A Leap of Faith (22 page)

Alex laughed again, “Baby I was UP half an hour ago. Challenge accepted.”

~~~~~~

The knock at the door came punctually on the hour, I hadn’t expected Emma to be late, it wasn’t her style.

My hair was still wet from the shower as I slipped on a long sleeve top with my jeans. Even though it was early July in Melbourne and winter, our “version” of the season was not what Alex classed as cold. So while scoffing at my decision to turn on the heater, Alex was happily sporting a t-shirt over his well-worn jeans.

“I do admire how you multi-task, especially in the shower,” Alex strode passed me as he went to answer the door.

“It’s a talent,” I winked as I swept my hair into a ponytail.

“Alex!” Emma squealed as he opened the door, throwing her arms around him. I guess it was still weird adjusting to the fact that he wasn’t just the hot guitarist in Power Station, but someone she actually knew and had married her friend.

“Hey Emma, Oh Hey Jackson!” Alex returned Emma’s hug before shaking Jackson’s hand.

Emma and Jackson had been dating since their chance meeting at this very apartment months ago. In an attempt to cheer Jackson up, I had dragged him away from Mike’s bedside after the horrendous accident, which had brought all these men into my life.  I had hoped for them to form a friendship and was delighted that it had developed into something more meaningful.  Emma hadn’t mentioned he’d be joining us for breakfast. Not that I minded, I had a lot of time for Jackson, he made Emma happy and he was a genuinely nice guy.

“Lexi!” Jackson’s smile lit up his face as he embraced me, “It’s been a long time.”

“Sure has! How have you been? Mike told me about his visit here. Sounds like you both made up for lost time!” I released him as he gave me a small peck on the check.

“Yeah, it was great!” Jackson beamed. I was glad to see that the time Mike had spent in Australia after his recovery had healed some of the guilt and concern Jackson had felt for his part in the accident. While none of it was his fault, as the driver of the car he had harboured some guilt, so seeing his friend healed and happy would have gone a long way to make him ease his turmoil.

“Lexi!” Emma smothered me in a massive hug, having handed off the box she walked in with, which I assumed housed breakfast.

“Emz!” I hugged her tightly, wishing I could bottle her inner luminescence and take it back with me. 

“I have Focaccias and Pastries from Brunettis” She declared proudly, “Wasn’t sure if you felt like sweet or
savoury.”

“Is that coffee I smell?” Alex poked his head into the box Jackson placed on my kitchen counter.

“Of course, they make an amazing cafe latte!” Emma smiled, Jackson circling his arms around her waist.

“Soooooooo
.” I mused, as we sat down at my old round kitchen table, “You two seem pretty cosy?”

“More than that!” Emma blushed, as Jackson bit his lip.

Alex raised an eyebrow as he shot me a sideways glance at their adorable exchange.

“Really? More how?” I pursued knowing clearly there was more information Emma wanted to volunteer.

Emma’s smile almost split across her face as she thrust her hand across the table and displayed a beautiful antique diamond ring on her left hand. “Jackson proposed last night and I said yes!” she gushed, “I didn’t want to tell you over the phone but I had to tell you. Which is the real reason for our early morning visit.”

I leapt out of my seat and hugged Emma. I was so incredibly happy for her. “Emma! Jackson! That is fantastic! Amazing news!” I grabbed Emma’s hand to inspect the ring properly this time.

Alex congratulated Jackson by give giving him a friendly slap on the back, “Outstanding Jacks!” before turning to Emma and offering his best wishes.

“Well we need to celebrate! Have you guys set a date?” I buzzed as I snooped through my kitchen cabinet for anything that could remotely pass as a wine glass.

“No, no date yet.” Emma beamed as Jackson tenderly kissed her hand, “We want to take it slow, there is no rush.”

“Not like us
,” I laughed, pulling out four plastic Ikea tumblers, guessing that it was the best we were going to get given anything of value had been packed and put into storage months ago.

“Yeah, you guys were engaged for what? 5 minutes?” Jackson grinned.

“I couldn’t have waited a second longer. It was perfect for us.” Alex put his arms around me and kissed my neck.

