tageous health wise, I see no need for a brassiere except that now they are an accepted and social necessity.'' 28
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His notebook also betrayed what was for Kathy a very difficult period:
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| | Still don't know whether or not Kathy is pregnant. She might have conceived a baby on the night of Nov 23, '63 when she was here for my court martial. We were carefree that night, but in the depths of passion it is hard to be responsible and act rationally. I would not deliberately impregnate her at this stage of our life, but if she is going to have a child I can't describe the feeling of goodness or placidity it gives me to know that we share a child together. I would like to have my first-born be a boy, my son, but I hope (I don't pray anymore) most of all that, mother and child will be fine and healthy. 29
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In January, 1964, Charles Whitman's life was troubled. In Austin, Kathy wondered if she was pregnant; if so, her baby's father had been thrown in the brig, court martialed, and busted to private. At Camp Lejeune, Charlie was doing hard labor, and the Whitman family in Lake Worth was no better off:
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| | I just found out that Pat ran away from home a couple of days ago and had a car accident in Kissemme [sic], Fla. He was injured pretty bad. The boy has definite emotional and physcologial [sic] problems but as far as I know he won't go to anyone for help . . . until he puts forth some effort to make good I don't want anything to do with him. 30
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Those judgmental words would later haunt Charlie Whitman. In a fairly short time he would need help very badly, with his studies and his personal life, and he would make little effort to seek help. As days and weeks passed, his writing became less focused. "My mind is so broken up with thoughts, I never seem to consistently think of one plan for the future." 31
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