A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style (6 page)

It may seem obvious, but remember that fashionable body shapes come and go. Look at any photo taken at a nightclub in the forties and fifties; many a flabby upper arm
*
can be seen going to town on the dance floor, no doubt its owner feeling just fine about her appearance. Today we gasp because we are constantly told that unless a body part is toned it should be kept, like the crazed first wife of Mr. Rochester, locked away to keep from offending the new governess. This is not a call to reveal all potbellies or don hot pants, but it is a request to keep some perspective when evaluating your flaws.

So:

You are long-waisted with short legs:

The desire is to reduce the impact of the waist and create longer-looking legs. Therefore, high-waisted garments will serve you well. From the waist down, think monochromatic: Pants, belt, and shoes (heels preferably) will benefit by matching, because the effect will be that they are all of one piece. Avoid pants with excessive fullness or cuffs.

You are short-waisted with long legs:

Having long legs is what we call a high-class problem. In other words, it isn’t a bad problem to have. The challenge
is to visually lower the waistline, thereby mitigating the longer leg and improving overall proportion. If your legs are up to it, by all means show them off. The key is to select tops that skim the torso and hit at the hip. This body type is well served by lower-rise pants and skirts. Just keep those tops on the longish side. Avoid anything that is high-waisted, wide belts (sorry, we love them, too), and any pattern that appears to be horizontal—stripes, obviously, but prints can have a horizontal impact, too.

You are big-busted:

Unless you’re Dolly Parton (and if you are, hi, Dolly!), you will desire to reduce the impact of your bust. This is best achieved by trying to visually lengthen the adjacent body parts: the torso and neck. Wear basic, unadorned tops with an open neck or a long, narrow collar and lapel, and, preferably, in dark colors. Wear light-color pants and skirts. Avoid tops that are blouson or voluminous in any way. And please avoid large patterns on top. Remember, you’re adorned enough, so keep that top basic! Reducing the impact of the bust does not mean squashing yourself shapeless. Nor does it mean hiding under a perpetual mock turtleneck.

You have a small bust:

There are some individuals who desire to accentuate this feature (like a sophisticated, elegant redhead we know who does it to the hilt!), but most people want to mitigate it. If you are small all over, the issue is not much of a concern; it is only when the bust is small in proportion to the rest
of the figure that a problem arises. Here, a wide collar and lapel will serve you well, as will any article of clothing that has breast pockets. You can also sing the blessings of the empire waist (thank you, Empress Josephine), because it was created with you in mind. Halter tops and dresses are also a blessing. Don’t shy away from sewing—or having your tailor or dry cleaner sew—an insert into a top with built-in cups. It gives the top a bit more structure and you a bit more fullness.

You have a bit of a tummy . . . or more:

Okay, this is more of a challenge, but there are a number of mitigating options. (We know we use “mitigating” a lot, but it’s a good word to use for these circumstances, because these suggestions don’t cure, they alleviate.) The objective is to downplay your mid-body by drawing attention to your face and/or your legs. Longer tops like cardigans and tunics are good options, as are longer jackets. Jackets and tops that also have a slight cinch at the waist will enhance the slimming effect, especially from a full-frontal or back view. Regarding dresses, this is another case of the always-forgiving empire waist to the rescue. Skirts and pants should be flat front: no pleats, please! Avoid anything double-breasted or belted or with a waistband. And banish anything even remotely cropped—top, pant, jacket—from your wardrobe!

You have a big butt . . . or more:

Now for the hippier among us. First, think dark colors. That’s easy. Skirts can be a friend to your figure, but
think flat-front, slightly tapered, and to the knee (exactly where on the knee should be determined by the overall proportions of the skirt to your leg). Pants should be straight-leg and flat front, of course. Tops should emphasize your shoulders and de-emphasize your hips and rear end, so look for a length that falls to the hip, but not at the widest part of your hip—
quel catastrophe!
Avoid anything “extra” that will call attention to this area: no pleats, no ruffles or gathers, no pockets, nothing horizontal, and no large-scale prints. Also, avoid anything heavily textured or novelty in a fabric.

You are height-challenged:

Some of the most stunning women we know are petite. Your figure is perhaps the most challenging to visually lengthen, but it can, indeed, be achieved. High-waisted pants, skirts, and dresses are your friends, as is a monochromatic palette. Look for aspects of clothing construction that give you verticality: center-front seams and princess seams. Avoid tops or jackets that cut you off at the waist, anything pleated, and anything that speaks to a flourish—bows, ruffles, etc. You should also avoid anything cropped.

You are tall:

This is another high-class problem, as long as you embrace it. The greatest challenge for the tall woman is finding things in appropriate lengths. When it comes to pants, it pays to buy the best you can afford. Often the more expensive a pant, the longer it will be. One lesser-known
problem area is the wrist—many sleeves are just too short. Do not assume that no one will notice, because someone will. Being tall is great as long as you don’t look like a giantess who has outgrown her clothes. Furthermore, stay away from things that are too long and voluminous. Remember Bea Arthur in
Maude?
Fabulous for a forty-seven-year-old female sitcom character in Tuckahoe, New York, but not for you—even if you are a forty-seven-year-old from Tuckahoe.

The Blind Spot:
Pay special attention to the fit of outerwear. Most people believe that extra-roominess in coats and jackets is an asset. It’s not. It has the potential to make you look like a circus tent. Too many people buy outerwear calculating what size will accommodate their bulkiest article of clothing. If you live at the North Pole, this approach may be appropriate. But under most circumstances, you run the risk of looking like the Incredible Shrinking Woman or the Michelin Tire Man.

*
My mother belongs to the OC (the Oversize Club), and I cannot shake her of this problem. She intractably subscribes to the falsehood that she looks less fat, (as opposed to looking thinner), by wearing XXL. Wrong, Mother.

*
This is a bit of a non sequitur, but I am reminded of a quote attributed to the last Tsarina of Russia, Empress Alexandra Fyodorovna (1872–1918), referring to the toll nature takes on one’s body: “The arms are the last to go.” I read this to my mother, who disagreed by responding incredulously, “What was she talking about, a couch?”

The Lesson:
What is a closet, really, but a catalogue of the different personas we have auditioned and discarded? Hanging there in our closets are reminders, both good and bad, of who we are, who we’ve been, and who we’ve hoped to be. No wonder things can get a bit muddled. In this chapter we will take a two-pronged approach, both practical and theoretical, to getting those racks in order. Think of this chapter as your closet’s quest for its authentic self.

“I love America, and I love American women. But there
is one thing that deeply shocks me—American closets. I
cannot believe one can dress well when you have so much.”

—Andrée Putman

Closets are often where we hide things: skeletons, forbidden loves, terrible birthday gifts we couldn’t return. It is for this reason that deciding what to wear while staring into those murky depths can be not just daunting, but emotionally exhausting as well. That lace bed-jacket bought at the antique store in Vermont? Those velvet jeans that were already too small the day you picked them out? That cocktail dress purchased especially for the party that was an absolute dud? You remember them all. How could you forget? They stare back at you every time you open your closet door. The time has come to wipe the slate clean and cleanse your sartorial palate.