A Miracle of Hope (The Amish Wonders Series) (37 page)
“Neither.”
“Josiah, you’re
nett
changing your mind about going.” Lindie’s tone came out forceful.
“Wait until
after
I see
Doktah
Cole. I don’t want them to get their hopes up too.”
Lindie wasn’t going to quarrel with him. First she had to get him on the bus. Until now, her sole focus had been on Josiah’s new treatment option. She hadn’t considered what it would be like to return to Middlefield—married.
L
indie leaned her head against the windowpane of the bus. It seemed as though they’d been traveling for days when they hadn’t even crossed the Mackinac Bridge yet. Instead of blue open water, the straits appeared iced-over. So many things had changed since the northbound trip she made with Eli four months ago.
The baby’s sharp kick to the ribs followed by a stiff blow to the bladder caused her to wince. Shifting on the seat proved only a temporary fix. The baby kicked again, this time harder. She repositioned herself once more.
“What are you so antsy about?” Josiah’s eyes traveled over her and stopped on her hand holding her belly. “Is the
boppli
kicking?”
“Jah.”
She smiled, hoping it covered her worry. Traveling such a long distance during her last trimester wasn’t wise, but it wasn’t avoidable either. The baby’s activity had increased dramatically just recently. She rubbed her belly.
Don’t arrive too early
. She whispered the same thing to the baby a few days ago when she’d grown so uncomfortable it seemed like she might deliver in
Cedar Ridge. Baby arrivals were unpredictable. Delivering on a bus would ruin everything.
The bus rattled over the bridge, jiggling her bladder. If memory served her, on the northbound trip they stopped about an hour before the bridge. She hoped her bladder could hold for another hour. She winced again. It didn’t help that Hannah had fallen asleep with her head on Lindie’s lap.
“I’ll get her to move.” Josiah nudged Hannah’s shoulder.
Smiling sweetly, Hannah turned, but toward Lindie. If it weren’t for the child being deaf, she would have thought Hannah was trying to listen to the baby the way she held her ear pressed against Lindie. The kicking stopped and Lindie’s breathing eased.
Josiah closed his eyes. Since he had started taking the appetite-stimulating medicine and was eating three meals a day again, he’d regained some of his strength. Still, sitting upright for so long had to be difficult.
His seat beside the window was drafty even though the farther south they traveled, the less snow was on the ground. March was only days away. Margaret would need help tilling and planting the garden. Her sister-in-law usually sold seeds and rhubarb bulbs in early spring, so Lindie looked forward to helping with the roadside stand.
The mud-tinged snow from the heavy traffic always made it look gloomy. Still, the scenery wasn’t as dismal today as she remembered it being on the day she rode the bus north. Dejected and unsure of her future, she’d wept most of that trip. Eli had tried so hard to reassure her about Josiah.
I promise my name, not my heart
. . .
She remembered not wanting to look Josiah in the eye, and how he’d offered to buy her a ticket home. She had wanted to
stay, but for the wrong reasons. Living another state away from her attacker was worth agreeing to any marital terms. An icy chill sped down her spine. She didn’t want to remember why she left Ohio.
Focus on Josiah
.
She inhaled as deeply as she could, held her breath, then released it slowly, letting her body go limp in the process.
Things were different. She was with Josiah. Married. In love. Safe.
The bus pulled into the station late. The sudden flash of overhead lights inside the bus caused Lindie to squint. She shielded her eyes from the glare, giving them time to adjust. Hannah did the same.
Lindie gathered Hannah’s sketch pad and the cloth sack she’d packed their lunches in, along with the small quilt they’d shared to keep warm.
Josiah lumbered stiffly down the bus aisle, Hannah and Lindie following. Eli met them on the platform. Her brother took one look at Josiah and ushered him and Hannah to the
Englisch
neighbor’s van. Lindie waited for the baggage.
Eli returned from the passenger pickup area. “It’s hard to believe that is Josiah,” he said, shaking his head.
“He’s lost weight.”
“Jah.”
Eli nodded. “I thought for a moment he was wearing some type of talc on his face he looked so white.”
“Wait until you see him in better light.” She eyed the baggage as the workers unloaded the underneath storage compartment of the bus.
“Margaret fixed up the
grossdaadi haus
so he will be able to rest uninterrupted.”
“Denki.”
She wished she could offer a happier greeting, but she was exhausted.
“How are you feeling?”
“Tired. Fat.” She cracked a smile and tapped her belly. “Six weeks to go is all.”
“It seems like you’ve been away longer.”
“I suppose.”
He scratched the back of his neck, shifted his feet, then took a few aimless steps in a large circle and stopped. He opened his mouth, but closed it. Instead of speaking, he stroked his beard.
She’d seen this look before, he was struggling to form his questions. “I suppose you’re wondering if
mei
arranged marriage was the right decision,” she said. “
Jah
, it was. You were right about Josiah. He is kind and gentle and has never once treated me harshly.”
“Some of your letters were
nett
so . . .”
“I know. I was homesick and feeling out of place, but I adjusted eventually.”
“No regrets?”
She shook her head. “
Nett
one.” Her eyes widened. “Speaking of letters, I need to mail a note to Simon so he knows we arrived safely.” She rummaged through her handbag and removed the letter she had already written and addressed.
“There’s a mailbox next to the building,” Eli said.
