Which was even more frightening.
Was this the way her mother had felt, each time she’d given herself to some man? Wanting a better life than her mother’s, Susan had decided long ago she would not seek completion with a man. She would be independent, strong.
She feared Zach made her weak.
Wrenching herself from his arms, she drew deep breaths as she stared out the window of her apartment.
If she’d thought Zach would touch her again—or protest her withdrawal—she was wrong.
“I’ll need to pick you up at five-forty-five in the morning,” he said matter-of-factly, though his voice was somewhat huskier than usual. “I know it’s early, but they’ll take Gramp to surgery at six-thirty and I want to see him before they put him under the anesthetic.”
Susan turned around, staring at him. He sounded so composed. Had the kiss meant nothing to him?
Apparently not. His expression was grim, but then he was talking about a heart operation for his grandfather.
“No, that will be fine. I’ll be ready.”
“Then I’d better get out of here so you can get some rest.” Without another word, he strode from the apartment, pulling the door closed behind him.
Susan remained standing where he’d left her.
The apartment door opened again.
“Come lock the door, Susan.”
Like a zombie, she crossed the room. He bent down, brushed her lips oh-so-gently with his, then pulled the door closed again. “Lock it,” he called.
She shoved the dead bolt Josh had installed and leaned against the door. She hadn’t wanted Zach to leave. She hadn’t wanted him to stop kissing her. She hadn’t wanted to be alone.
But she had to be alone. Because her relationship with Zach already had an ending scheduled for next May.
She was
not
going to be her mother all over again.
Pete Lowery came through the operation like a man half his age. The doctor told Zach his grandfather would be ready to go home Saturday morning, if everything continued to go well.
After the doctor left the room, Zach hugged Susan, hiding his face in her silky hair. Her warmth eased the chill he’d felt inside him ever since they’d carted Gramp away.
And also reminded him of last night.
If she hadn’t pulled away, he would’ve made a colossal mistake the night before. He would’ve taken her to bed, made love to her until daylight. Because he wouldn’t have been able to help himself.
“Thanks for waiting with me,” he whispered in her ear.
She pulled back, reluctantly, he thought. “As soon as we see him, I’ll need to leave to go to work. He’ll understand, won’t he?”
“Sure. What about Paul? Did you talk to him this morning?”
“No. I carried him across to Rosa’s wrapped in a blanket, still in his pajamas. I hope he went back to sleep.”
“When he hears Manny is moving to the ranch, Paul is going to be upset,” he reminded her. He couldn’t help pushing her to agree to his request that she and Paul move to the ranch with him.
“I know. I—I thought I’d talk to him when I went to the apartment to pick up my car.”
“You’ve made up your mind?” He almost stopped
breathing. As if her decision would determine his happiness. What a ridiculous idea, he told himself. It was for Gramp that he wanted Susan to come. For Gramp.
“Yes. I guess I have no choice. Now not only is it good for Gramp, but it will also be good for Paul.”
A disturbing thought occurred to him. “Susan, I swear I didn’t offer Pedro the job to force you to come to the ranch.”
“I know.”
A look passed between them that told Zach she trusted Mm—that far, at least. He couldn’t stop the sense of elation that began deep inside him and flooded his veins, making him momentarily lightheaded.
A nurse came into the room. “Mr. Lowery? Your grandfather is in Recovery and awakening, if you and your wife would like to visit with him.”
They arrived back at Susan’s apartment a little after ten. Anxious about Paul, she hurried up the stairs, Zach right behind her.
When the two boys opened the door to her call, she knew Paul was distraught. As soon as he saw her, he threw his arms around her waist, burying his face against her.
“Paul? Are you all right?”
“Manny’s moving away. To the ranch,” he sobbed against her.
Manuel stood staring at his friend, torn between the
thrill of moving with his family to a neat place, and the agony of leaving his best friend behind.
“I think that’s a good thing,” Susan said, glad she’d made her decision.
Paul looked at her in shock. “You do?”
“Well, of course. You’ll have a good friend in school with you.”
“No, Susan, you don’t understand. Manny won’t be here. He’ll be on the ranch.
Gramp’s ranch.”
“So will you, Paul,” she assured him soothingly, a smile on her face.
