Across the room, a bunch of college students were talking loudly to each other. One of them, a boy, raised his voice to make his point. Tina, startled, turned in his direction.
The boy wasn’t looking at her, but she couldn’t stop herself from staring at him. She looked at him intently for a few seconds—then she turned and rushed outside.
She was shaking, and her stomach was churning. For a moment she was afraid she would hurl, right onto the lawn in front of everyone. She fought off the urge, but she could taste the bile in her mouth.
It took her a few minutes to find Sophia, who was with Rory, at the edge of the lawn. Tina barged up to them. “I have to talk to you,” she said breathlessly.
Sophia had just reached a sweet comfort zone with Rory. In a couple of minutes, she knew, he would lead her to some dark corner where they could make out without anyone seeing them. Her nerve endings were tingling with the prospect of it.
“Not now, okay?” This was totally annoying. What was wrong with Tina, had she gone blind suddenly?
“It can’t wait,” Tina said insistently. Her voice was almost tearing. “Please.”
“I’ll be at the bar,” Rory said diplomatically.
Sophia watched him go with undisguised exasperation at being interrupted, then turned to Tina. “What is so important this exact moment?” she asked in irritation.
“I need to show you something. Somebody. Follow me.”
“What…”
Tina cut Sophia off. Grabbing her by the arm, she led her to the French doors that separated the inside of the house from outside. The boy who had spooked her was standing in the same place he had been when she first saw him. He was talking loudly and earnestly with a girl who looked like Lisa Kudrow.
Tina pointed a trembling finger at him. “Do you see that boy?” she asked. “The one wearing the Big Dog T-shirt?”
Sophia peeked inside. “What about him?” She looked behind her, wanting to make sure Rory hadn’t drifted away.
Tina’s face was red, as if. she was holding her breath. “I need to tell you something,” she said. Her voice was shaking. “Something terrible.”
“You have to promise that what I tell you will be a secret between us,” Tina pleaded.
They had disappeared around the corner of the house. No one else was in sight or earshot.
“What is it?” Sophia asked, alarmed. “Is it about that boy?”
Tina nodded. “I’ve been holding this in for months. I’ve wanted to tell someone, but I couldn’t. But I can’t hold it in anymore. I have to tell someone.” She stared hard at Sophia. “I’m going to tell you. But you have to promise me you’ll keep it a secret. You have to.”
Sophia almost recoiled from her friend’s intensity. “O-kay,” she said slowly. This was getting scary. “I promise. So what is it?” Tina took a deep breath. “I was with Maria Estrada the day she disappeared. Me and two boys.” She looked toward the house. “That boy I pointed out to you was one of the boys we were with.”
Sophia felt the ground moving under her feet, as if an earthquake had suddenly erupted. “Are you boning me?” she croaked. “You were with her?”
Tina nodded. “I was. With him, and another boy.”
Sophia’s jaw was hanging on her chest. “Are you sure?”
“I’m positive. I’ve had nightmares about it.” Her lips were so dry she could barely speak. “I have to get out of here, before he sees me.”
“You think he’d recognize you?” Tina squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m sure he would.” This is awesome, Sophia thought. Her mother would freak when she heard this. “The other boy who was with you,” she asked. “Was it Steven McCoy?”
Tina shook her head. She knew what Steven looked like, from television and newspapers. She had been devouring the story. “It wasn’t him,” she avowed. “He looked like him, but it was a different boy.”
Rory tried not to show his irritation. “Why do you have to leave? We’re just getting easy with each other.”
“I can’t help it,” Sophia lamented. “My friend’s sick. I have to take her home.”
“Can’t she take a cab?”
“It’ll take too long.” She tried to placate him. “It won’t take long. I’ll drop her and come right back. Wait for me, okay?”
He looked past her. “Do what you have to do.”
Tina was scrunched up in a corner of the passenger seat. She was shaking like a wet dog. Sophia kept her eyes on the road. Even though she’d only had one drink she didn’t want to chance getting stopped by the cops, so she drove extra carefully. But she could feel Tina, vibrating next to her.
By the time they got to the freeway, Tina had begun to calm down. “Thank you for doing this,” she said. “I hope I didn’t mess you up with that boy.”
“No big deal,” Sophia placated her. It was only a boy she’d met at a party. This was much more important. “So are you going to tell me what happened?”
