A Light to My Path (39 page)

Land where our fathers died,
Land of the pilgrims’ pride
From every mountainside
Let freedom ring!

The choked voices sang on and on, verse after verse. Other slaves who knew the words joined in. Grady could no longer stop his tears from falling. He looked around and saw tears on every face. And when the song finally ended, the silence that followed it felt holy.

Later, there were speeches; Grady’s regiment sang; the band played. There was good food and laughter and joy on every face. But for Grady, that simple unplanned song, performed by unknown persons, remained the most powerful memory of that day.

His people’s souls had been unloosed—their hearts set free in song.

Great Oak Plantation
February 1863

Delia sat on the front step of the slave cabin, rocking little Rosa to sleep in her arms while three older children played near her feet. Delia had raised a lot of babies in her life, and except for her own daughter, they had all been white. But oh, how she’d grown to love these little slave babies with their dark brown eyes and smooth brown skin. It was hard work feeding and changing and chasing nearly a dozen children every day, with only Old Lucy to help her out. But sometimes in the evenings, when things quieted down, Delia had time to do what she loved best of all: tell stories to the older boys and girls. Her favorites all came from the Bible, of course, stories like Jonah and the whale or Daniel and the lions. These kids didn’t hardly know what lions were, and she was scared, at first, that she’d give them all nightmares by telling them.

“But there ain’t no lions around here,” she’d assured them.“Those lions are all living far away, in the land where us colored folk come from a long time ago.” Someday when the children were older, she would tell them about the land of the Mountain of Lions, where their ancestors came from. They needed to know.

This was a different life for Delia down here, much different from living in the Big House where it was warm and dry, with plenty to eat. Down here, she was cold and hungry much of the time, especially since she gave most of her own food away to the little ones. It broke her heart to see their little stomachs empty all the time. Yes, she knew that the Lord had sent her down here for a reason.

Little Rosa finally fell asleep in her arms. Delia slowly rose to her feet to carry her into the cabin, but when she looked up, there was Kitty walking up the path. Kitty smiled when she saw Delia and quickened her pace. How many months had it been since they’d seen each other?

“Oh, honey, I’m so glad to see you!” Delia said as she hugged Kitty with her free arm. “Let me put this baby in the house, and then you and me can talk.” She hurried through the open door and laid Rosa on the mattress beside the other sleeping babies. Old Lucy, who helped Delia with the children, sat dozing in a chair beside them.

“So what brings you way down here on this fine day?” Delia asked as she sat on the front step beside Kitty.

“Missy Claire and Missus Goodman went off visiting without me today, so I asked Bertha if I could come see how you was doing. Bertha said I should stay home and rest because I been feeling sick and kinda dragged down lately, but I said, ‘I want to go see Delia. She’ll make me feel better.’”

“I’m so glad you did, honey.”

“I been hoping all this time that they’re letting you watch the babies with Old Nellie instead of making you chop cotton and such. Nellie took care of me when I was small. Is she still here?”

“No, she went to be with Jesus before I come. I’m working with a woman named Lucy, and she’s loving these babies as much as I do.” Delia spied one of her toddlers wandering off and shouted to him. “Henry! You get on back here. Don’t you make me chase you, now.”

“I was always running off like that,” Kitty said with a smile, “making poor Nellie chase me. Here, I brought you some food. I never had enough to eat when I was living down here, and I been worrying about you getting enough.”

Delia untied the cloth bundle that Kitty handed her, and the aroma of smoked pork and hot corn bread drifted out. “Thank you, honey. I’ll save this for later. But don’t you be worrying yourself on my account. The Good Lord’s been taking care of me.”

One of the babies started fussing inside the cabin and Delia jumped up to fetch him before he woke Lucy or one of the other children. When she returned with the baby in her arms, Kitty was holding a pencil and an odd-looking piece of paper. “What you got there, honey?”

“This? It’s an old envelope I found in Missy’s trash. The outside is used, but I unfolded it so I could use the inside, see?”

“You gonna draw yourself a picture?” she asked.

“I was hoping you’d let me draw one of you.”

“Of me?” she said with a laugh. “You should be drawing something nice to look at, not my homely old wrinkled-up face.”

“I thought maybe if I had a picture of you, I wouldn’t be missing you so much. I have one of Grady, and it helps me remember …” Her voice choked and she couldn’t finish.

