A Touch Mortal (23 page)

S
he grabbed Az’s hand. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Her face crumbled.

He tried to whisper, the words too low to make out. She leaned closer. “You said you hate me. It was all for nothing. Nothing worth staying for.”

“No, Az. Please…”

“Eden, leave.” Gabe pulled her shoulder. “Go!” he yelled. On the bed, Az quaked.

She broke into a sob, his fingers slipping out of hers as she staggered back toward the door.

“Az, look at me.” Gabe grabbed his jaw, forced him to make contact, though he couldn’t calm him down unless Az was open to it, allowed it. Az blinked hard and stared into Gabe’s eyes.

Eden turned, closed the door behind her. She ground her tears away with her palm before she made her way to the kitchen. Jarrod sat at the table by himself.

“He okay?” Jarrod asked.

She shook her head, blinking hard.

“Should be about ten hours until we’re out of the woods, right?”

“It’s not the same as it is with the mortals. He’s fighting against Falling.” Her voice broke. She looked around, stepping closer to where Jarrod sat. “Where are Adam and Libby?”

Jarrod was suddenly very interested in the can he was holding. “Adam left right after…”

Eden closed her eyes. He knew what she’d done. They all did.

“Did he say anything?” she asked. Jarrod wouldn’t look at her.

“Nothing you want to hear.”

She flicked her tongue across her lips, rapping her knuckles against the tabletop as she tried to fight a breakdown. “Nothing I don’t deserve.”

Jarrod glanced up for a second before he went back to the can.

“And Libby?” Eden asked quietly.

“She left a few minutes ago. Didn’t say anything. Think she needed air.”

She covered her mouth in an attempt to stifle the sob and leaped up, grabbing her coat. She couldn’t be there when the door opened again. Couldn’t see him that way,
broken because she’d given in, wanted to love him again.

Jarrod called her name, but she was already halfway down the second flight of stairs. By the time she’d hit the security door, her phone was going off. She ignored his call, thumbing it to silent.

She stopped short on the stairs. Not a single Sider in sight.
There haven’t been any in days
, she realized. What if Luke was right? The Bound knew about them, were taking out the Siders a few at a time. Libby had just left.

Adam.

She had to find them.

Her feet numbed as an hour passed, then another, the cold cutting through her as she wandered the streets. She’d checked Milton’s, the alley, and then taken the train aimlessly, getting off at random stops to search. Tried to keep her mind on Adam, but it staggered back to Az every time.

I’m going to lose him. All over again.
She stopped, leaning against a building, everything inside her raw, ripped open. Hollow. She closed her eyes, but when she did, all she saw was Az’s face as he’d gone over the balcony. The emptiness after, swept away and drowning in her grief. What wouldn’t she have given in those days for even another minute with him.

I can’t watch him Fall.
But what if he needed her now and she wasn’t there? She threaded through the streets
toward home, broke into a jog as she turned up the alley. It wasn’t empty.

Her brain skipped right over relief and splashed into denial. Libby stood in front of a boy no taller than her. She took his hands. A breeze whipped her hair into corn silk twists as she leaned into his lips. The boy shuddered. And fell.

“That’s impossible,” Eden said, but her voice betrayed her, shaking. Libby turned toward the sound and smiled. Her toe twirled in some kind of ballet move. What had been left of the Sider crumbled into a swirl of ash. She lifted her arms.

“Ta-da! God, I’ve been dying to tell you! Especially when you were so upset that you were the only one!” she said, smiling as she dropped her arms back to her sides. “I’m
fairly
positive it’s just us, though.”

Eden’s eyes widened.

“But when I dosed you,” Eden said suddenly, clinging to the only evidence of denial she could. “If you were like me, saving it wouldn’t…” She stopped when she saw Libby’s eyes dancing in amusement. “You were so bad.”

