A Matter of Trust: Follow Your Heart (2 page)

Chapter 3

When Doug got back early the next morning, Allison was
sitting up in bed.  She was obviously battered, but in good spirits, helped by
a shower and a hair brush, and greeted him with a smile with only a bit of
reserve in it. He offered her the clothes he had brought:  black lace panties
and bra, a charcoal pencil line skirt and a silk shirt in a delicate shade of
mauve, apologizing once again that they weren’t up to the level of what she’d
been wearing the day before, but were at least clean and whole. “I had to guess
the sizes, too; they may be a bit too big, but I thought it best to err in that
direction rather than the other.”

Allison’s eyes brightened at the sight of the clothes.
She had
not
relished the thought of putting on what she’d been wearing
the night before. “I hope whoever’s clothes they are is OK with this,” she
said, “but they are about my size, which is lucky.”

“She’s long gone,” he said. “Don’t
worry.”                    

His reply raised a number of questions and not a few
danger signals in Allison’s mind, but she pushed them aside.  “Did you get
ahold of June?”

“Unfortunately nobody answered,” he replied. “I tried
several times last night and again this morning.”

“Oh, of course.”  Allison belatedly remembered that
June was on a business trip to Denver and wouldn’t be back until the weekend. 
“I’m sorry. She’s away.  I’d forgotten. Thanks for trying.”

“If you get out this morning, you’re going to need
some help with transportation.  I can give you a lift to a car rental place; if
you’d like.  I’m sorry I can’t take you home, but I’ve a trial coming up later
this morning.”

This actually came as a relief to Allison, who was
wondering how to terminate things without causing offence.   Despite her
growing degree of comfort in his company, she did
not
want him to know
where she lived.  She’d been out of the control of the situation for too long. 
“Oh, I wouldn’t let you do that anyway. You’ve gone to far too much trouble and
spent far too much time on me already.”

“Well, if the doctor doesn’t delay too long before
going on his rounds, I’ll stay until I hear his verdict.  Then if he springs
you, I’m in place to offer the promised lift.”

Allison figured she had to resign herself to that, and
wasn’t as upset at the thought as she thought she should be.

“While we’re waiting, maybe you could fill me in on
your life, if you feel up to it. I talked a lot about myself last night, but
it’s not my favorite subject, actually – too boring.  Besides, I think it’s
your turn – if you don’t mind, that is.”

Allison did mind, but really it would be too churlish
to refuse completely.  “I own and manage a dress shop. I was headed for a
fashion show in Little Rock when my tire blew.  I’m a native of Arkansas,
growing up first in Warm Springs and then in Little Rock.  I got a BA in design
at the University of Arkansas, but decided that running a shop was less
stressful than designing clothes, though once in a while I get an idea that I
make real. “

“When were you at the U of A?”

“Let’s see - 2005 to 2009.”

“We were there together for a couple of years. I’m
sorry we didn’t meet. I didn’t mix much. I lived at home with my mother and had
to work for my school expenses, so I didn’t have much time or energy for
socializing.”

“I wasn’t really the BMOC myself. To be honest, it
took all
my
time and energy just to keep up with my studies.  I’m not
exactly the brightest pixel on the screen, to tell you truth. I make my way as
a lawyer on my great prowess as an actor or something,” he added with a wry
grin.  “I was Haemon when we did Anouilh’s ‘Antigone’; that taught me how to do
it.”

“Oh, I saw that; it was great.” Allison was charmed;
she had to admit it. A man who could make fun of himself just didn’t fit into
her stereotyped ideas about men. “But I don’t remember you exactly.”

“Oh,” he said with an exaggerated look of reproach. “I
was expecting you to say, “
You
were great! I’m hurt.”

They both laughed.  Allison couldn’t remember when
she’d laughed so naturally in a conversation with a man.

At that point the doctor came in and Doug went into
the corridor while he examined Allison.  When the doctor came out, he said,
“She’s fit as a fiddle. She can go home.”

Doug was both relieved and sorry.  He was glad she was
OK, but wanted to see more of her, and didn’t quite know how he was going to
manage it.  He went back in the room and told her he’d wait outside while she
got dressed.  When she emerged, he was relieved to see that the clothes he’d
brought both fitted and suited her.  “Now, I’m seeing the real you,” he offered
with a smile.

Allison stiffened just a little and almost immediately
relaxed – not, however, before Doug noticed the tension.  “You should be so
lucky,” she replied more sharply than she intended.

 
This lady has some real problems with guys,
he
thought.
 Maybe it’s just as well if we don’t go on with it,
Doug
thought. He took her to the garage, where as it turned out she was also able to
hire a clunker if she let them do the repairs.  That was so convenient that she
readily agreed, and was supplied with a beat up Chevy.   Doug waited while she
signed the necessary papers, and then took his leave, giving her his card. “If
you need anything, don’t hesitate to call,” he said.

“Thanks again for all your help. I don’t know what I
would have done without it.”

“It was a pleasure to be of help.”  With that, he
walked out of her life. At least that’s what they both thought.

