A New Resolution (20 page)

That was how they spent most of their morning, playing and laughing together, being silly. Eventually they ran out of steam, and Nolan set up the picnic blanket and beach umbrella he’d brought to shield Lore’s easily sunburned skin from the hot sun. She’d smiled pleasantly at the gesture, making a sarcastic remark about pale complexions. But Kieran saw the pleased satisfaction in her eyes as she enjoyed the little things they did to take care of her, even if it would be like pulling teeth to get her to admit it. Now they sat on the blanket, nibbling fruits and sipping from one of the water bottles Nolan had insisted Kieran bring, ever the organized packer. In short, it was heaven on earth, and Kieran had never felt so at peace with himself and his loved ones. And that was the crux of the matter, wasn’t it?

Kieran watched as Lore and Nolan chatted and chuckled together on the picnic blanket, their heads leaning toward one another, a shared conspiratorial smile lighting their faces at whatever gossip or joke they were laughing about. It was a simple thing, a small moment in a long line of notable and overbearing instants in his life. Some of those memories he had worked years to forget, and still they haunted his dreams and sometimes his waking hours, showing only in the dark and dreary art he produced when under their influence. Lore and Nolan each had a checkered past, and Kieran was no different.

For Nolan, it was his misadventures in love and marriage, which resulted in a heavy shadow of doubt cast over future relationships. It was a shadow Kieran had dug hard at to unbury and shed some light on. For Lore, it was the secret she kept from them regarding her parents, a subject she actively avoided. Whatever it was, for her to conceal it from them all this time meant it was something she kept in a place of deep shame or embarrassment. But Lore had shown amazing growth and trust in allowing them to guide her blindly to this unknown destination. Perhaps she would open up a bit more about herself if Kieran put his own story out in the open.

He hated talking about it. There were things about his past that even Nolan didn’t know the full details of. His sexy lawyer, understanding some things were just too painful to talk about, had let Kieran be. Nolan knew the basics and always said that was enough. How could Kieran expect Lore to lay her soul out to them free of charge when Kieran wasn’t even willing to do that for Nolan, his boyfriend of years? It wasn’t fair of Kieran to ask that; in fact it was downright hypocritical.

“I—” he began, all of sudden nervous as hell. They looked to him, the two people who formed the center of his life, with eyebrows up and expressions of patience. They would wait for him to be ready. They understood that if Kieran, a chatterbox by right, hesitated, then it was something worth waiting to hear. They knew him, and he loved them both, more and more each day.

“I need to tell you something. And I’m sorry, but it will probably dampen the pleasant mood. But you’re both here, and you’re sitting there looking so perfect and I just—just can’t keep my whole self from you anymore.” He turned to Lore, licking his suddenly dry lips. “I’m sorry that I’ve been so demanding when I haven’t given you the same honesty in return.” Then to Nolan. “I should have given you the details at the start of us, and I was wrong not to. But I see now, being here with you both, that I can never really dedicate my love to you without you knowing me, all of me. Thank you for waiting.”

Nolan’s face turned dark with recognition, understanding what Kieran was about to lay bare. “You don’t need to tell us anything. You have nothing to prove.”

Kieran took Nolan’s hand in a brief squeeze before letting it go, appreciating his support more than the man would ever know. Kieran recognized the part he played in Nolan’s emotional healing. But he never let Nolan fully comprehend what focusing his energy and love on Nolan had done to save his own soul.

“I know, but it’s time.” He took a deep breath and forged ahead, having found courage in the serene peace brought on by the field of grass.

“I grew up in a small town. Nolan knows this part. My attraction to men had me thinking I was gay, so that was how I identified. Small town, gay teenage boy…we know how that story goes. But when I continuously felt attracted to women, I became confused. I thought, maybe I wasn’t gay; maybe I was just a confused man who appreciated the beauty in life and all its creatures. Being from a small town, the main driving force was religion. I swear there were two churches on every square block. Didn’t matter which division of Christianity you followed, we had a church for it.

“A man, a preacher, convinced me that I had the touch of Christ in me. He told me that I understood the beauty of the world because God had given me that gift. I decided to study under him and become a preacher. But it wasn’t long into my training that the preacher who told me about my gift started experimenting with my so-called gifts.”

