A Toast to the Good Times (24 page)

Her insults are meant to pack a punch, but they dissolve with her tears, and leave me drowning, not sure what to say or do. I’m losing this. I’m going under.

“I...I’m just trying to be honest here, I swear to you,” I try, desperate for her to listen, to open up to me again. I move to take her hand but she whips it back and pierces me with such a broken-hearted look, I feel like my knees might give out.

“Oh, I see. You’re just trying to be
honest
? Wrapping yourself around your ex the second she crooked her finger your way is your idea of
honest
? Well, great, Landry. That’s just fantastic,
really. I mean, as long as you’re being honest, right? What are we even upset about? I guess all’s forgiven now.”

She paces across the room when I take a few steps in her direction, shakes her head at me, and bites on her lip from a distance. Her eyes are sad and her shoulders droop like she’s tired, done with fighting and heartache.

“Look, I’m not going to cry because you can’t love me like I wish you did, Landry. There’s someone out there for me, and I know that. There’s someone worthy of my tears. Or, better yet, there’s someone who’s gonna make me laugh my ass off instead of cry. I definitely like that version better,” she says with a sniffle and a tiny smile. She stares at me, presses her eyebrows together, and shrugs her thin shoulders. “But it’s not you.”

I know she’s lying. I know it because as she says the words, a single tear breeches the rim of her eye, and slides down that gorgeous face.

I can’t listen to any more of it. I can’t watch her cry over me.

I close the space between us, pull her in, whether she wants me to or not, and press my mouth to hers, cutting off the words. She doesn’t immediately pull away, but her kiss is stiff and guarded. I reach up to her face without opening my eyes, and wipe the tear off her cheek with my thumb. She rolls her forehead against mine and lets out a shaky breath.

“I should go,” she says, her voice a scratchy whisper.

I tighten my arms around her waist and kiss her again.

“Don’t,” I plead.

“Yeah, I need to go.”

She puts both hands on her chest and pushes, like she needs to physically move herself away from me. I grab her wrists and kiss her again, kiss her until she’s kissing me back, until we’re both lost in the feel of it. Just before it gets too crazy, I tear my mouth away and look into her shocked, wide eyes.

My voice rips out of my throat, choked and shaky with every uncertainty, every hedged bet. I can’t think about this not working, about her deciding to walk away and leave what we have.

“Mila, you’re
it
for me.
 
You’re everything. You’re the champagne.”

She blinks and tries to interpret what I said, but it just makes a line furrow between her eyes. “Landry, what does that even mean?”

“It means...I love you.”

The words reverberate through me, and knock an off-guard gasp from her lips. She draws back, but this time I don’t think it’s to get away from me. I think it’s to see me better, to see if she heard correctly, because she looks suspicious, so I repeat it, loud and clear.

“It means I love you so damn much, Mila. It means that I’m not leaving. Ever. Not until you make me go away. And even then I’ll go kicking and screaming, because
I love you
.”
 

Her hands, flat on my chest, shake and she’s blinking fast like she’s trying to process what I just said. She wrenches her body away from my hold and points a finger, shaking it at me.

“No! No. No, you don’t. Do
not
make me fall for that. Don’t lead me on. Landry, you want what’s right in front of you,
when
it’s right in front of you. When it’s easy and convenient.
 
You don’t even believe in relationships, remember? You told me that the first night I met you and people
don’t change
. They don’t.”

She’s nodding furiously like she wants to make herself believe what she’s saying, but her face is crumpling with tears she can’t control.

I want to scream, I want to yell and tell her that she’s wrong, that this is all wrong, but I drop my voice and speak softly, slowly. Because she’s on the edge, and I don’t want her leaping over to get away from me. I hold my hands up, surrender style.

“You’re right, Mila. You’re one hundred percent right about the fact that I was jaded as fuck, but you…you’re what I believe in. And I already changed. Even if you walk out that door, even if I fucked up beyond the ability to fix this, you changed me, and I will love you until the day I die for that. I will never regret a single second I spent with you, because you are responsible for all the good stuff, all the brave stuff I’ve finally been able to do.”

She opens her mouth like she’s about to say something, then clamps it back shut, and I have no clue, no idea at all, if she’s planning on sticking around, or if she’s going to walk out of that door and my life for good.

Maybe walking away would be the best thing for her, but I’m selfish enough to want her to stick around and stubborn enough to know I’d never let her down if she gave me this one last chance.

Yeah, I’m the first to admit I was living with blinders on for the last few years. But now, everything feels scarily, impossibly real. What I feel for Mila has left my memories of the relationship I had with Heather scrambled and distorted, right down to the way I felt when I slept
with her. What I used to remember as hot and exciting is skewed into something I don’t want to remember at all.

Because it’s all meaningless. None of it meant anything before Mila, and I’m scared as hell none of it will mean anything after her.

I don’t want Mila to end up like one of those girls, just a random picture in some forgotten box of someone I used to know. I just need her to forgive me.

“I know you need proof, Mila. I know me just saying this shit doesn’t mean anything. I’m ready. I’m ready to show you. I’ll walk over hot coals. I’ll climb Mt. Everest. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“I don’t want any of that.” She frowns and her face falls like I failed.

Because I’m not showing her that I love her. That I want to be with her for who she is and what we are together, not because she’s the random girl in front of me.

So I can’t make random, generic promises.

I can’t promise things we both know I’ll never deliver on.