Delia squeezed Kitty’s hand with her free one. “You hearing anything about him and the other runaways?”

“Not a word. Missy Claire gets letters from Massa Fuller, but she never lets on what he says. Sometimes it makes me crazy not knowing what happened.” She paused again to brush away a tear.“I’m sorry, Delia. I didn’t come down here to be all sad. I brought you something else. I copied my picture of Grady for you on another old envelope.”

Delia moved the baby to her other knee and reached to take the paper from Kitty, holding it well out of the squirming boy’s reach. The drawing was such an excellent likeness of Grady that Delia caught her breath. He looked defiant, his proud chin thrust forward, his arms folded across his chest the way he always used to do, as if he were mad at the whole world. She whispered a silent prayer that wherever he was right now, that he had found peace in his heart.

“Thank you, honey,” Delia murmured. “You’re right, it surely is a comfort to see his face again, even if it’s just a picture.” She laid the drawing aside, out of the baby’s reach, and turned to Kitty, who sat with paper and pencil in hand. “What do you want me to do, honey? Do I need to sit still and pose or something?”

“No, just sit there and talk to me, Delia. I’ll draw.”

“Okay. But the first thing I’m needing to do is change this boy’s diaper. I reckon that’s why he’s kicking up a fuss. Can you fetch me a clean one from inside? And get that old quilt to lay him on. I’ll change him out here.”

Kitty found what Delia needed inside, then helped her spread the folded blanket on the ground. She picked up her pencil again and began to sketch as Delia lay the baby on his back and knelt beside him. “You say you ain’t been feeling too well, honey?” she asked as she untied the diaper. “What’s wrong?”

“It ain’t nothing serious. I’m just feeling so tired all the time, like I could just sleep and sleep. I don’t hardly feel like eating, either. Of course, Missy don’t care. She keeps me working all day long, no matter how tired I am. But sometimes I think I could just lie down in the middle of the floor and—”

She stopped so abruptly that Delia glanced up at her. Kitty was holding her hand over her mouth, trying not to retch after getting a whiff of the dirty diaper. Suddenly Delia knew what was wrong. She swayed, barely stopping herself from falling sideways. “Oh no. Oh no,” she murmured.

Kitty leaned forward to help her. “Delia? Are you okay? I’m sorry, but the smell—”

Delia gripped Kitty’s arm. “Did you sleep with Grady the night he left?” But she knew from Kitty’s expression what the answer was before the girl had a chance to reply. Her face showed a mixture of deep joy and an even deeper sorrow.

“Oh, Lord, honey! You’re gonna have his baby!”

Kitty’s eyes went wide. “H-how do you know?”

“I know. Oh, honey, I know.”

Kitty covered her face with both hands and wept.

The poor girl was pregnant. And Delia knew just as surely as the sun rose every morning that it was all her fault. She had meddled in matters that were none of her business, encouraging Grady to sleep with Kitty on that last night, promising him that she would escape with him if he did. Delia had tried to take control of things instead of trusting God, and now she’d created an awful mess. It was her fault that Kitty was gonna have a baby all alone, with no husband to help raise it. Her fault that Grady’s child would be born a slave. Delia could never forgive herself, much less ask Kitty or Grady or the Lord to forgive her. But what to do now? What to do?

Delia left the bare-bottomed baby kicking and squalling on the blanket and pulled Kitty into her arms. “It’s gonna be okay, honey,” she soothed. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

“I’m having a baby? Grady’s baby?”

“You poor thing. You don’t know whether to be happy or sad, do you? Well, it’s okay to feel a little of each. Being a mother’s the most wonderful thing in the whole world—and also the most painful. There’s no joy like a mother’s joy. And there’s no pain greater than a mother’s pain. It’s like being in love—there’s nothing more wonderful than being with the man you love. And nothing more painful than losing him.”

“But … I thought you didn’t love the father of your little girl. I thought that he, you know …”

“I didn’t love her father. But I loved my husband.”

Kitty pulled back to stare at her. “You were
married
? Delia, you never told me! Where is he? What happened to him? I know that your daughter died, but—”

“She didn’t die.” Delia saw Kitty’s confusion and sighed. “I guess I better tell you the whole story, from the beginning.” She patted Kitty’s shoulder, then knelt beside the baby again, sifting through her memories for a place to start while she soothed and diapered him.

