A Little Rhine Must Fall (12 page)

“Yeah. Like, am I aging? Do I look my age?”

I saw a trapped look in his eye. He was clearly thinking, “Is this one of those trick questions?
Is
there a right answer? What should I say?”

“You look great, hon,” he said carefully.

I stamped my foot, irritated. “I don’t want stupid compliments. Do I look older than the day you married me?”

“Umm,” he cast a desperate look at the bathroom door, telegraphing the desire to run. He tried to pull himself together, still not at his mental best. “You look just as beautiful as the day I married you.”

I narrowed my eyes and felt wicked satisfaction when he took a step back in terror. “That’s
not
what I asked.” Deep inside I knew that I was being supremely unfair. Not only had I ambushed him first thing in the morning, before he had a chance to truly wake up, but I was also picking a fight for no reason other than I was in a bad mood.

Mark was picking up on my anger and getting mad himself. “What do you want me to say?” he snapped.

I ground my teeth together. How dare he take that tone of voice with me? “You think I look old, don’t you!” Huh? That didn’t even make sense to me. I
wanted
to look older. If I looked older it meant that I wasn’t immortal and was at least
somewhat
normal. So, why was I picking a fight over this? What was wrong with me?

“Why are you in such a bad mood?” Mark demanded.

Bad mood! I’d show
him
bad mood! No! No, I wouldn’t! I would stop this. I would apologize. I opened my mouth to tell him I was sorry. “You wish you’d never married me!” was what came out.

“What is your problem?” he growled. “All I wanted to do was brush my teeth, not get attacked by a crazy woman!”

“Crazy woman! Crazy woman!?” My voice was hitting upper registers.

“Yeah!” he yelled back. “
Crazy
woman!”

“There’s no need to
yell
at me!” I screamed.

“I’m not yelling!” he yelled back. “I’m speaking in a normal voice.
You’re
the one who’s yelling!”

“You’re a jerk!” I shot back.

“You’re an emotional whiner!”

“Whiner!?
Whiner!?
”

“You must be getting old! You’re starting to have hearing problems!”

I was shaking with rage. “You’re a … you’re a … you’re a …” I couldn’t think of anything sufficiently awful enough to express my loathing for him. “You’re a
monster!
” It wasn’t too bright as insults go, so I had to supplement it with stalking out of the bathroom and slamming the door behind me.

I sat on the bed and tried to stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. I was a wreck. It had to be the pregnancy hormones. I
was
acting like a loony-toon, but I
was not
going to be the first person to apologize. I waited on the bed. No Mark. A couple of minutes later I heard the shower start. Irgh. Jerk. I was out here crying on the bed and he couldn’t care less. Fine. If that was how we were going to play it, that’s the way it would be.

I managed to be elsewhere when he came out of the shower and nipped into the bathroom and locked the door behind me while he was in the closet finding his shoes. He tried the doorknob and then rapped gently on the door. “Piper?” he called tentatively.

I pretended that I was washing my hair and couldn’t hear him.

“Piper? I’m sorry,” he called.

I thought about answering.

“You’re just so hard to understand sometimes,” he explained.

I stuck out my tongue at the door. What a jerk. That wasn’t an apology. That was an insult. I stuck my head under the shower and yelled, “I can’t hear you!”

“I said, I’m sorry!” he yelled back. “I have no idea what I said to make you mad.” He paused for a moment, then asked, “Is it that time of month?”

Oh, sure. Blame it on the hormones! I was completely forgetting that I
was
hormonal and not even making sense to myself. “No! I’m pregnant!” I yelled back. Yes. The perfect time to tell him. I was so glad I waited until the moment was special.

“What did you say? I can’t hear you through the door!” he yelled.

I wasn’t going to repeat myself. If he didn’t care to hear about his new baby then that was just his choice. I would handle this all on my own. I’d thought he would be excited about the pregnancy. He just didn’t understand. Obviously the man was a complete and heartless jerk.

Yes. I know that I was not making any sense at all. In some circles you might even call me “crazy.” People who have had the privilege of living in a house with a pregnant lady would say that was a redundant comment. Hormones make women do really stupid things. We just won’t admit it, and if you’re a man, don’t you dare suggest it to your wife.

