Chapter 2
Into the light
A pinprick of light in the darkness, hardly detectable but piercing with intensity. A bright dart which soon focused, pulling him towards it with a monumental gravity, faster and faster as he approached, his body mass feeling heavier and heavier, a free-falling object gaining weight as the air resistance diminished and he sped like a jet into the expanding whiteness, blinding with its power, deafening with the noise of friction and finally with screaming panic, total silence and tranquillity.
The brightness still dazzled and overpowered, but the noise of the crazy supersonic free fall ceased. He began to wake to his surroundings, hoping for a bedroom rather than a bush. Soon, colour came into the equation, worryingly greeny-brown and not the warming yellow of his bedroom.
Everything came smoothly into view, like a camera zoom slowly realising its focal length. A green-brown haze soon became tall sun-bleached dusty grass, and Ed’s spirits took a deeper dive into the black depths of misery. He hadn’t given up hope it was a dream, but began to concede he had crossed paths once more with a vile reality.
He raised his head as best he could, took a deep breath and converted it to a despairing sigh before flopping back onto the floor, motionless and confused. His body felt drained. Where in God’s name was he, and why was he there? The pangs of hunger rippled up from his stomach, through his neck and into his still-throbbing head, defined by emptiness and longing. It was a desperate feeling that completely drained him of energy.
Gradually, he mustered his dwindling powers and forced himself forwards. The terrain flattened out slightly and down a slight gradient as if towards a stream or water source. This slope at least helped conserve energy and made his progress slightly easier.
He then started to notice a very strong odour coming from the surrounding plants. It was as if someone from Chanel had gone around with plant-flavoured perfume nectar, spraying without mercy. It was overwhelming, like sitting in the theatre next to a gigantic fragrant sponge. Even the semi-dusty, balding grass area he was pulling himself across was odorous with extremity.
As he progressed, his head brushed past large yellow and white flowers, proudly facing the glistening sun. He couldn’t help but notice their evocative smell, as tempting as bacon and eggs.
How very strange
, he thought as he started to feel angry and helpless over his predicament.
As he brushed past yet another ‘bacon flower’, he recalled a TV documentary, where people had survived in the wild by eating flowers and general vegetation. Could this be an idea? How dangerous was it? Would he get poisoned from such things? Most importantly of all, why did they smell as good as a roast dinner?
He ambled over to the next clump of flowers that crossed his path. The smell was Egon Ronay, haute cuisine and luxury dishes. This was as good as it got. He sniffed and sniffed, the smell resounding right down to the cramps in his stomach, igniting the hunger with even more desperation. He sniffed again and then began cautiously licking their colourful petals.
His unusually slimy tongue pushed up against the colourful, magnificent flowers, still warm from the rays of the sun. The taste was exquisite, nutty and wholesome with a sweet, but savoury tang. He licked again, moving in towards the centre, causing some of the pollen caplets to break away into his mouth. They exploded with flavour, a cross between Wasabi nuts and M&M’s.
Instinct took over and he began dragging at the petals with his fumbling mandibles, slipping them into his mouth with the aid of his strange tongue. He ripped at them with eager and fanatical desire, savaging them from their stately elegance, transforming the flowers into miserable and lonely stalks. He gorged and gorged, going from clump to clump, acutely aware of the strange chewing sensation. It was as if he had no teeth and was chewing everything with his lips. It was an incredibly odd sensation, and not one he liked.
He ate and ate, like a crazed animal destroying a flower show. Bunch after bunch was decimated until he came to a bloated standstill a few minutes later. Stuffed full, his stomach could take no more and his mouth was sore from the chewing. In the near distance he could see a fresh water stream, just down the incline and decided to pull himself down towards it for another drink. He felt that just maybe the flowers might give him enough energy to stand upright and walk out of the strange wilderness.
The sun had long since turned past
and from the speed it was going down he figured he had a few hours before darkness. At least it wasn’t searing heat with deathly light rays any more. His head had calmed down and the Belisha beacon palpitations had become more of a pulsating jelly fish. He struggled down towards the water with slow, heavy movements, weary from the events of the day. It took some while and by the time he got there, the sun was beginning to disappear over the top of the oversized growth.
How can that have taken so long
? he pondered, as he got to the water’s edge in mystical twilight. He took some slurps from what he dearly hoped was a fresh water stream before resting beside its gently comforting rumble.
I’m so tired, but I don’t really want to sleep out here in the open
, he thought, as he mustered one more burst of energy to pull himself over towards the longer clumps of grass to his left. Once again he struggled with his heavy arms and legs to slink in behind some dense bushes and rest his weary body for the night. He was beginning to doubt if he would ever get out of this mysterious situation in one piece.
Hopefully I’ll at least get some rest and get rid of this ache, pulsing away at the inside of my skull, he thought to himself, as he rested his head on a small grassy lump and started to nod off.
***
He slept like a log, straight through in a deep, motionless coma. This was eventually interrupted by a violent streak of early morning sun penetrating through the stalks of grass and onto his inadequate eyelids. Consciousness began to arouse him as he cautiously opened his eyes, soon realising that the pains of the day before, had demised. He was clear, headache and hangover free. He started to consider the rest of his body. Seemingly no nausea, stomach cramps, physical pains or anything else that indicated he would either feel as bad as the previous day or else that he had been poisoned by the flowers or water.