“It was amazing,” I agreed, fishing into my refrigerator for the bottle of Chandon I knew Matt had left behind.

“Although we have promised Hannah we are having a re-run in a few months so we can share it with our friends and family and I hope you guys will be able to free up some time to join us.”

“Of course!” Emma exclaimed, “We will be there. Just tell us when. I would love to see where you are living now.”

I pealed off the foil covering from the wine bottle, wiggling the cork until we heard the unmistakable POP.

I poured the sparkling wine into the four comical, colourful tumblers, as we prepared to toast Emma and Jackson. “To good friends, love and laughter.” I toasted, raising my pink plastic filled vessel.

“To friends,” toasted Emma as she tapped her cup against mine before sipping her wine.

Jackson watched Emma adoringly as she took her seat beside him. I could tell how much he loved her purely by the way he looked at her. I knew that he would cherish her as I did, he would make her laugh and share in her hardships, but most importantly he would never take her for granted.

The driver cleared his throat, glancing nervously sideways at the huge man occupying the passenger seat beside him. DarNell was relaxed as he surveyed the passing landscape, oblivious to the driver’s uneasy tension. While I had never felt that fear, I certainly understood it. DarNell was close to seven feet tall and was a wall of muscle. He was a weapons specialist and proficient in Systema, a combat method developed by the Russian Special Forces for the sole purpose of inflicting as much possible harm to your adversary. He had never served time in the military but had trained with various units.

DarNell didn’t indulge much in idle chit chat, he preferred to keep his senses sharp and ready for any potential situations or dangers. Of all the members of our security team, it was DarNell who I liked the most.

I had mixed feelings as we drove through the northern suburbs of Melbourne. This was where I grew up, went to school, had my first kiss... Along with a few other firsts. Not all the memories were bad but they were just so distant, almost a lifetime removed from who I was today.

“Is this your old neighbourhood?” Alex asked as we travelled down a narrow road with parked cars lining the street.

“Yep,” I nodded as we drove past the same 1970s style brick homes I remembered from when I lived here last.

“That’s it.” I pointed out the window to the single story house at the end of the street.

The round rose bushes that lined the front yard were neat and pruned and the garden had been meticulously maintained. My parents were avid gardeners, a trait I did not share or understand considering their lack of nurturing skills.

“You don’t have to wait DarNell. I can give you a call when we are ready to go home, or we can just call a cab.” I squeezed Alex’s hand as the car came to a stop.

“We’ll sit here and wait Lexi.” DarNell made it clear he wasn’t making any more concessions.

Alex opened the door and stepped out, holding it open for me. I adjusted my dress as I exited the car, taking a final deep breath before walking up the paved path to the front door.

“Just before we go in...” I stopped Alex from ringing the doorbell, “know that while these people are my family, it’s not going to be what you expect.”

“Lexi, I just want to meet them. I have no expectations.” Alex’s hand brushed my cheek.

Alex pressed his finger to the door chime, announcing our arrival. It wasn’t too late to get in the car and leave, I thought. Everything about this idea seemed bad. As much as I hoped it wouldn’t turn out badly, I knew better. There were reasons I had distanced myself from them, those reasons weren’t going to miraculously disappear with one visit.

My mother answered the door, her blow-dried, chin length hair showing no hint of the multiple greys she’d claimed I’d caused her.

“Lexi, Darling. Come in!” She crooned as she held the door open, nodding approvingly at Alex. “And you must be Alex, such a pleasure to finally meet you.”

Her forced sweetness made me want to dry heave. I knew it was for Alex’s benefit, not mine. If one thing my mother did worry about, it was appearances.

“Hi Mum.” I walked through the door into the hallway, Alex following close behind me.

“Hello Mrs. Reed, it’s nice to meet you too.” Alex offered my mother his hand, as I watched her stare into his hypnotic blue eyes.

“Please, so formal.” My mother laughed nervously, “Call me Mum. You’re family now.” Her eyes followed the length of Alex’s body. Not even my mother was immune to his astounding charm and good looks.

“We might have to work up to that.” Alex smiled, removing his hand from hers and placing it protectively around my waist.

“Yes, of course.” My mother smiled, “Please come in, Andrew is in the lounge room.” She turned to lead us through the two sliding wooden doors.