I toweled off angrily and slammed out of the bathroom door. Mark was still standing there, looking apologetic. Nice work, buddy. Too little, too late! I marched past him, trying to remember
why
I was really mad to begin with. It didn’t matter. I was mad.

“Come on, Piper,” he pleaded. “I don’t want to fight.”

“
You
don’t want to fight?” I repeated icily. “Are you implying that
I
want to fight? That this is somehow all
my
fault?”

Mark is a good guy. He is patient and loving and a much better man than I deserve. But even an angel like Mark has his limits, and we had just reached them.

“Whatever,” he snapped. “I tried to be nice. I tried to apologize. You are being an irrational baby.” He picked up his briefcase, checked to make sure he had all his stuff and clicked it shut. “If you want to have an adult conversation, you know where to reach me.”

And with that he was out the door and gone and I was left to sit on the floor and sob.

He was right. I was wrong. I was being very childish and cranky. I should call him and apologize.

:So, what was that all about?:

I turned so fast I almost gave myself whiplash. Bastet was sitting on the bed, calmly grooming a paw.

“What are you doing here?” I rudely demanded.

She blinked at me.
:Oracle? Aliens? The moon? Is any of this ringing a bell?:

“I
did
all that!” I protested. “I did exactly what you told me to do. There were no aliens, so that was it. Case closed. Job done. You can go.”

She yawned and stared at spot over my left ear.
:We don’t think so:

I sighed. “I was afraid you were going to say that. Let me guess, you’re going to hang around for a while.”

:We thought we might:

Otis wandered into the room and came to an abrupt halt. I couldn’t tell if he really liked Bastet or was terrified of her. “Join the party, pal,” I told him.

:So, you told Mark you’re pregnant:
Bastet filled the awkward silence.

“Yeah,” I sniffed. “But he didn’t care.”

:We don’t think he could hear you:

“That’s beside the point.” I stood up angrily and wiped at my eyes. “He should have been listening more carefully.”

:Perhaps if you were to call him on his cell phone …:

“Really?” I shot her an ugly look. “I’m going to take marital advice from a
cat
?”

She huffed lightly and jumped down off the bed.
:Suit yourself. We’ll be here if you change your mind:

She gave a sinuous full-body rub to Otis. He was still frozen, only his eyes following her every move. As her tail gave him one last flick, she sauntered out of the room. He looked up at me in bewilderment. “Meow?”

“Tell me about it,” I agreed.

Maybe the obnoxious cat was right. I should call Mark. I was heading for my phone when the doorbell rang.

“Mommy!” a voice instantly yelled. Urgh. I have a very nice sign on the door that says “Don’t Ring the Doorbell” for just such a reason. I hadn’t finished my hair, or my makeup, and now I would have two little girls clambering for breakfast.

“I’m coming, honey!” I yelled across the house and hurriedly threw on some clothes. The doorbell rang again and again. “I’m coming!” I yelled again.

Harvey started to whine in his crate, I’d have to come back and walk him. The doorbell rang
again
. Who in the world would be at my door at eight o’clock in the morning? It had better be an emergency!

The doorbell rang a final time just as I was opening the door. A young woman stood there. She was two inches taller than me, with the same color hair, eyes, and complexion. She looked to be about five pounds lighter than me and was definitely two years older. How did I know this? She was my sister.

My mouth fell open in surprise. “Karen!”

Chapter Eleven:

Karen

Of all the people I expected to see at my door at eight o’clock in the morning, my older sister Karen was probably the least likely. My irritation at the doorbell faded instantly.

“Karen!” I hugged her. She was a little stiff at first but she put her arms around me and gave a tentative hug back. “What are you doing here?”

“Visiting?” she said.

I pulled her into the house. “I thought you were out in California!”

“I was.”

I cocked my head and studied her. Was she acting odd or was it just really early in the morning? She’d never been much of a morning person. I have been told that my exuberance and “awakeness” in the morning can be slightly irritating. Can I help the fact that I’m a morning person? No. I can’t. People (Mark) should just understand that and not be jerks about it.

