That then bled into the first two days of this week.
I concentrated on my other passion, MMA! I began to get my class structure underway, on the Monday night, and all three guys were determined to launch into action.
Silas is a God damned machine. His knowledge of MMA through watching it has meant that he gets the holds and positions I’m explaining to him extremely quickly.
By the time 10:00pm came around on Monday night, all the boys were determined to keep me back and discuss kicks and movements; better ways to grapple and moves to detach from a hold.
On Wednesday afternoon, I’m at the gym early, hoping to see her, but expecting I won’t. I run on the treadmill
we both prefer, and I’m going over my methods for teaching the guys tonight, when I smell her walk past me.
Yep
, I smell her because I’m looking at my feet and too trapped in my own thoughts when she comes in to see her. She smells like the hospital! But underlying that is her own scent, kind of a woodland smell, like the scent of oncoming rain; one that I really, really want to smell without the other antiseptic aroma.
Jade.
His head snaps up. I assume he saw my feet walk past, but now I’m already showing him my back and placing my water bottle in the corner treadmill’s holder, while throwing my towel over the rail; so I can’t see his expression.
“Red! It’s so good to see your arse again. I was missing the sight of it!” he praises in greeting.
“Go to hell!” I reply. He chuckles.
I hop up on the treadmill and begin punching in my speed and begin my jog. I risk a glance at him, he’s grinning and staring at me.
“Oh Red
, you do miss me when we’re apart!” He begins, “I can see your desire burning in your eyes.” He says, barely suffering from his run and being able to maintain his talking torment.
“If by desire you mean my need to see you fall on your face and break your nose
, then you’re right!” I reply impolitely.
“I realise your need to look after me, and therefore your desire to have a reason; but actually I’m not desperate to do that
. I’m happy for you to show me your affection in less painful ways!” he throws at me with one of his shit-eating grins.
“I’m still waiting for you to show up on a bed at my work
, what happened to getting hit by a truck?” I ask.
“I tried, but I’m just too nice
. Nobody wanted to hurt me!” he explains with a pout.
“You are such a pussy! You have like, the dumbest, fucked up, and retarded ways of talking to women... I think I have ever known!” I argue. “How’s that working for you out there in the real world?” I ask snidely.
“I don’t need to talk to them normally, I can get laid fairly easily. It’s you that I have to woo with this ritual of fucked up banter!” he explains, smiling crookedly.
“We’ll I’ve gotta tell ya
, you’re fucking losing your touch, because I seriously can’t stomach the idea of your cock getting anywhere near me!” I reply.
“You haven’t even seen my cock
; how do you know if you want it near you or not?” he laughs.
That almost has me laughing
, seriously, but I can hold back the laugh and compose myself... barely. I channel my inner bitch.
“Send me a
picture; I’ll put it with all the other cocks I collect!” I growl.
That nearly has him falling off the treadmill, but he regains his stride.
“Damn, if that’s an invitation, I’ll just cut to the chase and you can follow me into the locker room and take a picture of it yourself with your phone!” he says, looking a little hopeful.
“No way
, like I said, not going near your cock!” I reason.
“Why? Because if I show you mine, you’ll be obligated to show me yours?” he chimes.
“Ben, when hell freezes over!” I answer.
Ben’s face lights up, “So there’s a chance? And you do like me!” he says happily.
“Um, no... no chance... and no, I don’t like you!” I point out to him.
“Yes you do!” He argues.
“In your dreams.” I grumble.
“If we were in my dreams Red
, you’d be naked... and you wouldn’t be bouncing up and down over there, you be bouncing up and down on my...” Ben starts saying before Paul comes up and smacks him upside the head before he can finish the sentence.
“The
gutter’s out there!” Paul growls, but he’s smiling.
And that is how the next six weeks go. Ben continues to insinuate himself into my sex life... my non-existent sex life, and I kept giving him the evil comebacks. The banter he obviously craves! I admit that I miss it on those days that I do afternoon shifts, and I miss his smiles. He makes me cranky as all hell, but he also makes me feel a bit alive!
I didn’t miss the other guy that tried it out on me
; tried to tag along and communicate with me alongside Ben a couple of times, but that didn’t last long, before Ben got rid of him with threats of bodily violence.
Ben.
My classes o
ver the last six weeks have been absolutely amazing. I’m getting on really well with these young fellas, they’re pretty easy to train... picking up things rather rapidly. I like Silas, he’s a hardarse! He’s briefly explained that he lives with his sister and that his parents are dead, but since he’s rather protective of her, he prefers not to talk about her much. He’s recently divulged that he has bipolar and has to take medications for it. I’m not much for understanding all that stuff, but I know that he’s honest with me... and wants me to know that sometimes he can get out of hand, and that I shouldn’t be complacent about him if he’s acting a bit weird. He gave me a mobile number for his sister written on a card one night as he was winding up, for if anything goes down with him. I meant to ask what her name is, and it’s weird that he keeps leaving that information out. I suppose he really likes to keep her out of his bullshit as much as possible, because he’s hinted at her having to fix things for him a lot, and that he doesn’t like fucking things up for her all the time.
And t
hen there’s my time with Jade which is...
Not. Going. Anywhere!
