A Home for Lily (8 page)

She looked perfect and beautiful. Her dark
hair was straight and smooth and flowing down her back.  One hand rested gently
on her stomach while the other held back the curtain at his window so she could
look outside.  The light from the window was perfect, it bathed Lily in a warm
glow, and Janet had captured a look of soft contentment on her face.

His eyes drifted to her bare belly and then
back to her nearly-naked breasts and that hint of nipple.  He studied it,
remembering how it had felt to suck on her tight, swollen nipples, and looked
away in a hurry.  Seeing Lily mostly naked in his shirt was going to give him a
goddamn erection.

“I’m sorry, Logan.”  Lily whispered.

“For what?”  He asked hoarsely as he
studied his own knees.  He wondered just how creepy he would sound if he asked
Lily for a copy of this picture too.  Pretty damn creepy, he decided.

“I should have asked if we could use your
bedroom for pictures and your, uh, shirt.  It was Janet’s idea but I liked the
idea and wanted to do it.  I washed your shirt afterwards.”  She finished
lamely.

He shook his head.  “It’s fine.  You didn’t
need to ask my permission.”  He continued to stare at his knees, willing his
cock to behave itself, as Hazel leaned against Lily’s leg. 

“I think you look pretty, Lily.”

“Thank you, honey.”  Lily replied softly.

“Do you think Lily is pretty, daddy?” 
Hazel asked.

There was an awkward silence and Lily could
almost feel her cheeks catching on fire. 

“Yes, Hazel.  I do.”  Logan finally said. 

“But not as pretty as me.”  Hazel replied
confidently.

Lily burst out giggling and the moment of
awkwardness passed.  Logan winked at her.  “You’ll always be the prettiest girl
I know, baby bug.”

Hazel grinned and then laughed when Lily’s
belly twitched.  She pressed her hand against Lily’s belly.  “Hi baby!”

She reached for Logan’s hand.  “Daddy, the
baby’s kicking!”  She pressed his hand to Lily’s belly.

Logan knew he should be pulling his hand
away but the feel of Lily’s baby moving under his hand filled him with the same
wonderment as before.  He couldn’t help but press his hand more firmly against
her, anxious to feel the next kick.

“Hi baby.”  He echoed Hazel’s words and
grinned foolishly at Lily’s belly when the baby kicked in response.

“She knows our voices!”  Hazel laughed. 
She squealed loudly when the baby kicked even harder.

“I think you’re right!”  Logan couldn’t
hide the excitement in his voice and he leaned closer to Lily’s belly as he
began to rub it gently.  “Hi baby girl.  Is our sweet baby having a good time
in there?  Does she recognize her daddy’s – “

He stopped and glanced up at Lily, praying
like hell she hadn’t heard what he just said.  The look on her face suggested
she had heard perfectly and, embarrassed beyond belief, he stood up abruptly.

“I’m going to go take a shower.”  He nearly
ran from the room.

* * *

Lily hung her jacket in the front closet
before taking her boots off.  She had gone to a matinee with Janet and her two
oldest, and her back was aching miserably from sitting in the theatre seat.

She rubbed it as she hauled her body up the
stairs.  Her back was aching and her leg was hurting and she wanted to climb
into a hot bath and soak forever.  The house was quiet.  Logan’s truck was in
the garage but she suspected that he had taken Hazel for a walk to the park. 
Spring had finally arrived and although it was a bit wet and mucky out, the sun
shone warmly and flowers were starting to sprout out of garden beds across the
neighbourhood.

She limped wearily down the hall towards
her bedroom.  She would have her hot bath and go to bed early tonight.  She
might even ask Logan if he had a hot water bottle to rest against her back.  It
would help –

Her mouth dropped open and she stared in
shock at her bedroom. 

“Surprise!”  Hazel shouted. 

She was standing in Lily’s bedroom and
holding a screwdriver as Logan placed the mattress in the crib pushed against
the wall.  The floor was covered in boxes and, she realized mutely, a bassinet,
playpen, stroller, swing and various other baby items.

“What?  Where did this stuff come from?” 
She whispered as Hazel ran over and wrapped her arms around Lily’s belly.