This was my ace in the hole for later, but I realize I have no more cards in my hand. I need to use this one now.

I take a deep breath and just say what I need to say.

“So, there’s this comic book thing, like a convention, and the really big one is in San Diego
—
”

“Comic-con,” Mila sighs, but she uncrosses her arms, and I notice the barest glint of interest in her eye.

“Right. Well, you had to pre-order tickets for next year, like, the day after the convention closed down this year, and that happened in July. So I did some research, and even though San Diego is huge and amazing, it’s also kind of commercial and crowded.”

“Really?” She cocks one eyebrow my way, but the right side of her lips is curved into the slightest half-smile.

“That’s what the blogs say,” I tell her, and that smile goes immediately from half to full.

“You read blogs?” She laughs.

My heart hammers at the sound.

“I do for you.” I clear my throat. “So, there’s one in New York, like a convention that’s all comic-bookish. And I snagged two tickets. I wanted it to be a surprise for Valentine’s
—
”

“You were going to give me tickets for a comic book convention for Valentine’s Day?” She’s gone sweet and soft.

“I hate that you’re using the past tense. I’m
still
planning on giving them to you on Valentine’s Day.
Now  i
t
just won’t be a surprise.”

She looks up at the ceiling, closes her eyes, and moves her lips like she’s maybe praying.

“I have to be honest with you,” my mouth says as my brain screams at me to shut the hell up. “I snaked the idea from Reggie.”

Mila tilts her head to look at me, puzzled. “Reggie the DJ?”

I nod. “I’m not proud, okay, but I want you to know, you...have options other than me, Mila. I thought I could do this, but I don’t want you to be with me now, then regret it later if you ever find out...this is weird for me to say, but...Reggie thinks you’re sexy as hell and he wants to date you.” I rush the last words out and shake my head as I do.

Am I an idiot? I’m an idiot.

“I know that.” Mila’s confession is quiet.

“Um, what? You do?” I had assumed that Mila didn’t know. That she never realized that she was so desired.

“Landry.” She walks over to me, her hips swaying back and forth, her eyes big and dark. “I’ve had a lot of admirers. I’ve been asked out. I just...said no.”

“You did? Why?” My brain is scrambling to lock onto the logic of what she’s saying.

She’s so close, I can smell her hair, can see her pulse, beating frantically on her neck.

She looks up, and her face is serious and a tiny bit sad.

“Because I’m
not
an opportunistic dater. I set my sights on one person, and I put all my efforts into making it work.”

When I reach out to hold her hands, she doesn’t pull back.

“So you chose me?” I rub my thumbs over her knuckles.

She nods.

“What about the guy at the library? And your ex-boyfriend?”

“My ex was special. He was my first, so seeing him get married...that did burn,” she explains, then tries to hide her smile by biting her lip. “The guy from the library? He may have been someone I alerted you to because I wanted you to know I was a girl guys wanted. And, also, he was getting a little aggressive, and you solved that better than I could have.”

“So you used me?” I run my hands up to her elbows, loving the way it makes her shudder a little. “So you’re saying that maybe, all that time, I saw what I
thought
was happening, and not what was really happening?”

She rolls her eyes.

“I guess it might be a little like when you saw me with Heather? Maybe you were seeing who you used to think I was, not who I really am right now,” I point out.
 

Her lips curve up in the briefest twitch of a smile.

“
Touché
, Landry. So maybe we both have some things to learn about being with someone we really care about.” She wrinkles her forehead and looks at me with serious intent. “Do you swear to me that nothing happened between you and Heather?”

“If it did, would I be standing here now? Begging you not to leave? Please. I don’t want to give you up, Mila. Not now, not ever. Please believe me on this.”

“So you want me? Even when there are other girls around? Even when you have the chance to be with any of them?” she demands.

“Don’t joke with me.” I pull her close and kiss her neck, salty with the slick of sweat. “It’ll be all I can do to handle you.” I grin when she tilts her head back and gives me a better vantage to continue kissing her.

We start somewhere between the little dinin
g area and the kitchen, but
it feels like makeup sex. It feels like s
omething unleashed itself and is
rolling and tumbling out of us with some kind of mad, unrestrained passion. Mila locks her arms around my neck and we stumble past the couch, her tongue hot and slick over mine, her hands grabbing at the hem of my shirt and yanking.

We shed clothes like we’re leaving a trail, b
u
t I realize I have no interest in finding our way back from where we’re headed right now.

It’s back to her bedroom.

Where I left her like an asshole.

She breaks the connection for a single second and pulls me to her bed, the bed I plan on spending a whole lot of time in. One tug and I’m on top of her, my breathing uneven, my hands working extra fast to shed her stretchy yoga clothes, which are more difficult to get off than they seem.

“Ouch
, Landry...you’re pulling my arm...just let me, no, here let me...” Mila is laug
h
ing and trying to bend her arm so I can get her tank
-
top, which appears to be made out of cloth but is actually made of some kind of industrial strength spandex, over her head.

When it finally springs off of her, she pulls my head down against her face, laughing so
 
hard, I wind up kissing her teeth. And there’s no sound in the world I love more than the sound of her laughter. Except maybe that small amount of time when we’re naked and she’s not laughing at all.

Which is where we wind up quickly.

“Do you think we’re moving too fast?” she asks as I run my hands down all the perfect curves of her body.

I back up, tearing my hands away with superhuman willpower. “Are you uncomfortable? Because we can stop, anytime. No problem.”