It’s not going any fucking where at all! And yet still I haven’t given up. Why? Why can’t I accept defeat? Because she’s a fucking gorgeous woman and she has single handedly managed to ruin my drive for any other woman I look at... at the present. I hope it’s not a permanent setback, it’s almost like she’s gone and done some voodoo shit on my libido. It’s at full throttle in her presence, and even when I think about her; but with anyone else, it’s permanently set on a mild simmer! Fucking stupid! I’ve gotta have her soon, or my dick will fall off from lack of real use with anything other than my hand! I’ve got to have her and get her out of my God damned system!
Ben.
I’ve had to take Mum in to the hospital this Monday morning for a check up with the Oncology staff in the outpatient’s unit, and to get the results from some scans and blood tests. They’d already established that she complete the remaining two cycles of the Xeloda, though they refer to it as capecobana?... capecroana?... oh, no... the nurse has just repeated it... Capecitabine! I was this close! But Mum’s finished with these cycles, they can’t do them anymore. She’s being started on a new medication.
I’ve had to use the wheelchair today for
Mum again, because she’s tired, and the walk from the car to the hospital can be quite a long way. She hates being in the wheelchair because, she argues, it makes her look like an invalid.
The nurse goes over her new medications with her. They’
re starting her on Lapatinib.
The doctor turns back around from typing on the computer, explaining
what the scan results mean.
“So as you can see,” he points to the screen, “the tumours have remained in place,
and they haven’t spread any further, nor have they grown any bigger.” He says, pointing to the bright globs on the screen, set amongst the greyish globs.
I’m looking at the screen. Some of those bright globs are huge
, and there are so many, it looks like Mum has almost equal parts cancer and normal. I try not to let it overwhelm me, she’s doing really well!
Then Mum asks the one question I just don’t know how to handle. The one question that almost sees me blubbering like a baby.
“So how much time have I bought myself?”
“It’s hard to say...
you’ve already bought time, and nothing is definite! But this is good news for you. While your pain is manageable, and you want to continue this way; and as long as the tumours remain stable, I think months, certainly not years! The issue will be when your body can no longer manage the toxic effects of the drugs, and treatment needs to be downgraded or go into a different phase.” He explains. He’s very nice; I don’t know how he deals with death all the time.
“Do you think I can get through to Christmas?” she asks with a genuine smile.
“If you’re determined to, you may very well make it through another seven months. I wouldn’t bet against you! The power of the mind is very potent, Sabrina. A strong will can sometimes be your best defence.” He smiles.
“But not forever!” she sighs.
“No, not forever.” He agrees.
“Okay... I just want to make it to January. If I can see January, I would’ve spent a whole year with my normally absent son!” she says jubilantly.
“Sounds good to me.” The doctor agrees.
***
When we step outside the hospital doors, I can see it’s raining. Not heavy... yet, but enough that I don’t want to push Mum out into it.
“Mum, I’m going to leave you here
. I’ll go and get the car and bring it around.” I explain.
“Okay.” Mum says chirpily. She’s happy
, it was all good news for her today; well, as good as it can get.
I wish I could feel the same.
I’ve had to park what feels like a mile away.
Once I get to the car, and start to move out of the parking area, I then have to wait for the three cars in front of me
, to fiddle with getting their change to pay for their parking; so that the boom gate will open and allow them out. By the time I get to my Mum, twenty minutes have passed, and now rain is pelting down.
There is an awning right up to the passenger set down, but the rain is on an angle and as such, Mum must’ve been getting wet, because she’s now back towards the front doors, next to a bench seat. I can’t see who her Good Samaritan is through the fr
ont window, because the window is pretty fogged up. The demister will have it all clear in a moment... but as I pull into the designated spot, I’m able to see out the passenger’s side window more clearly.
Mum has her back to me, and her saviour is side on, seated on the bench in her nurse’s uniform. A leather jacket is beside her on the seat and a helmet
is on top of that. She’s twisting her long red hair around and around, and then coiling it up on her head into a huge bun. As she’s doing this, she’s having a conversation with my Mum, and her face is the most angelic I’ve ever seen it. She’s smiling and laughing with my Mum. She’s leaning forward and patting my Mum on her knee in fits of laughter... she’s becoming sombre and smiling at my Mum... saying words that I cannot hear but that I know are gentle and kind. I stay in the vehicle watching Jade talk to my mother... I’m frozen in this moment. I’m determined to see this side of Jade, for myself. I want her to look at me like she is looking at my Mum... and I’m torn, because I never wanted the two women to meet, and yet I don’t want to jump out and stop it all now that they have.
Jade looks at her watch and then at the doors with a worried expression; before returning to look at my Mum with a smile. That’s my cue! She’s obviously needing to go to work.
I hop out of the car into the rain, pulling my dark grey hoodie up to help keep my hair from getting too wet, because I’ve been letting it grow recently, and when it’s wet it drips down my neck. My black easy fit jeans are being pelted with rain and soaking it all up, and my dark green converse are stomping in the inches of rain running across the sealed roadway. I run around the front of the vehicle.
I’m looking down at the ground as I jump across the gutter to the concrete sidewalk. I hear rather than see Jade’s exclamation that I’m here
; she doesn’t yet show any recognition.
“Oh, my...” Mum says, as
I shake the rain from my hood, pulling it off my head and slowly approaching them. “You should meet my son Jade, he’s single too!” she states. I groan and look up.
Jade was obviously looking at the top of my head
, because I can see the moment that I reveal my face, that she was already beginning to recognise me. Her face begins to freeze into a curious and yet annoyed montage.
“We’ve already met.” Jade says warmly, but the look on her face doesn’t match her voice. She’s confused
.