gooseflesh rise on her arms. “You think that’s what he’s doing?”
“Maybe. Probably.”
She half-expected him to reassure her, but he didn’t.
He stood his ground at the mouth of the aisle, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time. “Your book,” he began. “It wasn’t what I expected.”
“Did it shock you?”
A smile curved his mouth. “It made me hot.”
Julia laughed, felt the heat of a blush and found herself inordinately relieved for the dim lighting. She gripped the files tightly, used them to cover her chest because she was suddenly painfully aware that she wasn’t wearing a bra. That she was chilled and her nipples were hard.
“Well,” she said, hefting the files. “I’ve got to get these files upstairs. Good night.”
Her heart was beating too fast when she started toward the aisle. She could feel John’s eyes on her. She wanted to say something flippant and light and brilliant. But Julia was astute enough to know there was something happening between them that was none of those things, and she instinctively knew the smartest thing for her to do was get back upstairs and lock the door behind her as quickly as possible.
“Wait.”
She stopped, but she didn’t turn and look at him.
The silence was like an explosion. Julia could hear her heart thudding against her ribs. A little voice inside her head telling her to get the hell out of there before he did something inappropriate. Before she let him.
“Put down the files,” he said softly.
She turned to face him, but didn’t put down the files. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
He started toward her at a slow, predatory tread. The urge to run was powerful, but Julia held her ground. She wasn’t afraid of John, knew he would never hurt her. But her heart was beating so hard her chest hurt. She didn’t know what would happen when he reached her. Didn’t know what he would do or how she would react. The one thing she did know for certain was that they were probably about to do something stupid.
He stopped with scant inches between their bodies. Julia stepped back when he invaded her personal space, but he moved with her.
“Why are you backing away from me?” he asked.
“Because evidently I have more common sense than you.”
Her bottom connected with the edge of the desk, halting her backward momentum. He stopped inches away, not touching her, but so close she could feel the heat of his body through her clothes.
“W-what are you doing?” she asked.
His eyes drilled into hers. “Screwing things up probably.”
“Maybe we ought to just let this go.”
“I’ve never been good at letting things go, especially when it’s something I want.” She jolted when he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “How long are we going to ignore what’s happening between us?”
She blinked rapidly. “There’s nothing happening between us.”
“I guess that’s why you’re gripping those files like your life depends on it.”
“John, you’re drunk.”
“Honey, I’m not even close.”
“I have to go.” But Julia didn’t move. She couldn’t take her eyes off his. She knew he was going to kiss her. She knew she shouldn’t let him. But it was as if her feet were suddenly mired in glue.
“Don’t go,” he whispered.
“This is a mistake.”
“Mistakes are my specialty.”
He leaned close. The brush of his mouth against hers didn’t feel like a mistake. The intensity of the pleasure shocked her system. All five senses jumped and began to hum, like electricity through a high-voltage power line. Every nerve ending in her body quivered with anticipation. Julia knew this was the moment when she should say something about consequences and pull away. But John’s kiss was like a highly addictive drug. All her mind could think was that she wanted more.
His mouth was hard against hers. He tasted of gin and male frustration. She was vaguely aware of the masculine scent of his aftershave, the scrape of his whiskers against her face. He kissed her like she’d never been kissed in her life. Her toes curled. She could feel her body responding to his. Her breasts felt heavy and full. Blood pooled like hot mercury low in her body.
The files in her arms fell to the floor with a thump. Julia barely noticed the papers scattered about. The next thing she knew John moved against her. She could feel the ridge of his erection through her pajamas, hard seeking soft. Raking his hands through her hair, he tilted her head and deepened the kiss. Her gasp of surprise came out as a sigh when he entered her with his tongue. Julia opened to him. For an instant he seemed to hesitate, then cupping her face with both hands he went in deep.
Desire like she’d never known before pounded like a hammer inside her. Her body wept for his, and she felt herself go wet. The need was edgy and uncomfortable, a knot low in her belly that begged for release. Desperate for relief, she moved against him. His erection slid easily over her cleft. So close. Almost . . . Oh God, she couldn’t stand it.
The next thing she knew his hands were on her hips, gripping her a little too hard. In the back of her mind she knew there would be bruises in the morning, but she didn’t care. He lifted her onto the desk, stepped between her knees and spread her wide. Before she could react, he lifted her T-shirt over her breasts. An instant of cool air against hot skin. And then he scraped rough fingertips over her sensitized nipples. A gasp of pleasure escaped her. As if of its own accord, her spine arched, giving him full access to her breasts. Her hips jerked forward and then he was flush against her.
A groan escaped him as he began to move. Julia could feel her entire body trembling. The need rushing through her like a white-water rapid down the side of a mountain. She was no stranger to the power of human sexuality. But she had never imagined herself losing control like this.
He cupped her breasts, trapping the nipples between his thumbs and forefingers. Julia cried out as the sharp edge of desire slammed through her. All the while he kissed her, until she was mindless with pleasure. Until it was just her body and his body and the only thing that existed in the world was this moment between them.
The rhythm of his body against hers was driving her to the edge. She could feel the orgasm building, a violent storm shocking her with its awesome power.
She knew she should stop him when she felt him fumbling with the drawstring at her waist. But for the first time in her life, Julia had lost her grip on control.
The drawstring came away easily. Whispering her name, he slid his hand into the waistband of her panties. Julia couldn’t think. Her heart was like a piston. Her pulse pounding like a locomotive in her ears. She could feel herself shaking, her breaths rushing between clenched teeth.
She went rigid when his fingertips touched the curls at her vee. She cried out when he slipped two fingers inside. Her arms went around his shoulders. He stroked her. Deep, steady strokes. Her hips bucked. Once. Twice.
“Easy,” he whispered.
But there was nothing easy about the way he was touching her or about the way her body was responding. Her body went liquid around his fingers. She could feel the contractions building, high-wire tension winding toward an inevitable snap.
“I . . . can’t . . . ,” she panted.
“Let me,” he said.
The rest of the world faded away as the sensations overtook her body and mind. For the span of several long seconds all she could do was feel. John’s mouth against hers. His fingers inside her body, stroking her to madness. Her spine curled. The first wave swamped her, a tidal wave washing over her, tumbling her, a stone being tossed about by a violent sea. Her vision blurred as the blood left her head. She heard herself cry out his name. She heard her own name on his lips as his mouth moved over hers.
The sensations plummeted her into a wild free fall. She tried to pull back. To get ahold of herself and stop this before things went too far. But Julia knew things had already gone too far.
Vaguely, she was aware of the phone ringing. A shrill sound that drilled into her consciousness. She tried to pull away, but he held her tightly against him, his face buried in her hair. “Let it ring,” he whispered.
But she knew if she didn’t pull away now, she wouldn’t stop. That John wouldn’t stop. Turning her head, she broke the kiss. “I have to get it.”
“It’s midnight,” he said. “Let it go.”
“It’s my home number,” she panted. “It could be Claudia.”
He stepped back. Intensity burned in his eyes. He looked as if he’d just been wakened from a dream. His mouth was taut and wet. His hair was mussed and she remembered running her fingers through it just a moment before. She wanted to do it again. She didn’t want to stop.
The phone rang again.
Knowing if he kissed her again she would be lost to reason, Julia slid from the desk and retied the drawstring. Her legs shook when she crossed to the credenza. Unable to meet his gaze, she picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“You let him put his hands on you,” came a hoarse, angry voice.
“What?” The fog cleared from her mind. “Who is this?”
“I am your savior.”