“I was pretty amazing, wasn’t I? Acting classes,” she said. “Since I was seven. Lead in the school play three years running. After graduation I was going to make a go of it in Hollywood, but I got a better offer.” She flexed
her fingers, rolling her wrist with a grimace. “I’d already racked up quite a list of sins by last summer. Then I met Boyfriend and added a few more. I bet you thought you were the only one who could snag an angel, huh?”

“Luke,” Eden said. Her brain seemed a dozen steps behind, too slow to keep up. “You didn’t have a suicide pact. You’re with Luke.” She felt sick.

“Turned out I was dating the ultimate bad boy. He was a bit surprised when he checked my path.” Libby smiled. “Luke told me everything. Luckily, I decided to let him speed things up.” Her eyes were far off, wistful. “My death was so beautiful.” She seemed to come back suddenly, pity creeping into her face. “What Az did to you, though? Lying. Manipulating you. Letting you wake up
alone
? I can’t even imagine.”

“He did it to save me,” Eden choked out.

“From the Basement?” Libby’s voice brimmed with sympathy. “They’re not so bad. Not compared to Az.”

Eden shook her head, her eyes tightening into a glower as she tried to stare Libby down. Libby didn’t return the glare, but didn’t break it either. “I got in with the side that will help us, Eden. The Bound will try to wipe us out. Can’t you at least consider changing your mind?”

“Never going to happen.”

Libby sighed. “I didn’t think so. I’m supposed to pass along a message.” She glanced away. “First, Az loves you.
At least, I think he would want me to say so. But I’m supposed to give you—”

“Az?” The name came from Eden’s lips, hard and strong.

Libby paused, awkwardly. “Oh God, Eden, I thought you knew. Az is with Luke now.”

“He Fell?” The words were barely audible, but loud enough that they brought an uncomfortable giggle from Libby.

“Of course not! No, he’s
with
Luke.”

“You’re bluffing,” Eden whispered, swallowing hard. “Az is…”

“Struggling to keep from Falling because of what you did?” Libby said gently. “That’s where he was when you left. But that was hours ago. It’s possible someone rushed into the apartment. Someone who told him he had to come right away. That you were in trouble.” Libby fell silent, waiting for Eden to make the connection.

“You,” she whispered.

Libby shook her head, dropping her voice. “There’s no way I had time. Try again.”

Eden’s brain ricocheted through the list. Kristen. Jarrod. Adam. She snapped her eyes up to Libby. “Adam?” she said.

Libby reached into the pocket of her white hoodie. “And what a twist
that
was! I didn’t think he’d answer
my phone call. He was so furious when he left. But once I told him how angel eyes have a tendency to influence and explained Luke’s offer to him, he was all for it.”

“Adam would never betray me,” Eden said, her tongue flicking across her lips.

“He thinks he’s protecting you from Az. Blames everything on the eyes.” Libby pulled something out of the pocket and held her fist out to Eden. “Right now you’re playing it through: would Az have been strong enough to make it out of the apartment, down the stairs? Would Adam have been able to get him out before Gabe noticed? Luke figured you’d find it a bit hard to swallow.”

Eden didn’t take her eyes off Libby’s fist. “What is that,” she demanded.

Libby twisted her hand palm up and opened it. A feather twirled between her fingers, matted with maroon.

“It’s amazing how much damage a pair of gardening shears can do,” Libby whispered, brushing it away and rubbing her hands on her jeans.

Eden’s resolve finally crumbled, a stubborn tear tracing down her cheek.

“It doesn’t matter. He can heal.”

“True, but how much pain can he take before Falling seems like a better option? Especially after you dosed him?” Her eyes drifted down to the feather, swirling in the channeled wind hissing through the alley.

Eden straightened. Her jaw went hard. “Obviously you want something, and you came here, so you want it from me,” she said.

“We want you to listen to reason. Luke tried to get you to see. If you had, it would have saved everyone a lot of unpleasantness.”

