A Promise of Tomorrow (14 page)

James clenched his hands to keep himself from doing any such thing, and Kyle must have mistaken his reaction for anger or displeasure, because he halted Gwinny and said, “I, I’m so sorry. Forgive me, my lord. It was impertinent of me to ask such a question.”

When he mastered himself enough to turn and look back at Kyle, James noted the stricken expression on his face and hastily replied, “You don’t need to apologize, Kyle. I was simply uncertain how to answer, that is all.”

Kyle’s face relaxed a little as those lovely green eyes earnestly studied his face before dropping back to his saddle. His voice was a little shaky and his countenance grave as he said, “My lord, I… I just wanted to say again how grateful I am for all you’ve done for me. I never would have expected so much kindness and generosity from anyone I just met, and I want you to know that, though I don’t deserve it, I willdo allinmypower to repayyour kindnesses to me.”

“Don’t be silly, Kyle. We’ve only shared a little hospitality with you, and there should be no talk of you not being deserving of such a thing.”

James was gettinguncomfortable again. The spellthe wood had woven around him was making him careless, and the earnestness of Kyle’s gaze and his obvious vulnerability were making his arms ache to grab the younger manand reassure him.

He nudged his horse a little ahead to put some distance between themand said, “Come on. If we hurry, we can make the full circuit around the park before myniece and nephew arrive.”

When he looked back, however, Kyle was biting his lip and his eyes were sparklingfor a different reason.

That did it
, he thought, groaning inwardly, and turned his horse around.
How can a man resist that lost puppy look?
James’s chest tightened and his throat closed as he faced the younger man.

Pulling up beside Kyle so that their legs brushed, he managed to say, “Come on, Kyle. Everythingwillbe allright. Trust me.”

“I’msorry, mylord, I don’t meanto be suchtrouble. I’ve made such a mess of things, and I’ve been so foolish. I can’t even fathom why any of you would want to help me. I’m such a coward. What youmust think ofme,”he cried, loweringhis head.

James didn’t even stop to think about the folly of what he was doing this time. He simply reached out and cupped Kyle’s chin gently in his palms. Holding Percy in place with his knees, he brushed at the tears tricklingdownKyle’s cheeks withhis thumbs.

“Kyle,” he said, his voice sounding thick even to his own ears. “I think very highly of you. I assure you. You are a wonderfully bright, charming, kind and talented young man. You have no reason to be ashamed of who you are. You’re braver than you know. Don’t let anyone ever tell you differently… or I’ll be forced to thrash you for callingme a liar.”

Kyle’s tear-filled eyes met his, and for an eternity, he got lost in liquid emerald and gold. It took every ounce of his willpower to stop himself from letting his lips follow where his thumbs had gone, to force himself to let go of that lovely face, and settle back into his saddle.

“We’re friends, are we not?” James continued, trying to slow his hammering heart and nudging Percy away. “You’re just going to have to trust that your friends have enough discernment to know a good man when they meet one. Now come on, let’s see if Gwinny and Percy have gotten their wind back, shall we?” James turned Percy around again and headed toward the track he knew would take themback toward the Hall.

Looking back over his shoulder, he was relieved to see that, after a moment’s hesitation, Kyle nudged Gwinny into a canter to catchhimup.

Dear God
.
Too close, much too close.

 

Touching Kyle again had been a mistake. Now his hands knew the feelofthat cheek and the warmthofit stilllingered inhis palms.

The twins can’t get here soon enough. Bloody Hell!
He cursed himself as he urged his mount into another gallop once they’d cleared the trees.

He checked behind him to make sure Kyle was still following before heading toward the drive that would take them back to the Hall and nearly fainted with relief at the sight that met him when he turned onto the drive. Like a gift from heaven, the Ashtons’ carriage was sittingoutside the stables, and he could see his niece and nephew walkingout the maindoors ofthe Hallto meet him.