“Are you okay?” I asked. “Is there something wrong? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming in to town?” A thought occurred to me. “Did you tell Mom? You know how Mom forgets everything. She never told me you were coming!”

“I just decided yesterday,” Karen said.

I gave her another hug. She was a little quicker to hug back. “I just can’t believe you’re here!” I smiled. “Hey! You’ll be here for your birthday! Right?”

She looked blank for a moment. “When is my birthday?”

I laughed. What a kidder. I ran through the dates in my head quickly. Sometimes I don’t know what day of the week it is, much less the date. “It’s tomorrow!” I realized. “We’ve got to have a party!”

“Party,” she repeated.

“Are you okay?” I asked again.

“Yes, everything is okay.” She smiled.

Harvey gave a pathetic little whine that was supposed to convey the idea that his bladder was going to burst if I didn’t let him go outside. Karen trailed after me into the kitchen.

“Have you had breakfast?” I called as I bent to open the dog crate. “Do you want some coffee?”

“Are
you
having coffee?” she asked.

I laughed. “I don’t start my day without coffee! I’m not addicted. I just don’t want to quit!”

She laughed politely.

Harvey instantly forgot that he had to go to the bathroom as soon as he was free and ran over to greet Karen. She stood still as he sniffed her legs and then jumped up to try and get a pet.

“Who is this?” she asked.

“That’s Harvey,” I said. “Come on, boy. Let’s go potty!” He reluctantly followed me into the backyard to do his business.

The girls were yelling for me when I came back in. “I’m coming!” I yelled. Karen was perched on a barstool, patiently waiting.

“Coffee’s coming up!” I promised. “I’ve got to get the girls up first.”

“Okay.”

I opened the kid gate and let Megan go to the bathroom while I changed Cassidy’s diaper.

“Do you want to sit on the potty?” I asked hopefully.

“Nope,” she said.

“
Big
girls sit on the potty,” I said.

“Not a big girl,” she said.

“
Big
girls get to wear princess panties,” I reminded her.

“No like princess panties. Like diapers.”

Well. There you have it. She would be the only freshman in college who was still wearing diapers.

“Mommy!” Megan yelled from the bathroom.

I stuck my head in the door. “Yes?”

She looked up at me seriously. “Sometimes when I’m sitting on the potty I think a giant spider is going to come in and get me.”

I nodded sagely. I had often had the same thought. Maybe because giant spiders
did
tend to hide until you were vulnerable and stuck with your pants down. “If a giant spider ever comes in the bathroom, you can call me,” I assured her, and added mentally, “and I will scream and call your father and
he
will come kill it.”

She smiled, safe in the knowledge that her mother would protect her.

“Is that all, honey?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“Can I wear my Ariel sweater?” she asked.

“No, honey. It’s too hot out for a sweater.”

“Can I wear my party dress?”

“You don’t need to wear a party dress.”

“I don’t have anything to wear!” she whined. This from the child whose drawers were jam packed full of clothes. Who was I to judge? I have also stood in the middle of my walk-in closet, surrounded by clothes, and wailed “I have nothing to wear!”

“I’ll find you something,” I promised.

Wardrobe drama finished, I finally made it out to the kitchen to make that coffee.

Bastet was sitting in the middle of the floor, studying Karen.

:Who is this?:

I opened my mouth to answer and realized people who carried on conversations with animals were sometimes locked up in padded cells.

“Hey, sis!” I greeted Karen.

:Oh. Your sister:
Bastet studied her some more.
:There’s something a little off about her:

I glared at her. I had been thinking the same thing, but that was different. I was her sister. I was allowed to be critical, she was not.

“Who is that?” Karen asked.

I grimaced. “That’s Bastet. She’s … a visiting cat.”

“Right.” Karen lost interest.

Megan and Cassidy came bounding into the room. “Say hello to your Aunt Karen,” I told them.

They both stopped and stared. It had been at least six months since the last time they had seen her. It was a toss-up whether they still remembered her. They must have decided that it didn’t matter because soon they were both up in her lap and telling her all about everything. I left them to it and made some breakfast.