Paul stared first at her and then at Zach. “I’m going to live with Manny?” he asked, his voice quavering.
“And me and Zach and Gramp. We’re all going to live on the ranch this year.”
It was almost more than Paul could comprehend. But as he and Manuel figured out the most important thing, that they wouldn’t be separated, and the second most important thing, that they’d be on a genuine, honest-to-Pete ranch, they fell into each other’s arms with shrieks of excitement.
Rosa came running. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Oh, Mama, Susan and Paul are coming, to the ranch, too!” Manuel told his mother.
Rosa asked a lot of questions, but her excitement, already at a fever pitch, kept up with the boys’.
Susan smiled and answered all the questions, but inside she was frightened at the new direction her life was suddenly taking.
“You will drive into the city every day?” Rosa asked.
As Susan nodded, Rosa asked another question. “Will your car hold up for that kind of drive?”
Susan caught Zach’s frown out of the corner of her eye, but she pasted a cheerful smile on her face. “I’m sure it will.”
“What kind of car do you have?” Zach asked.
“A compact.” Then she changed the subject “Don’t you need to get back to the hospital, Zach? I’ll be fine now. Give Gramp our love.”
“I will. But right now I want to see your car.”
“Why?”
He ignored her. “Paul, you want to come downstairs and point your sister’s car out to me?”
Delirious with happiness, the boy never hesitated. “Sure. Come on, Manny. Last one down’s a rotten egg!”
“That’s dirty pool, Zach Lowery,·· Susan pro. tested.
But he didn’t wait With a sly wink at Susan, he followed the boys out of Rosa’s apartment
Chapter Eight
Z
ach stared at the wreck of a car Paul was pointing to. It was practically an antique, an antique that had been badly mistreated.
He heard Susan behind him and turned around. “Do you ice-skate on those bald tires when it freezes over?”
“I’m going to get new tires with some of the money you gave me,” she said hurriedly, her chin coming up.
“New tires won’t solve all your problems,” he pointed out.
“True. I’ll still have to put up with you.”
“Don’t sass me, lady.”
“Don’t interfere with my business,” she returned.
“What’s the matter?” Paul asked, a worried look on his face.
Zach grinned as he watched Susan realize that
she’d have to change her tune so as not to upset her beloved brother. She immediately assured Paul all was well.
“Or it will be when you get a new car.” Zach wasn’t going to back down on this decision. It would be criminal to let Susan drive fifty miles each way all winter in this jalopy.
“I can’t afford a new car.” She stepped behind Paul, putting her arms around his neck. and spoke to him, ignoring Zach. “How would you and Manuel like to go to the diner for lunch? Then I could bring you back before I start working.”
“Hey, neat! Let’s go ask your mom,” Paul said to his friend, and the two boys raced up the stairs again.
“I don’t know where they get their energy,” Zach muttered, watching them until they disappeared from view.
“Look. Zach, I don’t want Paul upset, so stop arguing with me in front of him,” Susan ordered sternly.
He stared at her, then removed his hat and bent over to brush his lips across hers. As his lips returned to taste more deeply, his arms pulled her against him. The feel of her down his length was as stunning as always.
“Oooh, that’s
gross!”
Paul called from the landing.
Zach lifted his head, glad something had distracted him before he completely lost control. “I’ll remind you of that remark in a few years, buddy,” he called with a grin.
He settled his hat in place, grabbed one more quick kiss and turned to his rental car. “I’ll pick you up at the regular time,” he called to Susan over his shoulder.
He didn’t wait for an answer. In the first place, he didn’t want to hear any excuses why she couldn’t go with him this evening. And he certainly didn’t want their argument to start again.
He’d already made up his mind.
Lunch with the boys didn’t involve conversation. All Susan had to do was listen to the excited chatter and speculation about life on a ranch.
“Do you think we’ll get to ride horses?” Paul asked, his eyes widening at the sudden thought.
“I don’t know, sweetie. You’re both a little young.”
“We’re big enough,” Paul asserted, with Manuel nodding.
“We’ll see.”
After she took the boys back to Rosa, along with lunch for her and her other two children, Susan tried to concentrate on her work. But thoughts about the changes in her life, including Zach’s kisses, distracted her.