“It was my stuff when I was a baby!”  She
crowed excitedly.  “Daddy brought it out of the attic.”

“Logan?”  She blinked at him as he walked
over and stood beside her.

“I kept all of Hazel’s baby stuff and I figured
maybe you could use it.  There are clothes and blankets and baby toys.”

He pointed to the bassinet sitting beside
the bed.  “I though the baby would like an actual bassinet more than a, you
know, laundry basket.”

She didn’t reply and he cleared his
throat.  “We’ll probably need to buy a new stroller and car seat but you can
choose to use whatever you want.  I mean, you don’t have to use any of it if
you don’t want to.  I just thought it might be a bit cheaper and easier for
you.”

She threw her arms around him and hugged
him tightly.  “Oh, Logan.  Thank you!  Thank you so much!”  She whispered into
his ear.  “I – I’ll use all of it.  It’s perfect!”

He put his arms around her and hugged her
back, relishing the feel of her small body against his.  It was the first time
she had touched him since that morning in his bed, and he hadn’t realized how
much he had missed even her innocent, friendly touches.

When she tried to step back, he squeezed
her tighter and held on.  He didn’t know when she would touch him again and he
wanted just a few more minutes.  She didn’t protest.  In fact, she relaxed
against him and rested her head on his broad chest.

He hesitated and then tentatively rubbed
her lower back.  Erin hadn’t let him touch her very much during her pregnancy
but he could still remember how sore her back had been.  Lily groaned and
nearly sank into his embrace.  She made a soft moan of approval when his hands
slipped under her shirt and he rubbed and kneaded her bare skin.  He moved one
arm around her bottom and hips, holding her firmly, and continued to rub her
lower back with the other.  She was leaning against him like a boneless kitten,
resting her entire weight against him, and he knew if he let go of her she
would simply fall over.

“Does that feel good, Lily?”  He asked
huskily.

“Mmm, so good.”  She murmured.  “My back is
really sore.”

He moved his hand higher, sliding it under
her bra to stroke her middle and upper back.  She arched into him, pressing her
breasts and belly against him, and made another soft moan of delight.

He returned his hand to her lower back,
rubbing and stroking her soft flesh, as he glanced around the room.  Hazel had
wandered away to one of the boxes.  Her back was to them and she was digging
through the toys, glancing curiously at them as she set them on the carpet.

He slipped his hand inside the waistband of
Lily’s yoga pants and rubbed just above her ass.  She sighed and moved her
hands restlessly against his back.  Taking a deep breath, feeling his cock
hardening in his pants, he slipped his hand completely inside her pants and
panties and cupped her ass cheek in his hand.  It was both soft and
delightfully firm, and he squeezed it roughly as she made a quiet, gasping moan
and her fingers dug into his back.

He rubbed and kneaded her entire ass, his
blood heating up at the way her pelvis jerked against him in response.  He took
another quick look in Hazel’s direction as Lily lifted her head and pressed her
face into his thick neck.  He nearly groaned out loud at the feel of her soft
tongue licking the rough stubble.

His hand moved lower and he pressed his
fingers against the back of her tightly-closed thighs.  She parted them
immediately and he traced them lightly before sliding his fingers between her
legs.  It was a bit awkward.  Lily’s belly was in the way and she was so short
he had to hunch over her, but he was determined to feel her warmth.  He had an
undeniable urge to see if she was wet, to know if she was as turned on as he
was, and he bit back the loud groan when his fingers slid easily over the wet
lips of her pussy.

She shuddered against him before lifting
her head and pressing her mouth against his ear.  “Please.”  She breathed.

Lust flamed within him.  He wanted to carry
Lily to his bedroom, pull off her clothing and put her on her hands and knees
on his bed.  He would lick her pussy until she came and then he would kneel
behind her, slide his cock into her warmth and find his own release.  It had
been a long time since he’d been with a woman, and Lily was so soft and warm
and –

“Daddy?”

He had pulled his hand out from Lily’s
pants and stepped away from her before Hazel had even turned.  He whipped
around and stared at the crib.

“Yeah, Hazel?”

“Can I keep this toy?  I like it.”  He
looked over his shoulder.  Hazel was holding out a stuffed bear and giving him
a pleading look.