“My mama was the Fullers’ cook before Faye was,” she began.“Mama’s gone now, living in heaven with Jesus. Papa is, too, God rest his soul. He worked as a carpenter for the Fullers, making wagon wheels and barrel staves—anything, you name it. I had two brothers and three sisters, all older than me. I was the youngest. They’s all gone and buried now. I been with the Fullers for so many years that I saw lots of folks come and go—Massa Roger’s grandparents, then his parents, then his first wife. I saw Massa and his sisters born into this world and those boys of his, too. So many folks come and gone … gone just like you and me someday.

“The Fullers had lots of visitors, back in the old days, and old Missus Fuller had a sister called Miss Carrie who lived down Savannah way. Miss Carrie didn’t get on too well with her husband, so she spent a lot of time visiting the Fullers. And she always came with her coachman—a fine, handsome young fella named Shep. His daddy was a Negro preacher-man so he named his son Shepherd, after the Good Shepherd. Young Shep turned out to be a mighty fine preacher himself, and he taught me that psalm by heart: ‘The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures …’”

Delia finished diapering the baby, and she sat him on the blanket beside her. He chewed on his fist, cooing happily while Delia continued.

“Shep had a Bible, and he knew how to read it. He used to hold meetings at night when the white folks were partying and couldn’t hear us. He taught us all about Moses, and how the Lord heard the slaves’ cries and delivered them from bondage. Shep said the Lord Jesus was gonna be our deliverer, too, and He’d hear us and help us, if we cried out to Him.

“I wish you could’ve heard the singing and praying and rejoicing at those meetings. I reckon the white folks thought we was having a party, too, but we was praising God and storming heaven with our prayers.” She paused to look up at Kitty. “I believe He’s answering them right now. I believe that’s what this war is all about.”

Kitty looked puzzled, but she didn’t interrupt.

“Well, Shep and I fell in love and decided to jump the broom. We knew it was gonna be a hard life, because we never knew when we was gonna see each other or how long Shep would be staying when he did come. But we was happy for those hours we had. Oh yes. Shep’s faith in the Lord was as big and as wide as the whole state of South Carolina. And even though things was hard for us, we was happy.

“It was right around that time that the overseer, the first Mr. Browning, took a liking to me. He was a married man with a family of his own, but the doctor says his wife ain’t supposed to have any more babies. So he put me in a little cabin of my own, so he could come and go anytime he wants. Nothing I can do about it, either.”

“Did Shep know?” Kitty asked.

“He knew. It just about broke his heart. He cried along with me, because we knew I belonged to him, not Mr. Browning. But Shep told me not to hate him. He said I had to forgive him. And I been trying to do that. All these years, I been trying.

“Then one day Shep drove Miss Carrie home to Savannah, and they never came back. She died of a fever all of a sudden. The Fullers went to her funeral, but they left me home. And Shep couldn’t come driving all the way to Beaufort to see me no more, now that his missus was gone.”

“So you never saw him again?” Kitty asked softly. “You don’t know what happened to him?”

Delia shook her head. “I heard Old Missus Fuller saying one day, that Shep’s massa was a gambler and he was running up so many big debts that he had to sell his slaves to pay them off. But I never did learn whether or not he sold Shep. It’s been some forty years now, and I ain’t never seen my husband again.”

Delia closed her eyes for a moment, trying to picture Shep in her mind. She wished she had a drawing to remember him by. She looked up to tell Kitty how blessed she was to have a drawing of Grady and saw the poor girl’s tears. Delia never should have told Kitty her story. She never should have dashed all her hopes of ever seeing Grady again—even if it turned out to be true.

“Believe me, honey,” Delia said softly, “I know how you’re feeling. My biggest sorrow was that I never had Shep’s child. At least you’ll have that. Your baby is a gift from God, a little part of Grady to remember him by.”

“I’m so sorry for you, Delia.” Kitty reached for her hand.

“No … my husband gave me something even better than a child—he taught me about the Lord. Shep’s the one who told me all about Jesus and how much He loves us. He taught me to be thankful each day—for what the Lord has given, thankful for the good and the bad. We learn a lot more from the bad than from the good, you know.”