A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style (12 page)

So much of the information we take in about another person is transmitted subconsciously, and few things say more about us than the way we get ourselves from place to place. The person who moves gracefully is immediately more attractive, regardless of their physical characteristics. Grace, and the idea of cultivating it, can seem a bit Victorian and fussy. This could not be further from the truth. Grace is the result of a body working smoothly. Grace is available to everyone; forget any associations with debutante balls or porcelain-painting classes. Cultivating it is simply a matter of becoming aware of how one is moving and correcting any quirks. The body is like an ecosystem—a knee slightly out of line means a thigh bone out of place, which means the hip is out of place. Surely you get the picture. The key to successful perambulation, ignored by too many, is so simple it’s almost embarrassing. Ready? Here it is: Let your legs do the walking. Before you throw this book down in disgust, try this: Stand up and lift your leg from the thigh. Not from the hip, but lift from the top of the leg itself. Now take stock of the
position you find yourself in. Are you leaning forward? Have you subtly popped the opposing hip out? Focus on bringing all those popping hips and raised shoulders back into line. You may want to try this in front of a mirror; often what feels aligned to us is not. We are so accustomed to being crooked, we don’t know the difference! Now take a few steps while thinking of keeping the pelvis in bistro position, shoulders down and relaxed, and the head resting lightly on the neck. Heads have a habit of drifting forward, as if the hairline needs to arrive before the rest of you. Gently bring that anxious head back in line.

Changing one’s posture, both walking and standing still, takes time. One wise suggestion is to check your posture every time you glance at the time. Do a mental sweep of your body. Shoulders down? Collarbone wide? Pelvis slightly tucked? It will soon be second nature.

Since most of us live in environments which require shoes and clothing, it is important to look out for the posture problems they cause. Shoes are the most obvious culprit, but they are not alone. Here are three foot and fashion faux pas to avoid:

1. Flip-Flop Waddle
. Every summer, people all over celebrate the arrival of temperate weather by casting aside constricting winter shoes in favor of the flip-flop. Although we have discussed the flip-flop’s appropriateness in various situations, we have not mentioned the very real problem of flip-flop–induced waddling. Now, some people are just prone to waddling—i.e., the extremely pregnant—but we are convinced that the unstructured nature of the flip-flop causes many other completely unnecessary cases. It happens like this: The feet, enjoying their freedom, are slowly allowed to turn out until they are no longer parallel. This gait not only looks ungainly from the front, it does terrible, terrible things to the view from the back. The legs are turned out from the hip joints, causing a general spreading and widening of the bottom. Take a look next time you are on the street. The most flat-bottomed among us tend to be those walking around with feet that are not parallel. Which came first, you might ask, the poorly placed feet or the pancake bottom? Does it matter? Why not be on the safe side and get those feet in line?

2. Elephant Walk
. The undisputed queen of the shoe jungle is the high, high heel. We associate it with status
and sex, and who doesn’t occasionally want a little of those? The problem is, if you walk like a pachyderm, even Christian Louboutin can do very little for you. Just spend a few minutes any weekday on a major avenue in Manhattan at lunchtime. Out come legions of women in the most delicate of shoes, clump, clump, clumping their way to pick up a salad. The brutal truth is that if you wear high heels you must adjust your stride. Unfortunately, that fabulous, long, liberated stride you take in sneakers must not be performed in heels. Note that this is not a matter of skill. Plenty of women do take those huge strides in the most delicate of heels. The issue is not whether it
can
be done, we know from observing all those clumpers on the way to lunch that it is only too easy. The issue is that it should
not
be done. It looks terrible. Wearing high heels comes with responsibility. You want those taut calf muscles and a nicely angled bottom? You must pay the shoe piper by taking smaller steps. If you need to get somewhere fast in heels, make sure you have a pair of ballet flats or slim sneakers in your bag. This will save wear and tear on you
and
your heels. Once you arrive at your destination, slip behind a potted palm, catch your breath, and change your shoes. Emerge from behind the palm taking steps appropriate to your new footwear. Small ones.

3. The Terrible Tugs
. Standing stock still in front of the mirror this morning, everything was just perfect. As long as you don’t move too fast, the skirt will stay down and the top will stay up. That is, until you have to pick up your purse, or lean over, or take a sip of coffee. Then it’s
a viscious tug-of-war to keep yourself decent. Nothing ruins a nice time faster than clothing that demands more attention than your dinner companion. And how many times has a woman passed by whose pencil skirt, so demure on the hanger with its back slit to facilitate walking, is now revealing far more than its wearer seems to think? But she knows something is awry, and therefore has to stop every five paces or so to give it a good yank down. Clothing that must be tugged or yanked is either poorly constructed, doesn’t fit, or both. No matter how beautiful, these pieces must be shunned or else you’ll find yourself scuttling about looking and feeling uncomfortable. Nothing causes the shoulders to hunch faster than a top that seems on the brink of going AWOL. This is never chic or graceful.