Chapter 4

Neither Doug nor Allison could let the whole encounter
fade into memory, however.  Allison was intrigued. She had to admit that she’d
enjoyed Doug’s company.  He was so relaxed and unthreatening that her normal
defensive spikes had been absent – at least partly.  In fact, she had to admit
that she was lonely. June, whom she had met at the U of A was a good friend
when she was around, but she often wasn’t and quite often she was involved with
some man or other and tended to concentrate on him.  Other than June, there was
nobody Allison was close to. Her mother had died the previous spring, and
anyway she had never forgiven her mother for not believing her about the abuse,
so the relationship had been less than warm. And her negative feelings about
men tended to intrude into friendships with other women.   She had buried
herself in her work, which she enjoyed, but which was beginning to give her
less satisfaction now that the success of the shop was assured. 

Besides, she felt she owed Doug at least a lunch or
something for all his help. She had tossed his card in her purse, intending to
toss it out when she got home, but now she wondered if perhaps she ought to use
it to get in touch.

Doug had little hope that she
would
use the
number on his business card, and he was resigned to that, but he couldn’t get
her out of his mind.  She wasn’t the most beautiful woman he knew, but she was
definitely the least artificial. In his circle, he was the most eligible bachelor,
and lots of women had made a play for him, which was OK for short sexual
relationships, but ultimately boring. There was nothing like that with Allison.
If anything she had tried to hold him off, but even that was done with a kind
of restrained honesty and consideration.

 So it was with considerable surprise two weeks later
that he heard her voice on the other end of the phone line, asking him to lunch
at the Double Tree Hotel the following Sunday.  “I really want to do something
to say how grateful I am for your help.  I feel I was less than gracious at the
time.”

He accepted without even having to think about it. 
“I’d like that,” he said. “What time?”

“How about 12:30?”

“That’s perfect. See you then.”  
Well,
he
thought when he hung up.
Wonders never cease.

In preparation for the lunch, he did two things. First
he went out to Lonoke to look at her shop. It was obviously classy and equally
obviously, very successful.  That dispelled the faint suspicion that she might
be after his money.
Very faint!
He thought to himself, but it’s better
to be sure. He’d had plenty of experience of women who
were
after him
for that reason.  Secondly, he did a thorough clean up at his apartment, which
was quite close to the Double Tree.  He was quite sure that any invitation
would be rebuffed, but it was better to be prepared just in case. It certainly
wasn’t in the expectation of a fling that he’d accepted her invitation, but
because he wanted to get to know her better.

Allison, on her part, almost immediately regretted having
made the date.  What on earth had she thought she was doing? She didn’t want to
have anything to do with men. Nothing! But Doug was a different sort of man. Or
was he?  She was so nervous that she began chewing her fingernails, something
she’d stopped doing years ago, and had to resort to false ones to keep her
hands from looking like she was a farmer or something.

When they met in the lounge at the Double Tree, they
were both nervous and the conversation was strained.

 Allison blurted out immediately that she’d made the
invitation out of gratitude, which wasn’t the best opening for relaxed
conversation.  Doug got the message, which was that Allison didn’t really want
to be with him, but was determined to be civil and polite.  He recognized that
Allison had relationship issues that didn’t really have anything to do with him
as a person.  He asserted once again that he had just been doing his duty to
his fellow human – nothing more – and that no great gratitude was in order. 
Allison got the message too, which was that Doug didn’t really have a concern
for
her
as a person, and felt a fool for thinking that maybe, just
maybe, he was someone who could be her friend.

As soon as the waiter told them their table was ready,
they hurried into the dining room and sat down.  Even before they sat down,
Doug ordered a double martini and Allison a Tom Collins.

 The totally meaningless social dialogue that ensued
lasted until near the end of the meal, when the drinks with which they had
begun it began to lower barriers and smooth over silences.  It was Doug who
dipped his toes in the alien water first.   “Allison, I’d like to get to know
you better.  I think behind the mask you’re wearing that there’s a person I
could relate to.

Allison recoiled. “I can’t think what you mean.  What
mask are you talking about? I’m just a very private person who prefers to keep
her private thoughts to myself.  I don’t lay myself out for any passing man to
tread on.”

Emboldened by the martini and the thought that after
all he had nothing to lose, Doug took the bull by the horns.  “But I’m not just
a passing man and I don’t want to tread on you.  I just want to walk side by
side with you for a bit.  No requirements, no commitments, no consequences, no
obligations, no secret agendas. I’m not trying to get into your pants either; I
just think we could learn to like each other, and nobody has enough people to
like, don’t you agree?”

Allison remained silent for a long moment.  This was
not the way she had planned the conversation.  Doug was rushing his fences,
suggesting more than she wanted suggested, and taking the lead in a direction
she wasn’t at all sure she wanted to go.  The barriers came crashing down. 
“No,” she said. “I don’t think there’s any future in that.  I’m grateful to you
for your help, and that’s the full extent of it.”

Doug beat a strategic retreat. “OK, Allison, if that’s
the way you want it. I certainly don’t want to bully you in any way.  If
‘goodbye’ is what you want, ‘goodbye’ is what it shall be.  The ball’s in your
court.  If you need more help contact me. If you’re just lonely, contact me. If
you think we might enjoy doing something together, contact me.”

