Kade shook his head. No. That was not the right path to take. He was the Heir, damn it. He didn’t have time for self-doubt. People relied on him.
He left Finn’s room and walked to the kitchen where Mel stood in one of his old T-shirts and a pair of volley-ball shorts. She rocked from foot to foot, a cookie in hand, and her eyes closed, as she hummed a tune off-key.
Damn. His woman was sexy.
Kade prowled behind her, the gold glow of his eyes, evidence of his arousal, marking his path. He wrapped his calloused palms around her hips, and she swiveled. His erection dug into his zipper, and he growled.
“Eating something sweet, are you?” He bit her earlobe, and she shivered in his hold.
“Willow’s cookies are manna.”
“Uh huh. I think I want something a bit sweeter.” He pressed his erection into the small of her back and ground against her.
She arched her back, a soft growl rumbling in her throat, and her honey-vanilla scent grew sharper as her arousal flared. His little wolf was just as turned on as he was. Good.
“We have ice cream in the freezer, I think.” She gasped as he licked a trail from behind her ear to the back of her neck.
“Not sweet enough.”
“I think I have an idea then.”
“Do you?” He thrust his hips and pushed her against the counter-top. Her hands gripped the marble, and he trailed his palms down her sides and slapped her ass with one quick sting.
She gasped and wiggled her butt.
Kade smiled a feral smile, gripped the edge of her shorts, then slid them down to her ankles. Her bare bottom fit his hands perfectly, and he threw his head back and howled softly.
“You weren’t wearing any panties, you little minx.”
“Kade…”
He bent over, lifted the shirt she wore, and trailed kisses down her spine. He licked and caressed before biting down on one soft globe.
“More.”
He bit harder then licked the sting. He parted her cheeks and lowered his face…
Finn cried out, and the smell of a dirty diaper filled the room, breaking the moment.
Kade rested his head on Mel’s backside and sighed.
Mel moaned and bent farther to pull up her shorts. “I’ve got it. Will you start breakfast? We have a Pack circle this morning and Larissa said she’d watch Finn so I can go.” Mel scurried away, and Kade groaned.
Could a wolf die of a hard-on?
Suddenly that vacation away from everything sounded not like a dream, but a necessity. Just one night away. He’d do whatever it took to make that happen because, if he didn’t get time alone with his mate, he just might scream.
Chapter 2
The next morning, Melanie lifted Finn’s little bottom and removed the dirty diaper. He looked up at her with too-wise eyes and babbled with his normal incoherence. With the efficiency of practice, she wiped, powdered, and clothed him a new diaper before he cried out again. They said werewolf babies didn’t get colic, but Mel wasn’t too sure of that. Her baby cried more than she’d ever thought possible. And for such a small thing, he had a voice that rivaled any of his uncles. And a temperament to match. He was a Jamenson through and through.
Sometimes that was a good thing. And yet, when Mel needed just one more moment of rest…. Yeah, she wanted to scream.
She looked down at her little bundle of joy and sighed. Yeah, the little monster was a handful of cute all right. Beware, ladies. Already, he had a full head of dark brown hair that matched his daddy’s. Finn had her eyes though, and she liked that a little part of her was in their son as well. The Jamenson genes were so dominant she had been afraid she would be lost in Finn’s genetics. But as a scientist, she should have known better. There was always a probability of mixed features. She shouldn’t have been worried.
Mel picked Finn up and held him against her chest, and he wrapped his chubby arms around her neck. She sighed. How was it possible she could love something so small so deeply in such a short amount of time? She’d felt the connection to Finn when she’d been pregnant, but it was nothing compared to the feeling she had whenever she looked down in those blue eyes. It was like Finn had known who she was from the moment he took his first breath. Like he knew she’d be the one by his side and there to hold him when he needed her.
But that was just it. He seemed to need her every waking and sleeping moment. Even though he was on solid foods now, he still needed to be nursed at least a couple of times a day. Mel was beyond exhausted, and she knew Kade was too. Though he’d try to deny it, she knew he’d been disappointed that their interlude in the kitchen had been fruitless.