“Of course you can, honey.”  Lily, her face
flushed and her voice unsteady, limped over to the bed.  She sat down on it
and, without looking at Logan, began to go through one of the boxes that was
sitting on it.

“Oh, this is so sweet.”  She gave Hazel a
faint smile and held up a tiny yellow dress as Logan smoothed his t-shirt and
headed for the door.

“Where are you going?”  Hazel called.

“Just to grab a drink.  I’ll be back in a
bit.”  He disappeared out the door as Hazel climbed on to the bed beside Lily.

“Did we surprise you, Lily?”  She asked
eagerly.

“You sure did.  I love that the baby will
get to wear your baby clothes, Hazel.  That makes me very happy.”  Lily smiled
at her.

“Me too.”  Hazel replied.

Lily walked carefully down the dark
stairs.  Her back was hurting so much she could hardly sleep and she had
terrible heartburn.  She had gone to bed early but had tossed and turned
restlessly until finally giving up and crawling out of bed.

She sighed as she stepped off the last
stair.  She and Logan had, by unspoken agreement, not talked about what
happened in her bedroom yesterday.  She pushed her hair out of her face as she
walked down the dark hallway.  She couldn’t believe she had allowed Logan to
touch her so intimately in front of Hazel.  Her face burned and she said a
silent prayer of thanks that Hazel hadn’t seen anything.  She was being a
terrible nanny.  Not only was she throwing herself at her employer but she was
doing it in front of his child.  She –

She paused at the doorway of the living
room, squinting in to the darkness when a dull flash of light caught her eye. 
It took a moment for her to realize it was Logan, sitting in the dark and
drinking from a bottle of what looked like whiskey.

She hesitated as he tipped the bottle and
took another long swallow.  He had been acting weird all day but she had
chalked it up to what happened yesterday and just tried to stay out of his
way.  She sighed.  She needed to speak to him, obviously.  She would apologize
and beg for her job yet again.

“Logan?”  She stepped into the room and
rubbed her hands nervously over her shorts.

“It’s late.  Why are you up?”  He asked.

She shrugged.  “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me either.”  He took another drink of
whiskey before holding the bottle out to her.  “Want a drink?”

“Uh – “

“Oh wait – that’s not right.  You can’t
drink.”  He shook his head and snorted soft laughter.  “Jesus, I’m a fucking
genius.”

She sat down beside him on the couch. 
“Logan, are you – are you alright?”

“Just fine.  Why?”  He grinned widely at
her.

“Well, I’ve never seen you drink anything
stronger than a beer before.”

“I’m not much of a drinker.”  He admitted. 
“I like to treat my body as a temple.”  He slapped his flat stomach and winked
at her.

She smiled a little.  “Okay, Logan. 
Whatever you say.”

“Yeah, whatever I say.”  He muttered and
took another long drink of whiskey.

“Logan?  Do you – “

“Today is Erin’s birthday.”  He said
abruptly.  “Hazel doesn’t remember and I didn’t tell her.  Does that make me a
horrible dad?”

She reached out and patted his hand
timidly.  “No.  I don’t think so.  I’m sorry, Logan.  I know you must miss
her.”

He snorted.  “Yeah, I miss her about as
much as you miss your husband.”

“What – what do you mean?”  She whispered.

He gave her a dry look.  “You never talk
about him, you have no pictures of him anywhere in your room and you’re not
wearing your wedding ring.  Look me in the eye and tell me you miss your
husband, and I’ll eat this pillow.”  He pointed to the pillow on the couch.

“What happened to your wife?”  She
whispered.

He sighed and took another drink of
whiskey.  “Tell me why you don’t miss your dead husband and I’ll tell you what
happened to Erin.”

She hesitated and then sat back on the
couch, tucking her feet up under her and shoving a pillow behind her to support
her aching back.  “After my parents died I was just lost, you know?  I didn’t
know what to do or where to go.  I had been dating Barry for a few months and
he was really good to me when they died.  He helped me with their funerals and
all the horrible things you have to take care of when your loved ones die. 
When he asked me to marry him, I said yes without even really thinking about
it.”

She stared at her hands.  “After we got
married, he changed.  Barry was, well, he was abusive.”