She spotted their bags as the attendant set them on the concrete slab and pointed them out to her brother, who collected the two suitcases. Lindie deposited the letter in the slot on their way to the van.
“Thanks for picking us up this late, George,” Lindie said,
climbing in through the sliding side door. Judging from George’s double take, her pending motherhood surprised him. If this was how the neighbors would react, what would the members say? She hadn’t been gone that long. The math was simple enough to figure out that she was pregnant when she left. It wouldn’t be easy to face everyone again. Would Josiah be strong enough to endure the gossip?
“Your husband mentioned you’ll need a ride to Cleveland the day after next. That isn’t a problem for me. Just let me know what time you need to be there and I’ll pick you up.”
“It’s an early appointment.” She would ask Josiah, but his head bobs indicated he was almost asleep. She would dig through the paperwork later for the exact time.
Their elderly neighbor merged into traffic.
Eli, sitting in the front seat, must have noticed Josiah trying to sleep. He said very little and mostly to George, asking about the road conditions.
The ground had only patches of snow. The roads shimmered as if they were wet. Probably slippery in patches too, if the freezing temperature blinking on George’s dashboard was correct.
Lindie looked over her shoulder at Hannah buckled into the far backseat. Her heavy eyelids closed briefly, then shot open. The child wouldn’t be able to fight sleep much longer with the vents blasting hot air. Lindie yawned. Hopefully Margaret would save her greetings until morning. Lindie wanted to go straight to bed.
Sometime later the hum of the engine cut off. The interior lights came on at the same time an opened door dinged. Josiah repositioned himself from the slumped angle he’d fallen asleep in. Lindie tapped Hannah. No use signing they’d arrived, since the girl’s eyes were still closed.
“I’ll carry Hannah,” Eli offered.
Lindie was grateful. She wasn’t supposed to lift anything, and even though Hannah was small for her age, Josiah wasn’t steady on his feet.
Margaret met them outside for a brief hug. “I’ll talk with you in the morning,” she said. “I just wanted to say hello tonight.”
George unloaded the baggage and they all ambled toward the
grossdaadi haus
.
Once inside, Eli lowered Hannah onto an already made-up cot in the bedroom. He and Josiah talked a little about the wood supply for the potbelly stove, then her brother and George left.
Lindie changed into her nightdress and slipped under the covers next to Josiah. She remembered closing her eyes, then waking to the rooster’s crow.
It took a moment for Josiah’s eyes to adjust to the sunshine streaming through the window. He glanced at the empty spot beside him. Across the room, the cot Hannah had slept on was also empty. He squinted at the wall clock.
Noon?
It must need batteries. He’d never slept this late.
Josiah climbed out of bed. His legs wobbled beneath him. He made it as far as the footboard and had to hold on to it for support. Pathetic. The long bus ride yesterday had left him weak. He scanned the room for his clothes and groaned under his breath. What did Lindie expect him to do, leave the
grossdaadi haus
in his long johns to find his clothes? He barely had the energy to climb out of bed.
The door creaked open and Lindie poked her head inside. “You’re up?”
“And
nett
dressed.”
She entered the room, a stack of clothes in her hands. “So I see.” Her eyes twinkled as her careful inspection traveled from his eyes to his bare chest and down to his toes.
If he wasn’t so drained, he would take advantage of her flirting and convince her to return to bed. Then again, weakness was only a state of mind. He crossed the room with more drive than he knew he had and cupped her face in his hands. “You think it’s funny that you stole
mei
clothes?” He leaned closer and parted her lips with his.
He pulled away from the kiss. A whoosh of light-headedness threatened to buckle his knees. He reached for the ladder-back chair against the wall and sat. His muscles limp—spent.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her voice panicky.
No, he wasn’t. What good was he if he couldn’t spend a few intimate moments with his wife? He rubbed his face where his beard had been. His jaw’s smooth texture mocked him as a husband.
“Josiah?”
“I’m fine,” he said sharply.
Lindie set the stack of clothes on the bed and rushed to his side. She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him a gentle pat. “Let me help you back to bed.”
“Nay.”
Didn’t she know how humbling it was already? A wretched state he was in, losing his breath this way. Had his knees buckled he would have fallen to the floor. She wouldn’t have been able to get him up, and he would have been subjected to Eli picking him up in nothing but his long johns. He wasn’t strong enough to stand for long, much less kiss her like he wanted.
Josiah pushed off the chair. Despite the piercing ringing in
his ears, he lumbered to the bed and sat on the edge of the mattress. He took a deep breath and reached for his clothes.
Lindie crossed her arms in a self-hug, then spun toward the window, but not before he caught sight of her eyes glistening with tears.
He finished dressing and came up behind her, placing his hands on her arms. “I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I can’t do anything right either.” He kissed her ear, then rested his chin on her shoulder. “I haven’t been much of a husband lately.”
“Don’t say that.” Her voice squeaked and she tilted her head upward and stared at the ceiling.
Her bare neck elongated. Josiah leaned closer, taking in the fresh soap scent on her creamy skin. What was he going to do, start something he couldn’t finish? He needed to talk with Eli and take care of why he allowed Lindie to convince him to come here in the first place.
T
he following day Josiah walked out of the doctor’s office knowing what a pincushion felt like. Poked and prodded for what? The outcome never changed. He was still dying. Doctor Cole wasn’t any more optimistic of the time Josiah had left than Doctor Ethridge had been.