The windows of Sophia’s old Volvo were open. Tina stuck her head out and took a deep gulp of air. The wind stung her face. She left her head out for a few moments, like a dog savoring the night smells. Then she slumped back, and stared out the window.
“I was by myself, having lunch at Chico’s,” she began. “It was right after school started. I didn’t know anyone. I was new in town, and all I wanted was to get through the year and move on.”
Just like me, Sophia thought. She had plenty of friends now, so she didn’t feel bad about that anymore. But Tina still did. Tina was much more of an outsider, and always would be.
“Maria came over and introduced herself, and we talked for a couple of minutes. At first I didn’t know why she was being friendly, but I was happy to talk to her. I knew that if we became friends, I could have a good social life. Then she said she was with these two boys, and she wanted me to pair up with her, so the other boy would be with someone. That was the reason. Not because she wanted to be my friend, but that she needed me. I think she didn’t want to get someone she knew into it, she wanted it to be a secret.”
She moistened her dry lips. “Still, I went along. I wanted to be with other kids, even if it was for the wrong reason. The boy I was with called himself Billy. The one I saw back there at the party. I don’t think that’s really his name. The other one, the one with Maria, was Tom. I don’t think that was his name, either.
“We drove up to the top of the Riviera. The boys had beer and drugs, which was why Maria wanted to go with them. After we got there, Maria and Tom went ahead of us down this trail, so they couldn’t be seen. They were going to drink and do drugs and have sex. Billy and I lagged behind. We drank a beer and made out a little, but I wasn’t going to do anything heavy with him. I didn’t even know him, and I don’t do that. I haven’t, not yet. I sure wasn’t going to do it with a boy I didn’t know, the first time.”
She breathed in heavily. “He was okay with me for awhile, but then he started to push me. He felt me up over my bra, then he tried to get his hand under it, then he tried to touch me through my panties, and I couldn’t take it, I made him stop. Then I insisted that they had to take me back to town. Maria was really angry. I knew we weren’t going to be friends after that. I figured she’d badmouth me all over school, but I couldn’t help it.”
She sighed sadly. “We drove back to town. They parked near Paseo Nuevo. I got out and walked toward Milpas. Maria went the other way, into the mall. And that was the last time I ever saw her.” She slumped back in her seat, exhausted.
Sophia’s heart was pounding. “Why didn’t you tell anybody?” she asked. “This could be incredibly important.”
Tina shook her head. “I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
Tina looked at her with abject wretchedness. “My family is here illegally. Since 9/11, the government is really cracking down on undocumented people. If we were found out we could be deported overnight with the clothes on our backs and nothing else. Not our car, our furniture, the money in our savings account. Nothing we have worked so hard for.” She buried her head in her hands. “I could not risk that.”
“But there’s a man in jail for a crime he didn’t commit!” Sophia pleaded with her. “He could get the death penalty! You can’t stay silent and let that happen.”
Tina was in knots. Her body felt like it was full of cement. “I feel sorry for that boy.” She fought to hold back the tears she could feel in her eyes. “But I cannot endanger my family’s entire future, our lives. We are many. He is one.” She stared at her hands. “Isn’t his lawyer very good? And your mother? They can get him off anyway.”
“Maybe they can, but maybe they can’t,” Sophia argued. “The case against Steven is really tight, according to my mom. But it might not be as strong if they knew about this. You have to tell them, Tina.
You have to
!”
Tina shook her head obdurately. “I can’t. I’m sorry.” She turned to Sophia. “And neither can you.”
They approached the Milpas exit. Sophia slowed down and took the ramp down to the light. When it changed she took a left on Milpas and headed toward Tina’s apartment on the east side.
They drove in silence through the dark streets. The houses and apartment buildings were small and old. Sophia pulled into an empty spot a few buildings down from where Tina lived.
Tina turned to her. “You promised me you wouldn’t tell,” she said fiercely. She stared into Sophia’s eyes, so that Sophia had to look back at her. “Are you going to break your promise?”
“No,” Sophia said softly. “I keep my promises. But you need to think hard about what you’re doing, Tina. An innocent man could be sitting in jail. Saving your family isn’t enough. You need to try and figure out how to save him, too.”
The party was petering out by the time she got back. Almost everyone who was left had migrated inside. Rory was gone. Cassie, who was so high by now she could hardly stand up, told Sophia he’d left right after she did. Sophia didn’t bother to ask if he left alone. She didn’t want to know.