My dad hadn’t changed, he was in his usual chair with his glasses perched on the end of his nose. The TV in front of him was tuned into the ABC waiting for commencement of the 7:30 report while The Age newspaper lay in his lap.

“Lexi.” The tone in his voice was neither warm nor inviting, he could have said the word “table” with more affection.

“Hey Dad. This is my husband Alex.” I turned to introduce Alex who hadn’t left my side.

“Yes. The Husband.” He stood gruffly as Alex extended his hand. Alex towered over my father who was doing his best to be the Alpha male in the room. Th
e display was almost laughable considering my father couldn’t hold a candle to Alex.

“Well, let’s all sit down shall we.” My mother gestured to the couch, “I’m roasting a leg of lamb for dinner, Alex- I hope you like lamb?” her voice was dripping with anticipation.

I’m not sure if my mother’s dinner choice was intentional or the woman just had no fucking idea. Roast Lamb was Lachlan’s favourite meal, I hated it. No doubt my mother couldn’t even remember what I preferred let alone what I didn’t like.

“Yes, I like lamb. Though I’m not so sure Lexi’s a fan
.” Alex tried to be diplomatic as we settled into the brown leather couch. It too, like my parents, was cold and uninviting.

Yep, my husband of five freaking minutes knew me better than these people who supposedly raised me.

“Oh really?” My mother acted surprised, I couldn’t be sure if it was genuine or staged. “I’m sorry Sweetie, I can fix you something else. It’s been so long since you’ve been around!” Her mouth twitched with her little back handed comment.

“No, it’s fine. I’m not here for the food.” I struggled not to allow myself be baited. “I just wanted to come by and see you both and for you to meet Alex.”

That’s it Lexi, remind yourself why you are here. It’s not about them or their fucking lamb roast, it’s about Alex, the man that you love.

“So, Alex... ” My mother tried to cheerily change the subject. “What does your family think of our Lexi?”

My blood ran cold at the being called “theirs” and the mention of his family in the same sentence as mine. The two groups of people couldn’t be further apart in comparison.

“They adore her.” Alex kissed me tenderly on the forehead, “I think my mother had always wanted a daughter, so she absolutely loves Lexi.”

My mother’s smile faltered hearing Alex’s heartfelt words. As much as I hated to admit it, it gave me satisfaction knowing that the fact someone else’s mother enjoyed my existence bothered her, even if it was only slightly.

My father was predictably silent, his disapproving looks were more than adequate at conveying his thoughts and feelings on the matter. I was the black sheep, the disappointment. Things were never going to change and nothing I did was ever going measure up in their eyes. The truth is, I had stopped trying years ago and was happier for it.

I broke the uncomfortable silence by volunteering a little bit about my new life. I would be the bigger person, despite me knowing this was probably going to end badly. “So, I’m loving New York. The city is amazing and I love my job. I’m so busy now, I even have staff!” I wasn’t sure if I was saying it just to tell them about myself or as a big “fuck you.”

“It’s nice to see you parlayed that excuse for employment into something more... beneficial. You should have done a law degree like your brother.” My father was unimpressed by my established success. Not that this surprised me, Lachlan was always the litmus test.

“Dad, I had no interest in Law. I love my job.” I refused to be drawn into this argument. It’s not like we hadn’t gone down this road at least fifty times before anyway. I was tired of justifying my life choices to my father (sperm donor). 

“You didn’t have a
lot of interest in anything!” My mother joked, “Alex, I could tell you some stories about our Lexi.” There was that word again, “our” it made my skin crawl.

“Although, you know. You are only the second boy she’s ever brought home. There was that nice young man you dated... Oh Lexi... What was his name? Anyway, as usual Lexi moved on.”

“Yes, she never did real well with responsibility... or commitment.” My father qualified. I’m not sure if adding the last little barb was for my benefit or Alex’s.

I squeezed Alex’s hand at the mention of
him
. Alex’s eyes flared in recognition, he knew the “boy” they were referring to. These people had no idea what he had done to me; my issue was not responsibility or commitment. Of course if they had been present in my life they would have known that and seen what he had done to me.