She shivered and rocked Finn. She missed the feel of her mate’s work-worn hands on her soft skin. She missed the way he’d walk in a room with eyes for only her. Oh, he still looked at her like she was a center of his world, but she wasn’t the only center anymore.
Oh God. She was a horrible mother. Who in their right mind would be so selfish to want to be the only one in their mate’s eyes? It wasn’t Finn’s fault his family loved him.
Mel choked back a sob. What was wrong with her? She cried at the drop of a hat, and she was always so tired. But everything she did was for Finn or the Pack. She didn’t have time to think about herself. And even letting her thoughts trail beyond that made her feel worthless and not worthy of being called the Heir’s mate and Finn’s mother.
Was it so bad that, if only for a moment, she missed being just Mel? Or even just the Mel part of Mel and Kade?
Sometimes she felt lost within herself and the people around her. And that wasn’t the sign of a good future Alpha’s mate. How could she expect the Pack to follow her if she didn’t even know herself?
Finn nuzzled her breast and Mel let out another sigh. Dear Lord. All this kid seemed to do was poop, sleep, cry, and eat. A never-ending cycle that was quickly sucking the life out of her.
“Mel?” Willow called out from the living room. “Are you okay? Come out here with Finn.”
Mel tugged Finn closer, grabbed a nursing cloth, and walked out to the living room. Hannah was plating up cookies and fruit with glasses of milk. Willow sat on the couch, her breast out, feeding baby Brie.
“You ever feel like a cow?” Willow asked, and Mel chuckled.
“All the time. It’s like I’m just a factory for this kid.” Mel sat back in the arm chair and deftly unbuttoned her blouse, unsnapped the cup of her nursing bra, and brought Finn closer. She tapped his chubby cheek, and he latched onto the nipple like a drunken sailor.
She laughed at the reference.
“What’s so funny?” Hannah asked and nibbled on a sugar cookie.
“I think I just mentally compared my hungry son to a drunken sailor. There must be something wrong with me.”
The three women broke out in laughter, and tears spilled onto their cheeks.
“Oh my God. That’s a perfect description.” Brie whimpered in Willow’s arms. “Shh, Brie.” She patted her daughter’s bottom and guided her back to her nipple. Brie latched on again, greedily sucking. “I can actually see Finn and Brie in the little sailors’ uniforms.”
Hannah’s face brightened. “Oh, me too.”
Mel shook her head. “I think our men would strangle us.”
Willow smiled. “All the more reason to do it. Come on, Mom and Cailin would join in.”
Mel tilted her head. “I think I’d like to see that.”
Hannah jumped up and down in her seat and rubbed her hands together. “Leave it to me.”
“When did we become the type of mothers that dressed our kids in funny costumes?” Mel asked.
“You met me.” Hannah shrugged, unrepentant.
“I would have thought it would have been Cailin’s fault,” Willow added.
“True.” Mel nodded and lay back while Finn finished feeding.
“So, Hannah, how are your boys?”
Hannah blushed. She’d mated Reed, Mel’s brother-in-law, and Josh a human-turned-partial-demon, and looked like she loved every bit of it. Mel could barely handle Kade and all the testosterone that came with him; she didn’t know how Hannah dealt with twice the male flesh and intensity.
“They’re good. Real good.”
Hannah blushed again, and Mel and Willow laughed.
“That’s always a good sign.” Mel smiled, and Finn cooed. She shifted and put him on her shoulder, burped him, buttoned up, then relaxed against the backrest. Finn stared up at her with his big blue eyes and babbled that incoherent baby language that, even though no one understood it, she loved. Well, at least she did when he was being cute. When he was babbling and screaming, she thought she’d pull her hair out.
She looked up and felt Hannah’s gaze on her. Mel frowned and tilted her head. “Is everything okay, hon?”
