‘I wanted this trip to be special,’ he told her.
She managed a smile. It was more than special, but it didn’t take away the pressing problem. She turned away.
‘I need to go to a chemist,’ she told him over her shoulder, as casually as she could.
‘I’m sure the hotel will have most things you need. And if not, the butler can get it for you.’ Simon grinned.
‘No. I need to go there myself.’
‘Whatever for?’
Stephanie hated playing coy, but it was her only tactic.
‘Never you mind. You shouldn’t ask a lady that.’
‘Oh.’ Simon looked slightly nonplussed. ‘OK. Well, I’ll come over with you.’
‘No. I’d rather go on my own, if you don’t mind. It won’t take me long.’
Simon hesitated for a moment, then nodded. ‘OK. I’ll go for a stroll round the gardens. Get the lie of the land.’
‘Perfect.’
Stephanie felt relief. It had been easier to deflect him than she thought.
She went into the bathroom. She looked longingly at the huge marble bath, and the gorgeous shower gels and body lotions just waiting to be indulged in, but there wasn’t time. She went down to reception and asked the concierge for directions to the nearest chemist. Furnished with a map of Venice, she went back to the landing stage to catch the hotel courtesy boat across the water. The ridiculously handsome driver, suave in his sunglasses, gave her a hand on board, and five minutes later they were sweeping across the lagoon.
She didn’t have time to admire her surroundings. The pontoon on the mainland soon came into view, and moments later she was helped out onto the quayside. She pulled her map out and scrutinised it. There were hundreds of tourists milling about in the evening sun and she found them disorientating. Eventually she managed to get her bearings.
She made her way through the narrow streets, searching the crumbling walls for the faded black letters denoting the street names. There was no time to stop and look in the shop windows, enticing though they looked: she glimpsed handbags in candy colours, chic linen dresses and elegant high heels. They would all have to wait. She elbowed her way through the crowds: everyone else seemed happy to stop in their tracks and window-shop. Didn’t they realise she was in a hurry?
At last she found the pharmacy, and was relieved to find it was open. She pushed open the door and stepped inside. The smell was familiar: the universal faint trace of antiseptic, but the boxes and bottles surrounding her looked unfamiliar.
What on earth was the Italian for pregnancy-testing kit? In fact, now she came to think of it, did they even have them in Italy? Maybe they just went to the doctor to find out? Her Italian was non-existent. She knew the names of every kind of pasta, but that was about it. The pharmacist came out to help her, a middle-aged woman with glasses.
Stephanie mimed looking at a stick.
‘Bambino . . .’ she tried, then gave a thumbs up and a thumbs down.
The pharmacist looked puzzled.
Stephanie tried patting her stomach. ‘Bambino?’ she tried, again, then shrugged. She felt absolutely ridiculous, but was grateful there was no one else in the shop.
This time the pharmacist’s eyes lit up.
‘Aaaaah! Test di gravidanza?’
Stephanie nodded, hoping that this was indeed what she meant. Moments later the pharmacist handed her an oblong box. She looked at the packaging and decided, by the pictures, that she had cracked it.
‘Grazie,’ she said gratefully, and counted out the money.
The pharmacist smiled as she put it in a bag. ‘Buona fortuna.’
She was wishing her good luck, Stephanie realised, obviously thinking it was for her. It was too complicated to explain, so she just smiled, took her change, and left the shop.
The sun was starting to set as she took the boat from the pontoon back to the hotel. She made her way as quickly as she could to Beth’s room.
Beth was lying on her bed in the white hotel dressing gown.
Stephanie held out the bag.
‘Let’s get it over with,’ she said. ‘Then we can decide what to do.’
Beth took the bag wordlessly and disappeared into the bathroom. It was the longest three minutes of Stephanie’s life. She sat on the bed, praying for it to be negative. The alternative almost didn’t bear thinking about. There were so many ramifications for everyone. She resolved that she would do anything she could to support Beth and the baby, if it came down to it. She had a feeling Tanya wasn’t the maternal type, let alone the sort to embrace being a granny sooner than expected.
Beth came out of the bathroom. She was drained of colour, her eyes dead. She looked so terribly young.
‘Positive.’
‘Oh, sweetheart,’ said Stephanie, and her heart sank. How much easier it would have been if the test had been negative. Now there was nothing but heartache and difficult decisions ahead.