“Okay,” she said. “Take me to him. I’ll listen this time.” She couldn’t keep the note of desperation out of her voice.

“No,” Libby said. Eden raised her head, surprised. Libby leaned forward, reaching a hand out. Eden flinched as the girl pulled a stray thread from her shoulder.

“Listen, just between us, I think it would be better if you gave him some time to calm down. He’s been a little…violent…lately.” She turned, walking down the sidewalk. “Eden, if you’re really going to fight us on this, bring whoever you have left to round up. Alone, you have no chance and, well, it won’t be pleasant.”

“Adam!” Eden called out. “Where is he?”

Libby stopped, waiting for a car to pass before she could cross the street. “Keep your cell handy. We’ll be in touch soon.”

Somewhere near, the feather would be drifting on the drafts from passing cars, catching in the sludge. She didn’t want to find it.

G
abe jumped from the couch as Eden burst through the front door, relief nearly stopping his heart as he caught her in his arms. “Where were you? Az is gone, Eden! I’ve been calling you for—”

“They’ve got him!” A thick warbling sob choked her off. “They have Az!”

He pulled away from her. She swallowed hard, pressing her palms against her eyes. Gabe yanked her hands down, forcing her to look at him. “Who has Az?”

“Luke!” she screamed.

Gabe froze. “How do you know that name?”

“He’s Libby’s boyfriend! They’re both with the Basement!” she said through chattering teeth, her whole body shaking. “I saw her in the alley. Gabe, she can kill Siders!”

“What did she
say
, Eden?” he asked, gripping her shoulders. “Everything. Maybe she gave something away
that you didn’t catch? Where they are?” He was almost frantic, struggling to keep his words from tangling together.

“It’s bad.” Her voice broke. “Gabe, it’s really bad.”

His hands drifted from her shoulders, falling to his sides. The rest of his body crumbled down with them, until he was on one knee, head bowed.
Tell. Tell it all. I’ve already lost.
He forced the thought away, steadied himself with a shaking hand as he took a deep breath. “Did she say that he’d Fallen?”

She shook her head.

At least I have her with me
, he thought.
As long as Az knows Luke doesn’t have her, he’ll hang on.
At least, he would have if he hadn’t been dosed. “There’s still time,” Gabe said. He tried to make his voice strong, sure. “But we have to get to him. Luke will do whatever it takes to break him.”

Her eyes darted past him, to the bedroom door. “Jarrod!” she screamed.

“Jarrod left, Eden,” he whispered. “He got a call and took off.”

Her hands folded against her forehead, hiding her face, the fingers tangling in her hair. “I…I lost them.”

“What do you mean you lost them?”

“I mean they’re”—she hesitated—“they’re with Luke now.”

“What?” Gabe’s rage lifted him, until he was bearing down on her from above.

“It was Adam,” she added in a rush. “Adam gave them Az. That’s what she said. I’m supposed to wait for her to call,” she said, swallowing thickly.

“Oh, fuck that,” Gabe seethed. “She expects us to just sit around and wait while they…” He didn’t finish the thought. “No. We have to do something. We have to find him.” He tried to hide the glimmer of maroon he knew flooded his eyes, the anger a quicksilver of colors that would be glistening like an oily sheen.

“How?” He could hear the desolation in her question, the acceptance. They’d lost him.
Az is going to Fall.
He caught the thought as it drifted through her mind.
He’s going to Fall because of me.
“I don’t know what to do,” she said, her voice breaking.

It’s over
, he thought. His throat burned with confessions as he looked at her.

“Your eyes,” she said. “They’re yellow.”

He stepped toward her; for a second he was sure he was going to fall and held his arms out to her. Her hands were enough to steady him.

“There’s still time,” he said. “We just need a plan.”