Oh, thank you, God.

“Uncle, Mr. Allen!”Anna called by way of a greeting, coming down the steps into the courtyard. “Glorious day for a ride. Sorry we came too late to joinyou.”

Not as sorry as I am
.

“We’ve been sitting in that blasted carriage for hours, sister. I hardly think sitting ahorse sounds particularly agreeable to me at the moment,” Andrew put in, grinning and rubbing his rear end in demonstrationas he followed his sister downthe stairs.

“Brother!” Anna gasped, then she dropped all pretense and giggled. Looking at Kyle, she said, “It seems the country air agrees withyou, Mr. Allen. Your color is so muchbetter.”

As the blush crept over Kyle’s cheeks, James thought it best to change the subject. “Whendid youarrive?”

“Oh, only a quarter of an hour ago, Uncle,” Andrew replied. “Mrs. Holt is in the drawing room, and we were just about to order tea whenwe heard youcomingup the drive.”

“Well then, by all means, let’s all go in and catch up over tea,” James said, almost giddywithrelief.
At least now that the twins had arrived, he could make himself scarce and not have to worry about it being obvious he was avoiding his guest. His niece and nephew and Anna’s chaperone, Mrs. Holt, would keep Kyle entertained while James could hide in his study and remind himselfofallthe reasons whyhe lived alone.

After greeting Mrs. Holt and sitting down to tea, they all chatted amiably about the twins’ journey and the assembly they had attended before they left London. He caught Kyle looking at him strangely once or twice during the conversation, but other than that, the time passed easilyenough.

When he considered he’d stayed long enough to be polite, he stood and excused himself, giving estate business as the reason. He retreated to his studyat what would have beena run, ifhe didn’t have his dignityto preserve.

Thirty-four years old and you’re running away like a child
.
How pathetic. You need to get hold of yourself, man! Just a few more days and he’ll be on his way and life will settle back into customary quietude.

If he truly expected the thought to bring him comfort, he was disappointed.

 

Chapter 8

 

K
YLE
was in misery. For the entirety of his ride back to the Hall, he had been desperately trying to come up with some way to salvage Warren’s opinion of him after his outburst. He’d almost dredged up the courage to broach the subject again when he saw the twins’ carriage and his spirits fell even further. Glad as he was to see them, he could have wished for a few more hours alone with Warren to try to salvage his dignity and bring back the comfortable intimacy he and the older manhad begun.

Before I shamed myself in front of him again.

Because he had no choice, he did his best to hide his discomposure and followed everyone else into the drawing room, joininginthe conversationas best he could.

As everyone sat down to tea, he tried to make polite conversation, but he couldn’t help sneaking looks at Warren, hoping to see some hint as to what the manwas thinking.

When Warren stood and left not long after they finished their tea, Kyle was afraid he had his answer and could barely hide his shame and disappointment. The twins continued to chat as if nothing was amiss, and he kept up his part of the conversation, though his mind was far away.

He couldn’t help returning to the ride with James over and over in his head, trying to understand what had happened, hoping he could think ofa wayto winback Warren’s good opinion.

It had felt so glorious to set Gwinny free and race across the fields. He’d felt like he was flying, moving so fast that nothing but joy would ever be able to catch him. When they’d slowed to take the sun-dappled track through the woods, it had been so peaceful and idyllic that he’d been overwhelmed with gratitude to be given such a lovely afternoon. He’d felt completely happy and at peace right up until the moment he’d opened his mouth and ruined everything, breaking down like a child in front of the last man on earth he ever wanted to see his shame…
again
.

He didn’t understand it. There had been no warning. He hadn’t been prepared for it. The sudden flood of pain and shame caught him off-guard and spilled out of his eyes before he could do anything to stop it, and knowingthat Warrenhad seenit onlymade it worse.