“Do you need us to keep Paul again this evening?” Kate asked as she popped into Susan’s office.
“Oh, thanks, Kate, but he’ll stay with Rosa.” Susan smiled but ducked her head. She didn’t want to tell Kate she was moving to the ranch, though of course she’d have to eventually. Just not today.
“How’s Zach’s grandfather?”
“He came through the operation well. The doctors are optimistic.”
Kate didn’t respond and Susan finally looked up.
Then Kate said, “You will let us know if there’s anything we can do, won’t you, Susan? We’re family, remember?”
“I’d never forget that. You and Maggie have made such a difference in my life.” This time her smile was sincere, full of warmth.
“Good. Take some time off if you need to.”
“Thanks, Kate, but I shouldn’t need to. I hope.” She suddenly remembered that she’d be moving soon, too. She wasn’t sure when. but her rent was due Saturday. She’d have to talk to Zach about that.
Zach hadn’t forgotten. When he picked her up that evening, his first question was “Is your rent due Sat urday, like Rosa and Pedro’s?”
“Yes.”
“Then we’ll need to move you tomorrow, too.”
“I don’t think I can get packed, Zach. We’re going to the hospital tonight and I work tomorrow.”
He crossed his arms over his broad chest and glared at her. “Surely Kate will give you time off.”
Of course Kate would. She’d even said as much today. But Susan would need to give the dreaded explanation of her move.
“Well?” Zach prodded when she didn’t say anything.
“Yes, of course she will,” she admitted with a sigh.
He stepped closer and Susan tensed. She lost all her logic and control when he got close.
“What’s the problem, honey?”
“I—I haven’t told them I’m moving to the ranch.”
“You think they’ll be upset with you?”
frustrated, she glared at him.
“I’m
upset with me. Why wouldn’t they be?”
His hands settled on her shoulders and she knew she was in trouble. Backing away, she held up a hand. “Don‘t—don’t come any closer, Zach. We can’t—”
To her relief, he stood still. But he continued to stare at her. “Honey, don’t get upset. Everything’s going to work out just fine.”
“That’s easy for you to say. I’m the one making all the changes.” She was working hard to keep her anger going.
He raised one eyebrow and gave her a rueful smile. “You don’t understand men, do you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m going to be taking a lot of cold showers with you around. Do you think I’ll like that?”
She blushed. And desperately sought to change the subject. “I’d better call Kate before we leave and ask for tomorrow off.”
His smile told her he knew what she was doing, but he only nodded in agreement.
She was constantly aware of him as she talked to Kate, grateful he couldn’t hear Kate’s response when she confessed she was moving to the ranch.
“You’re going to what? Are you crazy?”
“I have to, Kate. But it’s only temporary.”
“That man had better behave himself.”
“He will.” Lots of cold showers, she reminded herself. She hoped he didn’t guess that she’d be needing them, too.
“Wait a minute. I want Will to talk to him. Put him on the phone.”
“Kate, no, that’s not Oh, hi, Will. Just a minute.”
Zach raised one eyebrow as she held out the receiver to him. “Kate wants to talk to me?”
“No. Kate wants Will to talk to you.”
Zach took the phone. “Hi, Will.”
“I hear you’re taking Susan and Paul to your ranch.”
“Yeah. My grandfather had surgery this morning and we’re taking him home Saturday.”
“I’m glad to hear he’s doing well. Is Susan okay with this?”
“She made the decision. I, uh, encouraged her, of course, because I think our breaking up would cause a setback for Gramp, and Paul was pretty enthusiastic. But she agreed.”
“Is Susan going to keep working for Kate?”
“Yes. She’s planning on driving in every day.”
“In that old car of hers? I’ll have to insist she let me buy her a better one. It would be dangerous—”
“I’ve already taken care of it.”
“Well, you’re two for two. I’m impressed.”
“Two for two?”
“You’re getting her out of the apartment and giving
her a better vehicle. We couldn’t convince her on either one of those.”
“So you’re not upset with me?” Zach asked, breathing a sigh of relief. Not that their being upset would stop him, because he needed Susan and he believed he was helping her, too. But it would’ve made things difficult for her.