Lore started, angry on his behalf. “Kieran, did he—”

“I was an adult, twenty-two at the time. No, he didn’t do anything I didn’t want. But he had a wife and two kids and, shit, I just couldn’t help myself.” He’d been such a naive idiot then. “He was the beauty I saw in the world, this one man who so believed in the wisdom he preached to his congregation. All the while we were fucking in the choir loft when we were supposed to be planning community events for youth groups or whatever.

“I loved him so much…he was everything. Seeing him and learning from him made my world make sense.” He took another deep breath, preparing himself for the part Nolan hadn’t completely heard, worrying what his longtime lover would think of it. Shit, how could he have kept this from him for so long?

“One day, before he was supposed to give a sermon, we were diggin’ deep into each other in his office, too full of one another to stop, when his wife walked in. She screamed, alerted the whole congregation, people came and saw—they saw me on top of him, our pants down. They blamed me. Said I attacked him.”

“Shit, Kier—” Kieran pressed a hand against Nolan’s chest when Nolan would have comforted him, keeping him at bay until he completed the story. He couldn’t take anything from Nolan until he’d finished.

“Robert, the preacher, didn’t say anything to tell them otherwise, to defend me. He went along with it, that I attacked him. I ran. I ran so far and so fast I had barely a penny to my name when I finally ended up in California. I was messed up, lived on the street for a while…did things for money when I couldn’t withstand the starvation anymore.”

Nolan cursed and tried to come to him again, but Kieran kept him away, needing to finish. Lore‘s face was a quiet mask, carefully concealing her true feelings. Was she disgusted?

“Kier, please, I love you,” Nolan pleaded.

“Let me finish; please, it’s important.” Nolan clearly didn’t like it, but he sat back and waited for Kieran to tell the rest of his story. In a surprising gesture of comfort, Lore reached out and intertwined Nolan’s fingers with her own and nodded at Kieran to continue. He grinned grimly in thanks, knowing that for all her stoicism and flat expressions, she felt. She was a storm inside as Nolan was a storm on the outside. This was just how she dealt with shit, and that was okay. He continued.

“In a bizarre twist of fate, it was a preacher who found me and took me in, gave me a place to stay and helped me find work. He helped me find art.” At that, Kieran let himself get lost in the memory, remembering the kind man’s joyful smile when he saw the first prints Kieran had successfully developed himself. Shit, they’d been terrible. Except one. He’d captured the timeless image of a man holding his grandson’s hand as they walked down the Santa Monica pier. Life, death, and rebirth. The circle went on and on and was something Kieran had always found endless beauty in.

“He recognized my potential and helped me understand that Robert had been right about one thing, I did see the world for the beauty it held. I just needed a proper guide to help me show the rest of the world what I saw. He also recognized my bisexuality for what it was. He didn’t judge me, just helped me become who I am today.” Kieran looked at Lore, wanting her to understand, recognizing the pain and resentment she felt toward whomever or whatever was holding her back from them. “But most importantly he taught me the value of forgiveness. I’m still working on it, forgiving Robert for what he did to me, how he made me ashamed of who I am and what I felt. But how can I live, day in and day out, when the emotion I’m primarily ruled by is hatred and bitterness? I won’t do it. I need to be more, feel more. I made a resolution to be me and to love me, no matter what I’ve done in the past.”

“I will love you,” Nolan growled, edging forward on the blanket and not letting Kieran push him off any longer. “Forever. Fuck what that bastard made you think about yourself. You are the most admirable, inspiring man I’ve ever known. I would have let my heart shrivel and break into a million fucking pieces if it weren’t for you.”

“Meeting you made me understand who I am.” He turned from Nolan to Lore, a hesitant and almost embarrassed look on her face replacing the calm from moments ago. “And you helped me overcome the last hurdle, helped me understand my power to love.”

“To love?” she whispered, her hands wringing in her lap and her gaze focused downward.

He tipped her chin up so he could look into blue fogged with unshed tears. “To love. I love you, Lore.” It felt so good to finally say it, to let everything from his past go and embrace the people of his future.

“And I love you,” Nolan said to Lore, his handsome face alight with joy as he ran his hand through her hair.