“S
he won’t help,” Eden repeated yet again. Gabe still hadn’t said anything, staring past her out the window of the subway door. They’d sat as close to the door as they could, Eden sandwiched against the bars that kept her on the bench, with Gabe beside her. The car was packed and stifling, bodies in every seat and filling every space. Eden pulled her leg in, twisting it away from the people, closer to Gabe.

If she hadn’t heard it from Libby’s lips she wouldn’t have believed it, would have died defending them, because of loyalty. If anyone had told her a week ago that this was a possibility, she would have laughed. Because of their loyalty to her.

All lies
, she thought. The memory of Jarrod’s words on their walk slithered inside her. She felt like she needed to throw up; anything to get them out of her.

“Gabe,” she tried again. “I know her. She won’t help.”

“You know her,” he said. “Now.” He smiled at her as if everything should have been clear, and Eden wondered if maybe he’d lost it a little.

Eden shifted in her seat under his gaze. “Exactly,” she said. “If there’s no incentive for Kristen to get involved, she isn’t going to bother.”

Gabe sighed and went back to the window, his arm behind her on the back of the plastic bench.

“So we’re wasting our time,” Eden pressed. She was hoping he’d agree, tell her it was stupid and that they could get off the train at the next stop.

The air was toxic, cologne and perfume and office stink, not nearly enough oxygen.
I’m going to suffocate in here
, she thought again. She gulped in the stale air, trying to slow down her breathing. Her fingers wrapped a death grip around the steel pole. The train lurched and a hand slid over hers. It pulled away near instantly, but it was too late.

Touch slipped out, sending a shudder through her, a long moan humming from her lips. Days. Almost a week without taking a Sider but as soon as their fingers had connected, she felt the power of it, all that poison, all that Touch built up inside her.
I can get rid of it
, she found herself thinking.
Here, now. I can just…
Her fingers uncurled like spider legs, inching closer to skin, any skin.

Fingers twined into hers and she dropped her head
back in anticipation, waiting for the release, clenching her teeth, the air that escaped screaming like a steam valve.

But it didn’t come. Someone had a tight hold of the hand in her lap now, too.

She looked down. Gabe had a vise grip on her hands, her fingers gone white. She tried to focus.

“Better?” he asked cautiously, as if she would lash out any second and tear through the car. She nodded slowly. “Sure?” he asked.

“I’m sorry,” she said automatically. He shook his head, releasing her hands. She rubbed them together, the fingertips still tingling and eager for more.

“I saw. Wasn’t your fault. But you need to save it for later.” He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer to him. She wasn’t sure if he wanted to give her some kind of comfort, or just wanted her further from the temptation.

“Can I ask you something?” She waited for his nod before she went on. “What will happen to Az? If he’s Fallen?”

Gabe looked away, his words coming slowly. “Are you sure you want to know?”

“I need to.” She squeezed his hand, prodding him on.

“His impulses will take over the first few weeks. He’ll live off anger, hate. It will be all he knows. He’ll cause pain just for the sake of watching another in agony. He’ll glory in it. The Az you know will be dead, Eden.”

He didn’t look back, didn’t see the tear slip down her cheek. “Will he remember me?”

“He’ll be confused. It’s likely he won’t remember you at first, but he’ll remember me. He’ll see me as an enemy. Eden, if Az does Fall, it would be better if he forgot you.” Gabe took a deep breath. He finally turned to face her. “But we’re not going to let it get to that. We’re going to get Kristen’s help.”

“Gabe,” she said, trying to make her voice gentle. “Kristen’s heartless.”

“Trust me, she’s never quite been that. She’ll help us if we make it worth her while. Kristen can be an amazing asset when she chooses.” His face clouded over. “We need her, Eden.”

“She told me she owed you.” He nodded. “But she said you were even, because she took me in.”

“So I’ll owe her. She’ll love that,” he said, giving her a weak smile. “Kristen hates the Fallen. If it means keeping Az from them, she’ll help. And if that’s not enough…” His expression darkened. “Just trust me. I’ll convince her, Eden.”