He’d been fighting desperately to stem the tide and preserve what little dignity he had left when he’d felt those strong hands cradle his face and that deep, reassuring voice envelop him. Looking up in shock, he’d fallen into those caring brown eyes and forgotten everythingelse.

He’d barelyheard a word that the manhad said to him, onlyhis tone, gentle and reassuring. When the hands on his face had brushed away his tears, something had clenched tight in his belly, and when those eyes had continued to stare into his, warmth had pooled lower still. Oh, how he’d wanted those hands to keep touchinghim.

I must be going mad
, he couldn’t help thinkingnow.

There was simply no other excuse for the riot of emotions he’d been experiencing over the past few days. He was bouncing between miseryand desire, need and shame, so rapidly it was making his head spin. His body and his heart were betraying him, and he couldn’t seem to stop them any more than he could take back what had happened to him. He wished desperately that he had someone to talk to about everythingthat he was feeling.

But there is no one
, he realized.
I have to rely on myself now.

 

He couldn’t even confide in his new friends because his feelings for their uncle were most ofhis difficulties.

Oh Aunt, please write soon
, he pleaded silently.
I need to leave here before I ruin the best thing that’s happened to me in so very long, before I make another stupid mistake. If I do anything to taint the friendship I’ve found with this family, I’ll never forgive myself.

He had to be strong. He had to take control of himself before he did something unforgivable. He took a deep breath and tried to stillhis thoughts.

It’s just the shock of everything happening all at once
, he tried to console himself.
My life was so quiet before I met Victor. I had everything planned out for me on a staid and predictable path, and now I simply don’t know what to do with myself, that’s all.

“…isn’t that right, Mr. Allen?”Anna said, pulling himout of his thoughts.

“I’m sorry, Miss Ashton, I didn’t hear you,” Kyle replied, chagrined.
“I know you didn’t,” she said, laughing. “I said I thought that purple hair was quite the fashion for a young girl, just to see if you were listening. Are youfeelingill?”she asked, sobering.

“Oh no, I am well. I fear I have a lot on my mind these days, what with everything that has happened,” he replied, trying to be as truthfulas he could withhis new friends.

“Would youlike to talk about it?”she asked.

 

“Or would you like a distraction?”Ashton offered, shooting his sister a quellinglook.

 

“A distraction would be wonderful,” he said, grateful to Andrew for givinghimanout.

 

“How about a game of Ombre or Whist, if Mrs. Holt will join us?”Andrew suggested over Anna’s pout.

“Or how about we sing a few songs?” she shot back at him. “I noticed that some of the music has been pulled out. That must have been you, Mr. Allen, for I know my uncle wouldn’t have done it. Do youplay?”Anna asked cheerfullyover Andrew’s eye roll.

“Yes, Miss Ashton. I do indeed play. In fact, I promised your uncle a duet after dinner if you were feeling up to it. Shall we practice?” Kyle replied, feeling better by the moment. The twins’ playfulbickeringwas helpinghis mood considerably.

While Kyle and Anna sat down to practice playing and singing together on the pianoforte, Ashton sighed and pulled out a deck of cards to practice shuffling and dealing the way he’d seen some of the true cardsharps do inLondon.

Mrs. Holt soon excused herself to visit with Mrs. Ellis, an old school friend of hers and the real reason for her willingness to act as Anna’s chaperone, at least according to Anna. An hour or so after she left, they all took a long walk out in the gardens before retiring to their rooms before dinner.

Some of Kyle’s new clothes were ready by the time the twins left London, so they had brought the box with them when they traveled to Suffolk. He now had a new suit, his owndressinggown, a nightshirt, and two more linenshirts and trousers.

Anxious to try on his new finery, Kyle quickly bathed and changed for dinner. The black jacket and green and black flocked satin waistcoat were perhaps a little formal for their quiet country dinner, but theywere allhe had for now, and he had to admit he liked how he looked in them. He was being a little vain and he knew it, but part of himhoped the lord of the house would like how he looked as well.