“I—” she began, but Kieran didn’t want to put any pressure on her.

“You don’t need to—”

“I know what I do and don’t need to do. I know—” she burst out, almost angrily, dislodging his fingers from her chin. “But I also know I’ve never felt so free in my adult life since I met you both, since you basically stalked me into going to dinner with you.” She shook her head and shrugged as if she were shedding a layer of skin. “I love you for that, for how you make me feel, for how you make me see the world and all its stupid possibilities.” Her breath hitched. “You make me better. I didn’t want to be fixed, didn’t think I needed to be fixed. But you assholes did it anyway.”

Lore pulled Kieran into a deep kiss, framing his face and carding her fingers through his hair, tugging him in tighter and tighter. Nolan moved behind Kieran and pulled his shirt up over his head, forcing them to break their kiss. A good thing as they were both gasping for breath by the time they separated, too fixated on one another to see the rest of the world—that is until Nolan came into their sight.

Kieran reached for the hem on Lore’s shirt. He tore it away with little care for the garment. He just needed to see her naked and bare under the hot sun. Kieran needed to feel Nolan behind him, his chest rubbing Kieran’s back as he took Kieran’s ass. A new thought came to mind, and his gaze snapped up to Lore’s from where her hands were pulling off her bra. He knew what he wanted.

“I want you between us. I want to feel Nolan’s cock inside you with mine. Can I have that? Will you give that to us?”

They had played with Lore’s ass in small quantities, doing nothing that would overwhelm her. He didn’t know if she would say yes, and he would never force her, but he desperately wanted her to say yes. There was trepidation in her face, but Lore smiled anyway, rubbing her hands up and down his chest. It was a seductive little smile that drove him mad, quirking her red lips up at the corners.

“You can have whatever you want from me, both of you. I
love
you.”

Kieran grinned and grabbed her by the hips, taking her to the ground. Nolan worked on relieving both of them of their pants while Kieran pulled at Lore’s shorts, kissing and licking her skin as he went. His body was on fire, and the only ones capable of giving him relief were by his side. As he touched every portion of her body he could get his hands on, her words echoed in his mind over and over.
I love you. I love you. Love.

LORE FELT NOLAN’S hand stroke her pussy once he was done disrobing them, making her moan. She didn’t recognize the hoarseness in her own voice. The devastating need she felt for the two men surrounding her made her heart pound, made her anxious to take and be taken.

“Now,” she demanded, too eager to play any games. She was anxious for what she knew would be slightly painful, but she wanted it more than she feared it.

“Be patient.” Nolan chuckled, leaning away for a second before positioning them, Nolan on the bottom, his cock jutting out hard and thick, waiting for her pussy to surround it. Kieran moved behind her. His slightly thinner cock would be easier to take from behind. And all of a sudden the nerves took over, making her afraid of something sexual since, well…ever.

Nolan must have seen or sensed her trepidation. He framed her face and pulled her down so she lay on top of him, skin to naked skin, his curly chest hairs tickling and stimulating her nipples.

“Don’t be afraid. We’re here. We’d never hurt you, and we love you.”

“I know,” she whispered back, kissing his sensual mouth like it was the first time, enjoying his striking taste as though it were the last.

Then Kieran was behind her, smoothing his hands up and down her back in a methodical massage. She was thankful that he cared so much to take the time and let her feel every small sensation this moment offered. But at the same time, she wanted him just to do it, to take her at the exact moment Nolan pushed inside her.

“Kieran, that feels so good,” she moaned, arching up into his hands as Nolan’s length rubbed against her wet pussy, teasing her with what she wanted and what was just out of reach.

“Yeah?” Kieran asked in a murmur, rubbing her back harder, his cock sidled right along her ass, teasing her in the same manner Nolan’s cock teased her pussy. It was almost alarming, having two sizable cocks thrusting and teasing her, making her shake with need.

“Yeah,” she answered, thrusting back against his cock, reminding him what waited. “But I need more. I need you both inside me.”

The naked lust in her voice brought the men away from their hypnosis, as she called the state when they became lost in her body. It was flattering and stimulating to be sure, but she wanted the chance to revel in their bodies as well.