“Not me. I’m not speaking for my wife, of course.” He paused, then said, “Kate says to tell Susan she’ll be over in the morning, as soon as she’s done a few things at the diner, to help pack up. She’ll call Maggie, too.”
“I’ll tell her. That’s nice of them.”
“They’re family.”
Zach hung up the phone after saying goodbye and relayed Will’s message.
Tears filled Susan’s eyes. “They’re so wonderful.”
He stepped forward to wrap his arms around her, unable to resist the urge to comfort her, but she backed away again.
“Listen, you’re going to have to get used to a little touching, or Gramp will never buy our story,” he said. And he’d go crazy if he couldn’t touch her.
“It’s okay to touch in front of Cramp—or Hester. But not when we’re alone.” She felt ridiculous making these rules, but she knew they were absolutely necessary.
“Why not?”
“You know why not, Zach Lowery. It’s like playing with matches around a gas leak.”
He put his hands on his hips and stared at her,
thinking about what she’d said. It was a pretty accurate description of what happened when he touched her. “Okay. I need to talk to Rosa and Pedro. And when we get back from the hospital tonight, I’ll start helping you pack. Do you have any boxes?”
“No. I didn’t realize—Everything’s happening so fast.”
He couldn’t argue with that statement, either. Last Saturday he only had his grandfather. Now he had a wife—and a lot of other new family when he counted Megan, Paul, Kate and Will with their son, and Maggie and Josh with their two children.
“When am I going to meet Megan?” he asked suddenly.
“I don’t know. She doesn’t... I haven’t talked to her since I met you. She’s been so busy trying to find a job and getting used to the campus. I’ll have to tell her, but not yet.”
“I’m beginning to think you’re ashamed of me, Mrs. Lowery,” he teased.
“Not ashamed. Just—just finding it difficult to explain what we’ve done.”
“Let’s go next door and figure out a schedule. Then we’ll go to the hospital. And we don’t have to explain anything to anyone.” He took her hand before she could move away and pulled her behind him to the front door. At least once they were around people, he could touch her.
She’d agreed to that, whether she realized it or not.
“Pizza’s here,” Zach called at noon the next day as he came up the stairs.
Susan peeked out her door and saw her handsome husband with pizza boxes stacked to his nose.
“How many did you order?” She would hate to see the bill, but, of course, Zach had already taken care of that She was discovering he was a very generous man.
“A lot. Cowboys have big appetites. Right, Rick?”
One of the cowboys who’d arrived around seven this morning with two trucks and trailers, grinned at Susan. “Yes. ma’am, Mrs. Lowery. We eat a lot.”
“Well, you’ve certainly earned your lunch. Your help has been invaluable.” She had a lot of people to thank. Kate and Maggie had arrived around nine this morning and were still packing the few things left in her apartment,
“I’ll call the others to lunch,” she said.
“After we eat, I think we’ll be ready to head for the ranch,” Zach said as she turned away. “Don’t you think?”
“We’re almost finished, yes,” she agreed, but she was reluctant. She’d been hanging over the edge of the cliff for four years, just barely making it. Now she felt like she was being asked to let go and trust that someone would catch her. After life with her mother, she wasn’t into trusting men all that much.
Zach looked as if he was about to ask a question she didn’t want to answer, so she ran for the two bedrooms. “Pizza’s here for lunch,” she called to her half sisters.
“Pizza?” Kate asked in sudden outrage. “I could’ve had a real meal sent over from the diner.”
“Kate, pizza will do,” Susan insisted. “You’ve already contributed enough, both you and Maggie. You brought over a cooler of drinks, and you’ve done a lot of packing.” And some arguing, too. Kate, in particular, had wanted Susan to think about what she was doing. Maggie had recommended caution, but she was visibly delighted that Susan was leaving her apartment.
“But we could’ve helped her get out of here,” Kate had insisted.
“Yes, but you know she’s too proud to take our help,” Maggie had added.
“No, it’s not that, it’s just...I can’t be your responsibility.” Susan had dashed away the tears that filled her eyes. “We’re making it, you know. And now I have money to pay for Megan’s room and board.”
Kate and Maggie exchanged frustrated looks.
Then Maggie said, “Just remember. If things don’t work out with—at the ranch, you let us know. We’ll call it a loan, if you want, but we’ll help you.”