Now that we have covered some common walking gaffes, how about some suggestions to keep in mind for the next time you stand up? One of the easiest things to do is focus on keeping your step light. Before you take a step, try lifting one foot. Can you do it without shifting all your weight to your other leg and listing to one side? If not, stop to check that you are in bistro position and try again. A few attempts and you should be ready to go. As you set out walking lightly, allow your upper body to stay loose and relaxed—your legs are in charge now. The length of your stride should depend on the shoes you are wearing, as discussed above. This is by no means a push toward mincing, but it is important to narrow the
stride as your heel height grows. The stride, regardless of footwear, should never be so long that you must allow your weight to fall forward with each step to “catch up” with the leading leg. Another way to think of this is that your hip bones should remain pointing forward as you stride. If your strides cause the bones to alternately stick out, your stride is too long.

We have all heard the advice that one should smile when feeling down because the very act of smiling, even if not spontaneous, causes the spirits to lift. The same can be said about how you hold yourself. Next time you are walking into a situation that makes you nervous, check your stride. Are you hunched and walking heavily? This will only add to your feeling of dread. Help yourself by keeping your head up and feet light. Not only will you feel better, you’ll have a much faster start if you decide to bolt.

And now, moving from the inside out, we turn our attention to that most fabulous of organs, the skin.

One hears how a particularly stylish person really “owns” a look. This means that they wear it naturally, no cringing or apologizing. How many people can say the same about their own skin? The time has come for you to really “own” that lovely dermis that covers you. Barring a gargantuan leap in the rate of scientific discovery, it’s the only one you’ll ever have.

Delighting in the dermis has nothing to do with being thin, smooth, and wrinkle-free. Before the scoffing begins, think back to a time you now regard as the apotheosis of
your beauty. The twenty-four-year-old may think back to when she was fifteen and didn’t really have hips. The sixty-year-old may remember forty fondly, but be assured, whether it was twenty years ago or two, they found something wrong about themselves then, as well. This is a tragic state of affairs, and although we may never escape completely, it is possible to view one’s present self in a far rosier light.

Various cultural factors conspire to make the idea of being pleased with oneself suspicious. Perhaps it is the famous Protestant work ethic that has so shaped the West—the demand to constantly labor and constantly improve. (Or at least, to feel perpetually guilty that one isn’t doing more.) We tell ourselves that we don’t deserve loving treatment—not until we lose weight, fix our knobby knees, or get our arms waxed, freckles removed, breasts enlarged or reduced, eye color changed, or become a triathelete. Isn’t that absurd? This is not about the rational assessment of one’s plusses and minuses; this is mania.

There will always,
always
be something to fret over, and too often the fretting takes the place of actually taking care of oneself. Worrying that the leather of your handbag is tired is absolutely ridiculous when your own legs are looking leathery from lack of care. The fretting and guilt must stop and the place to begin is in the shower. The idea to evoke is one of the pleasant, agenda-free bath times of childhood. No need for heated rocks or other spa trappings.

All the process requires is the luxurious soap of your choosing and a mildly abrasive cloth. Something
large enough to do the back is essential. If your idea of luxurious soap is Ivory because you love the smell, good for you. Begin by lathering up the cloth and starting with your toes. Work up the front of the body to the shoulder blades. Now, re-lather and start at your heels and work up the calves from the back side. Remember those vibrating-belt contraptions you occasionally saw ’40s and ’50s movie stars using? The idea was the vibrations toned the muscles while you simply stood there. Keep this in mind while scrubbing the backs of the thighs and bottom. Often we simply ignore the parts of ourselves we don’t like, allowing them to fall even further into neglect. Scrub those ignored parts, metaphorically, back into the fold! After a rinse, step out and grab a towel, preferably a fluffy one. Slather on a lotion or body cream, again starting at the toes. Choose a cream because you love how it feels. Whether you shop at the drugstore or Neiman Marcus, there are so many interesting things to sniff and try. This is not the time to apply self-tanner or some other “treatment.” Just relax. That felt good, didn’t it?

Unlike, say, the elbows, one’s face is constantly available for perusal. Store windows, butter knives, and bathroom mirrors all do their part to let us know how our kisser is looking at any given moment. This can be a blessing if it means discovering and removing the frisée from one’s teeth before a meeting. It can also become oppressive.

What starts as mere looking often segues into scanning and searching. With narrowed eyes we hunt,
first for incipient blemishes and then, as the years pass, for blemishes, fine lines, and suspicious pigmentation. The skin of our faces seems to be always threatening some fresh hell. To placate it, we must offer supplication in the form of expensive creams, tonics, scrubs, and masques. What we suggest, as difficult as it seems, is to regard one’s face less like an angry demi-god and more like, well, part of you. Practice looking in that magnifying mirror once a day and saying, “Hello, gorgeous.” Until you get comfortable with the idea, you may want to do this in the privacy of your home.

Although regimens vary from woman to woman, there are a few basics that should not be ignored. First, everyone
needs something to hold the hair off their face as they go through their morning and evening toilettes. Make yours whimsical; find the most outré clip or headband available. This is one of the few times that silk flowers or feathers are just perfect. There are very few chances in life to wear fake orange chrysanthemums on your head. Doing so while you wash your face is a lovely way to begin and end the day. It adds a fun, “Showgirl at the Copa” feeling to even the most mundane bathrooms. And headbands and clips are much more comfortable than pasties!
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