He signaled the waiter, asking for the bill. They
waited in silence for it, Allison fiddling with the car keys in her pocket and
Doug just drumming his fingers on the table, but when the waiter placed the
bill in front of Doug, they both reached for it and in the process touched
hands.  Allison reacted violently. “No,” she said, “this is my treat! And don’t
touch me!”

 Doug recoiled as if he’d been slapped.  “OK! OK! “I
get the picture!” he said, grabbed his keys off the table and left without
further ado.

Allison was in such turmoil that she could scarcely
summon the composure to take out her credit card and place it with the bill in
the folder for the waiter to collect. It had all been a mistake: unnecessary
and unpleasant. She should have left well enough alone. She’s known it wasn’t
any use and that the faint attraction she felt for Doug was better ignored. She
didn’t need a male friend. She didn’t want a male friend. She was just fine as
she was.  As soon as the waiter came back and she had signed the slip she
rushed out to the parking lot, found her car, put her key in the lock, and
found that it wouldn’t unlock the door.  Frantically she tried again, but to no
avail.  It was impossible! She’d driven to the hotel in this car.  She checked
and made sure that she’d got the right car.  She tried the key again. It still
didn’t work.  Baffled, she collapsed on the curb and began to sob.

When Doug heard her sobs, he found her.  “Allison,”

Without even looking up, recognizing his voice, she
said, “Go away. I don’t need your help!”

Suddenly furious, Doug blurted out, “You may not need
my help, but I sure as hell need
yours
! And if you’ll just listen two
seconds, you’ll know how wrong you are! You’ve got my car keys!  And unless I’m
wrong, I’ve got yours!”

Allison, after a stunned minute of silence, looked at
the keys in her hand.  The car key looked just like hers, but the two small
keys on the ring definitely weren’t.  Looking up at the keys Doug was handing
out to her, she could see that he was right.  How could that have happened?  It
must have been in the confusion when they were ordering drinks and getting
seated at the same time.

“I’m sorry!” they said in unison.  “My fault!”

At this absurdity, and in the relief that the problem
was solved, they both had to laugh. The tension between them drained away and
for the first time they looked at each other and began to laugh again. 

“I suppose you thought I had taken yours so I could
hit on you again”, said Doug as a joke that wasn’t 100% joke.

“No,” said Allison, and surprising herself, added, “I
know you’re not that sort. “ And, in fact, she realized she wasn’t telling a polite
lie. She
did
know he wasn’t that sort. She’d known it from the time he
visited her at the hospital. “No, I thought I’d got the wrong car, and when I
saw my sweater on the seat, I didn’t think anything. It was just too much.  
I’m such a wuss!”

“No, not at all; you’re not a wuss at all.  Anybody
could have done the same. You were upset and not thinking straight.  And
that,
Allison, really
was
my fault.  I pushed you too far. I should have known
better. I knew from the moment I had to put my arm around you to get you out of
the car, you had issues with males getting too close.”

“No, I panicked. You’re right! I don’t like to be
touched. It’s neurotic and I hate it, but I can’t seem to
not
hate it.  
I’m not ready to tell you why. Maybe you can guess a reason.  But as soon as
the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them.  It took me three seconds to
know that it had been an accident, but by that time you were on your way. It
was nobody’s fault.”

“Sorry, I had my little fit of temper. I’m not used to
women being frightened of me.”

“I wasn’t frightened of
you.
It could have been
anybody’s hand, even the waiter’s.

There was a silence and Allison realized that she had
told Doug more about herself than she’d ever told another man. 
What’s come
over me?”
 

Doug, too, was pretty sure that Allison was opening
the shutters just that little bit, and took courage.  “Look, Allison,” he said,
“Couldn’t we start over?  We’re both lonely.  We both need a friend.  You said,
‘I know you’re not that sort.’  You’re right, I’m
not
that sort.  It’s
not your body I’m interested in.  Not that it isn’t an attractive body, don’t
misunderstand me, but it’s not my priority at the moment.  To be perfectly
honest, my address book is full of beautiful willing bodies.  What I’m interested
in is your heart.” 
Well, that does it, a speech to make any shy girl fall
at my feet! A final speech for the defense.

When Allison said nothing, he carried on. “You’re a
wounded person. I know that.  And to be honest, I’m not unscarred myself. I’m
as anxious to avoid emotional violence as you are. And that means I have to be
very
careful and go
very slowly. That’s OK. I’m not in a hurry. If we end up
friends, it will have been worth waiting for.  I’m sure of it.”

Allison was frightened.  And disturbed.  And
conflicted.  For 15 years she’d built her life on the premise that she must
stay away from males. Even after her attempt at a lesbian fling was a
humiliating failure, she had made a decision and had stuck to it. Doug was
asking her to overcome deeply ingrained habits and to risk tearing open old
wounds that had scarred over.  But she wanted to accept what he suggested. She
sighed and looked up into eyes that were clearly full of compassion, and said,
“Yes. Let’s try. But don’t get your hopes up too high.”