Beth dissolved into tears. ‘What am I going to do?’
‘It’s going to be OK,’ Stephanie promised her. ‘Honestly, Beth. It’s not the end of the world. I know it seems as if it is.’
‘I’m having a baby,’ said Beth. ‘I don’t know how to look after a baby.’
Stephanie held her by the shoulders.
‘Listen to me,’ she said. ‘Whatever you decide to do, I am right by your side. I’ll support you all the way. And I mean all the way. You’re not alone in this, Beth.’
‘There’s no point in even having this conversation.’ Beth sat down heavily on her bed. ‘Dad won’t let me have it.’
Stephanie frowned.
‘Sweetheart, it’s not his decision. He can’t force you into anything you don’t want to do. And anyway, I’m sure he wouldn’t.’
‘You don’t know him.’ Beth looked miserable. ‘Look how mad he was with Jamie. He’d throw me out.’
‘You don’t really believe that, do you?’
Beth shrugged. ‘All Jamie wanted to do was defer uni for another year. That’s nothing compared to having a baby, is it?’
Stephanie took both of her hands in hers.
‘I think your dad would surprise you.’
Beth looked at her. She had a funny expression on her face.
‘You don’t know why Mum left, do you?’
Somehow, Stephanie had a feeling she wasn’t going to like the reason. ‘I thought it was because she met Keith?’
Beth shook her head. ‘No. That wasn’t the real reason. The real reason was Dad made her have an abortion.’
‘What?’
‘Yep. Mum got pregnant, a couple of years ago. It was an accident. Dad made her get rid of it. That’s why she left, not because of Keith. She couldn’t get over what he’d made her do.’
Stephanie felt a chill wash over her. ‘You must be wrong. Surely he’d never do anything like that?’
Would he? How well did she really know Simon, after all? They’d only been going out for three months.
‘He did. He said the last thing they needed in their marriage was another baby, with all the stress and everything and the fact they weren’t getting on, and it wasn’t fair to bring it into the world.’ Beth’s eyes were swimming with tears. ‘So what would he say to me?’
Stephanie needed time to think. This bombshell was too awful to take in, but in the meantime she needed to reassure Beth.
‘I won’t let him force you into anything you don’t want to do. Trust me. It will be your decision. I’ll make sure of that.’
She scooped her up in her arms and held her tight. Beth clung onto her.
‘Will you tell him for me? Will you tell Dad? I’m just so scared.’
‘Of course I will.’
Beth looked upset.
‘But not until after the trip. I don’t want to spoil it. You mustn’t say anything to Dad until it’s over. I’m so sorry. You’ve been so kind to me, and I’ve ended up ruining it all for you . . .’
‘Of course you haven’t.’
Stephanie couldn’t imagine how Beth was feeling. She wished she could make it all right for her. She felt a rush of affection. Beth was being so brave and grown up, and unselfish. She could see she genuinely didn’t want to ruin things for Stephanie.
‘Listen. Why don’t you get dressed? We’ll go for an early supper and you can get a good night’s sleep and it might all seem better in the morning.’
She knew she was just spouting platitudes, but there wasn’t much else she could say or do.
Beth threw her arms around her neck again.
‘I’m so glad you’re with Dad,’ she told her.
Stephanie didn’t like to say that, in the light of what Beth had just told her, she was starting to get cold feet about her relationship with Simon.
The four of them had supper in Cip’s. They decided they wanted a fairly low-key evening, so they chose this over the more formal Fortuny restaurant in the main hotel. Situated right by the water, overlooking the lagoon, Cip’s had a relaxed, buzzy atmosphere, with the air of an upscale yacht club. They sat outside on the deck, warmed by heaters, as the water turned a deep navy-blue and the moon shone down on them. They ordered creamy mushroom risotto and Pinot Grigio, and if Simon wondered why Beth wasn’t drinking hers, he didn’t say anything.
Stephanie found she could barely eat, even though the risotto was the best she had ever tasted: creamy but firm and wonderfully rich. She didn’t know if it was her doubts about Simon, or her fears for Beth, but suddenly her stomach was in knots. Everything seemed so fragile.