Hannah let out a sigh, and Willow gripped her hand. “Tell us,” the other woman softly demanded.
“It’s nothing really.”
“If it’s nothing, then you won’t mind telling us,” Mel said. “But it has to be something if it’s bothering you.”
“You’re going to think it’s stupid,” Hannah said. “But Reed, Josh, and I have been trying to have a baby since the wedding. Well, if you want to be serious, since the night of the fire when we stopped using condoms. But every time I get my period, I want to break down and weep. It’s just so frustrating, you know?”
Mel’s heart broke for her sister-in-law. “You’re just getting started. Don’t worry. It will happen for you.”
Willow hugged Hannah closer, and Brie held out a chubby fist, seeming to know that Hannah needed all the comfort she could get. Hannah gave a small smile and trailed her finger along Brie’s fist. The little girl opened her hand and then gripped Hannah’s finger. Hannah gasped, and a tear fell down her cheek.
“I know it takes some people a long time. But I’m the Healer. I should be able to figure out a way for this to happen for my boys and me. I just want it to happen for us. I mean, I have two. You’d think that would increase the possibility.”
The women laughed at that.
“But then I think, well, if I can’t get pregnant with two men, maybe it’s me.” Hannah choked out a sob, and Willow kissed her brow.
Mel got up, Finn in her arms, and sat on the woman’s other side and held her close. “Hannah, you can’t think like that. You know that.”
Hannah took a deep breath. “I know. I just can’t help it. And then I watch the two of you and your precious babies, and I feel so jealous. And then I feel worse that I feel jealous over it.”
“Oh, Hannah,” Willow whispered. “You can’t think that way. It will happen for you. I know it. It just takes time. And when it does happen, it will be because you and your boys are ready and willing. You won’t be caught unaware like me and Mel.”
Mel nodded. “True, we were both surprised by our babies.”
Willow smiled. “But it was worth it. I wouldn’t trade a minute. I can’t wait for you to feel what we feel.”
Mel looked away. Warm anger and resentment burned. It wasn’t rational, but she couldn’t help it. How did Willow do it? How was she so happy and healthy and how could she look so amazing? Was Willow a better mother than her?
“Mel?” Willow asked. “What’s wrong? What did I say?”
“What?” Mel shook herself. She would not break down in front of these women. “I’m fine.”
Hannah leaned into her. “You can’t lie to the Healer when it comes to something being wrong. You’re more tired than usual, Mel. What’s going on?”
Mel held Finn closer and looked into his blue eyes. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
“Melanie,” Willow said, “you’re not fine. Tell us.”
Mel closed her eyes and choked back a sob. Could she tell these women that she felt like a failure? That she missed her husband and mate, though they slept next to each other every night?
“I’m just so tired,” Mel finally let out.
Both women waited silently for her to continue.
“I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since I was six months pregnant. They tell me that werewolves don’t have colic, but I don’t believe them. And yes, I know, Hannah. You said there was nothing wrong with him. He’s a perfectly healthy baby. Yet, he cries all the time. And I can’t ignore him. I know some people say to let them cry it out, so Kade and I tried that once. And it about killed us both. Finn cried and cried and called out for us. But we sat on the floor outside his room and had to listen to him scream for us. I felt like such a bad mother.”
Hannah gripped her hand and squeezed.
“I feel like a bad mom all the time these days. I feel like nothing I do is right. Everything I do is for Finn or for the Pack, but I don’t feel like it’s doing any good. I feel like I’m failing my son. I never have any time for myself. I don’t remember the last time I just sat on the porch with my Kindle and read a book. I don’t remember the last time I watched TV without a baby attached to my boob. And I’m so tired all the time…”
“Mel, why didn’t you say anything? And where was Kade?” Willow asked.
“Kade was right by my side. He does so much and picks up the slack when I feel useless. We do our duties and protect the Pack, but when we come home…it’s like we’re drowning.” Mel hiccupped and wiped her eyes. She broke down in gut-wrenching sobs and Finn patted her chest.