She fished a cold Evian out of a tub that was slushy with ice, unscrewed the top, and drank half of it down in one swallow. Her mind was racing from what Tina had told her.
Outside, at the edge of the property, a couple of boys were sharing a joint. One was the boy Tina had pointed out, the boy who had been with her and Maria.
Sophia could feel her heart starting to race as she watched him. He was teetering a bit, holding on to a plastic lawn chair for support. He and the other boy talked for a moment longer; then the one who wasn’t “Bill” came back inside. Her quarry sat down heavily in the lawn chair.
Sophia waited until she was sure no one was going to join him. Then she fished a cold beer out of the cooler, twisted the top off, and went outside.
He was sprawled out, arms and legs akimbo. He looked more green behind the gills than stoned. Sophia dropped into the chair next to him. “You look like you could use a cold one, sailor,” she said jauntily. She held the beer out to him.
He looked at her. “Do I know you?”
She smiled. “I don’t know. Do you?” Then she laughed. “I’m Sophia. I’m a friend of Rory’s.”
He took the beer. “Thanks,” he told her. He took a small sip. “Shit,” he muttered. “Too much of a good thing is not always a good thing.”
“You’re young,” she said cheerfully. “You’ll recover.” He hadn’t told her who he was, so she outright asked him. “What’s your name? Billy, is it?”
He stared at her slit-eyed. “You must be thinking of Billy Hall. But he doesn’t look like me. I’m Jeremy.”
“Which Jeremy?” she asked.
“Musgrove. Is there another Jeremy here?” He turned, as if someone else with his name would suddenly pop up behind him.
“Nice to meet you, Jeremy.” She looked around. “This is a neat house. Do you live here?”
“Here?” He shook his head, then winced. “No. I live on the Mesa.”
She glanced at her watch. It was late, after midnight. She had gotten what she needed, for now.
“Listen, Billy. I mean Jeremy. I’ve got to go. It was nice talking to you.”
He looked over at her. It felt to her like he was checking her out. “Already?” he asked. There was a distinctive slur in his voice.
“’Fraid so.” She fished in her purse for a pen and a scrap of paper. “If you want to call me, I wouldn’t mind,” she told him.
He smiled, a goofy, spacey smile. “Okay, fine.”
She wrote her cell number and first name down and handed him the paper. He folded it and fumbled it into his back pocket.
“You’re not going to lose it, are you?” she teased him. “I don’t give my number out to just anyone.”
“I believe you,” he protested. He was attracted to her, she could feel it. It was a nice feeling, even if her motive for coming onto him wasn’t clean. “Why don’t you give me your number, in case you lose mine.”
He nodded, as if that was a sage piece of advice. She handed him the pen and her notepad, and he scribbled his name and number on it. She looked at it to make sure it was legible. “Jeremy Musgrove. 555-0073.”
“Check.” He smiled again.
She put the paper in her purse. “Don’t forget to call me.” She shook a teasing finger in his face. “You’re not a guy who says he will, but then he doesn’t, are you?”
“No,” he protested. He was cute, she thought. And not full of himself. A date with him wouldn’t be so hard to take. “I’ll call you tomorrow…” He caught himself. “In a couple of days.”
“Hope so.” She stood up. “Nice to meet you, Jeremy. And I’ll see you again.”
“You will,” he promised. “For sure.”
K
ATE HAD LUNCH WITH DENNIS
Cahill. He took her to the University Club. The food was passable and he could compare notes and exchange gossip with his friends, other middle-aged professionals. They both had Cobb salads and iced tea.
“Ten years ago, almost everyone would have a glass of chardonnay or a Bloody Mary with lunch,” Dennis commented as he looked around the room. “Now they don’t even open the bar at lunch anymore, except on Friday. Half the population is overweight, the other half is obsessively healthy. It’s like politics. There’s no middle ground anymore.”
Dennis was Kate’s closest gay (as opposed to lesbian) friend in Santa Barbara. He was one of the city’s established estate lawyers. Like some other gays and lesbians she knew, Dennis came late to discovering his true sexual identity. He was married for twenty years before he finally came out, in his late forties. He had an ex-wife and two grown children, and after an awkward and hurtful interlude (his wife had been completely blindsided), he was on friendly terms with them again. He and his partner, a chiropractor named Wolfgang, even had Thanksgiving dinner with them (his wife had remarried, for which he was thankful). He considered himself blessed that he could have good relationships with his old life as well as his new one.