Logan stiffened beside her, his hand
tightening around the bottle of whiskey.  “He hit you?”

She shook her head.  “No, he never laid a
hand on me.  He was more emotionally abusive I guess you could say.  He used to
tell me I wasn’t very pretty and that I would never do better than him.  He
thought I was dumb and he hated my cooking and how I kept the house.  He didn’t
want me to get a job, said my job was to take care of him, and I went along
with it.  I never had many aspirations for a career, you know?  I just always
wanted to be a wife and mom.”

She rubbed her round belly.  “At first I
use to argue with him.  I used to tell him he was wrong and that I wasn’t as
awful as he said.  But after a while it just got – got easier to let him say
those horrible things.  And then I slowly started to believe them.”

Logan stared at the bottle in his hand. 
That explained why Lily was so timid and unsure about everything she said and
did.  “They aren’t true.”  He said abruptly.  “Those things he said – they’re
not true, Lily.”

“Yeah, I know.”  She sighed.  “Anyway, the
night of the car accident I was sitting in the passenger seat listening to
Barry rant and rave about how terrible I was, and I just knew I couldn’t stay with
him any longer.  I didn’t love him.  I had stopped loving him years ago.  Once
I found out I was pregnant I couldn’t stop wondering if Barry would say the
same horrible things to our child.  I – I didn’t want to give up on my
marriage, but I didn’t want our baby growing up and hearing her dad say awful
things about her mom or about her.  Do you understand?”  She asked pleadingly.

“I do.”  He nodded.

“I told Barry I wanted a divorce and he
freaked out and told me that the marriage was over only when he said it was. 
And then we got in the car accident and he died and I was free.  He never even
knew about the baby.”  She said quietly. 

“He left everything to his parents?”  He
asked.

“Yes.  I like to think of it as Barry’s
final ‘fuck you’.”  She laughed bitterly.

He twitched a little.  He has never heard
Lily curse before and it sounded strange coming from her sweet mouth.

She stared at her hands and wondered if she
should tell him about Barry’s parents offer to buy the baby.  Before she could
decide, he took another swig of whiskey and sighed loudly.

“Erin was a drug addict.  When I met her
she had only been sober for a couple of months.  She was still fragile and weak,
and I was drawn to that.  Rob says I have a white knight complex.”

She didn’t reply and he took another
drink.  “We married pretty quickly and about a year after, she started using
again.  I figured it out almost immediately and got her into rehab.  She didn’t
want to go but I made her.  She got clean and a month later she got pregnant
with Hazel.  I watched her like a hawk during the pregnancy.  I was terrified
that she would use while she was pregnant.  She swore she wouldn’t and she
didn’t, but my continual suspicion wore on her.  She was pretty unhappy with
me, to put it mildly, and we fought constantly during her pregnancy.”

He sighed and stared into the darkness. 
“Once Hazel was born I thought things would get better but Erin never really
bonded with her.  I wouldn’t admit it at the time but all Erin really cared
about was the drugs.  She started smoking pot when Hazel was about a year old.  She
tried to hide it from me, but I knew.  Over the next couple of years she
started smoking more and more, and eventually she went back to the hard drugs.”

He drained the bottle and dropped it to the
floor beside him.  “I took a leave from work and tried to convince Erin to go
back into rehab.  She refused.  I should have kicked her out but I thought
Hazel needed a mom, even a bad one like Erin, and I thought I could still save
her.  I was convinced that if I just tried a little harder, I could fix her. 
It wasn’t for me.  I couldn’t even pretend by then that I still loved her but I
wanted Hazel to have her mom.  I was a fool.”

“No you weren’t.”  She whispered.  She
reached out and touched his hand and he grabbed her hand with a panicky
tightness, linking their fingers together.

“The night that Erin died, I had gone to
the store.  Hazel had a bit of a cold and we had run out of cough medicine. 
Erin actually seemed pretty normal that night.  She hadn’t done meth for a
couple of days and she had told me she was trying to get clean.  I wasn’t going
to be gone long and Hazel was sleeping on the couch so I decided to leave her
with Erin.”