Did I really eat flowers?
he thought, as he became more lucid, almost resigned to the fact he was in the wild and not a bedroom. He tried to stand but his legs felt too heavy and awkward. His vision continued to be restricted, regardless of how much he tried to angle his head around.
Then, as he started to become aware of the chirpings, squeaks, squalls and murmurings of his surroundings, he noticed something far more sinister. It was a low-pitched, growling, snarling, dog-like sound that slowly got louder and louder, closer and closer. It started to rumble his eardrums and suddenly he felt an instinctive whole body nervous spasm of panic and in a flash he was back in the protective enclosure where he’d woken the previous morning.
What the hell! This is some mad stuff right here! This is one indelible
dream. How did I get back in here?
he wondered.
He thought back on the previous afternoon where he had flinched from the large coke can and ended back in the hut. As mysterious as that was, he thought that he’d moved on but here it was again, haunting his perceptions of any reasonable reality. He looked through the opening he was getting to know so well. In the short time it had taken him to wake, the day had started to take hold and the dawn was rapidly being erased by a scorching sun, full of intent to burn and bake.
He then noticed something even more menacing. Jets of steam started to gust past and into the opening, a musty, breathy steam, accompanied by low toned breaths that resounded in metronomic time with the exhalations. It was most certainly the breathing of some terrifyingly massive animal. It shook and resonated through his whole body as it rushed in past his head in short bursts.
That’s it, this will be the end,
thought Ed. He strangely hoped he would be a satisfying meal for the unknown beast, not just a mere hors d’oeuvre or snack. He retreated back into his protective cell as much as possible, feeling very restricted and tight for space.
This is tiny
, he thought as he realised his back and sides were tight against the walls of the small claustrophobic space. Nervously, he peered through the opening in front of him and caught first sight of the fearsome animal. Light brown hairs started to appear, erect stalks, more like small ropes. Then a gigantic, wet, black-button nose, with two massive steaming nostrils with lizard like scaly texture. The odour of the steamy exhalations was strong and ominously dog-like, overpowering his senses as it filled the enclosure with a fearful presence.
He heard the animal pause before its large nose edged slightly into the opening. The nostrils were large, wide open, cavernous tunnels. He could see right down into them like looking into some sort of strange drainage pipe. Larger whiskers also became visible as the animal reached in further. Then the inevitable sniff, an inhalation that pulled the air away from the inside of the enclosure, pulling at Ed’s face and making it hard to breathe for a millisecond. The protruding snout then retreated and there was a momentary lull in proceedings.
Maybe he didn’t see me? Maybe if I keep still and quiet he’ll go away. I mustn’t move; I must keep dead still!
These thoughts of invisibility were short-lived as he peered out at the black button as it approached once more. Then in an instant, his world was turned upside down. The animal pushed its nose into the opening and with what felt like the force of a bulldozer, shifted him backwards, lifting his whole protective shelter back on itself and sideways. He spun like a teddy bear in a washing machine, over and over, completely losing orientation, perspective and direction. He could see the world whizzing by outside through the opening. It was if he was on a fast train hurtling through the countryside, spinning in a circle. As it slowed he could see he was upside down, although still inside the protective hut.
He was dazed and confused but before he had time to think, he was off again, tossed like a pancake, feeling like a billiard ball rattling around in an empty suitcase.
This time he came to an abrupt stop, upright and peering out from the opening down towards the stream. In his line of sight was a terrifying looking, colossal paw, black fur at the bottom, beautiful and glossily groomed with light brown and white highlights, symmetrically decorated with fearsome looking whitey-grey sharp claws. Another paw entered the field of vision and they began to get closer.
His head once again pulsated like a squeeze ball in a weight lifter’s fist.
“All right, whatever. Big oaf of a hound, you can’t understand a word I’m saying but I couldn’t care less, you’re doing me a favour. Eat me and just get me out of this ridiculous
Alice
in bloody arid-land, nightmare. I’m all yours!”
The paws stopped in their tracks, claws retracted and a silence ensued for what seemed like an age.
“You are one of us,” said a voice from outside the enclosure.
Another silence. Ed was dumbfounded. A monstrous sized hound that could speak! It really must be a dream.
“Okay, I give in. I’m obviously asleep, and when I wake up I’ll be in my bed. This is driving me nuts. It’s the worst dream I have ever had!”
“You’ll wake up exactly where you are. Besides that, you don’t have much time. You need to listen to me. I’ve got some important
“Great. Two minutes ago I was about to be your dinner, and now you want to have a chat! This is ridiculous,” spluttered Ed.
The hound paused for thought and moved closer, lying down on the ground so Ed could see more of him through the opening. Glossy light brown fur with white trim, moist black button and thick long protuberant black whiskers.
“That was before you spoke. It’s been some while since I spoke to anyone. Come out and we can talk. Anyway, I wasn’t going to eat you,” said the creature.
“Come out so I can be eaten more like!”