“Look, we can go. We don’t have to sit here and try to be something we’re not.”  The thought of spending any more time in this uncomfortable atmosphere was unbearable and the
pretence was excruciating.

“Don’t be ridiculous Alexandra, you just got here.” My mother used my full name in an attempt to assert control.

“Mum, it’s Lexi.” I huffed, she knew how much I hated being called that.

“Mr and Mrs Reed, I mean no disrespect but the boy in question was not deserving nor worthy of your daughter.” Alex kept his voice level but I could tell he was pissed.

“Oh, she’s told you about her past?” My mother looked shocked as if my past was like some sordid revelation, such as I’d really been born a man.

“We have no secrets. Alex knows who I am.” Which is more than I can say for you, I finished the last part in my head.

“Of course, I was merely just saying that given the choices you’ve made... Well I’m glad things turned out for you.” My mother shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

Turned out for me? Like I hadn’t busted my ass for everything I had accomplished? What the fuck was that? Even though my parents weren’t able to congratulate me on my success and happiness, they were still able to minimize it by implying it had been some strange stoke of luck. An anomaly, almost as if I was undeserving.

The sound of keys jingling snapped my head up in attention.  The front door creaked open. Who else lived here? Had my parents rented out a room?

My mother stood but seemed unsurprised by the noise coming from the front door, clearly this house guest had been expected.

“Grandma!” A gorgeous, bright eyed, sandy haired little girl screamed. Her tiny arms wrapped around my mother’s neck as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly in delight.

My eyes widened at this emotional exchange, not fully comprehending what was happening even though it was playing out directly in front of me.

My mother looked at me nervously as my brother Lachlan entered the room, Melissa smiling sweetly at his side. Will lagged behind, his attention absorbed in his iPod.

“Hello Lexi.” Lachlan’s voice held no more warmth than my father’s.

“You didn’t tell me this was going to be a reunion?” My hands involuntarily balled into fists in anger but I kept them hidden by my sides, not wanting to give Lachlan the satisfaction.

“You wouldn’t have come, if I’d told you.” My mother tried to defend her underhandedness as she cradled the little girl, who I had now guessed was Lachlan’s daughter Ava.

“I guess we’ll never know, will we?” As I raised myself from the couch, Alex grabbed my hand.

“Grandma, who’s da pretty lady?” Ava asked, her eyes twinkling with excitement.

My mother looked to Lachlan for permission before answering. Lachlan giving her a curt nod allowing her to make the introduction, “Ava, Will. This is your Aunty Lexi.”

Ava giggled as she waved hello, then shyly buried her head in my mother’s neck. Will looked up from his iPod, straining to recall who I was. He had been so young the last time he’d seen me, while he may have remembered my name, he surely wouldn’t have recognized me. He shifted awkwardly between his feet, his five-year-old mind unable to process what an acceptable greeting would be.

I was seething with anger. Not only had I been blindsided by my mother forcing me to see my Asshole brother but he had brought my niece and nephew with him, in what I could only believe was an attempt to neutralize my reaction. What kind of person uses their own children for manipulation? I guess I didn’t have to look far to get my answer.

“Lexi, I thought it was time you put this childish, petty grudge aside. After all don’t you miss being in
their
lives?” Lachlan’s cool and calculating voice finally addressed me.

“I think you and I have very different recollections of what actually happened Lachlan. I don’t believe that doing this here and now is good for anyone, especially not them.” I struggled to remain calm as I moved in closer.

Alex stood beside me, his hand threading through my fingers. His presence reminded me that I was better than this now.

I knelt down in front of Will. He had grown so much in the three years I had been absent from his life. He looked so much like my brother. I hoped that was where the similarities ended.

“Will, I know you don’t remember me but I’m your Daddy’s sister, Lexi. Is there somewhere you and Ava play when you come to visit Grandma?”

Will bit his lip and nodded, “The pink room.”

The “pink room” had been my old bedroom. It was strange to know that when they came here they spent their time playing in the same room I had. I guess in a small way it pleased me to know that I was still part of their lives even if they weren’t aware of it.

“Do you think you can take Ava into the pink room and play for a little bit and so Daddy and Aunty Lexi can talk? I would really like to see how nicely you play together.”