He swallowed thickly.  “I was only gone
twenty minutes at the most but when I got home, Erin was dead on the floor with
a needle in her arm and Hazel was sitting in the corner.  She was rocking back
and forth and staring at Erin.  She – she watched her own mother overdose and
die.”

“Oh, Logan.”  Lily whispered.  She slid over
and put her arm around his broad shoulders.  He turned and hugged her tightly,
burying his face in her neck as she stroked his hair and the back of his neck. 
“I’m so sorry.”

“It was my fault.  I shouldn’t have let
Erin stay.  I shouldn’t have believed that I could fix her and I should never
have left Hazel with her that night.  Hazel was traumatized and I was so afraid
that she would never – never speak again.”

His voice was cracking and she held him
more tightly, planting small kisses on his temple.  “She seems fine now.  She’s
still in therapy and the therapist believes Hazel is doing really well.  You
can’t blame yourself for what Erin did.  Alright?”

He shrugged before he leaned back and
stared at her.  “Thank you, Lily.”

“For what?”

“For being so good to Hazel.  You’re the
reason she’s talking again, the reason she’s – she’s acting normal and happy
and I can never repay you for that.”

Lily shook her head.  “You’re giving me too
much credit, Logan.  Hazel just needed time, that’s all.”

He frowned.  “No, I don’t believe that.  I
don’t believe that at all.”

His gaze dropped to her mouth and she felt
a trickle of desire in her belly.  She berated herself silently.  Now was not
the time to let her libido call the shots.

“You’re so pretty, Lily.”  Logan whispered. 
He rubbed his thumb across her lower lip and she moaned shakily before scooting
backwards on the couch.

“You’ve had a bit too much to drink,
Logan.  I think it’s time you went to bed.”

He didn’t answer and she stood up and held
her hand out.  “Come on.  I’ll help you upstairs.”

He took her hand and she led him up the
stairs and into his room.  “Climb into bed, Logan.”

He shook his head.  “I have to get
undressed first.”

“Right.”  She said nervously.  She watched
him hop around on one foot as he tried to pull his sock off and bit back the
soft giggle when he cursed and fell on to the bed. 

“Here.”  She pulled first one sock off and
then the other as he reclined on the bed, before patting his leg.  “Sit up,
honey.”

He sat up and lifted his arms so she could
pull his t-shirt off.  She stared at his chest, her mouth going dry with lust,
and he grinned at her and stood up.  He weaved unsteadily and she put one hand
on his chest to steady him. 

“I like it when you touch me, Lily.”  He said
softly.  “I know it isn’t appropriate but I think about touching you all the
time.  Do you think about touching me?”

“Yes.”  She whispered.

“You should join me in my bed.”  He stroked
her bare upper arm and she shivered with need.

He leaned down until his warm breath washed
over her.  “Let me make you feel good, Lily.”

She sighed.  The scent of whiskey was all
around them and she knew Logan was drunk.  He didn’t know what he was saying
and she wouldn’t take advantage of that, no matter how badly she wanted him.

“I think you should crawl into bed and get
some sleep, Logan.”  She said firmly.  “Take your pants off.”

“You take my pants off.”  He gave her a
look that reminded her so much of Hazel when she was pouting, that she couldn’t
stop the giggle.

“What?”  He was running his fingers back
and forth over her collarbone and she lightly pushed them away.  He dropped his
hands to her belly and began to rub it instead.

“Nothing.”  She quickly unbuttoned and
unzipped his jeans and pushed them down his legs.  His thighs were heavily
muscled and she resisted the temptation to touch them as he stepped out of his
pants.

He was still rubbing her belly and she
pushed on his chest.  “Get into bed, Logan.”

He sat down on the side of the bed and
before she could stop him, he had lifted her night shirt and kissed her bare
belly just above her navel.  She shivered and ran her fingers through his hair
as he placed soft kisses across her swollen belly.

“Hi baby girl.”  He said loudly as he
stroked her belly.  The baby kicked and Logan gave her a delighted grin.

“She really does recognize my voice,
doesn’t she?”

“Yes, I think so.”  Lily smiled at him as
he kissed her belly again.

“I can’t wait to meet you, baby.”  He
murmured against her belly.  “I bet you’ll be as pretty and sweet as your mama.”