Simon, meanwhile, was entirely oblivious to any undercurrent, chattering to the waiters in his not-terribly-good-but-enthusiastic Italian. All evening Stephanie watched him, wondering. Had she only just scratched the surface of the man she had considered herself in love with?
In bed, Stephanie lay awake, worrying. She was as far away from Simon as she could be. She couldn’t bear to be anywhere near him. Luckily, the bed was enormous, so she was a good three feet away. She feigned an upset stomach to excuse her distance, blaming the mushroom risotto. She just couldn’t take in what Beth had told her about the termination. It made her go hot and cold just to think about it. Had he really forced Tanya into it? Surely you couldn’t
make
your wife go through with something like that? Or had he just made it clear how very difficult he would make life if she didn’t? Perhaps he’d threatened to withhold money? Money seemed to be very important to Tanya. Perhaps he’d bought her off?
She slipped out of bed and went to look out of the window. Everything was still and dark, except for the lamplights along the boulevard, and the silhouette of Venice across the water, lit by the moon.
She sighed. The revelation had changed her opinion of Simon totally. She knew he was strong and determined, and maybe a bit of a control freak – that was a parent’s prerogative – but a bully? A bully whose actions she couldn’t condone, not in a million years. For the first time since she had met Simon, she began to sympathise with Tanya. Had she lived under a reign of terror that she couldn’t bear any longer? Was that why she had left?
There were too many unresolved issues, too many questions, a myriad of doubts. She wasn’t sure what to do, but this wasn’t what she had signed up for at all. She had wanted to be part of the family, for them all to work together as a unit and bring some stability and happiness back into the home. But now she questioned what her role would be. She wanted to be Simon’s equal, his confidante, his lover – not the person who had to question his decisions and spring to the defence of his children when they did something he disapproved of.
‘Steph!’ The voice made her jump out of her skin. ‘Are you OK? What are you doing?’
It was Simon, sitting up in bed, looking concerned.
Stephanie sighed. They might as well have the conversation now as over the breakfast table.
‘I’m sorry, Simon, but I can’t see how this is going to work.’
‘What on earth do you mean?’
‘I can’t carry on with this relationship.’
Simon laughed, but it was a scared laugh. ‘What are you talking about?’
He looked so convincing, sitting up in bed, bewildered. Not like a man who had ordered his wife to . . .
‘You’re not the person I thought you were. And I’m sorry, because I love you, and I love the kids.’
Simon got out of bed, walked over to a lamp and turned it on. The sudden light made her blink.
‘Hang on a minute. I don’t understand. What’s changed, all of a sudden? What’s all this about?’
He looked genuinely distressed. She supposed she owed him an explanation, a chance to defend himself. It was only fair.
‘You made Tanya have a termination.’ Even as she spoke the words, they made her shudder.
He looked at her in horror.
‘Who told you that?’ he demanded. ‘Did she phone and tell you that? Or one of her helpful friends?’
‘It doesn’t matter who told me. Did you?’
He was staring at her.
‘I can’t believe you would think that of me, not even for a moment.’
Stephanie held her hands up in protest.
‘Why not? I mean, you were happy to banish Jamie, because he was about to do something you didn’t approve of—’
‘That’s entirely different!’
‘Is it? Isn’t it just imposing your will on someone else? Without taking what they want into consideration?’
He flinched at this. His face seemed to crumple. He’d been caught out, thought Stephanie. Of course he didn’t like it.
Simon stood up and walked to the window, and stared out for a few moments. When he turned back, Stephanie could see tears in his eyes. For a moment her indignation faltered. She’d expected bluster and fury.
‘When Tanya told me she was pregnant, I was delighted.’ His voice was low, calm. ‘Shocked, of course. And a bit . . . you know, daunted by the prospect of doing it all over again. But in a funny kind of way I thought that perhaps a baby would do her good. Would do us all good. It would calm her down and give her something to think about apart from herself.’ A tiny trace of bitterness crept in. ‘It was Tanya who decided to get rid of the baby. She realised it was going to cramp her lifestyle far too much. She presented the termination to me as a fait accompli.
After
she’d been to the clinic. She said it was a woman’s right to do whatever she liked and she didn’t need my permission or my approval. I’ll never forgive her for getting rid of our child. It was the final straw for me. That’s what gave me the courage to finally divorce her. I couldn’t live with someone who could be so . . . I can’t even find the words.’