A Question of Trust (11 page)

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“My pleasure,” he whispered back.

Gabe snored behind her, startling her. She’d forgotten he was even there. She’d lost herself in Connor.

“Connor?”

“Hmmm?”

“What happens if one of you falls for the woman you’re sharing?”

Connor sighed and collapsed onto his back. He put his arm over his eyes. “Hasn’t happened,” he said vaguely.

“Never?” she wondered out loud. “You’ve never fallen in love with a woman Gabe’s introduced you to? Or vice versa.” What was she asking? Why was she asking?

He was silent for a long time.

“Connor?” She reached over and touched his hand, needing to renew their contact. He jerked away.

Sharp arrows of hurt shot through her. Had Connor just rejected her? After what they’d shared? As profound as the threesome had been, what Connor had just given her was perhaps the most intimate, most personal experience of her life. He’d felt it too. She knew he had.

She burrowed into Gabe, took comfort in his solid form. Or tried to anyway. It didn’t help. She did not find the reassurance she sought. Gabe was not the one she needed the reassurance from.

“We have boundaries,” Connor said in a strained voice. “Limits. I don’t fall for Gabe’s women, and he doesn’t fall for mine.”

His answer emitted a cool chill down her spine. “Ever?” Oh, dear, her question came out more as a plea.

“There are rules, Madeline.” He sighed. “If Gabe and I want to remain friends we have to follow them.”

“What about the woman involved? What if she doesn’t know the rules—and falls for the man who isn’t her boyfriend?” Even as she said it, she knew why she’d asked. She was guilty of that exact offence. She’d fallen for the wrong man. She’d fallen in love with Connor.

Connor’s hand clenched into a fist. He tensed visibly. “We still honor the rules.”

“Connor—”

“Enough, Maddie. No more questions.” He withdrew completely. He rolled over, onto his other side, and then sat up, with his legs over the edge of the bed.

The empty space where he no longer lay was cold, vast. “Connor, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” Shouldn’t have what? Asked the question, or fallen for her boyfriend’s friend?

“I need a drink.” He stood up and strode to the door.

“Connor… Please. Don’t leave.”
Not now. Not ever.

“Go to sleep, Madeline. Curl up in Gabe’s arms and go to sleep. After tonight I’m sure you need the rest.”

And with that he walked out the room, closing the door behind him with a resounding click, leaving Maddie gaping in his wake.

***

Connor kicked the fridge door shut. He slammed the bottle of water on the counter and reached for a glass. Then he banged the cupboard door shut.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

The drink didn’t help his agitation. He’d fucked up royally.

He marched into the lounge room and turned on the telly.

Fucking moron, that’s what he was.

Incomprehensible scenes flashed on the screen in front of his eyes as he flicked through the channels.

Why hadn’t he stopped this? He’d known, as soon as Maddie kissed him, that she wasn’t like the others. She was different. Why’d he go through with it? He should have told Gabe right from the start this wouldn’t work. That sharing Maddie would fuck with his head.

One kiss. That’s all it had taken, and he’d—what was the word Maddie had used?—fallen for her. Hard. Toppled off a sheer cliff and plummeted down thousands of meters.

As if his life wasn’t fucked up enough. He didn’t know where he wanted to live, didn’t have a clue what job to choose, his future lay before him with not even the slightest hint of direction and now he’d gone and fallen for Gabe’s girl.

He’d broken the rules. He’d pushed past the boundaries, and in doing so, he’d betrayed his best friend. He’d fallen in love with Madeline Jones.

Agitated and irritated, Connor threw open the balcony doors. He stood outside watching the moon vanish behind a cloud. Cold wind stirred his hair. Gabe’s girl. Not his.

So why,
why
if she was so obviously the wrong woman for him, had the restlessness that had plagued him for months disappeared the instant her lips touched his?

Chapter Six

Dawn could not come fast enough. Maddie had to go, had to get out of Gabe’s flat. She couldn’t stay there any longer. She felt trapped in his arms, claustrophobic.

Connor had not returned to his bed. He’d left it to Maddie and Gabe.

The moonlight that filtered through the blinds flickered and vanished as she gently shook his shoulder.

Gabe’s eyes opened slowly, but the minute he saw her, he smiled. “Hey, baby.”

She bit her lip. “Hey, Gabe.”

He yawned and stretched, pulling his massive arms high over his head. “Where’s Regan?”’

“I…I’m not sure.” Damn, he’d left her and it hurt. “He went to get a drink.” Over an hour ago.

Gabe looked at her. “You all right? Feeling a little tender? You took quite a…pounding.”

Oh, she felt tender all right, but it had nothing to do with the pounding she’d taken. “I’m fine,” she reassured him, and watched as his face broke into a smile.

“Ready for another round then?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Maddie burst into tears.

Gabe was up and holding her before she’d drawn her next breath. “Baby, what is it? What’s wrong?”

She shook her head helplessly. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I…I can’t do this. I don’t want another round.” Only she did, and that was the reason she was crying. She wanted another round—just not with Gabe.

“Jesus, Maddie, did we hurt you?” His voice filled with horror, and affection for him welled in her chest. It didn’t stop her crying though. If anything, it made the tears come harder. She didn’t want to feel affection for him. She wanted to love him—not Connor. That was the way it was supposed to go. You were supposed to fall in love with your boyfriend, not with his best friend.

She shook her head.

“Did we push you too hard? Make you do things you didn’t want to do?”

“No, Gabe. No. It’s nothing like that, I swear.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “It was…amazing. Really, truly amazing.”

“Then what’s the problem? Tell me, so I can make it right.” He held her like a baby, like she might break in his arms if he squeezed too tight.

How could she tell him there was no way he could make it right? Her problem wasn’t his to fix. If anything, it would only complicate matters for him.

Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Gabe, you were perfect. Incredible. Thank you. For showing me what it’s like.”

He rubbed her back. “You know it was my pleasure. Mine and Connor’s.”

Her heart constricted at his name. “I’m sorry, Gabe, I have to go.”

“Go where?”

“Home.”

“You’re leaving? Now? It’s two in the morning.” He sounded perplexed.

“I can’t be here anymore. I…I can’t see you anymore.”

Gabe pulled away to stare at her incredulously. “You what?”

“I’m so sorry. You are wonderful. This was wonderful. But it changed things. It changed everything.” For a brief second she wished she and Gabe and Connor could have something more permanent than one night of passion, but she dismissed the idea instantly. While the sex had been mind blowing it was not something she would want to repeat. Maddie was a one-man woman. Yes, double penetration aroused her beyond decency, but two men and one woman on an ongoing basis did not appeal to her.

She was too conventional. She wanted marriage and children and the whole bangshoot. With two men the dynamics would be too complicated, too complex to even consider such a future. With one man the possibilities were endless. With Connor she could picture the whole bangshoot. But Connor was the one man she could not have.

Connor would not break his rules for her, and she could never hurt Gabe by messing with his and Connor’s friendship.

“Maddie.” Gabe gave an exasperated sigh. “You’re talking in riddles. Just tell me what the problem is so we can set it straight. We’ve just started something, something good. Don’t throw it away now. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

How could she possibly admit the truth without hurting him? She’d fallen for her boyfriend’s best friend.

She grimaced and told Gabe as much of the truth as she could. “I’m a conformist, Gabe. I work within the guidelines. Threesomes with two men, no matter how beautiful and how wonderful the men both are, simply do not conform to my standards. I can’t do it again, I don’t want to.” She dragged air into her lungs. “If I continued seeing you, it would be with the knowledge that every time we slept together, I’d be desiring Connor too. I’d be betraying you whenever we had sex, and I can’t live like that.”

Gabe frowned. “You don’t need to betray me, Maddie. I want you to want Connor too. I want you to desire him. Didn’t I make that clear?”

“Oh, you did. And while we all made love I did not feel disloyal.” Well, not until she realized she’d fallen for Connor. “But as I said, I cannot live with, or love, two men. Nor can I be with one and desire another. It won’t work. Tonight changed our circumstances. It changed me.” Or maybe it clarified things for her. Now she knew what she wanted—one man to be with her for always. Just one. To live with, to love, to start a family with. But that man was not Gabe.

Gabe narrowed his eyes, searched her face. “That’s not all, is it?”

Shit. Did he know? Had he sensed she’d developed feelings for Connor? “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. You’re keeping something from me, not telling me the full truth.” He shook his head. “What is it, Maddie? What are you hiding?”

Again, she couldn’t deny him the truth, but she wouldn’t hurt him with the extent of it either. “It’s me, Gabe. And you. I…I… As much as I wish I were, I am not in love with you.”

“Love?” Gabe sounded as taken aback as he looked. “Who said anything about love?”

Maddie floundered. Dang, of course he wasn’t in love with her. Who had ever mentioned love in this twosome? It was only when Connor entered the picture that she’d started thinking in terms of the L word.

“Baby, don’t misunderstand me. I think you are beautiful. And I love spending time with you. I love sleeping with you.” He grinned impishly. “Sex with you is freakishly good. Good enough that I want to carry on sleeping with you for a very long time. But I’m not in love with you either. Not yet anyway. We need time to see if what we have could develop into something more permanent.”

Relief washed through her, strong, but not strong enough to alleviate her guilt. “It won’t. That’s what I’m trying to explain.” She sniffed and dried her tears with the back of her hand. “I started dating you because you turned me on something silly, and I couldn’t get enough of your body.”

He smiled at her. “Yeah? Well that makes two of us.”

She sniffed again and smiled back. “When you’re that fiercely attracted to someone, you want to know if it has potential to go any further.”

“We’ve only just started exploring that potential.”

She shook her head. “No, Gabe. I can’t do it anymore. What we just shared? You, me and Connor? That was too big for me. Too huge to do when I’m not in love with someone.” Only she was in love. Just not with Gabe.

Gabe looked at her, frowned sadly. “You want to be in love.”

She nodded. “I do, Gabe.”

He nodded back. “Just not with me.”

“You’re not in love with me either.”

“Yeah, but I still want to sleep with you,” he said with a cheeky smile.

She returned his smile with a half-hearted one of her own. “I’m sorry, Gabe. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Yeah, baby. I’m sorry too.” He held her in his arms.

She pressed a kiss to his lips. This time there were no fireworks.

“G’bye, Gabe. Thanks for showing me the time of my life.”

“You’re welcome, baby,” he said as he pulled away for the last time. “You are very welcome.”

Maddie dressed quickly. She hesitated as she made her way to the front door. Connor stood alone on the balcony. Even from this distance she could see the tension in his back, in the way the muscles pulled taught around his shoulders.

He’d felt it too. She knew he had.

“I fell for you, Connor,” she whispered, knowing he could not hear her. “I didn’t mean to, but I did.” Iron fists squeezed at her heart. “I found home in your arms.” Her voice caught in her throat. She couldn’t talk. Instead she brought her hands to her lips and blew him a kiss. One last kiss goodbye.

Then she slipped out of Gabe’s flat and closed the door behind her.

Chapter Seven

“I’m going back to Melbourne,” Connor told Gabe at breakfast. His eyes were gritty from lack of sleep and he blinked several times trying to clear them.

Gabe poured a cup of coffee and sat down opposite him at the kitchen table. “I thought you liked the company and the job offer they made. Thought you were going to accept it.”